Like a soul mate.
Hey guys, here's another Darvey Fic. Hope you like. Reviews are most welcome. They are the fuel that keeps this machine going.
It seems like ages since he has taken her to dinner. Last time he took her to dinner, their usual working together anniversary, they'd had a fight. About Louis' sister, of all people. Of course there were some underlying issues to do them too. And then she had told him about her new boyfriend, kill joy. He had really been having a good time, really forgotten about Jack Soloff and his bullshit. She always had that effect on him. Every problem he had in his life seemed to shrink in size whenever she was with him. Then she had left him to work for Louise and every shrunken problem in his life seemed to expound and blew up in his face and became unbearable. He can't explain it but he knows he can't lose her. He knows just that. He has to touch base with her again or she will slip away from him without him even noticing. She is the one person who stood by him during the Mike thing; she was always by his side. She got him through it. And now Mike is out, the Firm is back in functional order somewhat. He didn't even know she had broken off with her boyfriend, the Mitchell guy. He wasn't there for her because she had to be there for him. So he had asked her to dinner tonight, just as friends of course. Like the good old times. She had hesitated but accepted eventually. She refused to be picked up from her place, said she will meet him at the restaurant. Fine then, she is trying to send a message that by absolutely no means should this be perceived as a romantic date. Well he's game. He tries to steer away from that notion when it comes to her. He still doesn't understand why but he runs like a scared little kid from the idea of him having more with Donna. He doesn't wade in uncharted waters and his feelings for Donna are scary deep still waters. It's too dangerous. He doesn't do danger unless he knows he'll be negotiating from a position power. His feelings for Donna don't give him that advantage, on the contrary. And he doesn't do weak. He feels nervous, his palms sweating as the time draws near. He waits for her with a glass of scotch in his hand. He is not a goddamned teenager out on a first date with his high school crush. He's got to get his shit together. Then she walks in and his breath catch, his heart skips a beat and he tries to swallow. She looks like a dream. Her dress, wow, he has never seen that dress on her before. It's that kind of ball gown type of dresses only classier and shorter. It doesn't leave a cleavage at all; she is trying to looks formal. Boy, she has no idea. This is the sexiest dress he has ever seen on her. She looks like a modern day princess with that red hair flying around. Then she smiles and sits down across the table from him. For a moment there he has a brain freeze. He manages to swallow and smile back at her. "Donna." He says in greeting.
"Harvey." she says right back.
"You look ... nice." He says and she just raises an eyebrow at him.
"Thank you Harvey, so do you." she says. "Sooo... what's the occasion?" she asks.
"Why can't I just take a friend out to dinner?" he replies
"Well you should have just taken Mike, to celebrate him coming out of prison."
"I've already done. Besides this is our restaurant Donna. I never take anyone else here. And it's been a while since I've been here, suddenly I missed the place." He says with a smirk.
"Fine then, if you put it that way. I've missed this place too." She smirks right back and gets holds of her menu.
He takes a breath, this is going well. The tension has eased and they are sort of back in their zone now. The teasing and the banter. The telling each other that they missed each other without actually coming right out and saying it. Yep, this is them alright. They eat their dinner, conversations switching from work to Louise to Mike and very other thing that doesn't necessarily involve the two of them together. She doesn't talk about Mitchell, he doesn't ask. He doesn't talk about his therapy and she doesn't ask. They are talking and laughing and forgetting the outside world and its serous issues. He sighs, he really needed this. He looks at the beautiful woman across the table from him, his best friend, telling a joke and laughing at her own joke. He really doesn't know how he could ask for more. He has everything.
He walks her to her door, they are still laughing at some joke he just told. She looks back at him with a smile on her face. "Thanks Harvey, I really needed that."
He smiles back, "Me too."
"Do you want to come in? We'll have some scotch." She asks. Not wanting the night to end so quickly. Though it's around 1030pm already.
He looks at her for a bit. Not sure if he should but not wanting the night to end just yet either. "Yeah, but only if it's McAllen 68." He says following her in.
"I don't keep any other kind." She quips back.
They continue their evening companionably but still not talking about any important things, at least not about themselves. Though Harvey knows getting him to talk about feelings is like pulling teeth, direct quote from his therapist; he knows Donna is the only person he could tolerate talking to about any kind of feelings. It used to annoy him but he knew he needed it. And now he misses it. Because now she seems to be the one actively avoiding talking about anything serious and he suddenly feels like being serious. Their roles have been reversed. He misses her talking sense to him and explaining his feelings for him. That's the other element that makes them them. He doesn't like this barrier that's between them; it never used to be there before. He clears his throat and looks at her seriously. "Donna, I am sorry... about Mitchell. I heard you guys broke up." He says
She leans down to put her glass on the table and sits back up on the couch, her guard visibly back on. "Yeah sure, thanks Harvey. It's nothing." She says with a 'let's not continue this conversation' tone.
