.Laurel thought about what Cole had said to her weeks ago, it didn't make sense then. "The one inside, it says not to worry. It knows it will be born. It doesn't like it when you worry, it makes the sounds too loud." It had scared the shit out of her at the time. Most of the time he seemed to just talk gibberish, but this particular time had bothered her and she wasn't sure why. Was he saying she was or would be possessed? She wasn't even a mage, she didn't think she was vulnerable to demons. Maybe he was trying to tell her he was turning into a demon, but they had made him more human. That was supposed to protect him. She decided to just keep a closer eye on him for the time being and hope that he was just being his usual creepy self.
Two weeks had passed since the breech had finally closed. Coryphy-shit, as Sera liked to call him, had been defeated. This time it felt like it was for good. Laurel's wounds were almost healed and she was gaining her strength back. Dorian and Viv had healed her as much as they could after the battle, but there was only so much magic could do. Her body needed time. She didn't like sitting idle though, it felt like there was still so much to do for the inquisition. Not doing anything just gave her a chance to sit and think and dwell. After being so busy for so long and never stopping to even breathe, having nothing to do felt foreign. It was a bit depressing.
Sometimes her advisers and companions tried to provide some distraction. Josie came to gossip and tell her what was happening at court. Varric came sometimes to tell her all about the book he was writing about the inquisition, letting her contribute ideas over games of wicked grace. Dorian came to check on her, making sure she was alright then switched quickly to the favorite subject of himself. Cole just came and sat, sad that he couldn't take away the pain or make her forget. She convinced Cassandra to read her romance novels out loud. She laughed thinking about how she would one day tell the story of when the future Divine used to read dirty novels to her in her chambers. And Cullen! Cullen was the worst! He was too afraid to touch her. He'd bring his chess board and laugh when she knocked it to the floor in frustration.
Two weeks was as long as she could stand to remain in resting. Without a word to anyone, lest they deny her permission, she emerged from her quarters. She sat at the breakfast table as if it were no other day and watched as nearly everyone scowled at her disapprovingly.
Varric was the first to see her. "Well look what the mubari drug in, if it isn't her Inquisitorialness herself."
"What do you think you are doing?" Cassandra demanded.
"Eating breakfast," she shrugged her shoulders, nonchalantly taking a bite of her porridge.
"You know what I meant." Cassandra frowned.
"I don't know Seeker, she looks strong enough to rip the ears off a genlock to me," Varric gibed.
Bull sat down grabbing a bowl, shaking the entire table with the weight of his elbows when they hit the table. It took him a second to notice Laurel at the table, but a smile hit his face when he saw her. "Boss! Damn! Glad to see you awake from the dead."
"At least someone is happy to see me," Laurel said eyeing Cassandra.
Cullen spotted her from across the room. He approached the table giving her a dour look and stood with his arms crossed glaring at her. "Laurel, you know what I want to say but I know this isn't an argument I'm likely to win. So I won't even try," he said sternly.
Laurel looked up at him while she chewed, staring him in the eyes with a glowering look. "Just sit down will you."
He sighed and took the seat beside her, pecking her on the cheek on the way down. "Well, I suppose I'm glad you're feeling well enough to venture out."
"I was ready a week ago, but all of you saw fit to keep me imprisoned in that damned bed," she chuckled.
Cass and Cullen gave each other a knowing look of disapproval, shaking their heads.
Dorian snuck behind her and patted her on the head before taking his seat. "Ah, finally joining the land of the living again. What will people say?"
"Well, I hope 'hello' for starters," she answered.
Josephine walked up with her clipboard in hand, alarmed when she saw Laurel. She was panicked. "Inquisitor? What are you doing here? You should have told me you would be joining us, you should have been properly announced, just give me a moment, we can..."
Cullen interrupted. "Lady Ambassador, can we just enjoy a breakfast without all the fuss for once?" he grumbled. "Besides, I'm sure our dear inquisitor is going right back to her quarters when breakfast is over."
"That sounded like an order, and not one I shall be inclined to take," Laurel retorted.
Iron Bull laughed devilishly. "Think about it boss, now that you're on the mend, your quarters are exactly where he wants you to be," he said raising his eyebrows suggestively.
"Ugh!" Cassandra said making a disgusted noise.
