Tweek,

I bet you're wondering why I'm writing to you and not someone I was closer with. Well that's complicated and eventually I might allow you the knowledge of truth, or end up confessing my innermost thoughts to you.

But right now, I'll keep it simple. You're not a complete asshole like most the other people in South Park and I feel I can trust you.

Now, I need someone to keep my spirits up. Jersey sucks balls like you wouldn't believe. Remember the time all the Jersey fucktards invaded South Park. Well this is their town and there are thousands of them, with their shitty outfits and douchebag attitudes. I just can't take it man.

Mom and dad seem right at home, oblivious to the fact their son feels like jumping off one of the many skyscrapers that surround our tiny, cramped apartment. I mean, of course they're happy, dad in his new job is fucking raking it in and mom is promptly spending it on hair weave, acrylics and makeup. As soon as we set foot in town, she reverted back to insane Jesey whore. I may've been born here, but I feel I don't belong. Do you get me? I feel like a fucking hic and I haven't changed my clothes or attitude. Just my address.

Fuck, it feels like I've been condemned to some form of hell on earth. I now understand what Cartman means; god must really hate the Jews. Because to drag me away from everything I hold the dearest is so fucked up, I can't even begin to describe it.

Ike also misses South Park, he's taking the move better than me but he's not at all pleased with being dragged away from everything he ever knew. He's actually the closest thing I have to a friend here right now and even gave me reason to laugh for the first time in over a week yesterday. We were sitting in the sand having a soda, when we began reminiscing about our home. I named people I missed the most; you, Stan, Kenny. Ike on the other hand began a nonsensical rant about none other than Karen McCormick. After wrestling my surprisingly strong brother in the sand and pinning him, he confessed he has had a crush on Karen for almost two years and I couldn't help but laugh in his face. Fuck, he's adorable when he's pissed off. Wait, is adorable an appropriate word to use for a ten year old? I don't know.

I started school today; the kids aren't like they are back home. I miss everyone so much and I doubt I'll ever fit in here. I'm just a bumpkin from a two horse, shithole mountain town. I will die in this fucking city.

I got a job, peddling souvenirs for the shore down by the beach. It sucks; no one will ever buy shit from the kid sweating to death in the coat and the bright green ushanka.

I have no choice but to persevere though, I'll find employment more suited and when I save enough cash I'm definitely coming home. I don't care what anyone says, I need the breath the shit scented South Park air, honestly this place smells like hair gel, tanning lotion and diesel from the emissions caused by the large gas guzzling SUV's. I fucking hate this place.

I sincerely wish I was there right now, fucking about with the guys; yes even Cartman. No matter how much of a fat fuck he is, these people somehow make him look saintly.

The only thing that gives me hope right now is imagining when you receive this. I envisage you sitting somewhere secluded, quiet. Away from the hustle and bustle of other kids. You have a takeaway coffee you made yourself when you checked in at Tweak Bros. before school. Because being manager is the shit. You twitch as you read the letter and you see it's from me and smirk because I was always the nicest to you when you hung out with us. Your eyes silently scan the page and you don't know what to think. Well here's something amazing you can ponder, the coffee here tastes like someone's sweaty balls have been soaking in it for months on end. What I'd give for you to make me a soy cappuccino right now, like you did every morning before school, because I'd come in knowing you'd be there and although you weren't working, you'd never allow anyone else to make my order. You're a good friend Tweek.

Life isn't fair, this is proof. Just because your parents get a better job offer away from town doesn't mean you should be sentenced to fucking purgatory. I feel like I'm a lifeless shell right now, roaming these foreign lands, hoping to somehow make it work and I doubt I can make this work. There's no way I see anything going right here, at least in South Park, I knew when I awoke in the morning I'm bound to end up in some chaotic situation. Here, their brand of chaos is if the salon doesn't have an appointment or the local diner runs low on fried pickles. It's so majorly fucked up dude, you should visit you'd freak the fuck out the moment you set foot on the soil.

I just feel so depressed; I have lost my will to go on. This place feels like it sucks the life from you. I don't want to be consumed by a town, I definitely don't want to become a suicide statistic although as the days pass that seems the only option to get out.

I hope you reply to me soon. I fear without a connection to home, I might slowly be sucked in by the city douchbaggery, and I don't want to lose touch with who I truly am.

Your letters will keep me humble and sane, I just know it.

Kyle.

A/N - Hope you enjoyed this first letter.

This fic is going to be a piece written by myself along with my amazing friend, writing partner and editior XxDarkSarcasm1010xX

We brainstormed the idea earlier for a cute, letter style fic and chose the characters we write best? Why are we working together you ask? Because for one of us alone to write both characters it would've been obvious and ended up sounding the same. So yeah we picked and I am Kyle, she is Tweek. They'll sound different and this will be fucking awesome. So enjoy and don't forget to let us know what you think.