Disclaimer: As always, I can't claim credit for the wonderful world of Naruto because all characters, places and references are the copyright of the genius that is Masashi Kishimoto, and everything else is simply a figment and work of my imagination.
A/N: Was suddenly inspired by some Sasuke and Naruto banter from my current Fairy Tail/Naruto crossover work-in-progress, The Very Pink of Perfection. Wrote this in just under an hour, phew!
Summary: Copy Ninja Hatake Kakashi rues the day he turned down the post of Rokudaime Hokage. Short little crack one-shot.
Genre: Humour
Rating: K
Living La Vida Ramen
"Otousan! Otousan!"
He barely had a chance to breathe before a small pink blur leapt into his arms and fisted a handful of his silvery hair, tugging stubbornly until the older man reciprocated the hug. Chuckling, Hatake Kakashi wrapped his arms around his six-year old daughter, ruffling her bubble-gum pink hair fondly. "How was school today, sweetheart?"
"Great!" Rin beamed up at her father with wide charcoal eyes so like his own, dancing with merriment and sparkling with the innocence of childhood that Kakashi was thankful his six-year old was able to have. "Iruka-sensei taught us how to use the Bunshin no Jutsu today, look!"
Underneath his mask, his smile grew wider as two Rins suddenly appeared before him in a puff of smoke, all big grey eyes and cherry-blossom hair. Having inherited the genius Hatake genes and her mother's superb chakra control, Kakashi suspected his precious little prodigy might start getting bored of the normal Academy curriculum and start demanding he teach her "real stuff like Naruto-ojisan's Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu" really soon. Releasing the jutsu, Rin scrambled over to where Kakashi was squatting as he rooted around the fridge, looking for something edible for lunch. His stomach rumbled loudly as he sadly picked out yet another loaf of mouldy bread and last week's sour milk. Since Sakura had left on that S-Ranked mission yesterday, Kakashi had completely forgotten that he was now on shopping duty indefinitely.
"Say Rin, why don't we go out for lunch hmm? Otousan is sorry he forgot to buy stuff for you to eat today!" Kakashi scratched his head apologetically, trying to push away the little nagging voice of Sakura he could already hear in his head. It's only for one meal.
"It's alright, otousan. I already ate lunch at the Academy today!"
"Oh? They serve lunch at the Academy now?" The Academy's new headmaster, Umino Iruka must really be stamping his mark on things; he'd been arguing with the Sandaime to allow the Academy to have a small cafeteria so that they could serve snacks to the students for years, to no avail. It seemed like the new Hokage must have kept his promise of giving Iruka a blank cheque to overhaul and make improvements to the Academy.
Rin nodded vigorously, her pink curls bouncing up and down furiously as she bobbed her head. "The Academy serves ramen for lunch every day now, otousan! It's really yummy, it tastes like the ramen that Naruto-ojisan likes so much from Ichiraku Ramen!"
Wait, what? They served ramen to Academy kids now? Didn't sound like something Iruka would do, what with that balanced diet food pyramid stuff he was always spouting…but then again, he was almost a big a fan of Ichiraku's as Naruto was…
Kakashi scratched his head again. "Well that's nice to hear Rin, but eating too much ramen isn't very good for you. Don't they have other types of food to eat? Like fruit, or sushi?"
The little girl shook her head. "Only ramen! Iruka-sensei says that the Hokage only wants us to eat ramen because if we eat as much ramen as him, we'll grow up smart enough to become Hokage one day too!"
The Copy Ninja spluttered in shock. WHAT?!
Blissfully unaware of the ugly shade of cerise her father was currently turning under his mask, Rin continued babbling excitedly. "Hokage-sama also told us that as children of Konoha, it's very important to pass on the "Will of Ramen" to the next generation, because this is what makes Konoha unique! Otousan, I thought you said yesterday it was called the "Will of Fire." Why did Hokage-sama say it was called the "Will of Ramen?"
"AARGGH NARUTO, YOU BAKA!"
