Author's note: all the usual disclaimers apply. This is a fluffy piece for fun only and I fully acknowledge Tommy and Winston are not true to character but with a little stretch of the imagination...
Each evening Barbara Havers tentatively checked her account to see if any interesting new profiles had been added. Normally there was no one who matched her filters and when there were most of them turned out to be turkeys. The last one she met for dinner had such bad body odour that she had become nauseated. At least she had not lied to him when she told him she felt ill and had to leave.
Her subscription to the online dating service was due to expire at the end of the month and she had no intention of renewing. It had been a desperate last ditch attempt to find a partner but no one was ever going to meet her expectations. No one was ever going to be Lynley!
She flicked quickly through three profiles. Two were plumbers and the third a metal grinder. She snorted dismissively. Every second profile seemed to be a plumber and Barbara wondered why there were so many lonely plumbers in London. Perhaps it was the lingering smell of drains that turned women off. She was about to log off when a new message binged. She sighed but looked anyway. There was no photo which she thought was a downside of the site but she would be a hypocrite to insist on one as she had also chosen not to load one. She quickly skimmed his details:
Username: Cornish Lad Sounds like a horse!
Age: 42 Good
Height: 6'3" Hmmm
Weight: 15 st (ish) Probably three stone more!
Hair: Brown Good but probably balding
Eyes: Brown Good
Facial Hair: None Good
Tattoos: None Not a plumber then!
Occupation: Stockbroker Ugh!
Area: West London Convenient enough but probably a bloody toff
Marital status: Widowed Great, a man with a tragic loss and no one will ever live up to their saintly first wife
Children: Nil A small blessing
Interests: Reading crime dramas, good music, horse riding, and good pint at the local. Horse riding? Does everyone from Cornwall have a thing for nags?
Looking for: Relationship with a view to the future. Honest, down-to-earth woman. No children preferred.
Barbara flicked off the profile and got ready for bed. She had trouble sleeping and thought about her life. She was lonely and becoming more miserable about it. She had thought at one point about a year after Helen's death that Tommy was showing some interest but he had made no effort to change their relationship so she knew it was just her imagination. She sighed and returned to her computer. She brought up Cornish Lad again and pressed the 'Interested' button. She still had four free matches before the end of the contract. There was no harm in meeting him if he had any interest in her.
The computer on Winston Nkata's desk binged. It had been going off all night. Cornish Lad was quite a hit with the women but he rejected them all except for two completely unsuitable women. Finally the one he wanted responded. He checked out her profile.
Username: Theresa34 I told you to pick something sexier, it sounds like a nun!
Age: 39
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 9.5 st
Hair: Strawberry Blonde Really Barb?
Eyes: Hazel. Now that is a plain lie! I guess green might frighten people.
Facial Hair: N/A
Tattoos: None
Occupation: Florist You are kidding? Florist!
Area: Camden
Marital status: Single
Children: Nil
Interests: Reading, TV crime drama, music, pub life.
Looking for: Relationship with a view to the future. Must have compassionate nature with good sense of humour and enjoy the simple things of life.
Winston was about to press 'Accept' when he realised he was playing with their lives. He took a deep breath. He had no idea if the DI would even go for it. Online dating was something so far removed from his world that he would never consider it, but after their conversation in the pub the other night when a tipsy Lynley had surprisingly confided how lonely he was and how everyone he met just saw his title and money, Winston had decided to act. The DI and Barbara were perfect for each other but because they were such good friends neither seemed to see it. Winston wondered if that was actually true. He had seen them both look at each other when the other could not see. They felt it alright but they were scared to lose what they had. They needed each other and neither would risk that on any ill-fated attempt at love. Winston decided to wait and talk to the DI tomorrow.
Winston took a suspicious Lynley to lunch. Barbara was with Lafferty going through some case files and would not be back until mid-afternoon. They chatted about the cases for a while before Tommy said, "what is it Winston? You clearly have something on your mind."
It took Winston five minutes to explain that he had been thinking about their conversation and had set up a profile for Lynley on the site and how he had attracted over fifty hits in just two days. Winston at first feared for his job but after being berated by Lynley for five minutes he began to fear for his life.
"No! I've told you three times Winston, that sort of thing is not me. Even Barbara hasn't resorted to that," he said dismissively, "has she?"
Winston shrugged non-commitally. "What harm is there Sir? You might find someone."
"Winston, can you imagine me explaining to Mother that I met the next Lady Asherton through a desperate and dateless site? I'm sorry, I know you meant well but please close the account. That sort of thing is not for me."
