Title: Dìoghaltas (Revenge)

Summary: He had been there, wanting personal revenge so he couldn't fault Casey for wanting the same. But after nearly losing him to that revenge he had to set the record straight about a few things. Based on some parts from eppy 1.23 Let Her Go, Contains some spoilers (missing broment scene)

Disclaimer: Chicago Fire and its characters are the property of Dick Wolfe, NBC and….well sadly not me

A/N: The title for this piece is Gaelic (Irish) and figured that since that ties into Casey's onscreen heritage (and mine also haha)

Note: Words in "double quotes and italics taken from the eppy"

"How you holding up?" Severide asked as Voight neared them.

"Best I can," was Casey's tight lipped reply.

But it wasn't so much the curt reply that Casey had retorted in front of Boden, it was the brief look he and Severide traded that told Severide all he needed to know – inside Casey was crumbling and fast; walking an emotional tightrope that was about to snap. Even Boden could tell in that moment that he was falling and fast.

"You'll sit this one out; you're heads not in the game," Boden had told Casey at the scene of the clinic fire.

The look of abject defeat on Casey's face helped to pick away at his inner soul; working around Voight was only forcing his agitation to grow and his mind to ponder things he should be leaving to the CPD. But in those moments Casey kept everything tightly bottled inside. Severide could hear snippets in his tone and see the desperation in his eyes but didn't press enough and that forced Casey to foolishly take matters into his own hands.

And for what?

Revenge.

A motive he knows all too well. Course he knows the inner feeling that grows from the inner core; up until a few days ago he wanted personal revenge against a woman that had made his personal and professional life a living hell due to her deceitful lying actions. But in the end he had opted for going the legal route so that he would come out on top; the ending result being exactly what he wanted. She was one woman he was willing to let go without blinking an eye. Casey on the other hand wasn't able to let go of Hallie just yet. Seeing him so dejected and withdrawn, borderline sullen around the firehouse had prompted him go with two cigar's in hand; direct Casey to the front of the firehouse to share a smoke and a few minutes of verbal comfort.

"Telling Hallie's parents…sister…hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life."

"I'm sorry."

But he could that Hallie's death was more than fresh on his mind; it was at the very fore of his every waking thought, clouding his normally clear vision and forcing vengeful anger to fester inside. After that he had gone into almost robot mode; agreeing to work with the CPD to bring Hallie's killer to justice. Only that plan backfired when Casey had taken it upon himself to chase after the suspect, garnering a few punches and kicks in the process and ending with a showdown with Casey's life in the balance. Voight had shown up and saved his life but that was little comfort. The man who had murdered Hallie was dead before Casey could even ask him why he had to take such a beautiful human being for no reason.

He had put on a brave face for the gathering of family and friends for the small Celebration of Hallie's life at Molly's, but Severide could tell by Casey's taught jaw the two hours that followed then how he pulled away and withdrew into a corner by himself that he was once again on the verge of falling into despair. An hour later he was sure Casey was about to wander back home alone and drown in his emotional misery. He couldn't let that happen and had to act. However as much as he wants to ensure Casey's okay before he heads home, intense emotional angst that had been building since he heard about the chase/train altercation finally bubbles to the surface and Severide can't hold back.

"Matt got a sec…sure you do," Severide directed more than asked as he takes Casey aside, gently ushering him toward the back door of Molly's and into the cool night air.

"What is it?" Casey at first demanded in frustration. "I'm tired and…"

"I wanted to say this after the chase with…."

"You want to lecture me on that now?"

"Yes because I have been holding back until I knew you could handle this. You nearly got yourself killed. What the hell were you thinking going after that guy like that?" Severide lightly snaps as Casey's eyes narrow as he turns away. "Matt, talk to me!"

"I'm done talking. I'm done drinking. I'm just…DONE! Okay? I'm done!" Casey growls with his back to Severide.

"Matt…" Severide presses as he nears Casey and dares to touch his shoulder, wanting him to turn and face him directly. "Tell me what were you…"

"I wasn't thinking okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I acted stupidly and I nearly died! There I said it. Yes I was stupid and it nearly cost me!" Casey snaps as he pulls back in misery; the once stoic resolve he had put on in front of his friends inside the bar swiftly crumbling; threatening to be replaced with raw emotion as his eyes water.

"I lost Hallie and…I saw him and…and I wasn't thinking!" Casey's voice stammers as it teeters on the edge of emotional despair. "Is that what you wanted to HEAR?" He demands a second time as Severide offers a small frown in return.

"Matt…" Severide implores in a kind tone as Casey's defeated expression instantly tugs on Severide's heart.

