[Disclaimer: Megatron and other Beast Wars? characters are strictly owned and products of MainframeÓ and AllianceÒ I have no ownership of them and are simply using them for a non-profit fan fiction. Even if it is funny…]
[NOTE: If you read this with an over active imagination, it does wonders…^.^]
Megatron: A Day in the Life, Part I:
Megatron awoke this morning with a terrible crick in his back. Apparently, he had fallen asleep in his command chair once again, working late into the night on how to seriously make life a living hell for the Maximals. He suddenly remembered the wonderfully perfect plot he had devised and chuckled with glee, but stopped halfway to yawn and stretched. That's when he realized his killer morning breath. He scowled, "Ugh, slaggin' Tarantulus and his Energon chili dogs."
He walked back to his personal chambers, grabbed a towel and a purple Caboodle filled with his personal toiletries, then headed for the shower.
"BLACK ARACHNIA!!!" he bellowed for the second time at the bathroom door.
When the Predicon ship had landed, most of the bathrooms had sunk into the lava pit, leaving only two. The first had been blown to bits last week thanks to one of Turantulus' experiments, and the second was now occupied by the only female Predicon. She had been in there for three hours and Meg's was livid.
"Alright! Alright! I'm getting out! Don't blow your circuits!" She yelled back. Megatron crossed his arms and scowled waiting. Black Arachnia appeared a few seconds later, a blue towel wrapped around her mid section and another around her head. She frowned and marched past him down the hallway. He watched her go.
"Damn Fem-bots. You can't live with 'em and you can't afford to send them to the scrap heap." he mumbled entering the bathroom. It was all steamy and REEKED of fruity feminine smells, he gagged and turned on the fan.
Thirty minutes later he stepped out of the shower, the towel wrapped around his waist. He set the purple Caboodle on the counter next to the sink and opened it. He then spent two hours using three different toothpastes and four different kinds of mouthwash to clean his already pearly whites. Hey, how do you expect to conquer the universe with gingivitis? He washed his mouth out and smiled at the mirror. The reflection off his teeth was so bright it burned a hole through the mirror…again. Suddenly, his stomach churned and he started to not feel so good, those Energon chili dogs weren't agreeing with him. It took him another hour to answering nature's call.
Relieved, he went to flush, and realized he had plugged up the crapper…again…
Sending for Waspinator to clean up the mess, Megatron headed for the control room. Only to find Terrorsaur sitting in his chair, acting as leader again. The traitorous nuisance had put on a plastic Megatron mask and was imitating him.
"Look at me! I am the mighty Megatron!" he screeched. "Tarantulus! Make me an Energon smoothie! Black Arachnia! Give me a back rub! Skorpinok! Go to my chambers and put on the Optimus-dominatrix suit! Waspinator! Fetch me my pink fuzzy slippers! Terrorsaur! You're such a better leader than I could ever be, please, take over! " He took off the mask and looked at it, "Why thank you, Megatron!" Then he cackled gaily.
Megatron's eyebrow twitched, his T-Rex head blaster quivered and he suddenly wasn't purple anymore, then a vein in his forehead burst. "Ter- Rr! SauRR!!!"
After permanently attaching the fake mask to Terrorsaur's face, then turning him into a trash can with his bare hands, and blasting him through the wall, Megatron's inner evil peace returned. He sat at his chair and prepared to implement his evil plan when Skorpinok, hailed him over the com link.
"What is it, Skorpinok?" he asked through the com.
"Forgive, my intrusion Mighty Megatron, but Waspinator has managed to get himself-uh… stuck in the "disposal unit."
"The what?"
"Uh…the toilet, o Fearless One."
Megatron rolled his eyes, "Imbecile. Try to get him out of there, until I arrive."
He got out from his chair and headed back down the corridor. When he arrived it was not a pretty site…
Waspinator had managed to unplug the crapper, but had leaned in too far to see if it would flush and got his head sucked in. He was pulling furiously, and angry yet inaudible buzzing noises were coming from the bowl. Skorpinok and Turantulus grabbed his legs and pulled, causing the buzzing noises to increase.