Winston had one last shot and slipped a piece of paper across the table. "These are the login details if you change your mind."
All afternoon Lynley sat staring at his wall. He was lonely but what had he become if his constable thought he needed to use an online service to find a woman? He thought back to the time he had mocked Barbara for using dating services. Had she been that lonely? Tommy wondered if she was still that lonely. He contemplated asking her to dinner but instead simply asked her for a drink at the pub.
The evening was filled with the usual banter and comfortable discussion of the case. Tommy drove her home and was hoping she might invite him in. Perhaps in a quieter atmosphere he could somehow bring up the idea that they should start seeing each other. He was nervous but when she hopped out of the car and wished him a quick goodnight Tommy had no reasonable way to change the circumstances. "Okay, see you tomorrow Barbara."
He drove home confused and frustrated. He was being a fool thinking that she might be interested in being more than friends. Barbara would never want to risk their working relationship. They were both hopeless at love and the more he thought about it the more awkward the idea felt. He poured a large whiskey followed by several others and sat on his sofa thinking about his life. Winston was right. He was not the type of man who was meant to be alone. He needed to find someone to share his life with and any fantasies about Barbara were misplaced. They were friends and probably always would be but they both needed someone else in their lives.
The more he drank the more he thought and the more he thought the more lonely he became. Tommy pulled out his laptop and retrieved Winston's paper. He logged in and reviewed his matches. There were several requests but none seemed suitable. They were too old, had too much baggage or were too dull. Only one was mildly interesting, Theresa34. Tommy read the instructions and hit 'Accept'. Almost instantly the screen changed and it asked him to ping Theresa34 or email her. Tommy took another swig of his whiskey and hit 'Ping'.
Barbara was reviewing the BBC news site when her computer pinged. She was startled but interested to see it was 'Cornish Lad'. She maximized the screen and in the chat room tentatively typed 'Hi'.
Tommy was surprised to see his computer transform into a chat room and for that single word to be so ominous on the screen. He was tempted to shut it and run back to his bottle. Instead he typed 'Hi'.
T34: How are you?
CL: Well thanks. And you?
T34: Good. Thanks for responding.
CL: My pleasure. I am not very experienced at this. I am not sure of the protocols.
T34: Oh? We just chat and then decide if we want to meet, chat more later or go our own ways.
CL: I see. This is my first 'connection'.
T34: It gets easier. You'll find after five minutes you'll know if someone is worth pursuing.
CL: So you have pursued or rejected a lot then?
T34: That makes me sound so lame.
CL: Sorry, I did not mean it that way.
T43: That's ok. Not really. I joined for a month and it is nearly up. I tried meeting a few blokes but they were not for me. I leave the site next week and decided you might be interesting as a last shot.
CL: Right. Last of a bad lot am I?
T34: No sorry. I didn't mean to imply that. I'm just not sure online dating is for me, that's all.
CL: Me either. A colleague joined me up. I decided to have a look. You seemed more interesting than most.
T34: Thanks. I am not sure people in my real life would think that.
CL: Why not?
T34: I am not generally the life of the party.
CL: You don't have to be. My life has been full of shallow, bubbly women. I think I need someone more earthy.
T34: Right, well I guess I could be described as earthy.
CL: Makes sense with your job.
T34: ?
CL: As a florist. That's earthy in a sense. Sorry I'm making a hash of this aren't I?
T34: No, actually you are refreshing. Most guys try to impress you and then try to find out what you look like and your attitudes to things like sex. It makes you feel like you're in a meat market.
CL: I'm sorry. It must be hard. We are shallow creatures at times. Tell me about your work.
Theresa34 and Cornish Lad chatted to each other for another hour. Both made up stories about their work based on reality but woven around flowers and stocks. Neither wanted to confess to being in the force. Tommy found she was easy to talk to and poured out secrets about how he felt and reacted after his unnamed wife died in an accident. Theresa34 was sympathetic and empathetic in away he had not expected. She spoke of a dear friend who had had a similar experience and talked about her hurt at his rejection in a way that it touched Tommy. He knew he had hurt his family and Barbara by reacting the same way but his conversation with Theresa34 really brought it home. He vowed to apologise again to Barbara.
Barbara also found Cornish Lad intriguing. He reminded her of Tommy in some ways but he was much more relaxed and open. She wished she had been able to talk to Lynley like this instead of dancing awkwardly around each other. The inevitable question came up.
CL: It's getting late. So what happens now?
