AN: Please read note at the end.
He wakes up in cold sweat.
His eyes dart all over the place, trying to make his fuzzy brain register where he was now.
'I'm okay,' he thinks; a phrase that has become his mantra.
He is in his bedroom.
'I'm okay.'
Casting his line of vision downwards, he finds Steve on his stomach, completely oblivious of the world around them as his light snores disrupt the silence of the room...
He finds it comforting, the ins and outs of Steve's breathing, watching him, watching the serene mood on his face.
'I'm okay.'
He can already imagine Steve's reaction should he ever witness another one of his nightmares one day: his eyebrows would furrow as he would keep those sad blue eyes on him. His positively humble features would look so wrong with the mixture of confusion, love and commiseration distorting it - especially if it was directed at him - that just the mere thought of it made his stomach churn.
He can't take it, the pity.
He doesn't deserve the pity, or the reassurance, or anything at all.
'I'm okay.'
Steve, babe... You just don't understand...
You couldn't understand...
You shouldn't understand.
Steve doesn't deserve to understand what he is going through. Steve is still young. Steve is still innocent.
Steve should never see the the shadows he witnesses in his nightmares. He should only see the beauty, never beyond it that holds and conceals the hideous acts of the big bad world.
Steve should never get the scars that litter his own skin. He himself is used to the scars, but Steve should not have scars. Ugly scars don't belong on Steve's body.
Steve should never go through the same tunnel he has because now, he is lost in the darkness and he can't see the promised light at the end.
'I'm okay.'
No, he's not.
Quick ragged breaths is what arouses him awake. And for what seems like the first time, it isn't his own breathing.
He cracks an eye open and he finds Tony pressing a hand to his arc reactor, as if pushing against it would help...
And nothing else can break his heart more than the sight before him.
He wants to embrace him; to hold him and whisper constant reassurances into his ear.
Because his head is on Tony's abdomen, he can hear him: Tony's heartbeat fluttering like a hummingbird's.
And it terrified him.
His heartbeat never sounded like that. It should never sound like that.
It should always stay the same steady staccato rhythm he almost always listens for whenever he pressed an ear against the blue light in the middle of Tony's chest. It has always been one of the things he loved to hear because it means Tony is still living and breathing and that he survived yet another day with dangerous shrapnel nearing his heart.
He has been renowned to have almost every disease known to human, which is why it doesn't surprise him when he feels his chest begin to tighten and his airways begin to narrow.
Tony isn't supposed to be... this.
He isn't supposed to this broken man.
Tony is supposed to be a hero - Iron Man.
Tony is supposed to be a genius.
Tony is supposed to be strong.
Everything about this moment is wrong. It is all wrong, and he doesn't know how to fix it.
And you know what the worst part about saving the one you love, Tony?
The worst part about saving the one you love is knowing they shouldn't even need saving in the first place.
Tony finally notices Steve had awakened.
Wide brown eyes meet panicked blue ones.
"Steve," Tony says in an almost strangled voice.
Steve doesn't reply. Steve throws his bony arms around Tony's shoulders, enveloping him into a tight embrace.
Words need not be spoken.
Tony knows Steve will always be there for him.
Steve knows Tony will get better.
It doesn't matter how long it will take for Tony to heal and conquer his demons.
What matters is his journey to it, with Steve rightfully at his side.
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