I'd had my eye on him ever since initiation. He was the most interesting guy I'd ever met, and something about the harsh way he talked to us during training made me even more interested. Of course I should have known better than to fall in love with my instructor, but sometimes you just can't help yourself. When I saw him interact with the small Stiff girl I'd later get to know as Tris, I thought nothing of it. I actually enjoyed it when he threw those knives at her, and when shefull-on punched him in the face - it made me feel better about my own impossible dream to be with him. If he didn't like her, he might like me. All through initiation I stared at him from across the room, constantly torn between my desire to excel at everything so he'd admire me, or the need to seem weak to get his help. Eventually I chose both, ending up somewhere in the middle of the final rankings. When I saw him kissing Tris it felt as if my heart had shattered into a thousand pieces. How was this possible? What did she have that I didn't? My best friend Marlene and I spent the rest of the evening getting drunk, unable to stand the company of the 'other couple' Will and Christina, and not wanting Uriah to see our heartbreak over an instructor. Fine, we'd both accepted the fact we could never have him, he was older, high-ranked, intimidating.. We knew that. Could live with that, even. But when he chose Tris, it was worse than if he'd never even known we existed. He chose one of us – it could have been any of the girls in our initiation group, and he chose the girl everybody saw as inferior and weak! It enraged us, and for weeks after that we glared at her together. That is, until Marlene fell in love with Uriah and I was left alone with my pain and my hate. I was surrounded by couples now, happy, kissing, laughing couples and it made me sick with jealousy. Of course Four wasn't the only attractive guy in the Dauntless compound, but somehow he was the only one I really wanted. I tried to distract myself for a while, hanging out with Zeke seeing as we were the only singles in our group of friends, but it just didn't work. I kept pining for him, the one I'd never have. When he finally broke up with Tris, my heart skipped a beat at the realization he might be in my reach now. Unfortunately I had avoided contact with the both of them, so I had no way of knowing if he remembered me, and couldn't possibly ask Tris for advice to win his heart. Eventually Zeke was the one that set us up on a "blind date" – which in Dauntless terms meant you met up in an empty apartment with all the lights out, so you could talk to each other without judging what you saw. That has something to do with bravery I suppose, and had he told me who I was meeting there I probably never would've gone. But I did, and we talked, and when the lights finally were turned on and I looked into his eyes, we both knew we wanted to be together.