Jumbled Thoughts

By zeilfanaat

Dedicated to Tracy (Tracyfbeye)

Rating: G

Category: Romance

Disclaimer: Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye does not belong to me. No infringement intended.

Spoilers: Endings and Beginnings

Summary: It had been a rough week… and Jack didn't know what to think anymore.

A/N: My very first STFBE story! Written for the Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2007 on i2Eye Fan Fiction. Thanks to Cath (eeyorefan) and Tracy (tisme!) for reading it over, and catching mistakes! There's a small reference to DOC, but if you haven't seen that show, it shouldn't bother you too much. Hope you enjoy!!

"Goodbye/Welcome back, Sue!" the banner read, and Jack felt a sense of relief washing over him. She was staying!

"So, what was it you were saying in the hallway?" Sue asked. On her face was a mix of amusement and something else Jack couldn't quite put his finger on. He smiled, hesitating only a fragment of a second on whether to tell her what really had been on his mind, or to leave that for another time.

"Just… welcome back."

Sue nodded with a smile on her lips, but inwardly she was disappointed. He had finally started off in the right direction, and then he'd pulled out last minute again! She was almost tempted to really change her mind one more time, and see if maybe then Jack would take action, but she shook her head. She wouldn't, couldn't change her mind about wanting to stay here, in Washington, D.C. It wasn't just Jack who had played a role in her decision… although admittedly, he was the main reason.

With an imperceptible sigh, Sue joined the others, and soon found herself and Jack 'toasting' with their donuts. Later that day, Lucy was ready to go home, and she walked up to her housemate. Levi alerted Sue to Lucy's approach, and she looked up.

"Hey, I'm going to go home. Are you coming?" Lucy asked.

"Oh." Sue looked down at the papers she was working on. "I can't, not yet. I really have to get these papers filled out. Otherwise the moment I walk out of those doors, I'll be out of a job."

Lucy grinned. "I'm sure it's not quite that bad. We're all way too glad you've decided to stay."

Shrugging, Sue chuckled. "You're right, it's not that bad. But I should really finish these. You go ahead."

"Ok, see you later then. Don't be late for dinner. We're celebrating!"

"I won't be late," Sue promised with a smile, and watched her friend leave, before returning her attention to the sheets of paper before her. Twenty minutes later, she finished, and sat back with a sigh.

"All done!" she said out loud, not realising she wasn't the only one in the room. Jack chuckled, and pushed himself away from his own desk, drawing the attention of the blond haired woman he cared for so much.

"How does that feel, having your work all done on your first day back to work?" Jack asked with a twinkle in his eye. Sue blushed, but didn't back down. "Great! Have you finished yours?"

He shot a quick glance back to his desk where he'd been doodling on a piece of paper, pretending to work, while he'd secretly just been watching Sue, revelling in the fact she was there to stay.

He walked to the desk, shoved the paper in a drawer, and closed it. Turning back to Sue, he smiled. "Finished."

Sue couldn't help but laugh at his smug face. "Alright, fast boy, guess we're both out of here. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Jack picked up his coat, and walked over to Sue, waiting for her to put her coat on as well.

"How about I give you a lift? Lucy has already left, hasn't she?"

"She has. Well, if it's not too much trouble, please," Sue agreed, grabbing her bag. Together they left.

The silence at first was awkward, neither quite knowing what to say.

"So, are you glad you're staying?" Jack finally asked, dividing his attention between driving and watching Sue, so she could read his lips.

"Yes, I am. I put a lot of thought in it, and… well, like I said, there are things that are worth more than a career advancement."

Without really thinking about it, the question escaped his lips. "Such as?"

"You," the answer came immediately.

Jack's head snapped around, and a red-faced Sue had to point at the road so he would continue to watch the traffic.

'Why did I say that?' Sue berated herself. She hadn't wanted to let that slip out quite that directly. Especially not while he was driving! Well, she couldn't take it back, and after a second's consideration she decided she wasn't going to mend the slip by saying '…and the rest of the team'. She had inadvertently taken the first step, and now she would just have to wait and see what Jack was going to do with it. Anxiously she watched his face, looking for a reaction. But his face didn't show anything. Never before had the silence bothered her this much. Wasn't he going to react at all?!

Meanwhile Jack was too confused to be able to focus on anything besides the traffic he was navigating. Had she really said what he thought she'd said? Could it be possible… Did she feel… did she feel the same as he did? But what if he misunderstood? What if she meant 'you' in the general sense of the word, as in, the entire team?

