Part 1

Emma

Things are okay, Emma thinks to herself as she stirs her hot chocolate and looks out the window, watching the snow fall. It's an unusually cold winter. People joke that it's because of Elsa. Emma just groans and rolls her eyes, because as far as she's concerned, enough time hasn't passed to joke about it.

It was a big frozen mess, and she's glad that it's over. Well—pretty glad. There's one problem that's persisted through the whole thing. She's still dating Killian Jones, and it's….okay.

For awhile now Emma has been trying to live up to the fairytale expectations her parents seem to have for her. Killian had seemed like he'd be the next step. It sort of sounded like a fairytale.

She's waiting for him in Granny's now, chewing on her lower lip and looking around. Storybrooke citizens are coming and going as they please. None of them take real notice of the Savior—they all see each other so often in the small town that unless something very good or very bad is going on, greetings aren't always necessary.

Ruby is busy in the kitchen. Granny is bringing Eric and Ariel coffee. Jefferson is at the bar looking stressed as usual. It's nice that he's out of the house. He's with Archie, which is probably a good thing.

A bell rings. The door opens. Killian saunters into the bar.

Ariel and Eric don't give him any notice. Ruby glances a him from the kitchen but otherwise doesn't acknowledge him. Jefferson tenses, grits his teeth, and hunches over his drink. Emma forces a smile.

"Hello, love!" Killian says brightly, sliding into the booth across from Emma and affectionately kicking at her feet. "Did you miss me?"

"Mm." Is all that Emma can muster, because there are knots in her belly that have nothing to do with Killian's ruggedness. He leans in for a kiss, and she angles her face away so that his lips meet her cheek.

A few days ago she realized that she never loved him—she just wanted to be happy. Losing Neal had been hard, and Killian was just—well—there. But…how to tell him that? Charming adored the pirate—it was a little weird. Snow thought that it was "destiny".

Henry thought Killian was the coolest thing since sliced bread.

And Regina? Well…Regina was the problem.

Emma will never be in love with Captain Hook, even though it would be convenient. He's and a little creepy, but at least he's a somewhat standard candidate for "true love".

Then, Last week in the shower, Emma discovered a horrible truth about herself.

Realizing that she was a little in love with Regina Mills (And how could she not be? After all they'd been through?) had made her nauseous. It had gotten worse and worse until she couldn't even kiss Killian anymore, let alone allow him to touch her. The last time he'd tried, his hand in her pajamas and his lips under her chin, she'd rolled away from him in bed and announced that she was menstruating.

That had made him stop, but it had still been uncomfortable to lay with him for the rest of the night, especially when he'd started snoring. She hadn't dared to go to sleep herself—lately all she could think about was Regina's tan skin and her full lips, and she didn't want Killian to interpret her sex dreams. Not again.

Breaking up was so exhausting. It had been easier when she was in Boston and could just take off when things got rough or boring. Emma even felt a little bad. Hook was a little sceevy, but he was alright. He has room for improvement, but it isn't Emma's job to fix him.

Besides, she's hopelessly attracted to Regina. The mayor isn't the first woman she's wanted. If it had been someone else, it wouldn't be such a big deal. She's never mentioned being bi to her parents, but can't imagine any malice from Snow White about anything so mundane.

Emma doubts she'd understand if it was Regina, though.

"You wanted to talk?" Killian asks, and Emma snaps back to reality.

"Uh—yeah. Why don't you grab a drink? You must be cold."

"Sure thing." Hook raises an eyebrow and gets back up, sliding into the bar. He smiles at the doctor and the hatter next to him. Jefferson scowls. Emma doesn't remember Hook mentioning the hatter, but everyone in Storybrooke is either related, arch enemies, or best friends. It makes sense that they've met.

Killian looks disappointed as Jefferson slaps down a tip on the bar, pops his collar, and abruptly huffs out of the restaurant. Archie looks disapprovingly at Killian, and follows Jefferson (they've probably just finished a session, she supposes) out. The look of disappointment on Killian's face is unexpected and strange, and so is the way that his eyes follow the other man as he leaves the bar.

