Author's note: I wrote this a while back when Courtney/AJ were still together. It was two things: a big fat raspberry to what I saw GH doing to AJ/Courtney and a response to the jaw-droppingly stupid overlooking of Courtney's PAST and what role that would play in an AJ/Courtney relationship. I mean, come ON. She's Janine and Mike's kid, and she was raised in Atlantic freakin' City! Anyway. AJ/Courtney are long over, but I felt like posting it all the same. Enjoy -- EH

High Stakes Game

His voice was rough and throaty though his fingers caressing her hair were soft and gentle. This was the best.

Her back to him, he couldn't see her smile, but he could hear it in her voice. You always say that, she murmured, fingers playing lazily across his chest.

AJ released the strand of her hair he was twining around his finger, and traced a line down the curve of her body with a single finger, feeling her shiver beneath him as she turned to face him. He rested his palm on the curve of his wife's hip, his thumb moving lightly across her thigh. I always mean it, he whispered, tilting his head down slightly so that it was on a level with hers and searching her eyes out in the moonlight. Every time we make love, it is the best. He leaned forward, brushed her lips with hers. I love making love with you.

Courtney reached out, resting her hands against his shoulders and lifted her lips to his sweetly. I love you, she breathed against his mouth.

AJ closed his eyes at his wife's words even as his arms moved to pull her closer to him. He was filled with the same mixture of emotions he was every time Courtney said the word love'. It was this strange combination of guilt and elation, and lately, it came damn near close to making him physically ill. He groaned, inwardly, as she continued to place kisses all over his face. I lied, the words burst out of him without any planning or intent as his eyes popped open. Courtney stilled; he met her gaze and released a long, shaking breath. I lied, he repeated again quietly and with a sad kind of assurance.

Her head tilted to once side, only inches from her husband's. You don't like making love with me? she finally questioned, her voice small in the darkness.

No! God, Courtney, his hands slid up her arms, and AJ drew her roughly against him. After a long moment, he drew back just enough to look into her eyes. Do you know what looking at you, what touching you does to me? He leaned in and kissed her, hard, then once again, just for good measure. All you have to do is walk into a room, baby, and the only thing I can think of is how sexy you are and how privileged I am that at the end of the day, when I go to my bed, you'll be there with me.

Courtney smiled, smoothed hair back from his forehead. I'm the lucky one, she said, softly, her eyes shining the truth of every word she spoke back at him. What did you mean, then? she asked trustingly. You lied about what, AJ?

He sat up then, scrubbing at his eyes with the heels of his palms. He still didn't know when this had gone from a secret that he didn't think twice about creating to a secret that he would have given the world to make never have existed. All he knew was that he loved her. And, if he wanted to be the man he saw in her eyes when she looked at him, then this had to end. he said, tiredly. Courtney, in the beginning, I lied about everything. AJ looked at her without meeting her eyes. It was about Michael. All of it, then, was about Michael. Your brother, his lip curled slightly as he spoke, turning away, told you the truth. I tried to trade you for him.

He heard her indrawn breath but didn't look down at her. AJ had no illusions about his own cowardice. He looked her in the eyes, even once, and he knew what would start coming out of his mouth. You were a game piece, Courtney. A bargaining chip in this game my ex-wife and I can't seem to stop playing. They took away my son; I took away his sister. It was such a simple equation. Such a simple He trailed off and the ghost of something that had once been a smile crossed his lips. And all I had to do to get what I wanted was, a small hand gesture punctuated his words, flip it over. Balance the equation. It was all so, so simple.

In the pause, Courtney spoke, her face still shadowed. The word hung in the air pregnant and full. If it was so simple, AJ, what is it now?

he rasped, his hand reaching out blindly to twine with hers. Courtney, you are everything I never thought I wanted. But, when I look at you, when you look at me, I want to be the man you see when you see me. I see myself reflected in your eyes and for the first time in my life, it's not a reflection that makes me want to break a mirror. AJ gathered something more than courage and slipped his free hand underneath her chin, tilting it up to look at him. He met her eyes, handed himself to her with one glance, one unspoken promise. I have never wanted anything more than I want to be the man you think I am. And, the only way I know to do that is by your side, with all my cards on the table. So, he shrugged, slightly, there it is. My last ace. No more hidden cards up my sleeve.

Courtney rose, propping her chin up on one elbow. She searched her husband's face for long moments, moments in which he was sure it was over; he'd lost her forever. Finally, she spoke, slowly and carefully, blue eyes locked on dark ones. Did you really think I didn't know why you married me? Incredibly, her voice held no rancor, nothing but amusement and affection. She loosed her hand from his and reached up to stroke his cheek lightly with her fingertips. I'm not sure whether to be offended or flattered.

AJ heard what she was saying, and he knew she was speaking English but the words – he wasn't sure he could make them make sense. How did you-- What did you-- He broke off, realizing he was babbling and settle on a single word that encapsulated what he was feeling.

She laughed, lightly, and for a moment, he had the illusion that all the shadows in the room were swept away, and there was only light. Courtney's questing fingers found his lips and traced their shape, you know who my parents are. You know how I grew up. Honey, I learned to spot a con when I was eight. I know why you married me. I always did.

AJ felt as though someone had punched him the solar plexus. Odd thing, though, was that he wasn't sure whether or not it was a bad thing. Then why? he asked, not sure he wanted to hear her answer. Not that he was sure he'd know how to comprehend it; he wasn't even sure he knew who this changeling woman lying beside him was. Courtney, why the hell did you marry me?

Her smile widened; her hand never left his face. Because I'm my father's daughter at heart. You were the biggest gamble I knew. But, AJ, the stakes – the stakes if I won were the highest. And, I did win, didn't I? Courtney leaned in, brushing her lips across his gently. I bet on you. You talk about this man you think I saw like he was some figment I made up. AJ, her fingers stilled, cupping his cheek in her palm, I saw you. Not something I wanted to make you into, but something you already were. Are, she amended, blinking hard to clear her eyes. I saw this man who's been told so many times he can't succeed but kept on trying anyway. Who'd screwed up second and third and fourth chances but still believed that he'd get it right, someday. I saw a brave, strong, good man who just needed, desperately, for someone to see that he was all of those things. And, I fell in love with the man I saw.

Courtney ran her thumbs under her husband's eyes, wiping away dampness gently. You know what? Ignore everything I just said, she said, with a small laugh. I married you because I fell in love with you. With you, Alan James Quartermaine. And, I guess, in a way, love's the biggest gamble of them all. But, my mother taught me a long time ago to spot a sure thing. She met his gaze, clear-eyed and full of love. I knew that you were.

This time, it was his turn to be still. He wasn't sure what to do with this kind of revelation, this kind of faith. Wasn't sure he was made to hold it. For a long moment, there was no sound in the room but their breathing. Suddenly, AJ reached out, crushing her against him, and buried his head in her hair. It was a long time before Courtney realized he was laughing. He pulled back, just enough to look at her, and smoothed a stray strand of her hair off her face. I think we just won the whole damn game, he said, finally, before kissing her long and hard and in a way that spoke of forever.

Courtney smiled, then, and joined in his laughter, sinking back into the pillows and drawing him down with her. I never doubted we would for a second, AJ, she said, in between kisses. Never doubted it for a second.