A/N: this is my first fic. I hope you like it! Thankies! Please review :). This fic was co-authored by my sister LiteratiJasperella89! Please check out her profile. :D

Disclaimer: all twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Alice's Breakdown

It is a quiet Saturday morning and Jasper is listening to Eric Church while re-reading one of his favorite Civil War biographies. But he realizes with a start that Alice isn't dancing around him begging him to drive her to the mall. He walks down stairs to Edward and asks where Alice is.

"Uh... Edward where is Alice? She usually is jumping around and telling me to go to the mall."

"Huh? Oh… I really don't know…! I think she's at the mall with Rosalie this time…. Alice better be careful."

"Really?! No way… NO WAY…" Jasper stares back with a surprised face and as he realizes that his dream is finally coming true, a burst of excitement fills him. He goes around the house and chants "I'M FREE! I'M FREE FREE FRE--- wait let me check the yard first…" Jasper goes into the yard and frowns.

"DAMMIT! She BACK!!"

"Jazzzzzzz!!"

"fine…. WHAT?"

"….. I want shoes… I WANT SHOES… I---- WANT----- SHOES!!!"

Jasper realizes he better think fast.

" uhh…uhmmm… oh… WE HAVE NO MONEY!"

" No money? What do you mean no MONEY?" Alice suspiciously looks at Jaspers pocket. Jasper stares at Alice and then stares down at his pocket continuously. Then suddenly remembers the $50 he won from beating Emmett at video games. Uhh Jasper think! THINK DAMMIT!!!! " UH Bella don't I owe you money?!"

Bella comes into the yard, surprised she is being pulled into the conversation.

"W-wait you don't owe me…OHHH that's right! Sorry forgot! Can I have my 50 bucks now?" she says catching on.

Jasper pulls the $50 out of his pocket, praying to God this would work. But as he is giving her the money, Alice snatches it away with lightning speed. She looks at the money in her hands and a manic look comes over her eyes.

"SHOES…. GIVE ME SHOES!!! NOW!!!!!"

Edward pulls Bella away protectively.

"SHE'S LOST IT!!! EMMETT HOLD HER BACK!"

Emmet bursts into the yard and tries restraining Alice with all his strength. But despite his strength, the task is impossible because Alice is biting him.

"OW! Alice calm—OW!! DAMMIT! WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!?! JASPER CONTROL YOUR WIFE! YOU'RE AN EMPATH! FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!"

"Oh… why didn't I think of that?" Acting quickly, Jasper stares at his wife knocking her unconscious. As Alice hits the ground, Jasper turns to his family triumphantly.

"The deed is done"

The End