I made this like 2 years ago as a chapter that was supposed to go with a story co- authored by my friend and I guess we both forgot about it. So I got tired of seeing it in my writing folder doing nothing but gathering cyber dust and decided to post this. If you guys like it enough and I feel like there is a way of continuing it then I will. But anyway... try to enjoy this pile of cyber dust covered piece of crap!
It was like a million bees on crack decided to take a trip in my ear and scream my name.
Have you ever had a million bees, on crack I must add, get all up in your ear and scream?
I didn't think so.
But there they were, screaming their heads off and all I can do is just keep sleeping.
"MISS GOULD!" Ah. There she blows. The Bee. You see we all call Miss. Beeze 'the bee' because well one, her name has 'bee' in it, two, she always wears yellow turtlenecks with black pants accompanied by a bee broach, and three, because she's kinda a B (if you get what I mean).
"MISS GOOOOULD!" She yelled again.
"Five more minutes, mommy" was my sleepy reply. I heard the class snigger.
"You better get up cause the bee is a buzzing," my friend, Kat warned me as I heard Bee's heels clacking on the tile heading straight for me. Looking up, I was met by her hovering over me and her not so wonderful glare.
"You are not my mommy." I said with a yawn and stretched, almost hitting her.
"Miss Gould, you need to read your essay in front of the class," she sneered and I almost crapped myself. We had to write an essay? What teacher makes you write an essay for biology?
"But-"
"No buts! Do it!" She barked at me and turned on her pointy heels to walk back to her desk.
Sighing, I stood lazily and walked to the front.
"So… uh…" I stopped by brilliant speech to wipe the drool from my chin.
Isn't drool amazing? Really lights up your morning.
"Hmmmm…," I looked around awkwardly and clicked my tongue. "What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?…A porky-pine." I saw some people roll their eyes.
"Miss Gould, do you seriously believe that this is appropriate?" The Bee says.
"You are absolutely right! But it's okay, I have an app for that." I pulled out my iPod and searched through my apps till I found the perfect one.
"What is a vampire's favourite fruit? …Neck-tarines!" I yelled and got some more sniggers. Then I pressed on the app where it did the whole drum BAHDAHCHHHHH! Thing.
"Miss Gou-"
"No! I got a good one! Okay check it," I said like a true gansta, "A married couple were in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.' ''My darling,' he replied, 'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.' I guess that's a whole new way to say kiss my a-"
"Miss Gould! You are supposed to be reading your essay!" The Bee seriously needed to stop yelling. These were jokes. Laugh you stinging, antennae thing.
"Well I don't have my essay."
"Why are you up here then?"
"You told me to!"
"Ugh. Just… go back to your seat." She sighed and called the next kid read. I made my way back to my desk with Kat greeting me with an amused grin.
"I guess she didn't like my jokes." I said with a sigh. It's so hard to please people these days.
"Well they did kinda suck." Kat replied back rudely.
"No. Those jokes were legendary. If you didn't like them, then my dear friend I believe yous a cactus." I clicked my tongue disapprovingly.
An hour later all the essays were read and we were minutes from the bell ringing our freedom.
Doesn't that sound very patriotic? I thought so.
I shook my leg out of boredness. Waiting for a bell to ring is boring. So I decided to poke Kat in the arm with my awesome clicky pen.
Click…
Clickclick…
Clickclick…
Click…
Cli~ "Stop it!" Kat screamed in my face with wide brown eyes.
…click.
"I swear, one of these days I will kill you." I just laughed. My dear friend Katalina couldn't hurt a fly.
"Whatever. I'm bored. You're supposed to entertain me, remember?"
"No, I'll kick you in the shin."
"Well that's not very entertaining."
"It is for me." Her sunny tan face smiled happily. My white linen face frowned.
"You, my dear dear cactus friend, are not being very nice today. What's wrong? Does little the little Katty need a nice big hug," I said in a sing-song voice.
"Gross. Heck no."
"Good 'cause I was going to make The Bee do it." I started to click my pen on the table.
"You will be the death of me," Kat said in an annoyed voice.