Emma wonders what's happened between the two men, and then Killian's gaze moves to Robin, who has just walked in, apparently to pick up his lunch. That would be just fine—but Killian isn't looking at Robin's face. He's looking at his ass.

What the hell?

Killian looks at Emma. Emma looks at Killian. Killian realizes that Emma saw his not-so-secret look. His face reddens. He sputters. Ruby sets down his drink. Emma stands and grabs her almost-ex-boyfriend's (she's still breaking up with him) elbow.

"Come on. Let's talk outside."

He clears his throat and mutters something, and a few short seconds later they're walking down the street through the snow, blissfully ignored by the citizens walking by.

"So why were you looking at Robin's ass like that?" Emma eventually blurts out. It's not the most polite thing she's ever said, but they're still sort-of-dating, and he's always been assertively protective of his heterosexuality.

"I wasn't!" Killian says, the color in his face not due only to the cold. "I was looking at the floor."

"Right."

"And I should be the one asking the questions. Why were you looking down Regina's shirt at dinner last night?" He asks.

"Hey!"

After that, they're just fighting in the street. They're near the harbor and it's deserted, which is great because what they're implying about one another aren't things Emma wants anyone to hear. Not yet.

"So what? You want the mayor, now? Too good for the pirate but good enough for the evil queen?" Hook eventually retorts.

"She's not evil anymore!" Emma's almost screaming.

"But you want her?" Hook snaps, fist clenched.

"So maybe I do." Emma growls. "But whatever—you don't want me. You want him—or someone like him, right?"

"Who?"

"Robin."

"No!" Killian looks appalled. "That thing? He's so…well, filthy. And he's a common criminal. That…fuzz? No, no—"

"You realize you're describing yourself?" Emma says drying, crossing her arms. She's glad that she wore her warmest jacket. It's cold. "And if you're not into the rough and tumble type, then you're clearly not into me."

"Maybe I'm not." Killian's ego seems to deflate right in front of her, and it's really weird. It's snowing harder now. It makes her want to scream louder, but she doesn't. "But you've already admitted who you want to be with, and that you're using me to hide it!"

"I am not!" Emma stomps down her foot. "I just figured it out! That's why I wanted to tell you about it—to be fair to you! I don't love you!"

"You…just figured it out?" Killian asks. "Emma, love—you've only just started noticing her, but you've been in love with her for months. It's obvious."

"You knew?" Emma is furious.

"I thought you knew I knew—I—I thought that you knew—" Hook is getting angry again, and confused. "I thought we both—"

"You thought I was your beard?" Emma blurts out.

"I shave when I want to, thank you." Killian says coolly with a scratch to his stubbly chin, and she groans in frustration.

"You knew I was into Regina before I knew, and you still tried to be with me?"

"I thought you understood." Killian is speaking through grit teeth. "I thought you understood that maybe we could fix each other."

"What?" Emma stops, and realizes that maybe the Kinsey Scale is something that the people of Storybrooke don't have. Come to think of it, she's never seen a rainbow flag or even a "honk for equality" bumper sticker in the small town that's now her home. She's never asked what the situation in the Enchanted Forest was with sexuality. "Killian…you know that there's nothing wrong with it, right?"

"There is everything wrong with it!" Killian suddenly looks like a twelve year old boy trying to prove his heterosexuality. Emma remembers, vividly and suddenly, that he is from the 18th century English navy, and although she knows homosexuality was more common than textbooks say, he could very well have been raised to fear and hate it.

"Killian—no." She's filled with sympathy for the pirate, and it's a little weird. "I'm not…it's not liking women that I have a problem with, it's liking Regina."

"That doesn't mean we have to break up." Killian says quickly. "I won't tell anyone. We never have to talk about it—we can have a great life together. Milah understood that!"

"I thought you loved her. She left Gold for you. Your tattoo?..." Emma's brow furrowed.

"She did love me." Killian confirms. "And I loved her—so much—but not..."

"But you had sex with her?"

"Of course. She knew that she could fix me." Killian is speaking like Emma doesn't understand what he means. To her, it's just incredibly sad. With all of the adventures they've had, she's forgotten about simple things like homophobia.

