Somewhere Out There
1 By: BitterLeaves
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee, the Doughboys, and Nailbunny are all owned by Jhonen V. I don't. Get it straight.
"People suck." thought Johnny as he warily surveyed the bent over, bloody remains of the 7/24 clerk who slumped over the counter. Slipping the knife back into his pocket, he made his way around to the cash register, pushing the dead body aside as he punched in the code to open the cash register. 7/24 had went through a multitude of clerks in the last three months, for a number of violent reasons, most of the reasons being Johnny's insane anger. Others were killed by robbers, but the blonde teenager working the desk had specially upped the price for a Cherry Brainfreezy for Johnny. Being a Brainfreezy addict had made Johnny the world class expert on how much the beverage should cost. Angered instantly by this display of Brainfreezy discrimation,
Johnny had pulled out a gun and promptly blew the clerk's platinum head to dust. He hated using guns. The world would be a lot nicer if people used guns on themselves.
The cash register popped open with a satisfying CHA CHING, and Johnny smiled sardonically. "Sounds just like it does in the cartoons." He thought idly to himself as he dug a claw like hand into his pocket. Now, one would think that a guy who just murdered a clerk would steal all the money there was in the cash register, but instead Johnny dug out the dollar and inserted it into the correct drawer, then closed the cash register. Money meant nothing to Johnny as long as he had some to eat. Grabbing his Brainfreezy, he stepped casually over the dead body and started to walk towards the double glass doors that led outside to the night.
As he put his hand on the knob to exit, he caught the reflection of the Brainfreezy machine rumbling happily away in the corner. Johnny thought for a minute.
"I'm sure no one would tell if I just.."
He cast a sly look at the dead body bleeding on the dirty tile and stole silently across the store to grab another Brainfreezy. He slid the extra Brainfreezy stealthily under his coat, then tiptoed back across the floor.
"May God bless you." He said sarcastically to the dead clerk in a mock salute, then hurried out of the 7/24.
As he walked along the sidewalk, slurping on his BrainFreezy, Johnny tried as hard as he could to ignore the pathetic life forms around him who moved past him, as if he weren't there at all, laughing and talking about some party. He didn't care. As long as they let him be, there wouldn't have to be any bloodshed. Whistling ODE TO JOY, he spotted Café Le Prick coming up and evilly snickered when he recalled the bomb incident there months ago. His grin disappeared as quickly as it had come when he spotted Devi sneaking past the trees on the other side of the street. His cold heart lifted a bit and he instantly opened his mouth to call out to her, but stopped himself just in time. Since he had almost cut Devi into fishsticks, it wasn't such a wise idea to call out to her. Johnny wanted to, but he knew, "I'm sorry for trying to murder you" would never work, no matter how sensitively he wanted to put it. So he stopped for a minute and kept his eyes on the tall, dark moving figure. He sighed wistfully. The only person he had felt a true connection with wouldn't come within a yard of him because he was so irreversibly fucked up. The neutral mood he had been in for most of the evening dissolved and he started to feel an overwhelming anger.
Fuck you. Fuck you for not letting me have a chance at a normal life.
He didn't know who he was yelling at in his mind, God or the Devil, it really didn't matter. They both didn't do a flip for him, but they were the reason he was like this.
You did it on purpose. The only fucking company I'm supposed to have is the damn Doughboys and they're a real joy to be around. Fuck you for making Devi scared of me to the point of no return.
The next person who crossed him was asking for a ticket straight to the torturous hollows of his basement, he vowed. Being lost in his anger, Johnny had lost track of Devi, and she had disappeared into the shadows. Who knew when he would see her again? He knew not to follow her. She probably carried a revolver when she went out, reserved specially for a possible encounter with Johnny.
So he continued on his way, ODE TO JOY forgotten, his head down as he took a gulp of his Brainfreezy, ignoring the pain that worked up to his brain. Life sucked again. People could kiss his ass. He could hear the voices of many assholes stringing together as he skulked past Café Le Prick. Mercifully for anyone and his headache, no one yelled insults at him. A few blocks down from the Café, he heard a bunch of screaming. It wasn't the screaming of hopeless intoxicated people. It was a scream he knew well. Of fear, of terror. His ears perked up and he dared himself to look up.
There was a knot of people in front of him so he couldn't see what was going on, but Johnny could hear the screaming coming closer in his direction. He tried to stand on his tiptoes to see what the action was. Suddenly the knot of people separated as a small figure pushed through them- smack dab right into Johnny's chest. It was a girl.
Johnny jumped back in surprise and quickly remembered his vow to disembowel anyone who pissed him off. His hand instinctively darted into his pocket to grab his knife, but there was no need for it. The girl's eyes fluttered shut and she fainted right in front of him.
Damn, Nny, are you that damn ugly?
Shut the fuck up.
Johnny's eyes widened in bewilderment as he stared down at the still figure lying on the dirty ground. Normally he'd have to stab them before they fell, but things were in the wrong order. His hand lessened his hold on the knife. What to do?
He noticed almost instantly that the girl had a bloodstained knife in her own hand, a wicked looking glass one, the blood shining lewdly on it. She appeared to be around his age, maybe a little younger, but it was hard to tell, since she was very tiny. She had black hair and pale skin, and like Johnny and other misfits of the world, she wore all black.
As he studied the limp figure, he felt something inside of him tug.
Pick her up.
What?
Pick her up, dammit.
I don't even know the girl! Sides, she ran into me, and you know what happens when people do that shit!
I don't care. Pick. Her. Up.
Why?
You'll find out later. If you don't, you'll regret it.
What the hell are you talking about?
But the answer never came and Johnny faintly heard the sounds of cop sirens in the distance. As he stared down at the beautiful girl, a somewhat familiar feeling dawned inside of him. It was the feeling he had only felt with Devi before he had tried to kill her. That funny, twitchy feeling that he didn't mind but didn't trust.
He heard human voices and knew that there was a crowd assembling around the two of them.
As if a decision was made, his head snapped up and he drew his own knife out of his pocket and held it up, snarling.
"Get away from here!" Johnny yelled at the people surrounding them, brandishing his knife warningly. The crowd gasped and drew back. Johnny took a step forward. "Get the fuck out of here!" He yelled again, and like chickens, they scattered out of sight. By now the red and blue lights of an approaching cop car reflected off a building and Johnny acted without thinking. He bent down and scooped the girl up in his arms, then ran.
He didn't know what possessed him to do it-himself, the voice, or just fate, if you could call it that. Johnny would never know how it possessed him even later. All he knew was the surprising lightness that he held tightly in his arms, and the bewilderment that followed him all the way home. As Johnny opened the door to his house, the familiar smell of blood greeted his nose and he ignored it. The girl's head lolled back and not knowing what else to do with her, he lay her carefully on his couch. For a minute he just stared at her. Normally he'd slash her guts out for running into him, but he knew she hadn't done it on purpose. Normally it wouldn't matter if she had done it on her own accord or not.
But he felt an attachment to her. Even without speaking to her, Johnny could tell that she was like him. Her clothes spoke it. The frightened way she had stared up into his eyes before she had fainted had spoken it. She had looked scared, but angry. It reminded him of himself whenever he dared look into a mirror.
Since Johnny had always been the one diminishing lives, he knew very little about saving one. He knew he had to. He tried to recall how to revive a fainted person the quickest way.
Pretty girl. What are you gonna do with her? Tie her up and whip her?
If I could see whatever the fuck you are, I'd tie you up and whip you.
Ohhhh. But she bumped into you, Johnny. Thought you'd never back out on a vow. Thought you'd never excuse any pain directed towards you. Goin' soft?
It wasn't like she did it on purpose. If she had, it'd be different. All she did was hit my chest. I've had worse pain.
You'll kill her eventually. You can't. Anything living in here will eventually die. This house is a symbol of death. Everything's eventual. Remember that.
Thank you, Stephen King. Now shut the fuck up.
Mercifully the voice did just that and he hurried into his kitchen. The only thing he remembered was putting a wet towel on the victim's head, so he tried to search for a rag that wasn't dirty or blood stained. He couldn't find one, so in frustration, he took a hold of his shirt and ripped it off.
Folding it carefully into a rectangle, he held it under his sink, wrung it out, and returned to the lifeless figure on the sofa, sitting on the edge.
Now that they were in better light, he could examine her better. Normally something so pretty had something dark and deep inside of it, but from her facial expression, she couldn't hurt a fly.
Don't judge a book by it's cover, Nny. You've killed beautiful girls before and their inner shit smelled worse then a corpse three months old.