T43: We can chat again tomorrow night. Can you be online at the same time?
CL: Yes, I'd like that. Good night and thanks for listening to me.
T34: I enjoyed it. Good night.
CL: Sweet dreams.
The next day Tommy was in a good mood which pleased Barbara. She watched him acutely wishing that he would open up just that little bit more. She was still in love with him but had to admit Cornish Lad had possibilities. She had decided to keep chatting for a few nights before meeting him to get to know him better. She had rushed straight into meeting the others and everything had been awkward. Maybe it would be easier if they knew each other more.
Tommy felt guilty every time he looked at Barbara and could not work out why. He could still be friends with her even if he dated other women. He was not going to give Winston any satisfaction by disclosing that he had signed in and chatted with a woman. He assumed she was a woman. Anybody could pretend to be anyone online and never be caught and if Winston could impersonate him to sign up anything was possible. Tommy fretted about how he could investigate the site but anything he did would arouse suspicion. He would simply chat and see what happened.
For the next three nights they chatted. Neither realised that in real life their patterns had changed and no one but Winston had noticed. Normally they would grab a drink at the pub and meander home. Now they left work and went straight home not even thinking that the other might think that was strange. Winston still had the log in. He knew Tommy and Barbara had been chatting online. He could not see their conversations but he could see they had chatted for over three hours each night. He smiled to himself but wondered how he would fare when they realised they had been chatting to each other.
Winston knew the day had arrived when Barbara came into work dressed quite smartly. Tommy was his usual dapper self but had on a blue pinstripe suit that Winston had only seen him use to go to court. There would be a navy blue tie lurking somewhere. He appraised his DI. Yes, you look like a stoke broker.
"Are you in court today?" Barbara asked him when he arrived.
"No, I just had an issue with laundry," he replied.
Barbara thought that was strange but said nothing more. Whatever Tommy did after hours was none of her business. Normally it would hurt admitting that but Cornish Lad seemed really nice and she was hoping that tonight he turned out to be someone she could get to know and like. For the first time in years Barbara felt slightly optimistic about her private life.
Tommy dropped his car at home then hailed a cab to the pub they had selected. His car might frighten off Theresa who seemed a little class conscious. That seemed to be a theme amongst women he liked. They were either snobs or proud of their working class origins. He wanted a woman who did not care. As he sat in the pub waiting for her to arrive he wondered if he was doing the right thing. They seemed to click online but face to face it might be different. Also he had lied to her about his job and some of his personal facts. Dropping in 'oh by the way my friends call me Lord Asherton' would hardly have been believable. If she really liked him it should not matter but he knew it would.
The pub was not crowded and it had an impersonal feel. He preferred the older, heavily timbered pubs where you could wonder who through the years had sat and drank there. This was a post-war pub, no doubt replacing one that had been bombed in the blitz, and it seemed sterile. He was about to leave when he saw Barbara walk through the door and scan the room. Tommy looked around in panic. He had no avenue of escape. He pulled up the menu in front of his face. It was the only thing he could do.
Barbara was looking around for Cornish Lad and did not see Tommy sitting at his table. She choose a seat by the bar and waited. She was supposed to be slightly taller with blonde hair and more non-descript eyes. If she did not like the look of Cornish Lad she would simply slip away. He was supposed to be wearing a white rose in his lapel. It had seemed so corny but he had insisted given she was a florist. In turn she was supposed to wear a red one. Hers was still tucked securely in her handbag. He had joked that he hoped they would get on better than the houses of York and Lancaster.
Tommy peeked over the top of his stained and tattered menu then retreated behind it. It was definitely Barbara. He wondered if she was following him but dismissed the idea. The pub was in Camden so it was possible she was meeting someone. She seemed to be looking around anxiously and then glancing at her watch. He checked his own. It was ten minutes after the agreed meeting time and he began to think Theresa34 had backed out. He was not sure whether to be disappointed or relieved or both.
Barbara's trained eyes made surveillance easier. There were no likely prospects for Cornish Lad except a man hiding behind a menu at a corner table who might well be trying to spot her. She threw caution to the wind and opened her bag and retrieved her flower.
Tommy nearly fell off his chair. Barbara is Theresa! At first he was horrified but then it made sense. That was why he had felt so comfortable telling her things he had not even told her in real life. He realised the stupidity of that thought. He should have spoken to Barbara about his feelings a long time ago. He did not think through the consequences and came up behind her as she was staring at the door.
"Barbara!"