As Casey stands before his friend in the cold dimly lit alley his mind races back a few days when life had taken him on such a personal high; seeing himself in bed with Hallie as they talked about plans for the future, her finally admitting that in a few years she would want a family and asking him if he'd wait. This way they'd both get what they wanted.

'Course I'll wait, I love you,' was his heartfelt and joyous reply. But it wasn't more than twenty-four hours later when the roller coaster of happiness decided to leave its peak of emotional bliss and hurl toward a pit of hellish despair; ripping away the one person he had loved for nearly a decade and replacing her void with cold, vile darkness.

He had been prepared to start the grieving process when the roller coaster started back up, but instead of heading for another high, took a sharp turn to the right and handed him news that shook his emotional foundations for a second time.

"Hallie was hit on the back of the head and killed before the fire started. Have a line on the guy…drug dealer…wear a wire…get him to admit and we come in…"

In that moment, his sad remorse was replaced with angry revenge; clouding his mind and judgment and forcing him to walk a path he never would have even considered had he been in the right frame of mind.

Revenge. Personal revenge.

I'll kill him…I'll…kill him…I'll….is the one thought his mind contemplated every second after that. Hallie was murdered. I have to avenge her. I have to make them pay for destroying my future. He had faced desperate men before and told himself, facing the one man who had murdered his love was just and permissible. But it wasn't until destiny once again showed him the folly of his ways and he was staring down the barrel of a gun in the clutches of the man who murdered his would be fiancé and nearly destroyed his life that he finally had a mental revelation. How the hell did it come to this? What am I doing here? He's going to kill me.

But he knew…he had allowed it…allowed that one word, the one word spoken in the darkness, whispered in the shadows; repeated over and over until it took over sane reasoning to allow the law to handle the issue as Kelly had and landed him in the hands of the very man he was seeking to extract revenge on.

"It's over now okay? No big deal."

"No big deal? He had you in his grasp and held a gun to your head!" Severide's voice edges on anger.

"I know I was there!" Casey shouts back before his frame slightly recoils and his tone softens. "I know. I wasn't thinking okay? I thought I had a plan to stick to but I didn't. I went in there with the intention of getting him to admit on the wire and then I heard the shot and just reacted! I lost…he took everything from me okay?" Casey's voice breaks as he looks down with a soft curse. "I saw his face and heard her scream and I took off after him."

"You're lucky you only got away with a few bruised ribs," Severide correctly accuses.

"Are we done here?"

"No. I see you're hurting and I hate this because I know I can't do much to help and mostly because you won't let me. You pull away and clam up and then do something rash. I want to help but you won't let me," Severide's voice now edges on pleading as he takes a step closer. "Seeing you so raw that night…even in there tonight hurts us all."

"I know I can't…bring her back, but…" Casey pauses with a small sniffle as his eyes well and he looks up in frustration. "I let anger cloud my judgment. I heard Antonio calling for me to stop…they had it covered but I didn't think…I just acted okay? I didn't listen and…"

"And you nearly died. Do you get that? You nearly died," Severide reminds him in a firm tone as both tempers flare up once more. "You're not the only one who's feeling loss here," his words force Casey to look back at the kind expression on his friends face. "I know I tease you about being my little brother but Matt I mean it…I want you to come to me, especially before you go off halfcocked," Severide concludes with a small edge to his tone; frustration that he tries to hold inside but Casey's stubborn actions bringing it to the fore automatically.

"So I could hear you tell me not to?" Casey asks sharply.

"Hell yes to hear me say that! Boden has to remind me at times to keep myself in check and I'm reminding you; especially when you're chasing after a drug dealer with a gun! Problem is you keep everything bottled up inside until…"

"So I should just go around shooting my mouth off like you and get…" Casey's voice dies out as he looks away.

"And get what?"

"We're done here," Casey states firmly as he looks to move past Severide to get back into Molly's and get home.

"No we're not."

"Move!" Casey demands.

"No," Severide holds his ground. "And get what? I got what I wanted but…" is all Severide manages before Casey's anger forces him to try to take a swing. But Severide easily sidesteps the weary punch, taking Casey by the arm and gently pushing him back.

"I lost what I wanted."

"Okay so bad choice of words," Severide groans.

"You don't get it!"