"You don't…Killian no one needs to fix you." Emma never expected to be in this situation. Fighting a dragon might be easier than helping Captain Hook accept his sexuality. "So if you don't mind me asking,"

He grunts.

"If it's not Robin, then who?...I mean…is there a?..."

"An old friend." Killian mutters, shrugging a little and looking like a schoolboy with a crush. He's almost smiling, but at the same time looks incredibly uncomfortable. "…Jefferson." The name leaves his lips on a tiny, tiny breath and Emma almost doesn't hear it.

"Does he know?"

Killian shrugs.

"Is that why he left earlier?"

Another shrug.

"So I'm digging Regina, and you're into the mad hatter?" Emma asks.

"I suppose so." Killian lets out an aggravated sigh and looks very much like he wants to leave. "Like I said—there's no reason for us to stop being together. This is much easier."

"No, I don't—well…yeah, it'd be easier, but it's not better." Emma gives his arm a gentle punch. "Wouldn't it be better to be in love?"

Vulnerability that Emma has never seen in him flashes across Killian's face.

"No, Swan. I don't think it would." The pirate shoves his hand and hook into the pockets of his thick coat. "…it's fine." He murmurs. "I accept your termination of our relationship. Just don't bring this up again."

"Killian—" Emma starts to say.

"Just go. My ship needs me." Killian turns abruptly, heading into the building snowstorm to tend to the Jolly Roger. It is at that moment that Emma decides she will never want Killian Jones as a lover, but she is perfectly willing to help out a friend.

The next day snow has stopped falling, and Emma spends the day scouring the town for anything even a little queer, but comes up empty. There's no gay bar. No PFLAG chapter at the local high school. No information pamphlets at the hospital.

It's like homosexuality (and all of its pals) don't exist in Storybrooke. Not in the open, anyway. She spotted a pair of nun-fairies (Nairies? Funs?) holding hands and whispering in a quiet corner, and Ruby winked at a pretty girl at Granny's, but other than that there hasn't been anything.

Emma doesn't want to out anyone—she just wants them to feel safe. Maybe she's in too deep to the whole "savior" thing.

She supposes the rampant heterosexuality makes it more of a mainstream, Disney-y, fairytale, but that doesn't make it okay. Just because there isn't education here doesn't mean that people aren't hurting.

Just look at Captain Killian Jones.

She hasn't seen him today. He's probably sulking on his ship. Emma has been thinking about him a lot—more than when they were "dating"—and has realized that she should have figured him out a long time ago.

Killian is so aggressively heterosexual that he had to be hiding something. She'd attributed it to everyday man-pain, and it had never crossed her mind that he might not be straight.

The only person from Fairytaleland that she knows for certain to be queer is Mulan, who had given her the longest and saddest look in all of history when she'd asked about Aurora. Emma, like most people, could sympathize the pain of unrequited love.

She knew what it was like want a straight girl. It had gotten her kicked out of her fourth foster home. That was one of the reasons she'd kept her sexuality buried until well after meeting Neal and having Henry.

She'd been hurt too many times—but Boston had shown her that the woman who wanted to be with her were generally more understanding about a lot of things than men like Neal.

The sad truth was that most of the queer women she met could identify with her struggles finding a home and a family.

Now she had a family anda home—and she wasn't about to let Storybrooke go on existing without making sure that everyone in it could be comfortable with who they were. It was a big project to take on, but after Elsa and her family had left town things had quieted down.

But where to start?

The thought of coming out to Ms. Blanchard makes her blanch. The idea of asking Charming about his sexuality is anything but. She isn't quite ready to talk to Regina yet. Hook probably needs more time to get over their conversation.

Eventually, she decides to talk about it with Ruby. Out of all of Storybrooke's citizens, she thought that the waitress would be the most open to the idea about opening the town's mind towards gender and sexuality. Ruby already got raised eyebrows for her fashion—maybe she'd understand.

"Thanks for meeting me here." She says pleasantly later that evening when they're having a drink in the apartment she's rented for herself and her son. Henry's at Regina's tonight, which is just fine.

"No problem. What's up?" Ruby asks, smiling brightly and taking a drink from her beer.

