A/N: Co-written by, you guessed it, Rachel and Katherine! It's our first R&I FF. Please leave us some feedback! Enjoy! XO
DISCLAIMER: HA. Don't own them. Never will.
As the surgeon retreats from the room, Maura Isles takes a deep breath. The blood pressure cuff tightens around her arm and she winces from the pressure, but the feeling is nothing compared to the emotional pain she is enduring. Complete nephrectomy: the laparoscopic removal of one or both kidneys. The definition bounced around in her brain. Her chance to save Cailin, her chance at saving Hope. "I don't want any part of you living in me." Maura cringed as she relived Cailin's words over and over in her head. The sterile walls in the pre-op room start to close in around her and she focuses on breathing, willing herself to calm down. What am I doing?
Jane. Her conscience taunts her. Jane. What about my chance with Jane? It's like a whisper she can't chase away. She fidgets with her IV, trying to focus on anything other than thoughts of her raven-haired best friend. She lays her head back against the pillow and stares at the clock, accepting the fact that her brain is going to continue to betray her. Her mind drifts to their morning routine, simple yet complex, and what she wouldn't give to be comforted by the smell of vanilla and orchids. The distinct smell of Jane. The smell of home. A single tear slips down her cheek as she accepts the enormity of her decision, as her mind wrestles with the looming consequences. She internally scolds herself for choosing to remain anonymous to Cailin, for choosing to endure this alone. She looks around at the empty room. This was not the time to be independent. For all the time she has spent alone in her childhood, she can never recall being as lonely as she is in this moment.
As the nurse comes in to take her to the surgical suite, Maura takes a deep breath and takes comfort only in the fact that through this act, she is able to salvage her sister's life. Most people would be proud that they were able to give the gift of life to someone. But Maura could only think of Jane, and whether the decision to keep this surgery from her will cause irreparable damage. Jane had blatantly told Maura how she felt about Hope having asked Maura to donate her kidney. But then she remembered that she needed your kidney for her real daughter, Cailin. Jane's words echo in her mind. She closes her eyes and tries to recall the way her fingertips buzz when Jane's hand brushes hers. How blissful it is to curl up in Jane's arms during movie nights. Her hand immediately flies up to her mouth and she lets out a muffled cry as the impact hits her. The nurse sympathetically pats her shoulder and says, "Don't be scared. Everything will be just fine."
But Maura knows that when she awakens from this surgery, there is a very real possibility that nothing will ever be fine again; not as far as she and Jane are concerned. As the sedative is pushed into the IV, she fights the pull of sleep, not wanting to abandon the images of Jane in her psyche. Jane. The dimpled smile she reserves only for me. The way she makes me feel safe, even when I'm not deserving of her protection. The way she makes me laugh. "Oh my God, what have I done?" is the final thought Maura remembers before the medication pulls her under.
The first thing Jane thinks when her alarm goes off is thank God it's Friday. She stretches and her body protests. A fleeting thought runs through her mind; she's glad to be spending the weekend decompressing with Maura. She rushes through her morning routine and before she heads into work, stops by Maura's, just as she's done every day for as long as she can remember.
She pulls up to the Boston home and uses her key that Maura gave her. She's always wondered if it was strange for them to have each other's house keys. She can't think of many "friends" that do that, other than them, of course. She pushes that thought to the back of her mind and focuses on one thing, the most important thing, Maura.
"Hello?" she calls out as she enters.
"Morning, Jane!" Angela calls.
"Oh hey Ma, where's Maura?" she asks confusedly as she walks into the kitchen.
"Not sure. She was gone before I came in. Maybe she's already at work. She didn't let you know?"
"No, she didn't tell me anything. I guess I'll just go to the precinct. See ya later!"
"Bye Janie! Love you!"
Jane rolls her eyes at her mother's comment and strolls out the door. It was unusual for Maura to not tell her she was going into work early. To be honest, it was weird for Maura to go into work early at all. Jane tries hard to tamp down the feeling that something isn't quite right. Maura is a creature of habit and Jane can't remember the last time they didn't go to work together.
When she calls Maura's cell on the way to work, it goes directly to voicemail. As she drives, she wracks her brain, wondering if she had done or said something to upset Maura. But as she pulls up to the precinct, she notices that Maura's car isn't in its normal parking spot. As she jogs to catch the elevator, she sees Lt. Cavanaugh approaching and lets the doors of the elevator close.
"Sir," Jane acknowledges.
"Rizzoli, I'm surprised you're here today." Lt. Cavanaugh responds, with a puzzled look on his face.
"Why is that?" Jane quips, pushing the down button, somewhat forcibly, as if willing the elevator to magically appear at her whim.
"Because Dr. Isles has taken an extended leave, and I was certain you'd be taking some time off with her." Jane looks at Lt. Cavanaugh quizzically, and he grows red under her glare.
"What do you mean, she has taken an extended leave?" She steps towards him, her fingernails digging into the palm of her hand. She can feel her heartbeat quicken, and the feeling of unease threatens her breathing pattern.
"Well, she, uh… you didn't know?" Lt. Cavanaugh stammers.
"Didn't know what? What is going on, Lieutenant?" Jane is trying hard to slow her thinking pattern down. What has she missed? Maura hadn't told her anything about taking time off. Maura hadn't told her anything at all, right?
"I'm not sure exactly, something about her having family business to tend to. Something in regards to a sister?"
Lt. Cavanaugh could only stare at Jane Rizzoli's back as she stalked out the front doors of the precinct and down the steps. As she approached her cruiser, she could feel the bile rise back up her throat. Maura was going to donate her kidney to that wicked teenager after all, and if that wasn't bad enough, she didn't even want Jane there with her when she underwent the procedure.
Jane pulled her cell phone out and immediately dialed Boston General. "Yes, this is Jane Rizzoli, Boston Homicide... I'm calling to inquire about a patient scheduled for surgery. The patient's name is Dr. Maura Isles." Jane's heart sank as the admissions nurse verified that Maura was scheduled for surgery shortly. Jane realized that making it to the hospital before her surgery wasn't a possibility, but she could damn well be there when Maura woke up.