"Considering that you're the one who just said that you'll kill me, you," I pointed the pen of doom at her,"will be the death of me," I pointed the pen at me then clicked it on my nose.
"Dammit! Isn't that bell supposed to ri-"
DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING
Hm. That was weird.
"Let's agoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Kat yelled triumphantly and put all of her things together. I just continued to sit there, clicking my pen and making it fly into the air, catch it, then continuing.
"Gwyn, come on." Kat poked my shoulder but I was just too lazy to get up.
"Nah." I waved my hand and went back to my pen.
That sounded kinda weird…
"Do you really want to stay here with Bee?"
"I'm up!" I gathered all my things quickly and ran out of the room and into the hallway. I kept running, ignoring the protests of teachers, until I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Why are you running," Kat asked sassily.
"I thought we were playing a game!" I waved my arms around in the air like an octopus.
"When did I ever agree to play a game with you?" She had her hands on my shoulders, keeping me down as I tried to jump in place. "And quit jumping around woman!"
"I am not a woman! I'm a Man!" I yelled in my low man voice. It really just sounded like a chicken drowning in water.
Gotta try right?
"Can we please just walk to strings? I can barely control my own hyper-ness, let alone yours." Kat pulled my arm and drug me to the next class as I was trying to do a pose that would make many sculpture proud.
"What hyper-ness? You're like… a starfish! A starfish that's just hanging there on a coral reef, just chilling, watching all the other fishies just a swimming by while gloating about how you can just hang there while they had to do something. That's when the fishes will plot together to bring you do-"
"I swear to peanut butter I will duct tape your mouth right now."
"Silly Katty, you don't have any duct tape!" I poked her nose.
"I sure wish I did right now…" She opened the door for our next class. Strings. Why I signed up for that class is more of a mystery to me than apples. Even the teacher said I was bad.
"Miss Gould, what are you playing?" My strings teacher, Mr. Kam Lukaj, sighed and ran his hands through his non-existent hair after letting the other kids take a break.
"Are you talking about the instrument or the name of the song?"
"Both." He sat down in his swivel chair. I want one… Maybe I could take it on the bus after school… But how do I get it…? Maybe I can convince Kat to distract him with a fluffy pillow and-
"Gwyneth!" Kam yelled to get me back to attention.
"Oh right sorry…," I thought for a second, "What were we talking about?"
"What are you playing?"
"Oh yeah… I'm playing a stringed instrument and the music is called… Stephen Schwartz!" I yelled triumphantly.
"No, that's the composer. And what is the name of your stringed instrument?"
"Um… a…," Why am I so forgetful? "a…"
"Viola?" Kam suggested.
"Yeah! That guy!" He shook his head.
"Why are you even in this class?"
"Well I saw that on the little sign up sheet for your classes it said strings so I thought it meant like you play with strings. You know, like a cat…" I trailed off thinking about cats.
"Tell me one reason why I shouldn't fail you?" Mr. Lukaj mused. I heard the class go 'Ohhhh'.
"Dude, I don't even know," I shrugged and sighed. If I do fail then going back home would be a death sentence. Literally.
"Well then I guess-"
"She plays the piano," Kat said quickly. I gasped.
"Oh no you didn't! That was a secret! YOU PINKY PROMISE BREAKER!" I yelled at her and she just poked my rib. "Hey that tickles!" I giggled like a ten year old.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Kam jumped up to the music drawer.
"Because then I'd have to pinky swear with you too and I don't think that that is very appropriate."
"I believe Kat here has just saved your grade."
"But who said I was even good? I could be just as bad as playing the cello."
"You mean 'viola'?" Kat tapped the annoying instrument in my hands.
"Potato, tomato." I waved my hand dismissively.
"Don't you mean…," She looked at the 'I don't care' expression on my face, "Never mind."
"Anything would be better then you playing the viola." Kam went back to the music drawer.
So here I am. Playing the piano. It's definitely better then the viola (Kat made me remember the name or she would take my fluffy pillow) AND I got to put down the lid and take a nap whenever I wanted.
This is as far as I got. Maybe I'll continue this but who knows...
Sorry for the annoying bored-ness that is me!
~OwlNebula