Cullen sighed heavily looking down at his porridge. "Maker's breath!"
"Aw, look at Curly blush," Varric teased.
"I thought I might find you here," Laurel called out. Cullen stood at the waterfront, leaning on the post of the dock, listening to the sounds of the water. He was back at the small dock he had brought her to many months ago. He turned his head at the sound of her voice, letting out a small laugh. He reached an arm out for her shooting her a smile. She slid into his side, letting him wrap an arm around her, resting her forehead into the crook of his neck.
"I'm just glad to finally have a moment to breathe," he sighed, running his fingers gently up and down her arm.
"So am I," she smiled.
Inquisition business had brought them to Hinterlands. Cullen was personally inspecting their holdings in Fereldan, determining how they would distribute their troops now that the main threat had dissipated. This was the first stop of the campaign. She had convinced her advisers to finally let her resume at least some duties and travel with Cullen to one of the closer locations. She felt fully healed. Maybe not totally herself, but she knew it would be some time before she would be. She felt well enough to tag along on this trip and make an appearance. Thedas would at the very least finally have proof she survived the attack on Skyhold and the rumors of her death would be expelled, even if she wasn't really doing anything useful. She also had her own business in Redcliff, someone she had promised to visit again soon. She promised Cullen she would stay out of trouble while they were there, not try any heroics. She had been dealt some serious damage during the struggle with Corypheus, he was understandably worried that she wasn't ready for anything too strenuous.
Cullen leaned back against the post wrapping both his arms around her waist, bringing her to face him. Laurel reached up and locked her hands behind his neck looking up at him. "Are you glad to be back here? Do you miss it?"
"Other than this place, I can't think of anything that would bring me back. You're at Skyhold, my siblings are to the West in South Reach. This place is special to me, but it's no longer my home."
"I feel the same way about Ostwick. I had some good memories as a child, but... it feels like there is more there that I wish to forget. I think the last time I left I knew I wouldn't be back, and I wasn't really sorry for it. It hasn't been my home for a long time."
Cullen brought his hand up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ears and gently rubbed his thumb on her cheek as his looked at her face. "We'll make new memories somewhere else."
Laurel let out a small laughed as she looked down towards chest, blushing a bit. He brought her closer wrapping his arms around her back and kissed her on the forehead. He continued gently rubbing his lips across her forehead and his hand ran up and down her back as he looked over her peering at the water. For a few moments they stood there together in comfortable silence. Just weeks ago she had returned to him, the threat of losing her now over. He swallowed, pushing away the pain of the thought of what could have been. He was grateful to have her here with him now. He closed his eyes and silently thanked the Maker that she had returned to him. Thankful that they could have this very moment to stand at the water's edge holding each other.
Laurel made a small gasping sound, like she had started to say something and then changed her mind. He released his embrace and touched a finger under her jaw bringing their eyes to meet. She looked troubled suddenly, he could tell something was on her mind. "Was there something you wished to discuss?"
She let go of him and walked to the other side of the dock. She gently touched the top of the opposite post, running her fingers over its rough rings, thinking of what to say. She turned toward him, crossing her arms low with her hands griping her elbows. "I just have a question I suppose." He walked over to her grabbing her forearms and pulling her close again, though she backed away slightly, crossing her arms looking up at him again. She hadn't planned to talk to him about serious matters, but today seemed as good a day as any and she had been hiding something from him for far too long. It wasn't fair to let another day pass without him knowing. And this place, his special place, this was a good spot to help soften the blow. "Now that it's is all over and the world isn't coming to an end, now that things are winding down... does what you said that night in your office, about not wanting to move on...does it still hold true? Do you still feel the same way now that it really is over?" She looked downward. "I won't hold you to it, I know people can say things in the..." He put his finger on her mouth to shush her.
He let out a small chuckle and met her lips for a gentle kiss. "Laurel, I love you," he said laughing. "Listen. I know that I haven't asked you THE question, but I promise you it hasn't NOT been on my mind. I just thought you would want to wait until things had settled down. And I still have to work up the nerve."
She laughed. "What you're afraid I'd say no?"
"I think every man who has ever asked that question has been afraid the answer would be no," he confessed.