Yeah. But none of them looked so peaceful when they slept, especially when in they ran into me. Normally they look like the gates of hell have just opened on them.
She could fuck you up. I wager that very soon, her pretty little body will be hanging from a noose within three days time. Sides, it was dark, she couldn't see you well. She'll probably scream bloody murder, no pun intended, when she opens her eyes and sees YOU.
Shut the fuck up, Mr. Fuck.
As much as he hated to admit it, Johnny had to admit that Mr. Eff had a good point. But that feeling inside of him had grown stronger every step he had taken towards his house, and that feeling felt so...strange inside of him. Within the cold, dark regions of his heart, there was finally something warm. Not much, but he'd take all he could get.
He began to study her again. Her neck was bent at an awkward angle, her lips slightly parted, the shadows from her long eyelashes playing across her face. He grabbed a pillow without looking, but when he realized it was his dead cat pillow, he tossed it disgustedly aside. Waking up with your head on a dead, stinky cat wasn't really a sign that you were welcome. He searched the room for a pillow, but could find none that weren't once alive and clean. Johnny knew better to check his bedroom, because he rarely slept and bed pillows weren't necessary. Frustrated once more, he rose from his spot on the couch and jumped out of his window, spider-like.
Johnny crept through the darkness of the night to the next house. The nearest room next to him was lit by one dying lamp and the window was broken. Sticking his head through it, Johnny hissed, "Squee!"
A boy who looked like he weighed less then a cheeseburger shot up from underneath the covers of the bed. A pair of huge, terrified, round eyes peeked over the sheets. "Squee, do you have a pillow I can borrow?" Johnny whispered urgently. Not wanting to cross his maniac neighbor, Squee's answer was a pillow sailing through the air. Johnny's long skinny arm reached out, grabbed it, and pulled it through the window. "Thanks." Johnny whispered, and Squee nodded fearfully.
Johnny retreated back to his house and hopped through the window. The girl hadn't woken up yet, and he carefully resumed his spot on the couch, then lifted her head up so he could slip the pillow under it. He stared at her once more, marveling to himself about how delicate she looked, how EASILY he could pierce the pale skin of her neck. It would be like sliding a knife through butter, he thought as he ran one finger lightly across her throat. Strangely, he did not possess the hunger to find out. A layer of soft black bangs covered her forehead, and he pushed them aside slowly to put the piece of his tee shirt across her forehead.
To make sure she was still alive, Johnny slowly reached towards the small hand that laid limply on her stomach. The hand was warm despite the coldness of the air in the house, and as he pressed two fingers against her wrist, he was dizzied with the faint pulse that he could feel. She was alive, all right.
Suddenly she stirred. Johnny let go of her hand like it was scorching hot and jumped up from the sofa, spinning around so she wouldn't see the atrocity of his face when her eyes opened. He was ashamed, as usual, about his looks, and didn't want to frighten her any more then he had to. Johnny heard a soft moan, and then it was quiet.
The air seemed to press in on his eyeballs and he could feel a gaze upon his back.
"Who...are you?"
It surprised him, the throatiness of her voice. It was raspy and deep, but pleasant to the ears. Especially his. A shiver he couldn't control snaked through his rail thin body. Devi had never made him shiver.
"Where...where am I? Who are you?" The girl's voice was slightly panicked, but only Johnny could tune into that. He could tune into the slightest hint of fear in a person's voice. Just a gift of the typical homicidal maniac, he supposed.
"You...you're in my house." He cleared his throat.
"Show me...show me your face." The voice asked softly. It didn't hold fear this time, just curiosity.
"No. Why?"
"I want to see who saved me." The girl replied.
"Trust me, you don't want to look at me. You'll faint again." Johnny warned, but he felt a strong urge to see what she looked like awake.
"Nonsense. Are you Johnny?"
If the kind tone of her voice didn't shock him enough, her knowing his name sure did. He twitched uncontrollably.
"How do you know my name?"
"I've heard of you. I know what you look like, and I'm not scared of you."
Johnny had heard many things in his life that had shocked him, but someone saying that they had seen him and still wasn't scared to death was a blow. Slowly, he turned to face her.
A pair of violet eyes surveyed him, as if they liked what they saw. She saw the piece of cut out of his shirt and gasped. "Are you okay? What happened? Did he..."
"No, I cut a piece off to put on your head." He pointed out.
The girl's hand went to her forehead. "Oh! Duh!" She laughed, and took it off.
"Clever." She commented, taking the rag off and holding it between her hands.
That laugh had to be the greatest sound to reach Nny's ears in a long time. Usually, when someone laughed around him, they were laughing AT him.
"Uhhh...thanks. Do you need anything? I'll get you a Brainfreezy...do you want one? Of course you do..." Johnny stuttered, uneasy with her kindness, scrambling towards the kitchen door.
"Thanks for saving my life."
Johnny ran right into the door and fell on the ground.
"Hollllllllly shit! Are you okay, man?" She exclaimed, getting up from the sofa as if to help him.
"Yeah! Yeah, I'm okay, just...go lay back down." Johnny waved her away, befuddled by her kindness. No one had ever offered to help him up, or asked if he was okay. And here was this chick, thanking him for saving his life, when he didn't even know her name. The world was fucked up.
He climbed to his feet and ran into the kitchen, his face slightly pink from falling like that. Especially in her company. Grabbing the extra Brainfreezy from under his jacket, he tried to regain his composure. Being around a dead pretty girl was one thing-being with an alive one was something else. He took a deep breath, then pushed open the kitchen door.
She was lying where Johnny had left her, the rag on her head. Her eyes were closed and Johnny hoped she hadn't passed out again.
"Hey." He whispered.
Her eyes shot open and she turned her head to look at him.
He held forward the Brainfreezy.
"Oohh! Cherry Brainfreezy! I love those things." She exclaimed as she slowly sat up.
"So do I." Johnny admitted.
"Is that your last one?" She wanted to know.
He nodded and offered it again to her.
"No...it's okay, Johnny. You can have it. I'm fine." She told him.
He went to protest, but she held up her hand. "I insist."
Johnny didn't know how to react to this, so he just mumbled, "Thanks" and set the Brainfreezy on the coffee table, then sank into a seat next to her.
"If you don't mind me asking, what's your name?" He asked cautiously.
"Arliss."
"Well, as you know, I'm Johnny. How in the hell DO you know me?" He wanted to know, sticking his legs up on the coffee table.
"I've heard your name around town." Arliss replied, folding her hands in her lap.
"Didn't think anyone knew me."
"They know you." The tone was casual, as if Arliss heard Johnny was the captain of the football team and not a murderous nutcase.
"Ah." was all he could say.
"I'm sorry for...running into you like that. I didn't mean to...and thanks for bringing me back here. Those motherfuckers would have trampled me." Arliss said shyly.
"I know you didn't mean to. Who were you running from?" Johnny inquired.
Her eyes darkened to a plum shade and she muttered, "Another asshole of the world."
Johnny nodded in understanding.
"Why...why did you think I'd be scared of seeing your face?" Arliss wanted to know cautiously.
Johnny lowered his eyes. "Cause everyone seems to be." He confessed.
"Not me. I don't think you're that bad looking at all." Arliss replied smoothly.
His head shot up and his cheeks brightened a few shades. No one had ever complimented him before. He didn't get as pissed as he always thought he would. It kind of felt...nice.
"Uhh...thanks." He stammered.
"Your welcome."
Suddenly a horrendous scream came bellowing out to their ears. Johnny stiffened. THE BASEMENT. He had forgot about the twenty something year old jock he had been holding hostage down there. Johnny had been keeping him on pins and needles about being quiet-literally.
Arliss jumped at the sound and Johnny cursed under his breath. Just like luck to fuck it up! If she knew what was down there...he shuddered and started to rise.
"I'll be...right back." He croaked, as he half ran/half stumbled toward the basement door. He almost fell down the stairs in his fury. Grabbing the knife in his pocket, he didn't stop striding until he had it against the jock's throat.
"Did I tell you to shut your fuckin mouth from the start!? Did I?!" Johnny snarled, pressing the knife harder against the soft skin.
"Yeah." The jock gasped back.
"Unfortunately, I'm not in the mood to let you fuck up a possible friendship." He growled, then with one fluid motion, he slit the jock's throat and all the cords in it, including the vocal cords.
A sick TCKKK sound could probably be heard from the living room above, and the rapidly dripping blood caused a puddle on the floor. Johnny grabbed two empty Skettio cans and held it under the dead jock to collect the blood.
