(You don't have to really add this to the book, it's just random.)

I almost died once.

It was in summer. We were at the beach. I was having fun; Alex was trying to ruin it as always. It had been one of the times that I knew I could do it without Nathan dragging me all the way back down.

It crosses my mind as I wait inside the backstage area for the band to finish with its loud bass drums and electric guitars.

That day is stitched inside my brain and reminds me every time of what could have happened to me and what happened at the end.

The spit gets spat out of Alex's mouth as he screams at Anthony and me, "Get down now!" It'd been repeated over and over again like a broken record player and I'd felt like being that child that does bad things and unplug it because it was annoying the crap out of me. He was only doing it to annoy me and to get all the attention on him as he always liked to do.

There was about 20-30 of our friends from school who were in their swimmers and all of them were watching us. Only three of us were out of the water or not doing something fun and frilly like everyone else. Anthony and I were wrapped around each other, getting ready to jump off the biggest and highest rock while Alex was trying his hardest just to get us off it so that he can get all of the attention back on him.

The waves were raging higher and higher with bigger and better waves. It was the perfect timing, except for the fact that Alex was ruining it!

He was trying to be the responsible one; the one everybody just loved and adored. I knew he was going to gloat latter or tell my parents about what I was doing and then they'd just have to ground me or something worse like going to live up in Perth with Aunty Jodie.

"Why?" I yelled back at him. Everyone was smiling and laughing at us, thinking that this was our normal brother-sister banter and that there was nothing going on. Their smiles kept me motivated on what Anthony and I were about to do but mostly what I was going to do; it's what kept me fighting with Alex.

"You idiots are going to get hurt that's why!" He shook his head up at me and started to climb up the rocks, as if he was about to come grab me off of the rocks.

"Try and stop us!" I yelled at him. Looking up at Anthony and asked, "You ready?"

"Hell yeah!" He exclaimed.

I lean into his face and give him one of my kisses; a goodbye one. After we're done, we get ready for the big jump but at that moment, Alex reaches us and I curse his stupid athletic built body and skills. "You guys aren't going to jump this thing," he pointed his finger at us as he screamed the words softly at us and then he pointed his finger back at himself and whispered, "I am."

"You can't do that!"

"Yeah right and if I can't, what the hell makes you think that you can?" he asked.

My mouth gaped open as he said this to me and then I quickly closed it. "I hate you Alex, you know that? You're the stupid younger brother that always thinks he can get everything his way by ruining it for me!" I turn my back on him but then turn my face back to him. "When you get out of the water, I am never talking to you, ever!" I turn my back on him and walk a bit away with Anthony and hear Alex's normal 'So be it' remark and hear the loud splashes he causes when he goes in.

I get that feeling that something bad happened straight away and quickly run back to peer over the edge of the rock that was just vacated by Alex.

For almost 20 seconds, everything was quiet.

There was absolutely nothing.

No one was smiling, no one was thinking about themselves, everyone held their breath and was watching and waiting for Alex to pop right out of the water and admit that it was all just a prank. They knew though that this wasn't a prank, because they'd just seen what had happened and it was all too real.

I remember the words that ruined that silence. "Alex." A word that was spoken by me.

Silent ripples of blood appeared. It came out as a thin line of red shaped into a circle. Then, finally, Alex's body appeared; motionless. It swayed with monstrous waves as they surfed on and on without a care. "Alex?" I had asked and there was no reply. "Alex? Alex? ALEX!" I take several steps back and dive into the water where he is.

I don't know what motivated me to do it but in knowing that my little brother was down there because of me, I got scared and so I went to him, to help him. I got scared of what was happening to him down there and wanted to be there with him so that everyone could blame it all on me and not put it down for it being his fault.

It took me two strides just to get to him and when I did, I held onto him tight with my arms around him. "Alex, stay. Don't go, stay; I'm sorry I didn't mean it." Tears prick at my eyes as the waves take us into its body and engulf us. I bring us back to the surface and hear the screams from many girls and as if thinking that he can't hear me, I yell over the top of them, "You don't have to talk to me when you do come back, just come back please."

I felt like a ghost to him. His eyes would flutter open and then shut and he'd look at me with no recognition of who I was. But I was happy because I could feel his chest rise and fall as I held him. A pair of big hands came then and tried to tug me away from his body. I started to lose my breath and turned around to the person; to confront them. "Let go," I had mouthed, but all that came out were my last breathes. They shoved something into my mouth then and urged me to breath but I wouldn't.

The last things I actually remembered from the incident was the words that came from the person's mouth and still remind me about how he's not here this moment, "You're a fucking idiot. He's alive; he could have been dead because of you, you know that? Fuck, you better be glad if he ever talks to you normally after this."

It actually never was the same between Alex and me. It's pretty obvious because all we ever do is fight or ignore one another. I had tried to prevent it at first by trying to make it up to him by bringing his favourite food to him or buying him things our parents wouldn't, but he'd just throw it at the door or just go sell it and give me the money back.

I look around the room, tears in my eyes. I shouldn't be sad, not while my boyfriend was on stage with his band performing and all. He would be devastated to see me like this, yet I always manage to be in tears around everyone I care about. I rest my head up against the chair I sit in and close my eyes.

"Why is it, that whenever I see you you're upset?"