Bowl Calibur
By Dark Valkyrie Wong
Note: I know that Soul Calibur takes place sometime in the 16th century, but this is a fanfic so it doesn't really matter. And, about the whole Sophitia being a dumb blonde thing. I have nothing against blondes, and in fact have some pretty smart blonde friends. So please don't get mad at me and please don't take any offense! Oh yeah, and there characters are seriously out of character so....Also, I know close to zippity about bowling so all those bowlers out there, please don't get pissed at me! Well, hope you enjoy!
***
It seemed like a perfectly normal day. And it was, sort of. There were many jolly faces at the 31/2 Star Bowl-o-Rama. Most of which belonged to a certain group of people....
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon.....YES!!!!" gleefully shouted Xianhua as her ball hit the pins. It was her first time ever bowling, so she was somewhat surprised at how well she was doing.
"Aw, dammit! They're KILLING us!" groaned Cervantes. "Can't you bastards play any better?" He was pretty pissed off. Even though he was the Bowling King (Cervantes good at bowling. Who knew?) his team was pretty much worthless. "BLEH BLEH BLEH, GAGH!"
Rock, who was on Cervantes' team, seemed pretty upset. It just wasn't one of his good bowling days. "Gruh gruh, UUUUUUURRRRGH! GEEEEERRAAAH!"
Seung Mi Na walked over to where they were sitting and said, "Oh, don't get so mad, Rock. It happens to all of us. But, it don't matter to me 'cause my team's WHIPPIN' YOUR ASSES!!!" Seung Mi Na quickly jumped back to avoid a potentially fatal blow from Rock's HUGE ax. "Ah, don't get so bitchy."
It was Voldo's turn to bowl now. He was on the losing side, and it didn't help his team that he refused to take off his katars when he bowled and that he was blind. He retrieved his ball (actually, he didn't have a ball of his own since it would be impossible for him to tell which one was his) and walked up to the lane. He had to be guided by Ivy, because, well, you know why. He balanced the ball between his twin katars and rolled the ball granny-style down the lane. The first try turned out to be a gutter ball, but the second try hit two pins. A record.
"DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, you idiot! Can't you people do ANYTHING right?!?!" Cervantes heaved a sigh and went up to take his turn. He picked up his ball and stepped up to the lane. He rolled it and went into one of those weird pose thingies that bowlers go into. You know, the one where they cross their legs all weird. The ball thundered straight toward the middle pin and hit head on for a beautiful strike. "HAATCHA! Oh yeah, I'm gooood!" He jumped up and did a short victory dance which I'm not going to go into detail with. It would probably be a violation of some sort of decency rule if I did.
Going over to the other team, it was Hwang's turn up. He picked up his thunder-blue ball (go figure, eh?) and went up to the lane. In all, he hit eight pins. "Ooh yeah....!" He turned to the opposing team and shouted, "Take that, suckers!" He was answered by a barrage of rotting fruit that hat been somehow acquired. "Aaaaw, crap! You got my scarf dirty!"
Next, it was Seigfried's turn. He, too, had never been bowling before. But unlike Xianhua, he was REALLY bad at it. He used his humongo sword as a rack to roll his ball down with. You know, like those racks little kids use to make their ball roll straight. It took a painstakingly long time for the ball to reach the pins, but when it finally did it hit three pins. The second time took even longer. After what seemed like an hour, the ball hit the pins and knocked down four more. Unlike the others on his team, he said nothing. Only smiled triumphantly like a little kid who just went potty on his own.
Reeling back to look at team one's progress (which was not good at all), Sophitia was up. Sure, she may be a killer fighter, but outside of that, she was clueless. With her ball in hand, she walked over to the opposition's lane. "Ummm, do I go to this one?" She seriously didn't know. After going to three different lanes, her idiocy stopped being funny and was just annoying.
"It's that one right there, you stupid blonde!" shouted Seigfreid, pointing to her lane.
"Oh, be quiet you meanie! After all, you're blonde, too!" retorted Sophitia.
"Yeah...well...SHUT UP!"
Maxi leaned over and said, "Ooh, great comeback, Seig."
Sophitia walked up to the lane (the right one), paused, and asked, "Uhhh, where do I roll it? On this wood part or the little ditches?"