A frustrated sigh from his side caught his attention, and he risked a quick glance towards his passenger. Sue had turned her head away to look outside… and to force away the unbidden tears.

Uneasily, Jack just continued to drive in silence, tempted to put the radio on, but he didn't. He hardly ever put music on anymore when Sue was with him. He didn't think it fair he'd be able to lose himself in the music to get out of an uncomfortable situation, while Sue only had the silence to turn to.

After what seemed like eternity, they arrived at the apartment building where Sue and Lucy lived.

"Thanks for the ride, Jack," Sue forced herself to say, trying to hide the pain he'd caused her by not saying anything.

"Sue, I…" Jack put his hand on Sue's to keep her from leaving the car. He waited till she looked at his lips, feeling a small stab of hurt when he noticed she didn't once glance up to his eyes. "I'm sorry," he signed and spoke at the same time. "I… I…" He sighed. "I really wish I was better with words!"

His frustration was obvious, and Sue felt herself start to melt… again. Jack tried to convey with his eyes what his mouth wouldn't.

Sue was about to smile and wish him goodnight, when he tried again. "Look, what you just said… did you… did you mean 'you' as in… you know, as in… 'me', or did you mean it in the general sense of… the entire team?"

Sue blinked. Whatever she'd been expecting, that hadn't been it. She wasn't sure what to say. She had meant it in both ways after all. Again, she didn't get a chance to say anything.

"Because, if you meant it as in 'the entire team', I am about to go ahead and make the biggest fool out of myself." Jack Hudson had made his decision. This week had been an eye-opener, and even with this major wake-up call, he'd almost been too late. He wouldn't make the same mistake again.

He noticed Sue's eyes starting to light up, and he sincerely hoped it was because she was eager to see what he was going to say, and not so much because he was about to make a fool out of himself.

He took a deep breath and went ahead. "Sue, what I was trying to say this morning… I meant that. I didn't want you to go – and I still don't!" he added hurriedly, just so there was no mistake. "Over these past three years, I… well, this week I realised how much I've come to rely on you. When you said you had gotten a job offer, and I realised you'd known at least a day… without telling me… I know you don't have to tell me anything! But, well, then when it was obvious that Lucy had known… I… I… well, I felt a little bit jealous… and hurt, because I wasn't the one you confided in. And for some reason, I… I really wanted you to come to me… to confide in me…" He noticed that Sue was about to interrupt, but he held up his hand. "Please, let me finish. I know you were told to keep it quiet, but it still hurt. I told myself then that you were your own person, and you didn't have to consult with me first. I tried to distance myself from it, you know, look at the bright side."

He sighed. "Then Billy Borelli was killed, and I felt responsible for that, and then I was almost killed, if it hadn't been for the others…" He trailed off, the memories washing over him. It wasn't until he felt Sue's hand take his, that he realised he had stopped talking. "Well, to summarise, I realised it was time I took a close look at what I wanted in life, because no one has a 75-year guarantee. Now I know I've been closer to dying than I was this week, but that experience, combined with the possibility of you leaving… it opened my eyes."

Jack grabbed both of Sue's hands and looked her in the eyes. Then, with utmost care, he signed the words. "I love you."

Tears started to pool into her eyes as she finally 'heard' the words she'd been longing to 'hear' for so long. Uneasily, Jack looked at her, unsure of what he was supposed to do. Was this the reaction he should have expected? Or had he really made a fool of himself and was she laughing so hard that she was crying? No, it didn't look like she was having fun. What if he'd hurt her?!

Awkwardly he took her hand, trying to somehow comfort her.

"Oh Jack, you don't know how long I've been waiting to see you say those words," Sue said, trying to dry the tears because they were blurring her vision.

"Wh… what?"

Sue laughed. "I love you too, Jack Hudson."

"You… you do?"

The incredulous look Jack wore caused Sue to smile, and she put her hand on his cheek.

"Yes, Special Agent Hudson. Are you sure you're with the F.B.I.? Because you seem to have a little trouble catching on."

"W-Well, I… I just didn't know what to expect, and… I just can't believe it."

"Well… Maybe this will convince you," Sue whispered coyly, slowly leaning forward and gently kissing his mouth. That was all Jack needed… or at least, all Jack's brain needed to disengage thinking. As soon as their lips touched, Jack responded. When air became a necessity, they drew apart slightly, and looked at each other.

"Convinced?" Sue asked softly.

"Oh yeah," Jack breathed. Then he initiated another kiss, this one more passionate, which would have lasted longer, had Jack not heard the annoyed snort from the backseat. He smiled against Sue's lips, causing her to look up at him questioningly.