"Stupid, bug! Come out of there!" Skorpinok yanked hard, but pulled off one of Waspinator's legs and fell into the shower with it. This, caused Turantulus to point and chuckle uncontrollably while Waspinator's muffled screams were heard through the commode. Megatron gave an exasperated sighed, laid a hand over his face in shame and shook his head.
With a lot of axel grease and pulling, they finally managed to remove Waspinator from the toilet. Megatron sent him to the CR chamber and then the rest of them headed back to the control room. Terrorsaur had somehow made it to CR Chamber himself, and was busy trying to put the moves on Black Arachnia, failing miserably. She dropped kicked him in the face sending him crashing through the floor. Megatron sat back in his chair, as Terrorsaur crawled out of the floor, and began telling his minions his diabolical scheme. Rallied, they charged their weapons, waved them around, chanted the Predicon fight song, and headed from the base.
Several Cycles later….
Waspinator sat in the CR chamber fluid sipping an Energon martini, with a little umbrella in it.
"Bzzzz. Ah, Waspinator should get head stuck in toilet everyday. Waspinator get to sit in jacuzzi and drink Energon all day and not get blown to scrap! Waspinator could get used to this…" he sipped the drink. Then the doors opened and the other Predicons entered.
Megatron's perfectly flawless plan had once again been foiled and they all looked fragged. Somehow, that infernal Rattrap had managed to bug the command room, again, and the Maximals new everything!
Skorpinok and Terrorsaur kicked Waspinator out of the CR pool and dived in themselves, while the spiders crawled out of sight. Waspinator fell onto a hover pad, accidentally turning it on. The thing started flying around out of control with the insect hanging on and screaming for dear life.
"NNNNYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"WHY THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO WASPINATOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR??!!!!"
The hover pad spun around in a furious circle and zoomed down a corridor, taking Waspinator with it. Despite his frayed condition, Megatron transformed to robot mode, a painful thing, and headed for the control room.
"Finished!"
Megatron had successfully found and destroyed all the bugs in the control room, feeling pleased as he thought of several ways to keep it from happing again. But he was beat. He headed for his quarters, his personal CR tub/jacuzzi was calling his name. His battle with Optimus Primal had been quite extensive, and anyone would feel dirty after being sat on by Rinox, three times. Megatron shuddered.
The doors to his chamber opened, and he almost fell over. Black Arachnia and Turantulus were in his jacuzzi, getting "frisky" "spider style." That was the last straw! Megatron screamed in rage and began shooting wildly at them. Black Arachnia screamed, grabbed her towel around her and ran out. Turantulus tried to do the same, but Megatron shot his ass as he ran out the door. Turantulus yelped before slamming into the wall like a fried, squashed bug. Megatron counted to Ten to try and get his breathing back to normal, and thanked Primus he had taken that "Anger management for Super villains" class. He glanced down at the CR pool and noticed a "sock" floating in the water, and decided he was NOT getting in until the fluid was drained and replaced.
Eventually, Magatron was finally able to relax and repair himself in his cleaned CR jacuzzi. He pulled up a list of all the plots he had tried to use against the Maximals on his hover vid screen, and decided it was too long to read. His diabolical brain hurt too bad to think of another scheme by itself, so he called Skorpinok to his chambers. They put their heads together but decided to have a few Energon drinks instead. Very soon, they were both drunk off their exhaust ports.
"So!" Megatron gurgled, "What stra- strate-,stramagi,- slag! Plot! Do u think we should…should-…whaita-minute…Skorpinok! What was saying?"
Skorpinok hiccupped, "I dunno Mighty Megatron, but…Skorpinok, LUV you man!"
"I LUV you 2 Skorpinok!" Magatron wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "Here have some more Energon!"
"ENERGON!!" they both cried toasting each other.
After singing many song's that they didn't know the words to, Megatron and Skorpinok ultimately passed out in their own drool and vomit, several cases of energon bottles scattered everywhere…
{Watery Onslaught appears dressed as an cute anime announcer}
I hope you have enjoyed this weeks airing of Megatron: A Day in the Life! Check local listings for next weeks exciting episode where Inferno will say, "Yes, My Queen!" and then get brutally smashed in the face! This show brought to you by Samuel Atoms Lager, because nothing beats the taste of an Energon lager! And the annual grant from the Game Corporation. PLZ REVIEW!
