Stay
(Lyrics by Lisa Loeb)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters belong to the all-talented J.K Rowling and the lyrics to this song belong to Lisa Loeb. Don't sue me please.
The sun was setting over the green hills, the sky darkening to navy as the stars spread across the velvet sky. A small black car drove hastily down the country road, aimlessly heading right towards the beckoning horizon. Over the open window of the driver's side, a slim elbow hung. Following the elbow was a shoulder, free of the curly brown hair that would have normally hung on it, due to the wind. The girl driving the car did not seem to be in such a happy mood as the ginger cat that was curled in the passenger seat next to her. Tears streaked the girl's cheeks, and a puzzled expression played in her brown eyes.
" I'm going! I'm not coming back! Its your problem now, Ron!"
It rang in her ears, those words she'd said not long before. And the slam of the mahogany door that followed them. Before she even had to see it she could imagine the defeated form of the man who loved her, slumped in his chair, head in his hands as his red hair fell over his eyes. He who had said she didn't listen to what he was saying all the time. He who had said she would rattle on and not focus on what was important.
You say I only hear what I want to.
You say I talk so all the time so.
Hermione had thought that there was nothing more pure than what they'd had together. Even when they fought, it had seemed like harmony to her. But she hadn't listened. She'd ignored what she thought wasn't important. She loved him, but was constantly set back by everyday hindrances. She didn't see it herself, but she was neglecting him, not making time for him, and now when he had brought it up, she'd blown up at him. But there was something now that she hadn't expected as she'd stormed out.
" I shouldn't be here," she thought, " I shouldn't have left."
And I thought what I felt was simple,
and I thought that I don't belong,
and now that I am leaving,
now I know that I did something wrong
'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I missed you.
And the car pulled over, the wheels crunching on the sticks that lay among the grass of the hill. Hermione sat there with Crookshanks in her lap, not aware that the tears continued to fall.
" Why aren't you picking this up, Herm? This is the 3rd dinner you've declined coming to with me. What's going on with you?"
the words floated back into her head. They stung her, but it was a cruel reality. She knew now that she was neglecting him. It was her fault he'd been angry, but it was her fault she'd left.
" you're too busy for your own good! You don't even notice what's going on outside of work. you're not seeing the world around you! Look up, Herm. Wake up."
Just as before, the words wafted into her head, pricking her like needles. She knew he was right, but she'd bee to proud to admit it.
And you say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard,
I don't pay attention
to the distance that you're running
or to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.
Amidst her tears of self-frustration and anger, Hermione reached forward and turned the dial, switching on the radio of the car. Searching for comfort that would not come, she stroked Crookshanks and tried to soothe herself with the music as it gained in volume.0
So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
the lover's in love, and the other's run away,
the lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.
"The funny thing is," she thought, " I thought I was doing the damage to him by leaving… but it turns out I was just hurting myself…"
In frustration, she flipped off the radio, and let the anger course through her as she pinched her eyelids together and hit herself on the head.
" what am I going to do with myself? With these thoughts? Without him…"
Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
dying since the day they were born.
Well, this is not that:
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.
And I thought I'd live forever,
but now I'm not so sure.
Hermione remembered how sweet he was, how gentle, how he'd do anything for her. How could she have left him crumpled in the wake of her busy schedule?
" And everyone said I was smart!" She gave a wry snort of laughter. " If I'd been smart none of this mess would have happened."
You try to tell me that I'm clever,
but that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you.
As she looked into the sky she say the ancient constellations. Those Romans and their proud gods. Where was Venus now?
"Foolish Venus, to be involved with these romantic shenanigans," she thought, through the sardonic shake of her head, " Would Minerva have bothered with this? I think she would be too wise."
" Ron knew," said a voice in her head, " he knew you'd come back. You were so headstrong. Had to just storm out of there, huh? Hadn't any doubts, did you? Well look at you now…"
You said that I was naive,
and I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
But now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you.
She remembered the very first fight she'd had with Ron while they were going out. They were still at Hogwarts then, the December of their 6th year. She'd seen Lavender Brown kiss him in the hallway, but didn't wait for his side of the story. She'd slapped him and locked herself in her dorm. After 18 hours of isolation in the circular dormitory, Hermione had heard a tapping sound at her window. She'd looked out and, to her complete surprise, she had seen Ron, on Harry's broomstick, hovering outside her windowsill in the icy air. Despite her anger, she'd not had the nerve to let him freeze, so she'd opened the window. To her astonishment, he had not come in. He simply pointed down. Her eyes had followed the direction of his finger, and there, atop the blanket of pure white snow, was a thousand red roses, planted to form the words "I'm Sorry". She'd cried and let him in, and as he explained the story of how Lavender had kissed him, he'd also said, " Hermione, if I didn't love you why would I even try? I chose you, and I was ecstatic to be chosen back. I won't let you go till I need to. One day I will, but hopefully not soon."
Tears came at the memory.
" I fought. I wouldn't let you stop me, Ron," she thought sadly, " I made you let me go."
You said, I caught you 'cause I want you
and one day I'll let you go.
You try to give away a keeper,
or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose.
And you say, "Stay."
Hermione leaned over the wheel, her head hidden in her crossed arms. She'd thought she'd heard a small popping noise, but was to troubled to look up. After a few minutes she took a deep breath and sat back, her eyes closed as she focused on what she wanted to do.
" I need to go back. I need to explain I was wrong. I shouldn't have left at all. It was stupid. Stupid stupid stupid," she said aloud to herself.
Then, suddenly, she felt something warm on her hand.
" Not now Crookshanks," she murmured, " I'm thinking."
Then she felt something slip around her shoulder. Her eyes snapped open in surprise and she turned to look at who, or what it was. She looked straight into a long, freckled face with deep, concerned eyes, though she could see the smile in them, and the smile that played on the mouth.
She drew in a breath with shock.
" Ron! How- how did you know…how did you find me? I- well…I didn't really-
"sshhhh," he said, gently placing a finger to her lips, " it's all right."
" I promised I'd let you when you needed to. It's not time yet."