Well, it's not about that," she said looking down at her feet again. Her brow furrowed slightly and she bit her lip. "I mean not exactly. I...I just wanted to make sure."
"Make sure of what?" he questioned.
She paced away, back to the dock post, poking the wood again. "Never mind, just forget I said anything." She was losing her nerve.
He grabbed her arm and turned her to face him again. He spoke gently. "I will have it out of you yet. Tell me what's troubling you?"
"I…I've been keeping something from you. Something I should have told you weeks ago." He folded his arms, listening with his gaze fixed upon her, waiting for her to continue. "There's something...well...I...I kept from you, and I had cause. For one I was scared, I am still. And I was afraid it would effect the Inquisition. It might still. And I...I didn't want to cause anyone any more pain if something happened. When I found you in the Chantry, you talked about how you were afraid. I...well I felt like I needed to protect you from the truth if I could. In case I wasn't able to come back to you. And I had to make sure that everything would...be alright."
She looked up to gauge his reaction. His brow was furrowed and his looked a bit abashed. Cullen parted his lips for a moment to speak but thought better of it and remained muted, just listening, but extremely confused. Laurel dropped her eyes, searching inside herself for the words and the courage to say them. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to force her lips to move, to just say it. "W...What I...I'm sorry, this isn't easy," her words were muffled by her hands covering her face to hide her embarrassment.
Cullen grabbed her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face. "Laurel, what are you on about? What could be this bad?"
"I'm..." She took a deep breath, her chest was rising up and down rapidly, she was afraid of what would happen next, once the words were out in the world. It would seem more real when they were finally uttered aloud. "I'm p...," she stuttered. Come on Laurel, she thought. She had to get on with it, she just needed to blurt it out and be done. Tears were starting to form in her eyes. At this moment she had never been so scared in her life. And over one word, and it was the only word that needed to be said, she felt pathetic. The tears were falling on her face now and she was close to hyperventilating. "Maker's breath, I... I'm pregnant!" she blurted.
Cullen still held her wrists, wide eyed and blinking, his mouth gaping open. He loosen his grip and back away. He moved his hands to his hips and began pacing back and forth. He looked around in bewilderment, making sure he wasn't dreaming. He swallowed hard. "Did you just say...that you were...pregnant?"
Laurel cupped her hand over her mouth to stifle a sob and nodded. "I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner, I'm so sorry I let it happen, I'm sorry that..."
He held a hand up to stop her, his face despondent. She could see he was trying to hold back his temper. He just stood with his arms at his hips, looking down at the ground. "How long have you known?" He demanded.
"At least a month," she quietly breathed.
"A month?" he snarled. He was stunned. His voice became enraged and accusing. "A month ago we had not yet defeated Corypheus! A month ago you were knowingly putting yourself in harms way, day after day! A month ago, Laurel? You did all this knowing you were pregnant?" He walked towards her now, sneering, gritting his teeth, and his hands clenched at his sides. She hadn't seen him like this since the time she had talked him down from taking lyrium again. "I could have lost both of you!" He backed away rubbing a hand on the back of his neck as he turned away, shaking his head.
"What choice did I have? You know as well as I do that it couldn't have been any other way," she exclaimed.
He breathed in, still rubbing his hand on his neck. He closed his eyes calming himself. He was gentle once again. "You...you're right. Forgive me, this is just...a shock. But I should have known, I had the right to know. I could have..."
"Could have what? Gone and done something stupid and reckless. The burden of our success rested upon my shoulders, no one else could have done it for me. Can you honestly tell me that it would have been better, that things would not have gone differently if anyone had known. We would just have more corpses to burn because everyone would have thought I needed protecting. I didn't. I did what I had to do. And now I'm here. We are both still here." She wiped tears from her face with her sleeve.
"But I'm not just anyone, Laurel. I thought that I had proven to you that I could separate my feelings from my work. I watched you go off into danger a hundred times and I never once tried to stop you. You know the inquisition is important to me. I didn't want to send you to face that monster, but I did. Not matter how much it hurt, I let you go."
"Would you still have been able to if I had told you?" she questioned.
He shook his head. "You're right. But I wasn't even given a choice," he retorted.