Scared but eager to go back up and see Arliss, Johnny wiped off his knife and hurried up the steps, his heart beating fast with every one he took. Maybe she had gotten scared and fled, never to talk to him again, like Devi. Maybe she would threaten to tell someone-then he'd have to kill her. His throat constricted painfully. He'd hate to kill her. She was too beautiful for blood shed.
But when he finally brought himself to turn the basement doorknob and peer into the living room, he was astonished to see that she was still on the sofa, sipping on the Brainfreezy like nothing had went on.
He gently closed the basement door behind him, swallowing hard.
Arliss turned around at the sound and grinned at him. "Everything all right?"
There was no fear, no curiosity, no disgust in her voice. She was acting like he had gone into the kitchen to stop a small fire instead of slitting some guy's throat open. Johnny was beginning to seriously question the small amount of sanity he had.
Maybe SHE'S the insane one.
"Yeah...yeah...everything's cool." He said, grinning a bit.
"I like your smile." Arliss commented as he came back around to sit on the couch beside her.
His chest tightened. Another compliment. Another blush. Another shy "thank you."
Oh, stop liking her already! You liked Devi too, and then you just decided to up and try to kill her!
Man, shut up.
"You're welcome."
There was a brief silence. Arliss's eyes were fixated on a loose string on her jeans, and her hands slightly shook as she picked at it.
"You know...you know what went down there, don't you?" Johnny asked, seeing it in her body mannerisms.
She found it hard to nod but did anyway, fearing it would be the last time she'd have a head to nod.
He shifted his position to look her straight in the eyes. The movement startled her, she thought he was going to pull out his knife on her. But his dark, deep eyes stared into hers.
Before he could turn her into a shish kabob, Arliss rushed to explain. "I know what you do, Johnny. I know why you do it. I'm not afraid. In fact, you and I come from very much the same piece of cloth."
This confused him. "What do you mean?"
"We're both troubled souls. We both just want to turn the light switch to OFF on our lives. We're sick of dealing with people's shit. We're real. They're fake." Arliss said softly.
He felt that tug inside of him and knew that she was right. With one look of her violet eyes, she knew who he was. Arliss could see into him-see what the Doughboys and the Burger Boy and Nailbunny could. She could see the hostility that made him a flusher, the fear that made him a vulnerable little boy inside, and the confusion that led him on all kinds of different roads. No one could see him like that.
Kill her. She knows too much. She'll use you.
Johnny closed his eyes and told Reverend Meat to go away. He couldn't kill this one. To kill something so beautiful would be an actual mortal sin. But, something came to him...his head snapped up.
"Are you Señor Diablo just playing a trick on me?" He asked suspiciously, knowing that Satan, of all "people" could transform himself into anything...including cheerleaders. He almost shivered at the memory but concentrated on Arliss's face.
She looked shocked enough to the point where Johnny knew she wasn't. Besides, the devil would tell him straight up if it was indeed him inside that pretty body.
"Not the devil…no…" She murmured, running a hand through her hair.
Very few people knew the devil's real name, so Johnny was surprised.
"Are you…are you a waste lock too?" He asked, gulping.
"A waste lock?" Arliss looked at him in question.
"You know-a person of the world that has to soak up all of the bad vibes." He explained cautiously.
"Unfortunately, yes." She sighed sadly.
Johnny felt his heart leap. He had never found another one of HIM. Maybe there was someone else that did know what he felt…
"That's why I said we came from the same piece of cloth. I never knew I'd find another one," Arliss muttered to herself. "No matter, I'm glad you saved me, Johnny."
"Why would you want someone to save you? I would have wanted to die, except I know I can't without stupid shit stopping it." Johnny wondered.
Arliss snorted. "Yeah, I hate it when that happens. How many times have you been up with God and down with Diablo?"
"More times then I've wanted. Egghhh…flying fuckin angel bunnies. They're disturbing." Johnny shuddered.
"Jesus, did I want a gun to shoot those fuckin things down…had bad dreams for weeks about them." Arliss groaned.
Empowered by the feeling of finally having someone, Johnny blurted, "So, do you do it too?"
Arliss looked at him questioningly. "Do what?"
Johnny felt stupid immediately. He thought of the gun in his drawer and wanted to hold it to his head…no, HERS. He wanted to shoot her cause she made him say stupid shit.
That's the Johnny we all know and hate. Go, shoot her. You'll feel better.
"Never mind." He muttered.
"What, you mean…that?" Arliss gestured to the basement door.
He couldn't bring himself to say "Yes", ashamed of his brutality for the very first time in the presence of a pretty girl. Usually, he thought, in the movies, the guy was usually ashamed when his Mom yelled at him in front of a girl about not taking the trash out. But as everyone knew, Johnny wasn't an All American boy. He was ashamed because he hacked people to pieces and the scent of blood fully perfumed the house.
Ah, the world is fucked up. Woe is me.
Johnny smiled sardonically. He nodded in answer to her question.
Arliss looked up at the ceiling as if the answer were written there.
We could write the answer there…in her blood.
Shut the fuck up!
He tried to keep himself calm, waiting for her answer.
"No, I never kill. I might push a few people here and there for being mean to me, but mostly…I'm a creature of the night-like a mirage. People see me, but they think it's an allusion. I'm too chicken to kill anyone." Arliss said broodingly, still staring up at the ceiling.
"Like a Goth, right?" Johnny surmised.
"In fucked up ways."
Johnny's eyes focused on the soft, thin skin of her neck.
O, wouldn't it be sweet to draw a sharp knife against that pretty skin? It'd sure be beautiful to hang that body up on your wall as a wall decoration…ever considered taking skinning up as a hobby, Nny?
He ignored the voice.
"Chicken?" Johnny echoed.
"Yeah. You kill because you're pissed of the way you've been put on the Earth. I am a vessel for never ending depression. If one thing goes wrong, I'm in a slump for weeks, months, hell, maybe even a year." Arliss explained.
Johnny swallowed. "Have you ever…considered killing anyone?" He asked softly.
"Oh, many times. I'd sit in the darkness and watch them go by, cursing them, telling myself to jump up and do something, and then the credit would go to me for merely getting one more asshole out of the world. Isn't there enough of them? I mean, like the world would miss one more? But as always, I was scared I'd get caught. So the anger started to build up, and pretty soon it amounted to…" Arliss trailed off, thoughtfully tugging a black sleeve past her wrist.
Johnny saw the mean angry swipes of a thousand sharp instruments afflicting the soft skin there. Deep enough to split a vein, but never deep enough to guarantee never-ending death towards a person cursed with immortality.
The scars were covered up as fast as they were exposed, and Johnny had to remember the image of them to ensure they really existed.
"You can't die, and you know that." Johnny said quietly.
Arliss's face turned towards his, tears pooling in her beautiful eyes.
"Why didn't I get a chance to live and die a decent person? Why us, Johnny? Why us?" She whimpered softly.
Johnny didn't know what to do. He'd never been around a girl that cried. Well, he had, but those girls had had a REASON to cry. He remembered seeing movies where the heroine would cry and the hero would hug her and take it away. Never hugging anyone before, he didn't know how to approach her. A feeling of pity filled him.
She sat there weeping softly, on his tattered sofa. Johnny thought of the unnamed evil behind the bloody walls, waiting anxiously for its hellish, accidental release. He thought of the jock bleeding on the floor, the blood slowly traveling across the dirty floors to an unknown destination. He also thought how easy it would be for him to kill her.
All Nny had to do was unearth the wicked knife from beneath his shirt and decapitate her. It would be so simple, as her neck was craned towards the floor. One clean swipe. She wouldn't feel a thing.
Suddenly, as if his body had made an unspoken decision, he started towards her.
NO!
But for the first time, Johnny's arms wrapped around another body in comfort.
And down in hell, Señor Diablo gaped in shock. Even God, who sat around trying to make miracles happen but not succeeding, stared in disbelief. And wherever Johnny's victims had gone, heaven or hell, they stared up in jealousy.
It's beyond my control, sometimes it's best to let go
Whatever happens in this lifetimeSo I trust in love
You have given me peace of mind
Almost immediately, Arliss's sobs quieted when she felt his arms around her. She had heard a lot about Johnny, but his hugging had never been mentioned.
He was so skinny; so skinny to the point that when she wrapped her arms back around him cautiously, she felt like she was hugging air.
Sunshine upon my face
A new song for me to sing
Tell the world how I feel inside
Even though it might cost me everything
She wondered how someone so skinny could be so strong at the same time.