Rin only stared in half-horror, half-fascination as Kakashi began ripping out fistfuls of his silvery mop, muttering wildly. In all of her six years, she'd never seen otousan lose his temper, not even when Rin had coloured in some of the pretty drawings in those books otousan liked to read so much. When Rin had showed it to okaasan, okaasan had laughed so loud that she woke Sakumo-otouto from his afternoon nap. "Rin's coloured all your favourite MELONS red, Kakashi," she'd sniggered later that night after otousan had opened Icha Icha Paradise and got the shock of his life. He'd turned as gray as his hair, but he hadn't gotten angry. Rin didn't know what okaasan had been talking about since there were no melons in otousan's books, only lots of girls but the next day, Rin had opened her favourite story book to find that someone had coloured in all her favourite ninjas and drawn smiley faces over their usual scowling expressions. She'd blamed Sakumo-otouto because there was no way otousan could be bothered to do something like that.
What otousan said just now about Naruto-ojisan being a baka…wasn't that something okaasan usually said? Maybe otousan was spending too much time with okaasan, because he was starting to sound a lot like her.
And if he continued pulling out more of his hair, otousan might just end up looking like the bald jiji selling eggs in the market every Monday.
He suddenly whirled around and grabbed her little hand. "Come on Rin, we're going to pay a little visit to Hokage-sama no baka now!"
Halfway to Hokage Tower, Rin started tugging the hem of his dark-blue long-sleeve. "Otousan."
"Mmm?"
"Okaasan asked me to remind you to buy new nappies for Sakumo-otouto today! She says that we're almost out of them and you'd better buy some more unless you want to be cleaning up Sakumo-otouto's poop all night long!" Rin skipped along happily, once again ignorant of Kakashi's muttered curses and rapidly blackening mood. First he had to deal with an empty fridge, then if he was lucky, he might get to spend the whole night cleaning baby poop for a non-toilet trained two year old. Life was great…but first, he had to deal with a certain idiot loudmouth Hokage.
But upon reaching Hokage Tower, the jonin was dismayed to learn that Naruto was in an important meeting with the Council and wouldn't be out for ages.
"We're really sorry, Hatake-san," Izumo and Kotetsu replied apologetically. "But the Elders wanted a word with Hokage-sama about some of those ah…new policies he's been implementing around the village."
"Yes, I'm not surprised", muttered Kakashi darkly, much to the two chunin's amusement. "Is it about the new ramen policy at the Academy?"
The pair of them exchanged startled looks.
"Ramen policy at the Academy?" Izumo looked surprised. "I thought they wanted a word about the new mandatory "Ramen Day" policy!"
Wait, WHAT?!
"Ah, that's right!" Kotetsu agreed, shaking his head in amusement. "Apparently Koharu-san and Homura-san had serious objections to being forced to only eat ramen every month! I heard Homura-san grumbling something about her blood-pressure going to spike…"
The chunin suddenly jumped as Kakashi slammed a fist into the stone wall behind them. "What did you just say?!"
"Ahh Hatake-san," Izumo began nervously, sweatdropping in fear at Kakashi's murderous expression. "Surely Uzumaki-sama has told you about his plans to revamp the culinary system in the village?"
A scary pause. "Keep going."
He gulped. "Well, Uzumaki-sama's plan is to introduce a new "Ramen Day" policy every month, where residents are only allowed to eat ramen during that day…Uzumaki-sama says that years of extensive research has proved to him that food is the best way to unite people, so he thinks this is a great way for the people of Konoha to come together and bond every month, through their shared love of ramen!"
"And that's not the worst bit," Kotetsu babbled, as Kakashi switched his fierce glare to the black-haired chunin. "Anyone caught eating udon, soba or anything other than ramen will be sentenced to E-Rank missions for a whole year!"
"AARGH NARUTO YOU BAKA, YOU ABSOLUTE BAKA!"