They both stood quiet for a few moments, both trying to catch their breath. They didn't argue very often, but when they did it always got heated. Laurel broke the silence. "For what it's worth, no damage was done. I came here to see a healer, one trained in midwifery. I had helped her the last time I was in Redcliff and she wanted to repay me a favor. She's been keeping this secret for me and monitoring me. She could feel I had grown today, and she could hear the heart. Do you even care about all that?"
He brought his hand to his head, massaging his temples for a moment. He could feel another headache coming on from letting himself get so upset. "Laurel, of course I care. I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't care. I...I'm sorry I raised my voice. I'm happy, I am, I think I just need a moment."
"I'll leave you alone to your thoughts then. You can find me back at camp," she said bitterly, sulking away.
Laurel had made her way back to camp, immediately withdrawing to a tent where no one would see her cry. Cullen was as angry as she had expected him to be, but that didn't make it hurt any less. An hour of bawling and she had exhausted herself, falling asleep in her cot, fully dressed.
Several hours later, she awoke to the dark. And warm hand was gently stroking her cheek and a voice whispered her name in in the blackness. She startled at the sound of her name and sat up on the edge of the cot gaining her bearings.
"Forgive me," Cullen quietly begged in the darkness. She reached out feeling for his face, finding it and pulling him by the neck to touch her lips to his. They pressed their lips together in forgiveness. Holding each other, Cullen pressed his forehead to hers with his head down, sniffling. She felt a tear fall on her cheek, but it was not her own. She reached up to wipe the streak from Cullen's cheek with her thumb. "Laurel... we're having a baby," he softly marveled. She could feel the corners of his mouth lift in a grin under her hand that cupped his cheek. "I'm going to be a father."
She laughed nervously, biting her lip and smiling. "I know. I'm the one who told you, remember."
He chuckled and kissed her again. "I never thought I would have this," he sighed.
"For a long time, neither did I," she whispered.
Laurel settled herself back down onto the cot, pulling Cullen to recline beside her. They laid facing one another with their legs intertwined, trying to fit two bodies onto one small cot. Cullen wrapped his arms around her, holding her and running his fingers through her hair as she nuzzled into his neck. "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you."
"Don't say such things," she pleaded. "I love you, you know."
"I love you, too. It's just, I was an ass. I didn't even ask you any questions, or find out if you were alright. I just got angry with you," he said shamefully.
"Well I'm right here. Ask me now," she offered.
"Okay. How are you feeling? How far along are you? And how do you feel about all this?"
"Well, today I feel fine, but trust me when I say I have had some very awful mornings. And I've lost my lunch a few times. But supper, I'm alwaysgood for supper," she laughed. "And, well? I don't know for sure, but I think I'm a little more than 2 months, maybe a week or two more. Still early enough to hide it, but probably not for long. And how I feel about it. I was upset and absolutely terrified at first, but now I'm happy if you're happy."
"Laurel, of course I'm happy," he answered. "I couldn't be happier, it just came as a shock. I thought we were being more careful than that. This was not a part of the plan."
"It certainly was not. I suppose we miscalculated somewhere. Although, you know there were a few times we got a bit carried away," she said wryly.
Cullen let out a low chuckle. "Perhaps more than a few times."
"If it's all the same to you, I don't think I'm ready to tell anyone else yet. I want the Inquisition to remain un-impacted for as long as possible."
"I have to agree, we'll need some time to figure things out together. And I still like the idea of keeping our private affairs private."
"As do I. I'm not ready for the scandal it would cause, the looks I will get. I can't even imagine what my parents will say, they will erase me from the family tree for sure. I can see them in the historian's office right now: 'She refused to join the Chantry, she got herself booted from the military, then to top it off she's an unwed mother, and let's not forget about the incident at the Opera house. She has to go!'"
Cullen laughed. "Well, I wouldn't worry about the unwed mother part. I've been carrying around a ring in my pocket for weeks. I was being truthful about working up the nerve, but now I suppose you can't say no."
"Cullen!" she giggled in shock as she slapped him on the arm playfully.
"It's true, so just act surprised when I give it to you," he jested.
She kissed him. "I swear I will act completely taken by surprise," she said with a yawn.
"Good," he said sleepily. "We have an early day tomorrow, so let's just get...," he was interrupted by a small snore. He let a small short laugh through his nose. "Some sleep."