Johnny's mouth was near her ear, and she heard him whisper,
"Don't cry."
His arms tightened around her gently and she was surprised how tender he could be, even though he WAS a homicidal maniac. Knowing somehow that he needed a hug as much as she did, she hugged him back.
Arliss recalled watching romance movies, when potential soon-to-be-lovers hugged and knew they were going to kiss when they pulled back. That slow, shy, knowing feeling…she had it.
It was a few minutes before Johnny showed the first sign of letting go of her. Slowly, his cheek brushed against hers. Johnny was full of surprises, and indeed Arliss was when she felt how soft his skin was. Maybe Johnny didn't know much about girls, but she knew he felt the feeling between them. She loosened her hold on his body and their eyes met.
Now that I know this, so beyond, I can't hold this
I can never turn my back away
Now that I've seen you
I can never look away
Since Johnny had been living in a place that reeked of blood and bodily fluids, his sense of smell didn't know too much. But he knew that she smelled like heaven. He tried to figure out what she was wearing-something fruity. Blackberry. That was it, he could swear it. But as he stared into those violet eyes, he knew what was coming.
Don't do it, Nny.
Shut up.
The voice sing songed, She's gonna fuck you up…
SHUT UP!
Suddenly he knew she was going to kiss him. He also knew he'd kiss her back. For once, Nny shut off the voices in his head and concentrated only on her. Suddenly, nothing mattered except the feeling of her soft lips on his. Nny's arms went around her waist once more, tightening protectively when he realized how good of a kisser she was and how good it felt to do something so completely normal as kissing a girl.
I feel so alive for the very first time
I can't deny you
I feel so alive
I feel so alive for the very first time
And I think I can fly
He never wanted it to end, but knew somewhere inside of him that she would leave very soon. Johnny hugged him to her tighter and kissed her back slowly. And at that moment, he was just another boy, on another couch, kissing a girl that he liked. At that moment, he was changed somehow.
Now that I know you (I could never turn my back away)
Now that I see you (I could never look away)
Now that I know you (I could never turn my back away)
Now that I see you (I believe no matter what they say)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Johnny stared broodingly out of a window at the sheets of rain pelting the ground.
It was two months after the Arliss episode. Two months after they had fallen asleep on the roof of his car that night he had saved her. When he had woken up early that morning, Arliss was gone. He had remembered feeling like someone had just ripped him apart. Any happiness he had felt during those crucial hours with her had been smashed to pieces.
The painful memory of her supposed rejection came back to Nny full force and he closed his eyes and looked down at the splintery windowsill, trying not to cry. He still didn't get WHY she had left. He could tell that she had liked him, that she was no ordinary heartbreaker, but why had she left?
The voice of Reverend Meat had been proven right. Arliss fucked him up. Now the taunts coming from the voice were almost too much for Johnny to bear. More than once he considered killing himself so he could go down to Hell and find out where she had gone. Señor Diablo should know, she was one of HIS creatures. If he had all that power, he should have a tracking system for his waste locks. He was the Devil, for Christ's sakes. Satan, Lucifer, the whole nine yards. Damn hell to hell.
Johnny knew without a doubt that if he found her, he'd kill her. He had only suffered heartbreak once, because of Devi, and that was his fault. But he never wanted to feel it again. He felt emptier then he ever had. Johnny's victims caught his frustration and anger worst of all-his killings become more brutal and sick by the minute. Every time he ripped someone's lung out, he imagined Arliss's body parts strewn all over the sidewalk. But try as he might, he never got pleasure out of that vision, not the kind of pleasure he got from ripping a cheerleader's legs off or hacking a guy off with hooks. It was a grim sort of "I have to do this" sort of feeling.
Why do I even have a heart?
Part of the world's punishment, Nny, ole buddy.
Ya know, I think I'll go kill myself later.
See you here again in a few hours.
But he didn't want to move. He could hear Arliss's voice and even though he didn't want to, he flashed back on that night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Johnny and Arliss were stretched out on the hood of his car, looking up at the stars and occasionally at the city looming just below the cliff they had parked on.
Arliss had her head resting on his chest, and Johnny could feel her breathing as he absentmindedly stroked her hair.
"You know, I'm happy." He said quietly.
"Me too. I'm glad you are, Johnny." She said softly.
The words were stuck in his throat, the important words he had heard uttered in countless movies in scenes like this. He wasn't sure if he was SUPPOSED to say them or say them when it was right, but he wanted her to know that he really liked her. Besides, weren't THOSE words what made people leave?
So, not wanting to ruin something so young, he kept his mouth shut.
"It's pretty when you look down on it, but if you're there, it's a shithole." Arliss commented, obviously meaning the city looming out like a sparkling desert in front of them.
"The Planet Earth is the same way. But I'm hardly ever down in the city, I've got enough assholes around my area anyway." Johnny replied.
"Well..." sighed Arliss softly as she sat up, brushing leaves from her hair.
Johnny sat up as well and watched her draw her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself.
"What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.
"I've been out there." Arliss said softly, staring out at the noisy city. Even from where they were, they could hear horns honking, the hum and buzz of a big city.
Johnny saw she was going to say more, so he nodded his agreement and listened.
"It's like an Asshole Farm. They're all so stupid that it hurts me to look at them. And the crime...Jesus Christ,"
Arliss sighed. "I can't tell you how many times I've had money stolen from my wallet, or just my whole wallet at the same time. It's so disgusting and smoky there...you can't breathe, mentally and physically."
"Man, that must really bite." Johnny stared out at the city too, wondering how a tiny girl like Arliss had managed to keep herself safe all these years.
"Well, it gets better when you travel. I'm a wanderer. I can't stay in one place for too long-I get too depressed, too congested. It's a big city, and I've a long way to go before I've seen every nook and cranny of it. Before," She sighed again. "Before I have no place to hide."
"It'll be okay." Johnny said softly, resting his hand on her shoulder. She turned her head to smile weakly at him.
"Hopefully."
And with that, they both laid back down and dwelled not on the city, but the blanket of sky that stretched above them, sprinkled with stars, promising a feeble place called Heaven, where flying angel bunnies flew around and scared wastelocks like Arliss and Johnny, who only went up there to come down.
But at that moment, it was better then anything else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
I'm a wanderer. I can't stay in one place for too long-I get too depressed, too congested.
Last time I talked to you,
you were lonely and out of place.
You were looking down on me,
lost out in space
Arliss's voice came to his ears, so close he thought she might have been standing behind him. But he didn't turn around to see. He stared out at the blinking city lights a few miles away, squinting to see the 24/7 store sign through the hard rain. He saw Arliss cowering behind a Dumpster, soaked to the brim, alone and scared in that big city somewhere in his head.
Good, let the little bitch stay there. She deserves it.
For once, he didn't argue against Reverend Meat.
He sighed and cast his eyes downward once more. As angry as he was, he knew he missed her. It was only one night of her company, but he knew he'd only want that for the rest of his days. Nevertheless, he was going to kill her if he found her. He knew that for a fact. When he rarely slept, he'd sit in bed and dream about how he was going to do it, but try as he might, he couldn't stop thinking about her smell, that kiss, and that smile.
Give me a fuckin' break.
The voice was weaker though, as if Johnny's constant crying had weakened its resolve somehow.
Laid underneath the stars,
strung out and feeling brave.
Watch the riddles glow,
watch them float away
Once again he ignored the irate voice and stared out at the city. That big, crime filled, disgusting, assholic city. The only person who knew of a beautiful soul lurking around in the dirt was him. She was out there. He could feel her even if she had been on the other side of town. She had changed him. But that didn't matter. Arliss wasn't there.
She was somewhere. The next time he saw her, he'd break her heart, so he wouldn't have to worry any more about breaking his own. Tears started to brim, and not for the first time. He thought he heard a sigh in his head...but...he laid his head down on the windowsill and wept.
Down here in the atmosphere,
garbage and city lights,
you gotta save your tired soul,
you gotta save our lives.
Turn on the radio,
to find you on satellite,I'm waiting for the sky to fall,
I'm waiting for a sign.
Arliss...
Hope you remember me,
when you're homesick and need a change
I miss your purple hair,
I miss the way you taste
Come back.
I know you'll come back someday,
on a bed of nails awake.
I'm praying that you don't burn out,
or fade away
Come back for Johnny...
You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.
You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there
Come back.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there
Come back.
But she didn't, and Johnny never asked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
"Alive" belongs to P.O.D and "Somewhere Out There" belongs to Our Lady Peace.