Harvey picks up on it but he doesn't back down. His therapist will be proud to see that he is the one pursuing this line of conversation. He has to reach Donna somehow. "So... Are you ok." He asks
"I am fine Harvey. Let's drop this shall we?" she is not liking this one bit.
"Look I just want to make you feel better." Crap! He realizes what he just said. He just put his foot into his mouth right there. He remembers what that kind of statement did the last time he said it. He tries to back track but Donna is already standing on her feet with that look on her face. So much for therapy talking feelings bullshit. Yeah, he should have just left that alone.
"So that was a pity dinner." She looks furious.
"No Donna... I..."
"Thanks for the pity dinner Harvey, but I told you once before, I don't want your pity." She snaps.
"Donna ... that's not what I meant." He says pleadingly.
"Of course Harvey, it's never what you mean." She quips
"Ok, let's not go there." He says
"Why Harvey, because you can't handle adult talk? You can't take responsibility for the words you say? Well we are already there Harvey. You took us there." She is now very angry. It's so typical of him to say something and then backtracks.
"It seems to me you're the one who can't handle adult talk. You've been avoiding talking about anything remotely personal the whole night. And when I finally bring something up, you bite my head off." He counters.
She scoffs. "Really Harvey, congratulations then, you now qualify for adult talk." She says patronizingly.
"Fine Donna, what are you referring to?"
She looks at him at a loss, how he can act as if he doesn't know. "I am referring to the time you said you loved me and then you back tracked the next morning. Remember that?"
"I didn't back track, I..."
She cuts him off, "Fine Harvey, I don't want to hear it. It's time for you to go." She says
"You don't want to hear it? Who's being immature now?" he counters.
"Really Harvey, OK then. How do you love me?" she retorts with that question. Ready for him to shy away from the question and run, as usual.
He's a little thrown by that question. He wasn't really expecting her to go there again. He doesn't know what to say. At least not with something that doesn't further incriminate him or worse, shows his weak link. Wait a minute; he is not going to answer that question. He is not going to pour out his heart to her while she waits there deciding whether to take him or crash him. So that she can tell him that she loves him like a brother or a cousin she is happy to see on Christmas. Yeah, he remembers that. He'll be damned if she thinks he's going to give her that kind of power over him.
"You know what, I am the one who actually said anything resembling feelings, I told you I loved you and you left me. If anyone is holding out on any kind of feelings here, it'll be you." He says, deciding to go on the offensive.
"Wait, what? I told you that I loved you right before I went to work for Louise."
"Bullshit that was a 'right back at you' kind of thing." He retorts
"Yes, to whatever 'I love you' meaning you actually meant, right back at you!" she shouts
"See, I am not the only one with weird commitment issues here, and you play it as if you are above reproach. Like you are oh so in touch with your feeling and I am the one with the problem." he yells right back.
"I am perfectly in touch with my feelings." She response
"Oh yeah? Isn't it you who reaffirmed that bogus rule of yours after the other time because you were afraid of your feelings for me. It seems everywhere I turn you're putting up a wall against me."
Donna is shocked that he would go that far. "I reaffirmed that rule because you weren't ready Harvey."
"You knew that so well you couldn't even give me a chance?"He retorts
"Would you have wanted a chance? Remember what you said when you asked me to come work for you in that restaurant? You said that if you'd know that you were going to ask me to work for you again you never would have come over. You made it perfectly clear which relationship you wanted Harvey. And I play by my rules." She states. The gloves are off alright.
"Play by your rules," he scoffs, "But you only had to break them for Steven what's his name." He counters.
"What's your problem, I told you I had to live my life." She's getting more agitated now. "So you are allowed to have romantic work relationships with Scotty and I am not?"
"That was your own goddamned rule!"He yells. "My problem is you slapped me with that ridiculous rule the first time I met you and you stuck with it. Then you brought it up again after we slept together. And I respected that, I played by the rule. Only to have you break it for Steven goddamned Huntley in my face!" he yells.
"Oh so now you know his last name?" she says mildly. She had no idea it had bothered him so much. Just like the Scotty thing had bothered her. She had never said it though.
"Harvey, you had twelve years with me and you never hinted that you wanted me in your life that way. A girl can get clued in, even after twelve years. You had everything and I didn't. I had to live my life.
"Twelve years?" he scoffs. "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me? What kind of person tells someone they sleep with to forget about it the next day? I could hardly keep it together the first days and you were continuing on like nothing ever happened. You are a steel woman Donna. You have enough steel to put Jessica Pearson to shame!" he rants.
She gasps, "You ungrateful moron. You are saying I didn't feel anything? I have stayed by your side for twelve years! Slaving for you, putting you first. And still you question my love for you?"
"See that's the thing Donna, that's the problem. You love me how?" he says looking at her face which had gone ashen. "Love me how?" He repeats. She doesn't answer, she's dumbstruck. He raises an eyebrow at her in question and she still doesn't answer.
"That's what I thought." He says, taking his coat from her couch and leaves her apartment.