"So…now that things are sort of normal here," Ruby lets out a snort, and Emma cocks an eyebrow. "Well they are! But anyway—now that things are sort of normal here, I've noticed that Storybrooke isn't exactly caught up with everything in the rest of the world, uh…" It's a really hard thing to bring up. Emma is tripping over her words.

"Like what?" Ruby asks, happy to listen. "Is this about getting more iPhones? Because we can't get anything shipped in right now—town line and all."

"No—it's not about iPhones." Emma takes a deep breath. "It's about—about—well it's just—" Ruby is staring. Emma groans. "Are there any gay people here?"

Ruby's face screws up. Emma tenses.

"I don't…I don't think so." Is Ruby's eventual response. Her words are slow and careful.

"What about in the Enchanted Forest?" Emma needs answers.

"Well, it's not—I…" Ruby takes another drink. "It's not like I don't know what it's like in the rest of the world—we do have the internet." She shrugs a little. "I don't have a problem with it, but—"

"So it's not okay to be gay in Fairytaleland?" Emma asks sarcastically, trying not to think about her parents.

"Well…" Ruby is obviously trying very hard to be open-minded and respectful. Emma appreciated that, but it's still a very uncomfortable conversation. "Back home, you wait for your true love."

"What if your true love is another woman?" Emma asks.

"It can't be." Ruby says immediately. "If you think that, then you just keep waiting."

Emma feels her heart break a little.

"It's not like it didn't happen back home," Ruby continues. Suddenly she's gushing out words, and Emma wonders how long she's been waiting to have this conversation. "But it was a one way ticket out of the palace if you were royalty—and out of your village if…" She gives a little sigh.

"I used to have a friend back home. Her name was Rose. We were so close that people called us Rose-Red. Like we were one person. Then…she said that she loved me."

Ruby bites her lip, and then continues.

"I didn't lover her, but I never told. Then…then she fell in love again, with another woman, and the village found out. They drove her away, and she never came back. I don't know what happened to her."

Emma opens her mouth to say words of comfort, but freezes at the next part of Ruby's story.

"And then, of course, everyone knows about Regina."

Emma drops her beer. It doesn't break, but there's a loud noise when it hits the floor. It was almost empty, so she just leaves it there.

"What?" She's vaguely aware that her mouth is hanging open.

"You didn't know?" Ruby asks, her brow furrowed. "That's one of the reasons no one trusted her. Snow's father caught her once—with another woman. It was supposed to be a secret, but I'm sure you've noticed by now that nothing stays secret for very long in that family."

"I had…no idea." Emma admits, and suddenly there's a new, very complex piece to Regina's loneliness and the disdain on the faces of those who still fear her. Maybe that's one of the reasons for the pity that crosses Snow's face every now and then when she sees the mayor.

"To be fair, no one's ever seen any proof. I mean…it could have just been a rumor—you know, to make people hate her more." A dry smile crosses Ruby's face. "You know—the fear of women's sexuality and all that."

Emma realizes why Ruby is sympathetic. After all, she does have a notoriously promiscuous reputation.

"I guess you would know all about that." Emma offers, because they're friends and she doesn't think she's overstepping her boundaries.

"Well…" Ruby hesitates. "Yes and no."

"What does that mean?" Emma asks.

"I know what people think—because of the way that I dress, and the way that I talk to boys, but…"

"But what?" Emma asks, wondering if Ruby has been a lesbian all this time.

"It doesn't really do anything for me. Sex, I mean." Ruby's face scrunches a little, and it's so damn cute that Emma almost cracks a smile. She doesn't, because it's clear that Ruby has never told anyone about this before. "I didn't even…not even with Peter." Her voice drops at the name of her ex-boyfriend, and Emma gives Ruby's knee a friendly squeeze to show that she's listening. "Maybe I'm still waiting for my true love."

"Well…I think that you're perfect the way you are." Emma doesn't 100% understand asexuality, but makes a mental note to talk to Ruby about it in the future, just in case.

"Thanks, Emma." Ruby smiles back at her, and then frowns a little. "…why are you asking? Are you?..." Her eyes widen.

Emma's heart is racing and she feels sick, but she loves and trusts the other woman very much.

"Yeah."

"You're gay?"

"No! I—I'm neither. I just like hot people."

