OKAY. So, let me make this clear to you guys. THIS IS A JOKE. I wrote it because one of my friend's on twitter asked me to… And I laughed the entire time I was writing it. PLEASE don't leave me a flame about how ridiculous it is. I know it's ridiculous. It's supposed to be. -_- So. Yeah. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. :DD

He was lost. The irony of the thought was almost too much for him to take without laughing. His entire life had been made up of direction, knowing where he was, telling others where they were. But now? Gone. He had lost his grip on everything but the way it felt when the doctor's hands ran over his body. And, boy, did it feel good.

Almost sinful. Well, not almost. Definitely sinful. There was no way that feeling this amazing from a physical touch wasn't frowned upon. But he didn't care. Year after year of being used as a tool, he had finally found someone that treasured him. And Spencer didn't have to speak in order to prove how much he treasured this small scrap of paper.

The way the young doctor's fingers brushed so gently across the lines that made up the landmarks on his skin. It was enough. And sometimes, the man would carry him to a place of solitude, where the other members of his team could not criticize them. Those few precious moments alone…

The map trembled under Spencer's fingertips as they curved along a backroad, searching so desperately for what he needed- clue of some sort. Map took great pride in knowing that no one else could give him what he desired. He had never seen Spencer look at another agent the way he was looking at him now. The young doctor wet his lips with the tip of his tongue in concentration, worrying at the skin with his teeth for a moment before he removed his fingers from the map, a small smile on his face.

That tease. He knew exactly what he was doing.

"Guys, using his crimes as reference points, I've managed to triangulate the area of his comfort zone."

The fingers were back on him, and Map could feel himself blushing at the contact. Being touched like this… In front of so many people… It was shameful. And exhilarating.

"He stays in the same fifteen mile radius…" Spencer's voice and the way he was being touched ever so lightly took Map to a place of ecstasy. He couldn't stop himself from shivering again.

"Good job, Reid." One of the men patted the doctor on the back, but Map hardly noticed.

Spencer was rolling him up, tucking him away in his bag.

That's the wonderful thing about their relationship. Spencer was wonderful at bringing him to new heights of excitement, but he also had never felt safer than he was when he was inside the doctor's messenger bag. And now, Spencer was going to make sure that everyone else was safe. And, among all of the thoughts in Map's head, he knew that three things were positively certain.

1) Spencer Reid was the love of his life.

2) Spencer Reid was going to catch who he was after.

3) Swiper would not be swiping for much longer.