1 By: BitterLeaves
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee, the Doughboys, and Nailbunny are all owned by Jhonen V. I don't. Get it straight.
"People suck." thought Johnny as he warily surveyed the bent over, bloody remains of the 7/24 clerk who slumped over the counter. Slipping the knife back into his pocket, he made his way around to the cash register, pushing the dead body aside as he punched in the code to open the cash register. 7/24 had went through a multitude of clerks in the last three months, for a number of violent reasons, most of the reasons being Johnny's insane anger. Others were killed by robbers, but the blonde teenager working the desk had specially upped the price for a Cherry Brainfreezy for Johnny. Being a Brainfreezy addict had made Johnny the world class expert on how much the beverage should cost. Angered instantly by this display of Brainfreezy discrimation,
Johnny had pulled out a gun and promptly blew the clerk's platinum head to dust. He hated using guns. The world would be a lot nicer if people used guns on themselves.
The cash register popped open with a satisfying CHA CHING, and Johnny smiled sardonically. "Sounds just like it does in the cartoons." He thought idly to himself as he dug a claw like hand into his pocket. Now, one would think that a guy who just murdered a clerk would steal all the money there was in the cash register, but instead Johnny dug out the dollar and inserted it into the correct drawer, then closed the cash register. Money meant nothing to Johnny as long as he had some to eat. Grabbing his Brainfreezy, he stepped casually over the dead body and started to walk towards the double glass doors that led outside to the night.
As he put his hand on the knob to exit, he caught the reflection of the Brainfreezy machine rumbling happily away in the corner. Johnny thought for a minute.
"I'm sure no one would tell if I just.."
He cast a sly look at the dead body bleeding on the dirty tile and stole silently across the store to grab another Brainfreezy. He slid the extra Brainfreezy stealthily under his coat, then tiptoed back across the floor.
"May God bless you." He said sarcastically to the dead clerk in a mock salute, then hurried out of the 7/24.
As he walked along the sidewalk, slurping on his BrainFreezy, Johnny tried as hard as he could to ignore the pathetic life forms around him who moved past him, as if he weren't there at all, laughing and talking about some party. He didn't care. As long as they let him be, there wouldn't have to be any bloodshed. Whistling ODE TO JOY, he spotted Café Le Prick coming up and evilly snickered when he recalled the bomb incident there months ago. His grin disappeared as quickly as it had come when he spotted Devi sneaking past the trees on the other side of the street. His cold heart lifted a bit and he instantly opened his mouth to call out to her, but stopped himself just in time. Since he had almost cut Devi into fishsticks, it wasn't such a wise idea to call out to her. Johnny wanted to, but he knew, "I'm sorry for trying to murder you" would never work, no matter how sensitively he wanted to put it. So he stopped for a minute and kept his eyes on the tall, dark moving figure. He sighed wistfully. The only person he had felt a true connection with wouldn't come within a yard of him because he was so irreversibly fucked up. The neutral mood he had been in for most of the evening dissolved and he started to feel an overwhelming anger.
Fuck you. Fuck you for not letting me have a chance at a normal life.
He didn't know who he was yelling at in his mind, God or the Devil, it really didn't matter. They both didn't do a flip for him, but they were the reason he was like this.
You did it on purpose. The only fucking company I'm supposed to have is the damn Doughboys and they're a real joy to be around. Fuck you for making Devi scared of me to the point of no return.
The next person who crossed him was asking for a ticket straight to the torturous hollows of his basement, he vowed. Being lost in his anger, Johnny had lost track of Devi, and she had disappeared into the shadows. Who knew when he would see her again? He knew not to follow her. She probably carried a revolver when she went out, reserved specially for a possible encounter with Johnny.
So he continued on his way, ODE TO JOY forgotten, his head down as he took a gulp of his Brainfreezy, ignoring the pain that worked up to his brain. Life sucked again. People could kiss his ass. He could hear the voices of many assholes stringing together as he skulked past Café Le Prick. Mercifully for anyone and his headache, no one yelled insults at him. A few blocks down from the Café, he heard a bunch of screaming. It wasn't the screaming of hopeless intoxicated people. It was a scream he knew well. Of fear, of terror. His ears perked up and he dared himself to look up.
There was a knot of people in front of him so he couldn't see what was going on, but Johnny could hear the screaming coming closer in his direction. He tried to stand on his tiptoes to see what the action was. Suddenly the knot of people separated as a small figure pushed through them- smack dab right into Johnny's chest. It was a girl.
Johnny jumped back in surprise and quickly remembered his vow to disembowel anyone who pissed him off. His hand instinctively darted into his pocket to grab his knife, but there was no need for it. The girl's eyes fluttered shut and she fainted right in front of him.
Damn, Nny, are you that damn ugly?
Shut the fuck up.
Johnny's eyes widened in bewilderment as he stared down at the still figure lying on the dirty ground. Normally he'd have to stab them before they fell, but things were in the wrong order. His hand lessened his hold on the knife. What to do?
He noticed almost instantly that the girl had a bloodstained knife in her own hand, a wicked looking glass one, the blood shining lewdly on it. She appeared to be around his age, maybe a little younger, but it was hard to tell, since she was very tiny. She had black hair and pale skin, and like Johnny and other misfits of the world, she wore all black.
As he studied the limp figure, he felt something inside of him tug.
Pick her up.
What?
Pick her up, dammit.
I don't even know the girl! Sides, she ran into me, and you know what happens when people do that shit!
I don't care. Pick. Her. Up.
Why?
You'll find out later. If you don't, you'll regret it.
What the hell are you talking about?
But the answer never came and Johnny faintly heard the sounds of cop sirens in the distance. As he stared down at the beautiful girl, a somewhat familiar feeling dawned inside of him. It was the feeling he had only felt with Devi before he had tried to kill her. That funny, twitchy feeling that he didn't mind but didn't trust.
He heard human voices and knew that there was a crowd assembling around the two of them.
As if a decision was made, his head snapped up and he drew his own knife out of his pocket and held it up, snarling.
"Get away from here!" Johnny yelled at the people surrounding them, brandishing his knife warningly. The crowd gasped and drew back. Johnny took a step forward. "Get the fuck out of here!" He yelled again, and like chickens, they scattered out of sight. By now the red and blue lights of an approaching cop car reflected off a building and Johnny acted without thinking. He bent down and scooped the girl up in his arms, then ran.
He didn't know what possessed him to do it-himself, the voice, or just fate, if you could call it that. Johnny would never know how it possessed him even later. All he knew was the surprising lightness that he held tightly in his arms, and the bewilderment that followed him all the way home. As Johnny opened the door to his house, the familiar smell of blood greeted his nose and he ignored it. The girl's head lolled back and not knowing what else to do with her, he lay her carefully on his couch. For a minute he just stared at her. Normally he'd slash her guts out for running into him, but he knew she hadn't done it on purpose. Normally it wouldn't matter if she had done it on her own accord or not.
But he felt an attachment to her. Even without speaking to her, Johnny could tell that she was like him. Her clothes spoke it. The frightened way she had stared up into his eyes before she had fainted had spoken it. She had looked scared, but angry. It reminded him of himself whenever he dared look into a mirror.
Since Johnny had always been the one diminishing lives, he knew very little about saving one. He knew he had to. He tried to recall how to revive a fainted person the quickest way.
Pretty girl. What are you gonna do with her? Tie her up and whip her?
If I could see whatever the fuck you are, I'd tie you up and whip you.
Ohhhh. But she bumped into you, Johnny. Thought you'd never back out on a vow. Thought you'd never excuse any pain directed towards you. Goin' soft?
It wasn't like she did it on purpose. If she had, it'd be different. All she did was hit my chest. I've had worse pain.
You'll kill her eventually. You can't. Anything living in here will eventually die. This house is a symbol of death. Everything's eventual. Remember that.
Thank you, Stephen King. Now shut the fuck up.
Mercifully the voice did just that and he hurried into his kitchen. The only thing he remembered was putting a wet towel on the victim's head, so he tried to search for a rag that wasn't dirty or blood stained. He couldn't find one, so in frustration, he took a hold of his shirt and ripped it off.
Folding it carefully into a rectangle, he held it under his sink, wrung it out, and returned to the lifeless figure on the sofa, sitting on the edge.
Now that they were in better light, he could examine her better. Normally something so pretty had something dark and deep inside of it, but from her facial expression, she couldn't hurt a fly.
Don't judge a book by it's cover, Nny. You've killed beautiful girls before and their inner shit smelled worse then a corpse three months old.
