One Last Chat
Warnings: POST 108 (spoilers, DURH), and hints of L/Raito. Also a shot of the split Kira/Raito personality (you'll see what I mean).
Author's notes at end. Enjoy.
It'd been at least three years.
Raito paused in nothingness, given a second to think a logical thought. Most of the time he wasn't able to make sense in oblivion because the darkness was too thick. As he floated on, mind at some sort of ease, Raito was allowed to have a memory—a flicker of what was once was. He wasn't sure if he was actually remembering what he saw,and the nothingness rarely allowed him to think. Raito wasn't even sure at times why he was permitted to remember such things.
An image of a family photo flashed through Raito's mind, but he paid no mind. He couldn't really care as he floated along as he always had; he no longer had any ambition to figure out anything anymore. Nothing was like a contagious disease, Raito concluded once in a moment of reflection. Nothing gave him the chance to be nothing, and he liked not having to deceive everyone for once.
Not as if there was anyone. As far as Raito was concerned, there was nobody else in his oblivion, in his pit of black; it'd already been countless days and Raito still had yet to see a soul. Raito had once thought he saw himself, another figure with the name of Kira defining his actions, but he found out that it was just a memory. Just another fake instance that Raito wasn't even sure was real anymore.
As another flashback sped through Raito's head, the boy carelessly reflected on the fact that he'd been given a lot of remembrances today. Usually, the boy spent his days in darkness, alone with his mind that remained dormant for the most part. Occasionally, something would flash through Raito's head, reminding the boy that even though he was no longer alive, he still had the ability to do what the living could. But Raito didn't care. The darkness still soothed him. He preferred not to remember.
A black notebook this time. Raito had seen it many times before. Always hidden away from the others, but always open to him—the notebook Raito preferred not to remember. Even the pallid words stamped on the front of the black journal, those white words clearly stating Death Note, made Raito uneager to remember such a thing. Once one goes through death, he never wants to deal with it again. Death is one of those matters that, in the end, is just a realm of not caring…
Not living.
Now there was a monster. That was the only word Raito could come up with to describe the creature. When the image of the thing came to Raito's mind, the name Ryuuku flashed into his thoughts as well, which Raito assumed was the beast's name. Long, dangling arms, thin waist, jaune, menacing eyes that saw past Raito's inner thoughts…
The creature vanished. Raito was glad. He didn't want any more thoughts to plague his mind. He was ready for the darkness to consume him once again.
But he had no such luck. After that picture vanished, Raito saw someone approaching him, but he wasn't sure if it was in his mind or in his reality. Since his surroundings were just as black as the darkness as his head, there essentially was no difference. But someone came towards him, whether it was real or not, and stopped in front of him. Raito could see the other, and the other could apparently see Raito. When the person didn't vanish, Raito decided to study him. There was nothing else he could do.
Slouched over. Unkempt, black hair. Dark eyes. Deep bags painted under the dark depths. A white shirt hung loosely off of the man's shoulders, and his equally baggy jeans started at the lower of his waist. Raito remembered this face, remembered this appearance, and the other apparently remembered him. The small smile curving the man's lips told Raito that much.
"You died, Kira?" The other spoke. Raito hadn't remembered what it sounded like for someone besides himself to speak. Raito liked the sound. It was a nice change.
Raito felt something turn his lips. Confused, he reached one of his hands up to his mouth, feeling to see what had happened. Raito touched his lips delicately, hand pressing against his soft skin to find that he'd smiled. Raito hadn't known he could smile. The other must have not known either.
"Are you really Kira? Or is this just a soulless doll, Yagami Raito?" Raito blinked. This man knew him. This man had known him. Finding his voice, Raito tried to speak, hoping the darkness wouldn't thieve his one chance to find out a little something for his slightly curious mind.
"Who's Kira?" The other man frowned. Slowly, the stranger Raito couldn't remember, even as he attempted to search through his empty mind, stepped up to Raito, placing one of his pale hands on the boy's face. His flesh felt so warm against Raito's cheek. Raito leaned into the warmth, embraced the new leap in his chest, concluding to himself that this man must be alive. There was no way one of the dead could have such heat.
"You don't remember?" Raito shook his head, closing his eyes against that hand. The man he didn't know took another step closer, now allowing his other hand to cup Raito's chin. Forced to look up, Raito stared into the stranger's dark eyes, confusion hazing overhis blue lens. Raito wanted the darkness back. He didn't like this man anymore.
"I am L." Raito stared. Nothing came to him. "L" stared at him, apparently waiting for a reaction. Raito knew that this man wanted him to remember. Raito wasn't sure if L would be getting his wish.
"Ryuuga? Ryuuzaki?"
The man looked desperate for Raito to remember. For a moment, when the darkness allowed him the chance, Raito sort of wished he could remember this man. That sad gleam sickening the stranger's eyes made Raito feel sad inside himself.
"No. Kira made you forget, I suppose." L released his jaw, but kept his other hand in place. Slowly, Raito watched as the man lifted that hand up to his hair and began to stroke his golden strands, dark eyes following his own hand. Once again, Raito gave into that hand. He must have loved that hand when he was alive.