Kilik, who was on the other team (remember?) answered her with, "You roll it in the second one you said. Yeah, in the ditches."
"Oh, stop it. That's mean, she's already dumb enough. Sophie, you roll it on the wood part," Taki said.
"Oh, come come now, Taki. You say that we're the ones who are being mean when in fact it is you who are being mean! Now.....Sophie," she shuddered at the name. "you roll the ball in the little ditches."
Confused, Sophitia squeezed her eyes shut and shouted, "Oh, I don't get it I don't get iiiiiit!" and threw the ball. It thumped against the wall above the pins and thunked to the ground. Then it rolled off into the gutter and back behind the pins.
"Haha, that's great! Now do that again!"
"Stop being such a bitch, Mi Na," said Ivy.
Next up was Taki. "Now, let's see what I can do!" She rolled the ball hard, but it went straight into the gutter. The second one was exactly the same. "Ha! Take that, Ivy!"
"Oh, yeah? Well you aren't going to beat ME!" And with that Ivy took her turn, both her tries turning out the exact same way Taki's had. "Now what?!?"
Cervantes groaned. "Geez, you two! What the hell's wrong with you?!?"
"We're just having a little competition of our own!" Taki said.
"What, a competition to see who out of the two of you is worse?!?" raged Cervantes.
"Um, yep! That's about it!" said Ivy, somewhat cheerfully.
*Uh, Ivy, isn't that sort of, well, totally out of character for you?*
"Who cares? This is a fanfic, isn't it?"
*Yeah, guess you're right. Sorry, carry on*
Well, it was nearing the end of the game. Seung Mi Na, Hwang, and Seigfreid of the first team took their last turns and the team's cumulative was quite impressive. The last person on the other team, Taki, was up.
As she walked up to the lane, ball in hand, she was stopped by Cervantes. "Wait, wait, wait. You're probably going to purposely mess up again, but at this point I don't want anybody screwing up!"
"Shuuuuuu! KooooouuuuuuuShuuuuuuuuuukuuuu!"
"What? Voldo, what the hell are you saying?" asked Cervantes.
"Uuung! He says, 'Why the hell does it matter? We only have about half of the points the other team has!' GRRRAAAAAHH!"
Cervantes let out a low grow. "Who cares, you imbecile! I don't want this team to go out with a perfect 0 for the last score, so I'm going to take your turn for you, Taki!"
"WHAT?! Why? You do that and I'll kick your sorry ass, you little...."
"Uh, now now, Taki. Let's not..."
"Oh, shut it Ivy!!!"
"Geez, don't get all huffy!"
"Well, while you two are bickering.."
"WE'RE NOT BICKERING!" came Taki's and Ivy's simultaneous reply. "Don't you know anything about PMS?!" shrieked Taki.
"Whoa, that's a little more than we wanted to know there," said Mi Na. She was looking on at the other team's arguing with interest. At least she was until Taki brought up the whole PMS thing.
Cervantes completely ignored Taki's complaints and took her turn for her. "C'mon, c'mon, all right, BABEH!" He dished out yet another strike. And, since it was the last frame, he got to go again. Another strike. "OH YEAH!!!!" He did his awful victory dance again and shuffled backward. Then he tripped on something and fell onto the electronic score-keeper, knocking it over and screwing something up inside. Well, in any case, something got REALLY screwed up and the scores got all jumbled. Then the score-screens showed that Cervantes' team had three times as many points as the other team. "Haha, we WON!" he shouted in glee.
"What?! No way! You guys didn't really get those points! It only says that because you knocked over the score-keeper thing!" protested Hwang.
"Oh, well! The score-screen says that we won, and you can't argue with the score-screen! Heehee," laughed Ivy.
"Uh, uh. You guys aren't going to get away with this! Eeeeeyaaah!" shouted Xianhua. She was sort of a sore loser, so she ran over to Cervantes' team, sword swinging.