"You can do that?" Ruby asks. She's not being judgmental. She just doesn't know.

"Yeah." Emma confirms, and Ruby nods a little.

"Well, that makes sense. I mean…I don't see why that's not possible. It just never really came up in the Enchanted Forest." Ruby leans in for a hug, and Emma accepts. They stay like that for a little while, and Emma is grateful that people like Ruby are in her life.

"Maybe you should talk to Regina." Ruby murmurs eventually, as she notices that Emma has started to cry. Just a little bit. "Just in case."

"I know." Emma whispers back, wiping her eyes and standing. "I'll go tomorrow."

When the sun rises in the morning, Emma finds that she's barely gotten any sleep. Ruby had left the apartment fairly early, but Emma had spent the night staring up at her ceiling and wondering what would happen if her parents decided not to accept her sexuality.

Ruby had been right, though. Regina was the person she needed to talk to next. If homophobia was at all a contributing factor to the way that many of the town's citizens still treated their mayor, then Emma needed to let her know that she had someone to confide in.

Even if the rumors weren't true, they could still hurt.

Emma can hear her heartbeat in her ears as she drives down Mifflin. After turning off the ignition, she stares the golden 108 on her door. Regina knows that she's coming, but not the reason for the visit. Lately they've been spending time with one another as friends, so it's not that strange…but still.

When she finally works up enough courage to go inside, Regina is waiting for her with an arched eyebrow and crossed arms.

"You're late." She says coolly, and Emma's stomach does a summersault.

"Sorry." Emma apologizes, hands stuffed in her pockets as they head to the living room.

"So? What did you want to talk about?" Although Regina is much more relaxed than the first time that she invited Emma into her home, she's still tense. The sheriff can't blame her. It seems like half of the time, someone is blaming the mayor for something she hasn't done.

"Well…"

"Did something happen? Another portal? Don't tell me—it's Scooby Doo."

Emma snorts and shakes her head, but doesn't say anything.

"Out with it, Swan." Regina's breath catches and her eyes widen slightly. "Is it Henry? I just saw him—"

"No!" Emma said immediately. "It's—I heard something from Ruby about you—about…"

In an instant, all of Regina's walls are up.

"What did she tell you?" Her voice is low and dangerous, and the back of Emma's neck is prickling.

"Regina, it's ok." Emma leans forward, and Regina leans away. "She told me that you're bisexual—and that no one even knows if it's true, but—"

"Get out." Regina stands, and takes a step backwards. "Now."

"Regina, it's ok, you can talk to m—"

"Now."

Emma can feel the magic building in the air, and so she slowly stands and walks towards the room's exit.

"I won't mention it again." She mumbles as she passes the queen and exits. "Sorry."

Well, she reflects as she drives away, it could have gone worse. She's crying again. That's twice in 24 hours. On the way back to her apartment, Emma takes a random turn and eventually pulls over so that she can finish crying before anyone sees her.

Once she's calmed down, she takes in her surroundings she realizes that Jefferson's driveway is just down the road. She remembers Killian, and thinks that maybe paying the hatter a visit could be enlightening. In any case, she wants to check up on him and make sure that he's doing okay.

Grace is living with him full-time now, and seeing as he kidnapped Snow White and drugged the Savior herself, he warrants close monitoring. Checking in is a good excuse to see him, and so as soon as her eyes aren't red and puffy she's pulling into the hatter's driveway and knocking on his door.

"Swan?" His brow furrows when the door opens, and she finds herself relieved. Jefferson doesn't look nearly as exhausted or as crazed as before the curse was broken. It makes sense. She can't imagine the pain he must have been in. She's filled with pity.

"I came here to talk." She explains, rocking back on her heels. "You're not in trouble."

He hesitates, and then nods.

"Come in. It must be cold."

A few minutes later they're sitting at his kitchen table (the house is more cluttered now—it's clear that there's a child here now) with steaming mugs of tea.

"It's not gonna knock me out this time, right?" She jokes.

"No." He says evenly, and she believes him. Superpower. That, and she knows that he wouldn't do anything that would get Grace taken away. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"A few things." Emma admits, deciding to be honest as she sips her tea. "Mostly I just wanted to see how you were doing since…well, everything."