[NOTE: If you read this with an over active imagination, it does wonders…^.^]
Megatron: A Day in the Life, Part I:
Megatron awoke this morning with a terrible crick in his back. Apparently, he had fallen asleep in his command chair once again, working late into the night on how to seriously make life a living hell for the Maximals. He suddenly remembered the wonderfully perfect plot he had devised and chuckled with glee, but stopped halfway to yawn and stretched. That's when he realized his killer morning breath. He scowled, "Ugh, slaggin' Tarantulus and his Energon chili dogs."
He walked back to his personal chambers, grabbed a towel and a purple Caboodle filled with his personal toiletries, then headed for the shower.
"BLACK ARACHNIA!!!" he bellowed for the second time at the bathroom door.
When the Predicon ship had landed, most of the bathrooms had sunk into the lava pit, leaving only two. The first had been blown to bits last week thanks to one of Turantulus' experiments, and the second was now occupied by the only female Predicon. She had been in there for three hours and Meg's was livid.
"Alright! Alright! I'm getting out! Don't blow your circuits!" She yelled back. Megatron crossed his arms and scowled waiting. Black Arachnia appeared a few seconds later, a blue towel wrapped around her mid section and another around her head. She frowned and marched past him down the hallway. He watched her go.
"Damn Fem-bots. You can't live with 'em and you can't afford to send them to the scrap heap." he mumbled entering the bathroom. It was all steamy and REEKED of fruity feminine smells, he gagged and turned on the fan.
Thirty minutes later he stepped out of the shower, the towel wrapped around his waist. He set the purple Caboodle on the counter next to the sink and opened it. He then spent two hours using three different toothpastes and four different kinds of mouthwash to clean his already pearly whites. Hey, how do you expect to conquer the universe with gingivitis? He washed his mouth out and smiled at the mirror. The reflection off his teeth was so bright it burned a hole through the mirror…again. Suddenly, his stomach churned and he started to not feel so good, those Energon chili dogs weren't agreeing with him. It took him another hour to answering nature's call.
Relieved, he went to flush, and realized he had plugged up the crapper…again…
Sending for Waspinator to clean up the mess, Megatron headed for the control room. Only to find Terrorsaur sitting in his chair, acting as leader again. The traitorous nuisance had put on a plastic Megatron mask and was imitating him.
"Look at me! I am the mighty Megatron!" he screeched. "Tarantulus! Make me an Energon smoothie! Black Arachnia! Give me a back rub! Skorpinok! Go to my chambers and put on the Optimus-dominatrix suit! Waspinator! Fetch me my pink fuzzy slippers! Terrorsaur! You're such a better leader than I could ever be, please, take over! " He took off the mask and looked at it, "Why thank you, Megatron!" Then he cackled gaily.
Megatron's eyebrow twitched, his T-Rex head blaster quivered and he suddenly wasn't purple anymore, then a vein in his forehead burst. "Ter- Rr! SauRR!!!"
After permanently attaching the fake mask to Terrorsaur's face, then turning him into a trash can with his bare hands, and blasting him through the wall, Megatron's inner evil peace returned. He sat at his chair and prepared to implement his evil plan when Skorpinok, hailed him over the com link.
"What is it, Skorpinok?" he asked through the com.
"Forgive, my intrusion Mighty Megatron, but Waspinator has managed to get himself-uh… stuck in the "disposal unit."
"The what?"
"Uh…the toilet, o Fearless One."
Megatron rolled his eyes, "Imbecile. Try to get him out of there, until I arrive."
He got out from his chair and headed back down the corridor. When he arrived it was not a pretty site…
Waspinator had managed to unplug the crapper, but had leaned in too far to see if it would flush and got his head sucked in. He was pulling furiously, and angry yet inaudible buzzing noises were coming from the bowl. Skorpinok and Turantulus grabbed his legs and pulled, causing the buzzing noises to increase.
"Stupid, bug! Come out of there!" Skorpinok yanked hard, but pulled off one of Waspinator's legs and fell into the shower with it. This, caused Turantulus to point and chuckle uncontrollably while Waspinator's muffled screams were heard through the commode. Megatron gave an exasperated sighed, laid a hand over his face in shame and shook his head.