"I wonder how you died…" L was talking to himself. He knew Raito couldn't answer him in this state. As he watched the innocent boy lean against his hand, enjoy the sensation of feeling, Ryuuzaki let his eyelids lower in sympathy, black depths swirling with a sad confusion of their own.
"…Maybe Near got to you. Or Mello? Perhaps it was-"
Ryuuzaki stopped talking. Raito had just gone stiff against his comforting hand. The boy's naïve eyes had gone wide with shock. Terror filled those clear, crystal depths. Terror along with anger.
"…Kira?"
Just as it had done when he had touched the Death Note, Raito remembered everything within a painful flash. He grasped at L's white t-shirt, hand clutching that soft material as if his lifeline depended on the hold. Ryuuzaki watched the transformation of Raito in front of him. He watched that blank, childish boy turn into a cracked killer who could see himself shaking. Kira could see Raito look at him and notice his defaults. Kira didn't want Raito to notice that. He had liked Raito not remembering.
"...Ryuuku…killed me." Kira kept his voice calm. He no longer leaned into his nemesis's touch, but he didn't attempt to pull away. Kira kept his one hand latched onto L's white top. Kira refused to let go this time.
"Ryuuku?"
"My shinigami. He told me that he'd be the one to kill me. And once Matsuda shot us…" Kira let his eyes glaze over at the painful memory, the bullet holes still seeping through his cold skin.
"So it was Near that beat you in the end?"
Kira yanked himself from L's grasp. Glaring through hazy eyes, the killer growled at the dead detective like a feral beast, bearing his teeth with a curve of his nose. Ryuuzaki watched the insane boy take a step away from him, increasing the space between the two dead ones.
"I will not lose. I can't lose. I'm Kira!"
"Then why did you allow Yagami Raito to get shot?"
Kira dropped all fury. The darkness wouldn't take over yet, no matter how much he willed it to. He darted his eyes to the ground, hoping that the darkness would at least hide the faint twinge of colour dusting his cheeks.
"I got careless. Raito wasn't supposed to die, though."
"Then why is he-?"
"BECAUSE I FUCKING MESSED UP!" L didn'tflinch at Kira's response. The killer's cry of failure, cry of understanding that he literally wasn't god made Ryuuzaki feel slightly sorry for the insane boy. But Kira deserved what he got. L wasn't sure if Raito did, though.
"You – don't – fucking get it, do you!" Kira's voice cracked. His eyes went wide as he stared at Ryuuzaki. He could feel the blood vessels in his eyelids begin to stretch and burst.
"Get what, Kira?"
"That – Raito – isn't–!"
"Isn't you?" Kira stopped. He could feel Raito resurfacing, but he knew he wouldn't allow the boy the take over at this instance. The detective looked back at him equally, matching his set stare. L saw the surprise lining those insane eyes. He could see the true Light unraveling.
"Yes. I concluded that earlier in my days of darkness. And by the looks of Yagami-kun, it seems that he'll never be allowed to remember you again." L saw something spark in Kira's gaze. Jealousy or misery. Pride or dejection.
"He can't remember me. I'd make him lose his sanity again." Kira's confession came in a low tone, which took the notorious detective off guard. In front of his, the legendary Kira, the merciless killer who L knew was able to judge an individual in a heartbeat, just showed an expression of concern. The killer was revealing the true side of his character.
"You don't want him to go insane?"
L got his answer before Kira answered him. The misery that had killed thousands proved to the detective that his conclusions were correct.
"I don't want him to suffer through me again."
"So you give him the darkness."
"The darkness took him. I just hide in its shadow."
L nodded. He turned, ready to end this conversation. Kira let the man begin the leave before he himself disappeared. But Ryuuzaki hadn't made his leave before he heard another voice call his name, unsure and doubtful.
"Ryuuga?"
Raito watched the other man turn to face him, his black depths boring into him. With a cautious step, Raito took a step forward in the darkness, hoping he wouldn't trip or sink. It was always at the worst times that the nothingness decided to take him.
"What is it, Yagami-kun?"
Raito blinked. He remembered being called that. He remembered the stranger's stare and the stranger's touch—a touch that he had been connected to for the longest of times. (1)
Not making sense of his last thought, Raito continued. Continued before his time ran out again.
"Can we see each other again?"
The darkness began to sweep over Raito. Crying out in shock, Raito reached forward to take the stranger's hand, but he was offered no help. The man who had called himself L watched as Raito began to dissolve into nothing once again, dark eyes somehow hating the scene taking place. Sympathy crept over Ryuuzaki before he tuned on his heel, and turned away from those surprised and panicked blue eyes.
"I doubt Kira will allow us to meet again, Raito."
Raito felt the darkness consume him. His last glimpse at L was the back of his shirt, an empty surface that left no impact in Raito's mind.
He was back to the darkness.
He no longer remembered anyone.
(1): Refering to the chain arc, if you didn't understand that part.
N/A: My response to the end of Death Note. Grr. Written in little over an hour. I was on a roll.
And yet again, I did the split personality deal. Yatta da.
Leave a note and tell me what you think (and whether or not you were disappointed with the 108 ending?). Domo. ♥
EDIT: I'm looking for a beta for my other Death Note fanfic. It's summary is in my profile (called Thirteen). Any takers? It's very much appreciated. ♥