"I'm fine." Jefferson says, keeping his responses short. He hesitates and then continues. "I'm medicated. Grace is happy. I'm taking care of her."

"I know. You're a good father." Emma tries to be comforting. He's been through a lot, after all. "I wanted to let you know that I understand how hard it was while you were under the curse. That doesn't excuse…everything, but—"

Jefferson's eyes widen, and Emma's hand goes for her pocket, where her keys are.

"He never told you, did he?" Jefferson asks, sounding as if he's barely there.

"Who? Told me what?"

"August." Jefferson finally looks Emma in the eye. His jaw is clenched between his words. "He came here. He told me what to do. I could barely leave the house before you came to town. I…" Jefferson looks like he's going to break. "I was sick."

Jefferson has tears in his eyes as he buries his head in his hands.

"I blamed myself until Dr. Hopper helped me underst—"

Emma doesn't know what to do. Jefferson is still crying.

"What do you mean?" She asks gently, putting her hands on the table so that Jefferson can take them if he wants to. He does, and that makes her even more worried for the man.

"He came here and told me he knew me. He told me he could help me. He told me I could make you believe, and I believed him. I was so stupid."

"You missed your daughter." Emma offers. "…and it's over now. We all made mistakes. I did, too. And you helped me believe…even if you didn't do it in the way you should've."

"I never wanted to hurt anyone. Not after I had Grace." He pauses, and malice crosses his face. "…and it's all her fault. The Evil Queen's."

"She's not the Evil Queen anymore." Emma squeezes his hands. "She's changed. That wasn't the woman she was supposed to be. Rumplestiltskin made her—"

"You think I don't know that? I was there, Emma! It's my fault. I could have helped her. It's my fault!" It sounds like he's been wanting to say this for years. Maybe he has.

"You were there?" Emma echoes. "You knew her…before?"

Words start pouring from Jefferson's mouth. He tells her how he used to work for the Dark One, and how he helped ruin Regina's attempt to bring back Daniel. After that, things got more complicated when he eventually fell in love with the young queen.

"What happened?" Emma asks. It sounds like things were going well—like the hatter and the queen were going to run away together. "Was it Grace's mother? Did you fall in love with her and leave Regina?"

"Worse." Jefferson admits. "We both fell in love with her." A small smile graces his lips. "I…I was in love a lot, back then. Gender never mattered—don't look at me like that. I've been travelling between worlds since I was old enough to use make use my hat. It's a family business—my mother taught me better than to bow to the Enchanted Forest's limited views on identity."

Emma has a hard time containing her shock. Jefferson's vocabulary seems remarkably refined, but it makes sense considering the travelling he's done and the years that he's had to study this world.

"So you…fought over her? Alice, I mean. You and Regina both wanted to be with her, right? But only one of you could have her, so you broke up?"

"No. We were all together for a time. Everything was fine, until Regina and Alice were caught together. I had no choice but to leave and take Alice away. They would have killed her, and I couldn't leave her alone someplace, because…because…"

"Because she was pregnant?"

"Yes." Jefferson admits. "But I should have taken Regina with us. I shouldn't have let her stay behind."

"So you did ask her to come with you?"

"Of course! I loved her. We both did—very much. But we were afraid of the woman she was becoming…" His fingernails are cutting into her hands, but she doesn't pull away. These are things that she wants to know about Regina, and things that Jefferson needs to say. "…and we were incredibly young and stupid. I could have saved her."

"Regina didn't need saving. She made her own decisions…but that doesn't mean that you can't make a better future with her." Emma hesitates, because the question that she wants to ask is a loaded one. "Do you still love her?"

"No." Jefferson said honestly, and Emma feels relief wash over her. "Regina is no longer the Evil Queen, but she's not the woman I fell in love with, either."

"Have you ever talked to her about it?"

"No. I'm afraid to."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that I'm still the man who left her."

"Oh, Jefferson."

They sit there in silence for a little while. It feels a lot like the night before, when Ruby had admitted her disinterest in sex. Storybrooke is clearly much more queer than it appears, and Emma feels new determination to turn it into a safe space for everyone.