With a lot of axel grease and pulling, they finally managed to remove Waspinator from the toilet. Megatron sent him to the CR chamber and then the rest of them headed back to the control room. Terrorsaur had somehow made it to CR Chamber himself, and was busy trying to put the moves on Black Arachnia, failing miserably. She dropped kicked him in the face sending him crashing through the floor. Megatron sat back in his chair, as Terrorsaur crawled out of the floor, and began telling his minions his diabolical scheme. Rallied, they charged their weapons, waved them around, chanted the Predicon fight song, and headed from the base.
Several Cycles later….
Waspinator sat in the CR chamber fluid sipping an Energon martini, with a little umbrella in it.
"Bzzzz. Ah, Waspinator should get head stuck in toilet everyday. Waspinator get to sit in jacuzzi and drink Energon all day and not get blown to scrap! Waspinator could get used to this…" he sipped the drink. Then the doors opened and the other Predicons entered.
Megatron's perfectly flawless plan had once again been foiled and they all looked fragged. Somehow, that infernal Rattrap had managed to bug the command room, again, and the Maximals new everything!
Skorpinok and Terrorsaur kicked Waspinator out of the CR pool and dived in themselves, while the spiders crawled out of sight. Waspinator fell onto a hover pad, accidentally turning it on. The thing started flying around out of control with the insect hanging on and screaming for dear life.
"NNNNYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"WHY THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO WASPINATOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR??!!!!"
The hover pad spun around in a furious circle and zoomed down a corridor, taking Waspinator with it. Despite his frayed condition, Megatron transformed to robot mode, a painful thing, and headed for the control room.
"Finished!"
Megatron had successfully found and destroyed all the bugs in the control room, feeling pleased as he thought of several ways to keep it from happing again. But he was beat. He headed for his quarters, his personal CR tub/jacuzzi was calling his name. His battle with Optimus Primal had been quite extensive, and anyone would feel dirty after being sat on by Rinox, three times. Megatron shuddered.
The doors to his chamber opened, and he almost fell over. Black Arachnia and Turantulus were in his jacuzzi, getting "frisky" "spider style." That was the last straw! Megatron screamed in rage and began shooting wildly at them. Black Arachnia screamed, grabbed her towel around her and ran out. Turantulus tried to do the same, but Megatron shot his ass as he ran out the door. Turantulus yelped before slamming into the wall like a fried, squashed bug. Megatron counted to Ten to try and get his breathing back to normal, and thanked Primus he had taken that "Anger management for Super villains" class. He glanced down at the CR pool and noticed a "sock" floating in the water, and decided he was NOT getting in until the fluid was drained and replaced.
Eventually, Magatron was finally able to relax and repair himself in his cleaned CR jacuzzi. He pulled up a list of all the plots he had tried to use against the Maximals on his hover vid screen, and decided it was too long to read. His diabolical brain hurt too bad to think of another scheme by itself, so he called Skorpinok to his chambers. They put their heads together but decided to have a few Energon drinks instead. Very soon, they were both drunk off their exhaust ports.
"So!" Megatron gurgled, "What stra- strate-,stramagi,- slag! Plot! Do u think we should…should-…whaita-minute…Skorpinok! What was saying?"
Skorpinok hiccupped, "I dunno Mighty Megatron, but…Skorpinok, LUV you man!"
"I LUV you 2 Skorpinok!" Magatron wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "Here have some more Energon!"
"ENERGON!!" they both cried toasting each other.
After singing many song's that they didn't know the words to, Megatron and Skorpinok ultimately passed out in their own drool and vomit, several cases of energon bottles scattered everywhere…
{Watery Onslaught appears dressed as an cute anime announcer}
I hope you have enjoyed this weeks airing of Megatron: A Day in the Life! Check local listings for next weeks exciting episode where Inferno will say, "Yes, My Queen!" and then get brutally smashed in the face! This show brought to you by Samuel Atoms Lager, because nothing beats the taste of an Energon lager! And the annual grant from the Game Corporation. PLZ REVIEW!