"Ah ha! So you want a fight, eh?" said Taki, and responded with an attack of her own. Well, the two women fighting sparked an all out battle between the two teams. Kilik bashed everybody on the head, Rock and Seigfreid swung their huge weapons at everything, Sophitia showed off her kickflips, and Seung Mi Na would poke Voldo in the back, and when he turned she would run over to where his back would have turned and poke him again. It was a pandemonious (I know that's not a word, but I think you should be able to figure out what I mean) frenzy, but it was quite amusing. It wasn't a real fight, but rather more of a cartoon bash. (Try to imagine the cast of Soul Calibur acting like Looney Toons, and voila!)
"All right! You people have caused enough trouble for one day! You're all outta here!" The manager of the 31/2 Bowl-o-Rama was pretty pissed off at them. After all, he just got the floors repolished! "I'm kickin' y'all out! None of ya's can come back EVER!"
Dusting himself off, Maxi asked, "But why? Come on, can't you just give us a warning or a fine or something?"
The manager thought for a moment. After all, these people gave him an awful lot of business. Finally he decided, "Okay, tell you what. I'll give you three seconds to get out of here, but the last person out the door will have to do a month's worth of work for me!"
Before he had even finished talking, almost everyone had bolted out the door. All except Sophitia. "Huh? What?" It took her quite a while to figure out what happened. Then, when it finally dawned on her, the bowling alley had been cleared out and the toilets desperately needed cleaning. So, the manager handed her the keys to the janitor's closet, told her what to do, and left.
Sophitia stood there for a few minutes, stewing in rage. Then, she heard the door creak open. Mi Na stepped through and walked over to Sophitia.
"Hey, sorry for all of us just ditching you like that. Are you going to be okay?"
"Naw, it's okay."
"You know, if I cared I might stay and help you. But, you know, I don't."
"Well, it's alright. After all, it's only a month."
"Only a month?"
"Yeah! A month is only seven days long!"
"Uh, sorry to break it to ya, Sophitia, but that's a week you're thinking about."
"Huh?"
"A month is about thirty days."
Sophitia stood there a little while longer.
"DAMN!"
NOTE: I do not own any of these characters except for the bowling alley manager, but I really don't care about him. Any character with a name mentioned in this fanfic is the property of Namco. And, for you wise asses out there, I don't own the Looney Toons either. They belong to Warner Bros.
By Dark Valkyrie Wong
Note: I know that Soul Calibur takes place sometime in the 16th century, but this is a fanfic so it doesn't really matter. And, about the whole Sophitia being a dumb blonde thing. I have nothing against blondes, and in fact have some pretty smart blonde friends. So please don't get mad at me and please don't take any offense! Oh yeah, and there characters are seriously out of character so....Also, I know close to zippity about bowling so all those bowlers out there, please don't get pissed at me! Well, hope you enjoy!
***
It seemed like a perfectly normal day. And it was, sort of. There were many jolly faces at the 31/2 Star Bowl-o-Rama. Most of which belonged to a certain group of people....
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon.....YES!!!!" gleefully shouted Xianhua as her ball hit the pins. It was her first time ever bowling, so she was somewhat surprised at how well she was doing.
"Aw, dammit! They're KILLING us!" groaned Cervantes. "Can't you bastards play any better?" He was pretty pissed off. Even though he was the Bowling King (Cervantes good at bowling. Who knew?) his team was pretty much worthless. "BLEH BLEH BLEH, GAGH!"
Rock, who was on Cervantes' team, seemed pretty upset. It just wasn't one of his good bowling days. "Gruh gruh, UUUUUUURRRRGH! GEEEEERRAAAH!"
Seung Mi Na walked over to where they were sitting and said, "Oh, don't get so mad, Rock. It happens to all of us. But, it don't matter to me 'cause my team's WHIPPIN' YOUR ASSES!!!" Seung Mi Na quickly jumped back to avoid a potentially fatal blow from Rock's HUGE ax. "Ah, don't get so bitchy."
It was Voldo's turn to bowl now. He was on the losing side, and it didn't help his team that he refused to take off his katars when he bowled and that he was blind. He retrieved his ball (actually, he didn't have a ball of his own since it would be impossible for him to tell which one was his) and walked up to the lane. He had to be guided by Ivy, because, well, you know why. He balanced the ball between his twin katars and rolled the ball granny-style down the lane. The first try turned out to be a gutter ball, but the second try hit two pins. A record.
"DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, you idiot! Can't you people do ANYTHING right?!?!" Cervantes heaved a sigh and went up to take his turn. He picked up his ball and stepped up to the lane. He rolled it and went into one of those weird pose thingies that bowlers go into. You know, the one where they cross their legs all weird. The ball thundered straight toward the middle pin and hit head on for a beautiful strike. "HAATCHA! Oh yeah, I'm gooood!" He jumped up and did a short victory dance which I'm not going to go into detail with. It would probably be a violation of some sort of decency rule if I did.
Going over to the other team, it was Hwang's turn up. He picked up his thunder-blue ball (go figure, eh?) and went up to the lane. In all, he hit eight pins. "Ooh yeah....!" He turned to the opposing team and shouted, "Take that, suckers!" He was answered by a barrage of rotting fruit that hat been somehow acquired. "Aaaaw, crap! You got my scarf dirty!"
Next, it was Seigfried's turn. He, too, had never been bowling before. But unlike Xianhua, he was REALLY bad at it. He used his humongo sword as a rack to roll his ball down with. You know, like those racks little kids use to make their ball roll straight. It took a painstakingly long time for the ball to reach the pins, but when it finally did it hit three pins. The second time took even longer. After what seemed like an hour, the ball hit the pins and knocked down four more. Unlike the others on his team, he said nothing. Only smiled triumphantly like a little kid who just went potty on his own.
Reeling back to look at team one's progress (which was not good at all), Sophitia was up. Sure, she may be a killer fighter, but outside of that, she was clueless. With her ball in hand, she walked over to the opposition's lane. "Ummm, do I go to this one?" She seriously didn't know. After going to three different lanes, her idiocy stopped being funny and was just annoying.
"It's that one right there, you stupid blonde!" shouted Seigfreid, pointing to her lane.
"Oh, be quiet you meanie! After all, you're blonde, too!" retorted Sophitia.
"Yeah...well...SHUT UP!"
Maxi leaned over and said, "Ooh, great comeback, Seig."
Sophitia walked up to the lane (the right one), paused, and asked, "Uhhh, where do I roll it? On this wood part or the little ditches?"
Kilik, who was on the other team (remember?) answered her with, "You roll it in the second one you said. Yeah, in the ditches."
"Oh, stop it. That's mean, she's already dumb enough. Sophie, you roll it on the wood part," Taki said.
"Oh, come come now, Taki. You say that we're the ones who are being mean when in fact it is you who are being mean! Now.....Sophie," she shuddered at the name. "you roll the ball in the little ditches."
Confused, Sophitia squeezed her eyes shut and shouted, "Oh, I don't get it I don't get iiiiiit!" and threw the ball. It thumped against the wall above the pins and thunked to the ground. Then it rolled off into the gutter and back behind the pins.
"Haha, that's great! Now do that again!"
"Stop being such a bitch, Mi Na," said Ivy.
Next up was Taki. "Now, let's see what I can do!" She rolled the ball hard, but it went straight into the gutter. The second one was exactly the same. "Ha! Take that, Ivy!"
"Oh, yeah? Well you aren't going to beat ME!" And with that Ivy took her turn, both her tries turning out the exact same way Taki's had. "Now what?!?"
Cervantes groaned. "Geez, you two! What the hell's wrong with you?!?"
"We're just having a little competition of our own!" Taki said.
"What, a competition to see who out of the two of you is worse?!?" raged Cervantes.
"Um, yep! That's about it!" said Ivy, somewhat cheerfully.
*Uh, Ivy, isn't that sort of, well, totally out of character for you?*
"Who cares? This is a fanfic, isn't it?"
*Yeah, guess you're right. Sorry, carry on*
Well, it was nearing the end of the game. Seung Mi Na, Hwang, and Seigfreid of the first team took their last turns and the team's cumulative was quite impressive. The last person on the other team, Taki, was up.
As she walked up to the lane, ball in hand, she was stopped by Cervantes. "Wait, wait, wait. You're probably going to purposely mess up again, but at this point I don't want anybody screwing up!"
"Shuuuuuu! KooooouuuuuuuShuuuuuuuuuukuuuu!"
"What? Voldo, what the hell are you saying?" asked Cervantes.
