A/N: PLEASE READ!!!! Now, peoples, this is SUPPOSED to be terrible. I put absolutely NO effort into this. Because I felt like it.

I'm sorry you have to deal with my randomness, but I just felt that the DN fandom needed MORE MORE CRACK :D

SOOOO...here's you's go's.

BILLIARD.

One day Light was eating chicken and rice.

Then suddenly L ran in and exclaimed, "I've caught Kira!"

Light choked on his ham and pineapple. "You what?"

"I caught him!" L declared. He held up an empty box of batteries. "Here he is!"

Light rolled his eyes. "L, please leave me alone. I just want to eat my pasta."

"You can eat your stew later, Light," said L. "But now we must celebrate!" He did the Macarena.

"L, you are retarded," said Light, facepalming.

"I are not!" said L defensively.

"And how did you conclude that this box of batteries is Kira?" Light asked.

"It told me," said L.

All was quiet.

Then Misa walked in and screamed "KEEP IT DOWN I'M TRYING TO SLEEP. MY GOD."

She was wearing a pair of pyjamas with snails on them. Light and L looked at her and said in unison "Your pyjamas are grammatically incorrect."

Misa blinked. "Are they?" She tried to read the writing on her shirt upside down. "Oh yes. Look. They're missing the apostrophe in "Snail's"."

"That's just shameful," said Light, crossing his arms and tutting.

"ANYWAY!" L interrupted. He held the box of batteries aloft. "WE MUST IMPRISON THIS EVIL BOX BEFORE IT KILLS ANYONE ELSE."

Light facepalmed again as Misa gasped.

"OMG RYUUZAKI, that's like so totally Kira!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!" said L, grinning like a deranged chimpanzee.

Then Matsuda walked in with Near on his back. Matsuda was dressed like a punk and Near had bright orange hair.

"Hey, guyyyyyz," said Near, yawing. "I like so totally need a sleep, amrite?"

Misa gaped at this new boy and fell in love with him. "I must have you," she declared, and she prised Near off of Matsuda's back and cuddled him.

"Hell yeah," said Near, grinning.

L walked up to Matsuda and gave him respect. "S'up," he said.

"You're too gangster for me, mate," said Matsuda with a British accent.

"I'm not your mate, fag," L growled.

Light looked at his plate of wurst and potatoes, and was disappointed to see that it had gone cold.

"I only wanted to eat my ramen," he wept, falling to the ground.

"Oh, don't worry, Light," said Matsuda. "I'll cook you some more jerk pork."

"It's not the same," said Light, flailing. "My mother made this roast dinner. I wanted to eat it so badly."

"We could just heat your fish and chips up in the microwave," Near suggested, whilst Misa fangirled over him.

"That's a great idea!" said Light, brightening up considerably. "After all, I do love pizza very much."

Matsuda and Light did a dance whilst the baguette heated up in the microwave. L observed his box of batteries, poking it with a pencil and interrogating it. Misa and Near smiled as the unicorn took them to a magic land.

And all the while, Soichiro Yagami smiled down at the people in the room from his house in the light bulb, then turned back to Albus Dumbledore, and the two departed for the afterlife together, happy.

Until Misa's hair caught on fire.

But, honestly, who cares about that?

A/N: Hello, Mattie here. I'm terribly sorry but the author has died. Meaning I killed her. Because no one deserved this fanfiction. I'm sorry if your eyes burned or something.

Now, where to hide the body...?

LUFF YOU ADRIA :DDDD Keysmash in reviews, plz.