She swung around in shock. "Sir! What are you doing..." Then she saw the flower on his lapel. She was devastated. She was so angry she reacted instinctively and slapped him across the face. "You bastard!" She ran in tears from the pub, ignoring the stares of onlookers. She did not want to go home so she disappeared down the steps of the Tube station and jumped on the first train going anywhere.
Tommy was not sure what he had expected but a slap had not figured in his thinking. He had imagined a scene where they realised they loved each other, kissed and everyone lived happily ever after. He stood motionless for several seconds. He pulled a fiver from his pocket and threw it on the bar then charged after her. She was not in the street. He hailed a cab and gave the driver Barbara's address.
Tommy paced up and down in front of her flat for three hours before she came home. Twice he had needed to show his warrant card to a passing bobby. "Where the hell have you been?" he demanded angrily when she finally appeared, "I've been worried sick about you."
"What worried that your little joke with Winston had backfired and that I might have come to some harm? Well ha bloody ha. I hope you are both amused. I will never forgive either of you. Now if you'll let me pass please so I can get into my flat I would appreciate it. Or should I hit you again?"
Lynley stepped back but he was not capitulating. "Winston! Did he enrol you on the site too? Let me come in. We need to talk Barbara. I didn't know, honestly."
Barbara looked at Tommy; a piercing look straight into his eyes. "No but he was the only one who knew I was on it," she said slowly, "you didn't know did you?"
"No," Tommy said softly.
Barbara opened her door and beckoned him inside. "This had better be the truth Sir."
As Tommy sat nervously on the edge of her sofa and bent forward towards her he told her everything that had happened. He relayed his conversations with Winston and how in his drunken desperation to feel connected he had logged into the site. "It was easy to say those things online, a lot easier than face to face," he confessed.
"You know at first Sir I wondered if it was you but then I thought you would never use online dating services and Cornish Lad opened up so much. I wish we could talk like that. I thought you were real. I even started to look at your investment advice!"
"That was real. I was looking at it for estate funds. Besides what I said was the truth even if I was hiding who I really am. I was scared to tell you those things face to face. I thought it might lessen your view of me to admit I wasn't coping."
"Right! And you behaviour told everyone exactly how well you coped. You can be an idiot at times Sir."
"I know. I should have told you so much before now and stopped being afraid. Anyway, what made you decide to be a florist? You were quite convincing about flowers."
Barbara held up a gardeners guide that was next to her laptop. "I've used this a lot this month."
"So am I forgiven?" he asked tentatively.
Barbara sighed. There was no point in pretending, she was always going to forgive him. "Yeah but Winston on the other hand."
They laughed. "I could arrange a transfer to the Shetlands for winter perhaps?" Tommy joked.
"Really? You could do that? Don't tempt me."
Tommy smiled at her in the way he only did with her. "Barbara?"
She struggled to focus on his words. His eyes were glowing in such an inviting way that she wanted to reach out and stroke his face. "Hmm?"
"Everything I said when I was Cornish Lad was real but I kept wishing I could say these things to you without ruining what we have. Now that they have been said will you take the chance?"
"With what?" Barbara looked at him puzzled.
"Being lovers instead of friends." Tommy kissed her tenderly but with intent. She responded instantly.
"I don't normally kiss a man on the first date," she replied breathlessly, "but tonight I might make an exception."
"I am honoured," he replied, "but it's not like we just met."
"In a way it is. I might finally have met the real Tommy." She kissed him with such passion that Tommy felt faint.
Winston sat up worrying all night. There had been no chat traffic about a missed meeting so they must have caught up. He hoped that they had fallen into each other's arms and that they were thankful to him. If not tonight might be his last as a policeman.
He arrived at work early but Tommy and Barbara were both waiting for him. Tommy wordlessly handed him a transfer slip. He glanced and saw the destination and groaned. It was far worse than being dismissed!
Tommy and Barbara left him staring and went into Lynley's office and shut the door. Winston thought he could hear laughter but then everything went silent. For the next few minutes Winston just stood there, unsure what to do; a thousand thoughts running through his head.
"A delivery for you Winston," one of the other constables said, "looks like you got lucky last night." Nkata turned and was handed a bouquet of roses, six white, six red and one pink. He turned and saw Lynley and Barbara standing together in the door of the DI's office. Tommy's hair was slightly dishevelled and for a split second Winston noticed they were holding hands before they discretely parted.
Tommy strode past Winston and hissed. "You were lucky we didn't transfer you but thank you." Winston looked at Barbara and she grinned and blushed. Winston now understood the single pink rose.