"Hudson?"

Jack indicated towards their companion. "Levi thinks we need to get a room."

Sue chuckled, and looked into the brown eyes of the man before her. "I never thought I'd say this, but… ignore Levi. He's just jealous."

"Jealous of whom?" Jack teased, and Sue responded immediately. "Of you of course. You're the first person I've ever offered a 'cookie-to-go', and if you had accepted, Levi would have had one less."

Throwing his head back, Jack laughed. It felt good to laugh, and be relieved of all the tenseness of the past few days.

"Levi boy, if you're patient, I'll give you a cookie later," Jack promised.

The golden retriever huffed. "Ok, ok, two cookies, but that's my final offer!" Jack said. Levi snorted, and lay back down on the backseat, apparently agreeing with the offer. Jack rolled his eyes, and looked at the woman he loved. "I never thought I'd have to bargain with a dog in order to kiss a woman."

Sue chuckled. "Well, he's a great chaperone… he knows when it's a lost cause to try and interfere, so he just takes the most he can get from the situation." Her eyes twinkled, and Jack caught on.

"Lost cause, huh?"

"Very lost," Sue agreed.

It was another kiss later, when Jack reluctantly pulled away. "Sue, can you forgive me for having taken so long to realise how much I love you?"

"Oh Jack, I forgive you. And I'm as much at fault. I could have said something earlier. But… well, I was afraid of the reaction I just got."

Jack frowned. "You were afraid I'd kiss you?"

Sue smiled. "No, that would have been a great reaction. I mean, your reaction just earlier, when we were driving. You didn't react beyond that initial shocked look, and I was afraid you were either trying to ignore it or figure out a way to tell me you didn't love me that way."

She lowered her eyes. "Guess that was a dumb thing of which to be afraid."

"Sue," Jack gently lifted her head. "It wasn't a dumb fear. I was afraid of the very same thing."

Sue chuckled. "Maybe we're both fools then."

Jack smiled. "What are we still doing at the F.B.I.?"

Sue frowned, and Jack immediately got concerned. "I didn't mean to imply that you're incompetent; you're not, you're very competent."

At his reaction, Sue had to laugh. "That's really sweet of you to say, Jack, but that wasn't what I was thinking about."

Jack sighed in relief. "What were you thinking of then? You looked so serious."

"Well, when you mentioned the F.B.I., I remembered something you said earlier… Did you really think Billy Borelli's death was your fault?"

Lowering his eyes, Jack shrugged. "Well, it was through my computer that Gregory Gilbourne was able to see who my informant was, in my investigation, so… yeah."

"You don't still believe that, do you?" Sue asked, getting another shrug in response.

"Oh Jack, it wasn't your fault. You have to know that. Billy Borelli died because this Doctor Hebert look-a-like thought he was a threat to him. He was the one who ordered Billy to be killed, not you. Got it?"

"Oh, I know it wasn't my fault, but I can't help but feel responsible. Don't worry about it though, I've worked through these feelings before, I'll manage."

"As long as you know that you don't have to go through it alone. Not anymore," Sue told him, brushing her hand past his cheek, feeling Jack lean into her touch.

"I know." Jack turned his head slightly and kissed the inside of her hand. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Sue smiled.

"So… Doctor Hebert look-a-like?"

"Oh." Sue blushed. "Yeah, Tara showed the picture of Gregory Gilbourne, and I thought he looked a bit like someone from a TV-show."

"Should I be worried? What kind of TV-show was that?" Jack teased.

Sue rolled her eyes. "It was a reality show, 'Video Victims'. Lucy and I only saw part of it, and one of the 'victims' was the doctor. Nothing to worry about."

"Ok, if you say so," Jack said, holding his hands up in surrender, when Sue gave him a gentle slap on the arm.

"Speaking of worrying; I told Lucy I wouldn't be late for dinner. She said something about celebrating. Want to join us?" At Jack's hesitant look, she added, "It's a whole lot warmer inside."

Jack caved in; besides, it wasn't like he really wanted to be alone right now when he could be with Sue. Especially now that they knew of the other's feelings.

"Hey Sue. Before we go inside…" He waited for a moment, making sure he had her complete attention. "Would you want to go out with me?"

A radiant smile was his answer. "Jack, I'd love to go out with you!"

He chuckled. "I'm glad you feel that way, because I plan on asking you out very often from now on."

"You'd better, Sparky," Sue replied smiling. "Now let's go before dinner's cold."

