DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters folks.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am going through a divorce and I'm finally allowed to write again. It has been a while for me so I'm a bit rough around the edges. I was inspired by the holiday lights in my own sleepy little town. This is an alternate universe. Buffy is not the slayer nor is anyone that she knows of.

Chapter One

The drive was silent but the background noise was not. Christmas tunes were still playing on the radio despite it only being just a few short hours until Christmas would officially end. In the small town, Christmas lights, bows, and wreaths still decorated the town hall and the adjacent police station. The sleepy little town was coming back to life after a quiet holiday. Gas stations that had been closed were full of customers daring to journey out on Christmas night.

Sighing to herself, Buffy pushed a piece hair out of her face. Christmas hadn't been her favorite holiday in quite sometime, but despite that she knew she'd miss all of the lights. The lit up decorations clinging to each electric pole through the town gave it character. Without them, the town would lose some of it's beauty. It wasn't the gifts or the food she had stuffed herself with, Buffy enjoyed the lights. Something about the lights moved something within her.

All holidays had seemed to lose their glamour to her. It wasn't that she was the Christmas Grinch. She just found herself somewhere in the middle. Buffy didn't looked forward to the holidays, but she didn't complain. Her role was played effortlessly. She sang carols, baked cookies, and exchanged gifts. All in all ... Christmas had been fine. Many would say good. It was simply a success. Just a success.

Surrounded by family and friends, Buffy enjoyed herself. She really did. The trick had been to stay in the moment and to stay busy. After all of the Christmas Eve and Christmas celebrations, she gathered her things and had began her journey back to her own quiet home. There would be no children, minimal decoration, and the need to keep her mind occupied.

Allowing her stepfather, Giles, to drive her home did not make it easy. He said nothing. The music played softly and the two rode in complete silence. She had no idea what he was thinking. Buffy only knew that she'd miss the lights once the town removed them and it would be the only thing she would miss about the holiday season. The other thing she knew was that it was dangerous to wonder. It was very dangerous to allow her mind to wonder what if or why.

Staring out at all of the lights, Buffy silently said to herself, "Don't defend him. Don't make excuses for him. He hurt you. You gave him everything." And before her mind could make a list she had already thought of mailing to him, she shook her head no. It was best not to come up with a timeline of how she had always been there and not once had he had appreciated it or returned the favor. He knew what happened. He didn't care. At the end of the day, it was best not to miss him. Everything had been lie.

Back to observing the lights, Buffy knew life would be much easier to embrace once the holidays ended. She could lock herself in her house for a week and no one would notice. No one would notice because they'd be returning back to the hustle and bustle of the workforce and trying to clean up after the holidays had left debris of wrapping paper, gift boxes, bags, and tape in it's wake.

Upon arriving home, Buffy searched for the dark mark she had scribbled on her set of keys to unlock the deadbolt before moving onto the next lock. The house was cold. She had turned down the heat before leaving. Hanging up the keys, Buffy sighed. She hadn't even said goodbye to her stepfather. Door shut behind her, she considered cleaning up, but then quickly decided against it. Yeah, no one would notice her absence because everyone would be too busy to look for it. Striping off her holiday attire, Buffy climbed beneath the knitted throw on her couch.

It was her last chance to watch the holiday movies that would continue until the last ended around or at twelve. Foregoing the Hallmark channel, Buffy made the decision to just relax and rest her eyes. All the holiday movies were the same. Minimal drama, cute moments, romance, big predictable ending. Groaning, Buffy snuggled more beneath the cover. Maybe she was a Christmas Grinch. Maybe she just wasn't as Grinchy as the rest of the Grinches.

The thought made her groan even more. That was her life. Somewhere stuck in the middle ...

Loneliness creeping inside of her, she found herself even more in the middle. She could have stayed at her parents house and wore out her welcome. She only chose to go home because she was honestly tired of human interaction. And so she put herself in the middle ... She didn't want to be lonely and alone, but she also didn't want to be surrounded by family and friends. They were just reminders of her lifestyle. Nothing was too disastrous and nothing was over the top. Her lack of drive was noticeable to her, but she wondered if it was AS noticeable to her family and friends. She definitely wasn't the same Buffy.

SAFE. That's what she called herself. No boyfriend. No risks. No children. Simple nine to five job. Not that much of a social life. No pets. No plants. No responsibility. It was just her. She was the sister, the aunt, the daughter, the friend. She didn't even feel like Buffy. She just felt like a role in the holiday season... In every season really.

Dozing off, Buffy's last thoughts were of Angel and how two am had to be the loneliest hour. It was the easiest time to miss him.