Title: Time to Mend
Summary: "Once you're hurt, you stay hurt." Missing scenes and snippets from Suffragette City and Let's Dance, so some spoilers. The song is "Time to Mend" by Barcelona. Please read and review, thanks!
Disclaimer: I don't own Covert Affairs or the characters herein.
Lock down and close it fast,
You're done with the day, done with the day
Don't speak, so I won't laugh
I know what you'll say,
I hear what you say...
Please be my love, please hold me, love.
I need you, Annie. I never need anyone, but I need you.
oOoOoOo
The monotonous, penetrating sound echoed against the faded walls of a room in which the smell of disinfectant overwhelmed the senses. Even in the best of times, the numbing cold would have still felt disquieting and unwelcome. Listening for a break in the oppressive sound, Auggie's throat began to constrict until he could barely swallow. In that moment, as the sound grew louder and louder in his head, he had never wanted so much to be able to see again as he did then. The tremors in his hand vibrated against the tension that hung in the air around him as he hoped beyond hope that these would not be the last moments he had with her. A burning sensation began to overtake his chocolate eyes as his stomach continued its acrobatics and his head swam. If it had been any other time, any other person or place, he would have never admitted to himself as he did now that this was the most afraid he had ever been in his life. He needed her.
After all that he had tried to do, he had fought for her innocence and found the traitor amongst them, it did not seem to make a difference at all; not for Annie. His hands gripped his cane with such force that his knuckles were a vivid white as he bit down hard on his tongue in an attempt to keep the tears from falling with tentative success. Although he had dealt with the deaths of colleagues and friends with a brave face before, he did not think he could make it through this one - not if it was her. If he lost her, it would unravel him from the inside out. His heart slammed against his ribcage with terrible force and felt like lead with the weight of all the things he never said. A wave of nausea rolled over him as he tried to reason with himself that this happens in their line of work. He could not bring himself to believe it: these things did not happen to Annie Walker. Not to his Annie.
When things had gotten too tough for him, he had shut down and shut her out. He had pushed so hard and so far, and a part of him blamed himself for the whole mess with Simon. Perhaps if he had not pushed her away things would not have gotten so complicated. Now, he was standing here trying to pull her back in his mind - to bring her back to him - but he could not focus. His ears were straining so hard to hear a sign, a notion, of the life left in her; but instead it was just the same piercing wail. He needed her heart to beat again. It did not matter if it never beat for him, he just needed it to beat. Annie was his best friend, and whenever he spent time thinking about it he knew it was more than that. She was more than that. She completed him and it was unimportant if they were friends or lovers; he just needed her. In his heart, he knew that without her he would just self-destruct. He had been self-destructing for a while when he met her for the first time. And if she died here, in this awful cold room, she would never know. She would never know how much she mattered or what she meant to him.
Auggie could feel the muscles in his face struggling to maintain composure, and with much effort he managed to not show how much he was crumbling beneath his façade. He was becoming so lost in himself that he almost missed the hand that grazed his arm to make him aware of its owner's presence. And for a moment, Joan's erratic breathing managed to reach him. But soon after, all of his attention went back to the deafening beep that remained unbroken and overtook his senses. Nothing mattered except the woman before him on the hospital bed. If he lost Annie, he would lose everything.
Suddenly, his knees buckled and his legs nearly gave way at the sound of a gasp; one he recognized immediately. All of the air rushed out of his lungs in one sudden motion, and it was then that he realized that he had been holding it all in. The sound of her pulse began to permeate the room and he closed his eyes tight against the tears that once again threatened to spill out. His breathing ragged, he stumbled a bit on his weak legs and leaned against the wall nearest the door as he listened to each beat of her heart. He was reminded for a second time that Joan was also bearing this with him when she rested her forehead against his shoulder and let out a deep sigh of relief. It had not been too late; Annie was alive and for now, that was enough.