Her legs curled underneath her, and she stared forward, eyes steeled for the fact that she wasn't supposed to be this way.
Her golden brown eyes fluttered towards Ladybug who was talking with Carapace over something and laughing; it felt like a bitter thing to realize that she felt completely unworth this and that she knew the difference between wrong and right, but it didn't stop her.
"So..." Like her, Cat Noir didn't know seem to know what to say; Rena Rouge twitched, pressing closer, watching her tail flutter in the vaguest illusion of wings.
"Cat Noir, do you know why hearts sing and break?" It wasn't what she wanted to say at all, but the words fell out like jagged, little jig saw puzzles out of her control.
"No?" He sat down beside her, and his tail against either of their wills curled around hers; it released a strange crawling sensation in her veins that trailed and trailed upward, tracing invisible lines beneath her skin.
"It's when you know that you want something that will only be temporary, you let yourself fall. You have to pick up the pieces when you fall too hard, you know?" Rena Rouge stretched out, and she hated the way that she'd taken to analyzing them; she was so much closer to those that she'd always looked up to and one more. She'd came to know them too well and let the pieces slide where they may, picking apart at useless strings to uncover identities that would have Ladybug very much done with her.
"Have you ever felt like that?" Beside each other, the walls always came crumbling down; may be it resonated that neither of them liked keeping these secrets from the other or may be they were lost in whatever current stole their hearts.
"All the time." Rena Rouge sighed, remembering when she'd found out Cat Noir's identity; he'd been the last one that she'd pondered over.
Carapace was easy after all since she knew his civilian identity as well as she knew herself, and Ladybug had revealed herself to her when she gave Rena Rouge her Miraculous.
Cat Noir was tricky; she felt out of the loop with his civilian identity, talked to him, but wasn't close.
Ladybug was the only one who knew who she was that she was aware of and yet Rena Rouge knew them all with startling ease but pretended she didn't.
"Did you fall for someone that you couldn't have?" On some days, Rena felt that with masks on, Cat Noir knew her too well.
"It's like this." She twitched around to look at him better, "As a civilian, I love someone that I've known for ages, and as a civilian, my best friend loves someone else that she can barely talk around. As a superhero, I love the person that she loves while she just chills with my boyfriend. I know better, because of course I do, and some days, I feel as warped and twisted as Hawkmoth surely must feel." She shrugged, watching his cat like eyes narrow in on her.
"You know us all outside of the suits?" Cat Noir seemed more shocked than anything.
"Yeah, I do." She stared out at Ladybug, "When I got my Miraculous, Ladybug as a civilian showed me the ropes, and revealed herself to me."
Cat Noir scooted closer, "What's she like?"
'Why does it matter so much?'
"She's passionate, but sometimes she's like a squeaky mouse with nerves. She's gentle and loving. She'd do anything for anyone." Rena Rouge smiled, hoping that she hadn't said too much, because then Ladybug would surely kill her.