"Uuung! He says, 'Why the hell does it matter? We only have about half of the points the other team has!' GRRRAAAAAHH!"
Cervantes let out a low grow. "Who cares, you imbecile! I don't want this team to go out with a perfect 0 for the last score, so I'm going to take your turn for you, Taki!"
"WHAT?! Why? You do that and I'll kick your sorry ass, you little...."
"Uh, now now, Taki. Let's not..."
"Oh, shut it Ivy!!!"
"Geez, don't get all huffy!"
"Well, while you two are bickering.."
"WE'RE NOT BICKERING!" came Taki's and Ivy's simultaneous reply. "Don't you know anything about PMS?!" shrieked Taki.
"Whoa, that's a little more than we wanted to know there," said Mi Na. She was looking on at the other team's arguing with interest. At least she was until Taki brought up the whole PMS thing.
Cervantes completely ignored Taki's complaints and took her turn for her. "C'mon, c'mon, all right, BABEH!" He dished out yet another strike. And, since it was the last frame, he got to go again. Another strike. "OH YEAH!!!!" He did his awful victory dance again and shuffled backward. Then he tripped on something and fell onto the electronic score-keeper, knocking it over and screwing something up inside. Well, in any case, something got REALLY screwed up and the scores got all jumbled. Then the score-screens showed that Cervantes' team had three times as many points as the other team. "Haha, we WON!" he shouted in glee.
"What?! No way! You guys didn't really get those points! It only says that because you knocked over the score-keeper thing!" protested Hwang.
"Oh, well! The score-screen says that we won, and you can't argue with the score-screen! Heehee," laughed Ivy.
"Uh, uh. You guys aren't going to get away with this! Eeeeeyaaah!" shouted Xianhua. She was sort of a sore loser, so she ran over to Cervantes' team, sword swinging.
"Ah ha! So you want a fight, eh?" said Taki, and responded with an attack of her own. Well, the two women fighting sparked an all out battle between the two teams. Kilik bashed everybody on the head, Rock and Seigfreid swung their huge weapons at everything, Sophitia showed off her kickflips, and Seung Mi Na would poke Voldo in the back, and when he turned she would run over to where his back would have turned and poke him again. It was a pandemonious (I know that's not a word, but I think you should be able to figure out what I mean) frenzy, but it was quite amusing. It wasn't a real fight, but rather more of a cartoon bash. (Try to imagine the cast of Soul Calibur acting like Looney Toons, and voila!)
"All right! You people have caused enough trouble for one day! You're all outta here!" The manager of the 31/2 Bowl-o-Rama was pretty pissed off at them. After all, he just got the floors repolished! "I'm kickin' y'all out! None of ya's can come back EVER!"
Dusting himself off, Maxi asked, "But why? Come on, can't you just give us a warning or a fine or something?"
The manager thought for a moment. After all, these people gave him an awful lot of business. Finally he decided, "Okay, tell you what. I'll give you three seconds to get out of here, but the last person out the door will have to do a month's worth of work for me!"
Before he had even finished talking, almost everyone had bolted out the door. All except Sophitia. "Huh? What?" It took her quite a while to figure out what happened. Then, when it finally dawned on her, the bowling alley had been cleared out and the toilets desperately needed cleaning. So, the manager handed her the keys to the janitor's closet, told her what to do, and left.
Sophitia stood there for a few minutes, stewing in rage. Then, she heard the door creak open. Mi Na stepped through and walked over to Sophitia.
"Hey, sorry for all of us just ditching you like that. Are you going to be okay?"
"Naw, it's okay."
"You know, if I cared I might stay and help you. But, you know, I don't."
"Well, it's alright. After all, it's only a month."
"Only a month?"
"Yeah! A month is only seven days long!"
"Uh, sorry to break it to ya, Sophitia, but that's a week you're thinking about."
"Huh?"
"A month is about thirty days."
Sophitia stood there a little while longer.
"DAMN!"
NOTE: I do not own any of these characters except for the bowling alley manager, but I really don't care about him. Any character with a name mentioned in this fanfic is the property of Namco. And, for you wise asses out there, I don't own the Looney Toons either. They belong to Warner Bros.