Yeah. But none of them looked so peaceful when they slept, especially when in they ran into me. Normally they look like the gates of hell have just opened on them.
She could fuck you up. I wager that very soon, her pretty little body will be hanging from a noose within three days time. Sides, it was dark, she couldn't see you well. She'll probably scream bloody murder, no pun intended, when she opens her eyes and sees YOU.
Shut the fuck up, Mr. Fuck.
As much as he hated to admit it, Johnny had to admit that Mr. Eff had a good point. But that feeling inside of him had grown stronger every step he had taken towards his house, and that feeling felt so...strange inside of him. Within the cold, dark regions of his heart, there was finally something warm. Not much, but he'd take all he could get.
He began to study her again. Her neck was bent at an awkward angle, her lips slightly parted, the shadows from her long eyelashes playing across her face. He grabbed a pillow without looking, but when he realized it was his dead cat pillow, he tossed it disgustedly aside. Waking up with your head on a dead, stinky cat wasn't really a sign that you were welcome. He searched the room for a pillow, but could find none that weren't once alive and clean. Johnny knew better to check his bedroom, because he rarely slept and bed pillows weren't necessary. Frustrated once more, he rose from his spot on the couch and jumped out of his window, spider-like.
Johnny crept through the darkness of the night to the next house. The nearest room next to him was lit by one dying lamp and the window was broken. Sticking his head through it, Johnny hissed, "Squee!"
A boy who looked like he weighed less then a cheeseburger shot up from underneath the covers of the bed. A pair of huge, terrified, round eyes peeked over the sheets. "Squee, do you have a pillow I can borrow?" Johnny whispered urgently. Not wanting to cross his maniac neighbor, Squee's answer was a pillow sailing through the air. Johnny's long skinny arm reached out, grabbed it, and pulled it through the window. "Thanks." Johnny whispered, and Squee nodded fearfully.
Johnny retreated back to his house and hopped through the window. The girl hadn't woken up yet, and he carefully resumed his spot on the couch, then lifted her head up so he could slip the pillow under it. He stared at her once more, marveling to himself about how delicate she looked, how EASILY he could pierce the pale skin of her neck. It would be like sliding a knife through butter, he thought as he ran one finger lightly across her throat. Strangely, he did not possess the hunger to find out. A layer of soft black bangs covered her forehead, and he pushed them aside slowly to put the piece of his tee shirt across her forehead.
To make sure she was still alive, Johnny slowly reached towards the small hand that laid limply on her stomach. The hand was warm despite the coldness of the air in the house, and as he pressed two fingers against her wrist, he was dizzied with the faint pulse that he could feel. She was alive, all right.
Suddenly she stirred. Johnny let go of her hand like it was scorching hot and jumped up from the sofa, spinning around so she wouldn't see the atrocity of his face when her eyes opened. He was ashamed, as usual, about his looks, and didn't want to frighten her any more then he had to. Johnny heard a soft moan, and then it was quiet.
The air seemed to press in on his eyeballs and he could feel a gaze upon his back.
"Who...are you?"
It surprised him, the throatiness of her voice. It was raspy and deep, but pleasant to the ears. Especially his. A shiver he couldn't control snaked through his rail thin body. Devi had never made him shiver.
"Where...where am I? Who are you?" The girl's voice was slightly panicked, but only Johnny could tune into that. He could tune into the slightest hint of fear in a person's voice. Just a gift of the typical homicidal maniac, he supposed.
"You...you're in my house." He cleared his throat.
"Show me...show me your face." The voice asked softly. It didn't hold fear this time, just curiosity.
"No. Why?"
"I want to see who saved me." The girl replied.
"Trust me, you don't want to look at me. You'll faint again." Johnny warned, but he felt a strong urge to see what she looked like awake.
"Nonsense. Are you Johnny?"
If the kind tone of her voice didn't shock him enough, her knowing his name sure did. He twitched uncontrollably.
"How do you know my name?"
"I've heard of you. I know what you look like, and I'm not scared of you."
Johnny had heard many things in his life that had shocked him, but someone saying that they had seen him and still wasn't scared to death was a blow. Slowly, he turned to face her.
A pair of violet eyes surveyed him, as if they liked what they saw. She saw the piece of cut out of his shirt and gasped. "Are you okay? What happened? Did he..."
"No, I cut a piece off to put on your head." He pointed out.
The girl's hand went to her forehead. "Oh! Duh!" She laughed, and took it off.
"Clever." She commented, taking the rag off and holding it between her hands.
That laugh had to be the greatest sound to reach Nny's ears in a long time. Usually, when someone laughed around him, they were laughing AT him.
"Uhhh...thanks. Do you need anything? I'll get you a Brainfreezy...do you want one? Of course you do..." Johnny stuttered, uneasy with her kindness, scrambling towards the kitchen door.
"Thanks for saving my life."
Johnny ran right into the door and fell on the ground.
"Hollllllllly shit! Are you okay, man?" She exclaimed, getting up from the sofa as if to help him.
"Yeah! Yeah, I'm okay, just...go lay back down." Johnny waved her away, befuddled by her kindness. No one had ever offered to help him up, or asked if he was okay. And here was this chick, thanking him for saving his life, when he didn't even know her name. The world was fucked up.
He climbed to his feet and ran into the kitchen, his face slightly pink from falling like that. Especially in her company. Grabbing the extra Brainfreezy from under his jacket, he tried to regain his composure. Being around a dead pretty girl was one thing-being with an alive one was something else. He took a deep breath, then pushed open the kitchen door.
She was lying where Johnny had left her, the rag on her head. Her eyes were closed and Johnny hoped she hadn't passed out again.
"Hey." He whispered.
Her eyes shot open and she turned her head to look at him.
He held forward the Brainfreezy.
"Oohh! Cherry Brainfreezy! I love those things." She exclaimed as she slowly sat up.
"So do I." Johnny admitted.
"Is that your last one?" She wanted to know.
He nodded and offered it again to her.
"No...it's okay, Johnny. You can have it. I'm fine." She told him.
He went to protest, but she held up her hand. "I insist."
Johnny didn't know how to react to this, so he just mumbled, "Thanks" and set the Brainfreezy on the coffee table, then sank into a seat next to her.
"If you don't mind me asking, what's your name?" He asked cautiously.
"Arliss."
"Well, as you know, I'm Johnny. How in the hell DO you know me?" He wanted to know, sticking his legs up on the coffee table.
"I've heard your name around town." Arliss replied, folding her hands in her lap.
"Didn't think anyone knew me."
"They know you." The tone was casual, as if Arliss heard Johnny was the captain of the football team and not a murderous nutcase.
"Ah." was all he could say.
"I'm sorry for...running into you like that. I didn't mean to...and thanks for bringing me back here. Those motherfuckers would have trampled me." Arliss said shyly.
"I know you didn't mean to. Who were you running from?" Johnny inquired.
Her eyes darkened to a plum shade and she muttered, "Another asshole of the world."
Johnny nodded in understanding.
"Why...why did you think I'd be scared of seeing your face?" Arliss wanted to know cautiously.
Johnny lowered his eyes. "Cause everyone seems to be." He confessed.
"Not me. I don't think you're that bad looking at all." Arliss replied smoothly.
His head shot up and his cheeks brightened a few shades. No one had ever complimented him before. He didn't get as pissed as he always thought he would. It kind of felt...nice.
"Uhh...thanks." He stammered.
"Your welcome."
Suddenly a horrendous scream came bellowing out to their ears. Johnny stiffened. THE BASEMENT. He had forgot about the twenty something year old jock he had been holding hostage down there. Johnny had been keeping him on pins and needles about being quiet-literally.
Arliss jumped at the sound and Johnny cursed under his breath. Just like luck to fuck it up! If she knew what was down there...he shuddered and started to rise.
"I'll be...right back." He croaked, as he half ran/half stumbled toward the basement door. He almost fell down the stairs in his fury. Grabbing the knife in his pocket, he didn't stop striding until he had it against the jock's throat.
"Did I tell you to shut your fuckin mouth from the start!? Did I?!" Johnny snarled, pressing the knife harder against the soft skin.
"Yeah." The jock gasped back.
"Unfortunately, I'm not in the mood to let you fuck up a possible friendship." He growled, then with one fluid motion, he slit the jock's throat and all the cords in it, including the vocal cords.
A sick TCKKK sound could probably be heard from the living room above, and the rapidly dripping blood caused a puddle on the floor. Johnny grabbed two empty Skettio cans and held it under the dead jock to collect the blood.