They got out of the car, and were close to the apartment door, when Jack held Sue back once more.

"Jack?" Sue asked with a raised eyebrow. But when Jack kissed her, anything she had wanted to ask, vanished from her mind.

"Sue," Jack breathed. She had her eyes closed, but felt his breath on her face. Still slightly dazed from the kiss, she looked at the incredible man holding her. Jack almost smiled at the sight, but he had to say what was on his mind. Now that he knew how she felt about him, he just couldn't contain it. She had to know. "Sue, there's something I want you to know."

She just gazed at him, reluctant to let her eyes drop to his lips since she was enjoying looking at his eyes and drowning in them. Jack chuckled. "Sorry Sue, but I promise you we can continue this later."

Sue blinked. "Oh, sorry. I'm holding you to that promise. But go on, I'm paying attention now."

Jack sighed contentedly, lifted his hand to caress Sue's cheek, before speaking.

"Sue, I love you. I love you so much. And I want to ask you to marry me." He saw her eyes search his.

"But?" she prodded, almost afraid of the answer. He wasn't going to pull out again, was he?!

"But," he acknowledged, "I don't want us to hasten anything. I don't want us to look back in a couple of years and smack ourselves for making a hasty decision." Jack noticed that the tension he'd suddenly seen in Sue's posture, was leaving again, now that she knew he wasn't about to change his mind. Like that was going to happen!

"I just want to do this right. I want to date you, want to make you feel special – because you are a wonderful person, and I want to make you feel loved. And then, if you're willing, I want to make you my wife. I just needed you to know that, now, so that you don't feel like I may not be certain about us. Because if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I love you, and I want to share the rest of my life with you, as your husband." Jack paused. "Are you ok with that?"

Anxiously he waited for her reaction. He was about to blurt out that, if she wanted, they'd get married as soon as possible. He loved her too much to lose her to his own wishes of taking it slow. But then he saw her face.

"Jack. For a man who had problems communicating no less than an hour ago, you sure have improved fast," Sue murmured. Then she focussed on his eyes. "Yes, Jack, I'm ok with that. I also don't want to hurry into something as beautiful as marriage. Not that I'm not sure whether I love you, because I couldn't possible love anybody else as much as I love you, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life without you. Just so you know, you can't get rid of me now. You're stuck with me for the rest of your life," she added with a smile, and Jack returned the smile, relieved that she felt the same way.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Jack said lovingly.

"Good," Sue breathed. "Now where were we?"

"I think it was about here…" Jack said, leaning down for a very tender kiss.

Levi watched the couple, figured it would take a while before they'd finally reach the apartment, and decided to take matters into his own paws. He turned around, and continued to the apartment door.

"You know, Lucy is not going to be happy that we're late," Sue murmured. Jack shrugged. "Once she finds out about us being together, I don't think she'll be angry anymore. She'll squeal with excitement."

"You're probably right about that," Sue agreed. They were in the middle of another kiss, when suddenly Jack startled. Immediately Sue's eyes flew open, and looked at him in confusion. But he wasn't looking at her. She followed his line of vision, and felt a blush creeping up from her neck to her face when she noticed Lucy watching them with a very wide smile on her face. Levi stood beside her, wagging his tail.

Exchanging a quick glance, Jack and Sue were at a loss of words. Luckily, Lucy didn't have that problem.

"It's about time! Although it isn't quite what I expected when I heard Levi scratching at the door." Amused, she noted the accusing glances both Jack and Sue sent the hearing dog. "Now, get inside. Dinner's about ready, and I don't want to reheat it. And yes, there's enough, so Jack can join in."

Lucy turned around and walked towards the apartment, and the couple shrugged and followed her, arms wrapped around the other's waist.

"At least she hasn't asked for details yet," Jack whispered to Sue, when Lucy had disappeared inside. But then Lucy's head appeared around the corner. "And I want details!"

Resigned, Jack and Sue looked at each other, then at Levi. "Did you have to do that Levi?" Sue asked, but she didn't sound angry. Levi just wagged his tail. His day was perfect. His two favourite people were together at last, and he was getting dinner, along with two cookies!

"Now don't look so satisfied," Jack told the dog. "I said you'd get the cookies if you were patient. Instead you go and get Lucy!"

The tail halted mid-wag.

"But since you'll be functioning as an excuse to get out with just the two of us, I'll concede. You'll get your cookies," Jack finished, patting the dog, then quickly following his fiancée-to-be inside.

Had anyone been looking from the hallway, an excitedly wagging tail would have been the last he'd seen, before the door closed.

The End