Izumo and Kotetsu's jaws dropped to the ground as they witnessed the very strange sight of one usually stoic Hatake Kakashi running down the road, tearing out yet more fistfuls of his silvery hair, screaming and shouting wildly about ex-students gone out of control.
"Gomen nasai, Izumo-san, Kotetsu-san."
Looking down, the chuunin realised that it was Kakashi's little daughter. They shrugged their shoulders at each other. Between the new loud-mouthed Hokage and his crazy schemes, and this new manic version of their best jonin, it looked like Konoha was in for some serious trouble. "It's okay, Rin-chan. Why don't you run along now?" Kotetsu smiled.
Waving goodbye as she ran to catch up with her father, Rin called back, "Gomen nasai again, Izumo-san and Kotetsu-san! I have no idea why otousan is acting like this today…he's usually not this weird."
Kakashi slouched down the road, hands in pockets and kicking small stones to the side- acting like a sulky twelve-year old genin again. What a day this was shaping up to be! It was bad enough to hear about his ex-student's ramen brainwashing plans for the Academy, but to hear that they were going to be implemented for the entire village..! Plus it was three o'clock and he hadn't had lunch yet. His stomach growled loudly, and Kakashi quickly put a gloved hand over it, trying to stifle the sound.
"Otousan?"
He sighed. "Yes, Rin-chan?"
"If you're hungry, Ichiraku Ramen is just up ahead!"
Kakashi gave another dark look at the infamous ramen bar a few metres in front. "I think I'll pass." Seeing as myself and every other ninja in town is going to be on a mandatory ramen diet there once a month now.
Remembering that he still had to pick up those nappies for his son, the jonin sighed as he stopped at the intersection, wondering where the nearest pharmacy was. He suddenly perked up as he vaguely remembered there being a pharmacy about two stores down from his favourite haunt, the Pink Bookstore. And joy of joys, he'd heard rumours that the new Deluxe Edition of Icha Icha Holidays was about to be released sometime today or tomorrow! What a great way to kill two birds with one stone. Suddenly feeling as if life wasn't actually out to get him anymore, Kakashi felt his good mood quickly return as he dragged his startled daughter to the bookstore.
"AARGH NARUTO YOU BAKA, YOU ABSOLUTE ABSOLUTE BAKA! RAIKIRI!"
Rin could only watch again in half-horror, half-fascination as Kakashi hurled a fistful of lightning into the scratched, faded signboard saying "Pink Bookstore" lying in front of the store. The worker who had been painting over it could only squeal in terror at the waves of murderous intent rolling off the livid Copy Ninja.
"THIS HAS BEEN THE DAY FROM HELL. NARUTO…..!" He yelled, before collapsing in a crumpled heap on the ground.
Rin pouted again, her small little hands on her hips as she glanced sympathetically at the worker still cowering in the bushes at the side of the dusty road.
Why had otousan been so angry that the Pink Bookstore had been turned into Ichiraku Ramen No. 2?
"It's all my fault," Kakashi croaked weakly as his wife gently fed him a mouthful of steaming hot broth. "None of this would have happened if I hadn't said No."
Sakura merely gave an amused sigh, ruffling his silvery mop the same way he used to ruffle hers when she was a kid. "I doubt you could have done anything to prevent it. He would have become Hokage after you anyway. Now, be a good copy ninja and drink your ramen broth."
He spat it out immediately, a look of utter horror on his face. "Why are you feeding me ramen? Doesn't the hospital have plain porridge or soup anymore?"
The pink-haired medic twitched a little, trying not to laugh. "Not since the Hokage decided that ramen had more nutritional value for patients than plain soup!"
"NARUTO, YOU BAKA!"
"Stop it, that's supposed to be my catchphrase!"
A/N: END! Read and review if you enjoyed it. Hope Kakashi wasn't too OOC in this; the old Kakashi would probably just ignore Naruto in a "hip and cool" way but I just figured that he'd probably morph into a bit of an over-protective dad after having kids.
-librastar x