Scared but eager to go back up and see Arliss, Johnny wiped off his knife and hurried up the steps, his heart beating fast with every one he took. Maybe she had gotten scared and fled, never to talk to him again, like Devi. Maybe she would threaten to tell someone-then he'd have to kill her. His throat constricted painfully. He'd hate to kill her. She was too beautiful for blood shed.
But when he finally brought himself to turn the basement doorknob and peer into the living room, he was astonished to see that she was still on the sofa, sipping on the Brainfreezy like nothing had went on.
He gently closed the basement door behind him, swallowing hard.
Arliss turned around at the sound and grinned at him. "Everything all right?"
There was no fear, no curiosity, no disgust in her voice. She was acting like he had gone into the kitchen to stop a small fire instead of slitting some guy's throat open. Johnny was beginning to seriously question the small amount of sanity he had.
Maybe SHE'S the insane one.
"Yeah...yeah...everything's cool." He said, grinning a bit.
"I like your smile." Arliss commented as he came back around to sit on the couch beside her.
His chest tightened. Another compliment. Another blush. Another shy "thank you."
Oh, stop liking her already! You liked Devi too, and then you just decided to up and try to kill her!
Man, shut up.
"You're welcome."
There was a brief silence. Arliss's eyes were fixated on a loose string on her jeans, and her hands slightly shook as she picked at it.
"You know...you know what went down there, don't you?" Johnny asked, seeing it in her body mannerisms.
She found it hard to nod but did anyway, fearing it would be the last time she'd have a head to nod.
He shifted his position to look her straight in the eyes. The movement startled her, she thought he was going to pull out his knife on her. But his dark, deep eyes stared into hers.
Before he could turn her into a shish kabob, Arliss rushed to explain. "I know what you do, Johnny. I know why you do it. I'm not afraid. In fact, you and I come from very much the same piece of cloth."
This confused him. "What do you mean?"
"We're both troubled souls. We both just want to turn the light switch to OFF on our lives. We're sick of dealing with people's shit. We're real. They're fake." Arliss said softly.
He felt that tug inside of him and knew that she was right. With one look of her violet eyes, she knew who he was. Arliss could see into him-see what the Doughboys and the Burger Boy and Nailbunny could. She could see the hostility that made him a flusher, the fear that made him a vulnerable little boy inside, and the confusion that led him on all kinds of different roads. No one could see him like that.
Kill her. She knows too much. She'll use you.
Johnny closed his eyes and told Reverend Meat to go away. He couldn't kill this one. To kill something so beautiful would be an actual mortal sin. But, something came to him...his head snapped up.
"Are you Señor Diablo just playing a trick on me?" He asked suspiciously, knowing that Satan, of all "people" could transform himself into anything...including cheerleaders. He almost shivered at the memory but concentrated on Arliss's face.
She looked shocked enough to the point where Johnny knew she wasn't. Besides, the devil would tell him straight up if it was indeed him inside that pretty body.
"Not the devil…no…" She murmured, running a hand through her hair.
Very few people knew the devil's real name, so Johnny was surprised.
"Are you…are you a waste lock too?" He asked, gulping.
"A waste lock?" Arliss looked at him in question.
"You know-a person of the world that has to soak up all of the bad vibes." He explained cautiously.
"Unfortunately, yes." She sighed sadly.
Johnny felt his heart leap. He had never found another one of HIM. Maybe there was someone else that did know what he felt…
"That's why I said we came from the same piece of cloth. I never knew I'd find another one," Arliss muttered to herself. "No matter, I'm glad you saved me, Johnny."
"Why would you want someone to save you? I would have wanted to die, except I know I can't without stupid shit stopping it." Johnny wondered.
Arliss snorted. "Yeah, I hate it when that happens. How many times have you been up with God and down with Diablo?"
"More times then I've wanted. Egghhh…flying fuckin angel bunnies. They're disturbing." Johnny shuddered.
"Jesus, did I want a gun to shoot those fuckin things down…had bad dreams for weeks about them." Arliss groaned.
Empowered by the feeling of finally having someone, Johnny blurted, "So, do you do it too?"
Arliss looked at him questioningly. "Do what?"
Johnny felt stupid immediately. He thought of the gun in his drawer and wanted to hold it to his head…no, HERS. He wanted to shoot her cause she made him say stupid shit.
That's the Johnny we all know and hate. Go, shoot her. You'll feel better.
"Never mind." He muttered.
"What, you mean…that?" Arliss gestured to the basement door.
He couldn't bring himself to say "Yes", ashamed of his brutality for the very first time in the presence of a pretty girl. Usually, he thought, in the movies, the guy was usually ashamed when his Mom yelled at him in front of a girl about not taking the trash out. But as everyone knew, Johnny wasn't an All American boy. He was ashamed because he hacked people to pieces and the scent of blood fully perfumed the house.
Ah, the world is fucked up. Woe is me.
Johnny smiled sardonically. He nodded in answer to her question.
Arliss looked up at the ceiling as if the answer were written there.
We could write the answer there…in her blood.
Shut the fuck up!
He tried to keep himself calm, waiting for her answer.
"No, I never kill. I might push a few people here and there for being mean to me, but mostly…I'm a creature of the night-like a mirage. People see me, but they think it's an allusion. I'm too chicken to kill anyone." Arliss said broodingly, still staring up at the ceiling.
"Like a Goth, right?" Johnny surmised.
"In fucked up ways."
Johnny's eyes focused on the soft, thin skin of her neck.
O, wouldn't it be sweet to draw a sharp knife against that pretty skin? It'd sure be beautiful to hang that body up on your wall as a wall decoration…ever considered taking skinning up as a hobby, Nny?
He ignored the voice.
"Chicken?" Johnny echoed.
"Yeah. You kill because you're pissed of the way you've been put on the Earth. I am a vessel for never ending depression. If one thing goes wrong, I'm in a slump for weeks, months, hell, maybe even a year." Arliss explained.
Johnny swallowed. "Have you ever…considered killing anyone?" He asked softly.
"Oh, many times. I'd sit in the darkness and watch them go by, cursing them, telling myself to jump up and do something, and then the credit would go to me for merely getting one more asshole out of the world. Isn't there enough of them? I mean, like the world would miss one more? But as always, I was scared I'd get caught. So the anger started to build up, and pretty soon it amounted to…" Arliss trailed off, thoughtfully tugging a black sleeve past her wrist.
Johnny saw the mean angry swipes of a thousand sharp instruments afflicting the soft skin there. Deep enough to split a vein, but never deep enough to guarantee never-ending death towards a person cursed with immortality.
The scars were covered up as fast as they were exposed, and Johnny had to remember the image of them to ensure they really existed.
"You can't die, and you know that." Johnny said quietly.
Arliss's face turned towards his, tears pooling in her beautiful eyes.
"Why didn't I get a chance to live and die a decent person? Why us, Johnny? Why us?" She whimpered softly.
Johnny didn't know what to do. He'd never been around a girl that cried. Well, he had, but those girls had had a REASON to cry. He remembered seeing movies where the heroine would cry and the hero would hug her and take it away. Never hugging anyone before, he didn't know how to approach her. A feeling of pity filled him.
She sat there weeping softly, on his tattered sofa. Johnny thought of the unnamed evil behind the bloody walls, waiting anxiously for its hellish, accidental release. He thought of the jock bleeding on the floor, the blood slowly traveling across the dirty floors to an unknown destination. He also thought how easy it would be for him to kill her.
All Nny had to do was unearth the wicked knife from beneath his shirt and decapitate her. It would be so simple, as her neck was craned towards the floor. One clean swipe. She wouldn't feel a thing.
Suddenly, as if his body had made an unspoken decision, he started towards her.
NO!
But for the first time, Johnny's arms wrapped around another body in comfort.
And down in hell, Señor Diablo gaped in shock. Even God, who sat around trying to make miracles happen but not succeeding, stared in disbelief. And wherever Johnny's victims had gone, heaven or hell, they stared up in jealousy.
It's beyond my control, sometimes it's best to let go
Whatever happens in this lifetimeSo I trust in love
You have given me peace of mind
Almost immediately, Arliss's sobs quieted when she felt his arms around her. She had heard a lot about Johnny, but his hugging had never been mentioned.
He was so skinny; so skinny to the point that when she wrapped her arms back around him cautiously, she felt like she was hugging air.
Sunshine upon my face
A new song for me to sing
Tell the world how I feel inside
Even though it might cost me everything
She wondered how someone so skinny could be so strong at the same time.
Johnny's mouth was near her ear, and she heard him whisper,
"Don't cry."
His arms tightened around her gently and she was surprised how tender he could be, even though he WAS a homicidal maniac. Knowing somehow that he needed a hug as much as she did, she hugged him back.
Arliss recalled watching romance movies, when potential soon-to-be-lovers hugged and knew they were going to kiss when they pulled back. That slow, shy, knowing feeling…she had it.
It was a few minutes before Johnny showed the first sign of letting go of her. Slowly, his cheek brushed against hers. Johnny was full of surprises, and indeed Arliss was when she felt how soft his skin was. Maybe Johnny didn't know much about girls, but she knew he felt the feeling between them. She loosened her hold on his body and their eyes met.
Now that I know this, so beyond, I can't hold this
I can never turn my back away
Now that I've seen you
I can never look away
Since Johnny had been living in a place that reeked of blood and bodily fluids, his sense of smell didn't know too much. But he knew that she smelled like heaven. He tried to figure out what she was wearing-something fruity. Blackberry. That was it, he could swear it. But as he stared into those violet eyes, he knew what was coming.
Don't do it, Nny.
Shut up.
The voice sing songed, She's gonna fuck you up…
SHUT UP!
Suddenly he knew she was going to kiss him. He also knew he'd kiss her back. For once, Nny shut off the voices in his head and concentrated only on her. Suddenly, nothing mattered except the feeling of her soft lips on his. Nny's arms went around her waist once more, tightening protectively when he realized how good of a kisser she was and how good it felt to do something so completely normal as kissing a girl.
I feel so alive for the very first time
I can't deny you
I feel so alive
I feel so alive for the very first time
And I think I can fly
He never wanted it to end, but knew somewhere inside of him that she would leave very soon. Johnny hugged him to her tighter and kissed her back slowly. And at that moment, he was just another boy, on another couch, kissing a girl that he liked. At that moment, he was changed somehow.
Now that I know you (I could never turn my back away)
Now that I see you (I could never look away)
Now that I know you (I could never turn my back away)
Now that I see you (I believe no matter what they say)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Johnny stared broodingly out of a window at the sheets of rain pelting the ground.
It was two months after the Arliss episode. Two months after they had fallen asleep on the roof of his car that night he had saved her. When he had woken up early that morning, Arliss was gone. He had remembered feeling like someone had just ripped him apart. Any happiness he had felt during those crucial hours with her had been smashed to pieces.
The painful memory of her supposed rejection came back to Nny full force and he closed his eyes and looked down at the splintery windowsill, trying not to cry. He still didn't get WHY she had left. He could tell that she had liked him, that she was no ordinary heartbreaker, but why had she left?
The voice of Reverend Meat had been proven right. Arliss fucked him up. Now the taunts coming from the voice were almost too much for Johnny to bear. More than once he considered killing himself so he could go down to Hell and find out where she had gone. Señor Diablo should know, she was one of HIS creatures. If he had all that power, he should have a tracking system for his waste locks. He was the Devil, for Christ's sakes. Satan, Lucifer, the whole nine yards. Damn hell to hell.
Johnny knew without a doubt that if he found her, he'd kill her. He had only suffered heartbreak once, because of Devi, and that was his fault. But he never wanted to feel it again. He felt emptier then he ever had. Johnny's victims caught his frustration and anger worst of all-his killings become more brutal and sick by the minute. Every time he ripped someone's lung out, he imagined Arliss's body parts strewn all over the sidewalk. But try as he might, he never got pleasure out of that vision, not the kind of pleasure he got from ripping a cheerleader's legs off or hacking a guy off with hooks. It was a grim sort of "I have to do this" sort of feeling.
Why do I even have a heart?
Part of the world's punishment, Nny, ole buddy.
Ya know, I think I'll go kill myself later.
See you here again in a few hours.
But he didn't want to move. He could hear Arliss's voice and even though he didn't want to, he flashed back on that night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Johnny and Arliss were stretched out on the hood of his car, looking up at the stars and occasionally at the city looming just below the cliff they had parked on.
Arliss had her head resting on his chest, and Johnny could feel her breathing as he absentmindedly stroked her hair.
"You know, I'm happy." He said quietly.
"Me too. I'm glad you are, Johnny." She said softly.
The words were stuck in his throat, the important words he had heard uttered in countless movies in scenes like this. He wasn't sure if he was SUPPOSED to say them or say them when it was right, but he wanted her to know that he really liked her. Besides, weren't THOSE words what made people leave?
So, not wanting to ruin something so young, he kept his mouth shut.
"It's pretty when you look down on it, but if you're there, it's a shithole." Arliss commented, obviously meaning the city looming out like a sparkling desert in front of them.
"The Planet Earth is the same way. But I'm hardly ever down in the city, I've got enough assholes around my area anyway." Johnny replied.
"Well..." sighed Arliss softly as she sat up, brushing leaves from her hair.
Johnny sat up as well and watched her draw her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself.
"What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.
"I've been out there." Arliss said softly, staring out at the noisy city. Even from where they were, they could hear horns honking, the hum and buzz of a big city.
Johnny saw she was going to say more, so he nodded his agreement and listened.
"It's like an Asshole Farm. They're all so stupid that it hurts me to look at them. And the crime...Jesus Christ,"
Arliss sighed. "I can't tell you how many times I've had money stolen from my wallet, or just my whole wallet at the same time. It's so disgusting and smoky there...you can't breathe, mentally and physically."
"Man, that must really bite." Johnny stared out at the city too, wondering how a tiny girl like Arliss had managed to keep herself safe all these years.
"Well, it gets better when you travel. I'm a wanderer. I can't stay in one place for too long-I get too depressed, too congested. It's a big city, and I've a long way to go before I've seen every nook and cranny of it. Before," She sighed again. "Before I have no place to hide."
"It'll be okay." Johnny said softly, resting his hand on her shoulder. She turned her head to smile weakly at him.
"Hopefully."
And with that, they both laid back down and dwelled not on the city, but the blanket of sky that stretched above them, sprinkled with stars, promising a feeble place called Heaven, where flying angel bunnies flew around and scared wastelocks like Arliss and Johnny, who only went up there to come down.
But at that moment, it was better then anything else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
I'm a wanderer. I can't stay in one place for too long-I get too depressed, too congested.
Last time I talked to you,
you were lonely and out of place.
You were looking down on me,
lost out in space
Arliss's voice came to his ears, so close he thought she might have been standing behind him. But he didn't turn around to see. He stared out at the blinking city lights a few miles away, squinting to see the 24/7 store sign through the hard rain. He saw Arliss cowering behind a Dumpster, soaked to the brim, alone and scared in that big city somewhere in his head.
Good, let the little bitch stay there. She deserves it.
For once, he didn't argue against Reverend Meat.
He sighed and cast his eyes downward once more. As angry as he was, he knew he missed her. It was only one night of her company, but he knew he'd only want that for the rest of his days. Nevertheless, he was going to kill her if he found her. He knew that for a fact. When he rarely slept, he'd sit in bed and dream about how he was going to do it, but try as he might, he couldn't stop thinking about her smell, that kiss, and that smile.
Give me a fuckin' break.
The voice was weaker though, as if Johnny's constant crying had weakened its resolve somehow.
Laid underneath the stars,
strung out and feeling brave.
Watch the riddles glow,
watch them float away
Once again he ignored the irate voice and stared out at the city. That big, crime filled, disgusting, assholic city. The only person who knew of a beautiful soul lurking around in the dirt was him. She was out there. He could feel her even if she had been on the other side of town. She had changed him. But that didn't matter. Arliss wasn't there.
She was somewhere. The next time he saw her, he'd break her heart, so he wouldn't have to worry any more about breaking his own. Tears started to brim, and not for the first time. He thought he heard a sigh in his head...but...he laid his head down on the windowsill and wept.
Down here in the atmosphere,
garbage and city lights,
you gotta save your tired soul,
you gotta save our lives.
Turn on the radio,
to find you on satellite,I'm waiting for the sky to fall,
I'm waiting for a sign.
Arliss...
Hope you remember me,
when you're homesick and need a change
I miss your purple hair,
I miss the way you taste
Come back.
I know you'll come back someday,
on a bed of nails awake.
I'm praying that you don't burn out,
or fade away
Come back for Johnny...
You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.
You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there
Come back.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there
Come back.
But she didn't, and Johnny never asked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
"Alive" belongs to P.O.D and "Somewhere Out There" belongs to Our Lady Peace.