"Don't I? I know about revenge because I wanted it also! I went after Tara with both guns blazing and if it wasn't for some choice words from Boden about him taking squad away from me, I might be unemployed right now and that woman would be walking around with another trump card. He warned me and I heeded that. I know he warned you. Now if I have to buy you a hearing aid I will do just that," Severide lightly concludes. "But don't think I can't see what's going on. You can put on that brave face for everyone else but don't pretend with me. I see the pain in your eyes. What I said about Andy was true. I had to surround myself with people who cared. For the past two day's you've been at home…"

"HE MURDERED HER!" Casey's voice bellows as he takes a step back. "He took the only woman I have ever loved and you stand here and tell me that when confronted with her killer I should just back off?" Casey's voice seethes anger. "He took my life…my future and I…I didn't care about me. I don't…I don't care about me."

"Your actions proved that but they were wrong."

"I didn't die I?" Casey growls his retort; his back still to Severide.

"Not this time."

"No one cares about…"

"No, don't go there. Don't say no one cares."

"It's true."

"Liar."

But Severide's curt reply forces Casey to turn back to him with watery sapphires; his heart racing and stomach tight.

"I could only blame the fire before but…now…"

"But now you had a face to your pain and wanted to take it out on him. Only you're not one of them and despite the fact I know you like going into tense situations with some kind of plan, you didn't have that this time and he had a gun."

"I had one…"

"The CPD's plan wasn't the same as yours. They wanted him on the wire and to arrest him. You wanted to kick his ass and maybe what…take the gun away and extract your revenge? And then what? End up in jail for something you know Hallie would never have condoned?" Severide argues back.

"I know it was stupid," Casey resigns as he slowly trudges over to the wall and slumps against it. "I was driven by anger. But hitting him felt good!"

"Course it did, until he turned on you and pushed the gun to your face," Severide reminds him firmly.

"Okay so I faltered and…"

"And it nearly cost you everything. Do you get that? Severide replies in a soft whisper as he walks up to Casey and leans against the wall with him. "Voight's crack shot saved you but he won't always be there. What happens next time i…"

"No, there won't be a next time. Bastard's dead now…and now I gotta try to move past this…somehow," his tone dies out to a soft sniffle. "How the hell do I move on? I saw Hallie's picture in there…hugged her sister and now…Kelly when I told her parents how she died…they looked at me like I had failed not only her but them also. How do I move past that?" Casey implores in a softer tone; his body expelling adrenaline faster than he could create more and his heart starting to beat a bit heavier in his chest.

"Why are you even thinking about that right now?"

"You think I learnt nothing from my mother?" Casey gently quips as Severide's lips purse into a soft smirk before their expressions turn serious again. "When I saw his face…all I could hear was Hallie calling out to me to save her. Kelly I failed her…I failed," he takes a deep breath as his heart starts to race and his vision cloud. "I watched her die on that stretcher and that bastard just laughed…he…" Casey's lungs start to gently heave. "He took….oh god he took her from me and tonight…I stood up before friends…and I…I can't do this…"

"Just breathe okay," Severide instructs as he watches Casey lean forward, resting his hands on his knees. "Deep breath," he tells him as his hand gently pats his back.

"I heard her voice calling to me…I still hear it. When I'm alone…when I drive past the clinic…when…I don't know what to do."

Severide hears the tormented strain in Casey's tone and wishes more than anything that he has the right words to take away his friends pain; but inside he knows he doesn't have that. Just as the night Hallie died, all he can offer right now is a listening ear or a strong shoulder to cry on – the magical words were failing to appear.

"Tell me what to do."

"Don't be alone; don't isolate yourself. I've been there and I hate seeing you like this and knowing it's because you won't let any of us near," Severide confesses as Casey slowly stands back up and looks down the dimly lit alley with a heavy frown.

"We talked about the future. She had um…she had come back with a new plan and it…it was a good one."

"What was it?"

"We were gonna wait a few years and then try for a family. She said she just got caught up in thinking I was rushing her and feeling trapped into making a decision but then her going away put things into perspective. Kelly I was going to ask her to marry me again that night. I had the ring by…the bed and now…" Casey's voice trails off with a heavy sniffle as he pulls away in anger. "HE TOOK THAT FROM ME! He took everything. And for what? What the hell for! Tell me? A few damn pills? TELL ME! Please…Kelly…tell me."

"I can't because there was no good reason for him to have done that and I know you hate to hear it but that's all I can say."

Severide feels his own eyes water as Casey turns back and offers him a look of utter defeat; words in that instant failing to escape past his lips

"How do I move past that? TELL ME!" Casey shouts before he takes a deep breath and looks away. "Please…tell me. Being around the house and doing normal things won't bring her back. She's gone. How do I move past that?"

Unlike the night Hallie died, after his almost life ending ordeal, Casey was expelling angry emotion instead of utter despair and remorse and Severide knows the only thing he can do is stand by Casey's side and ensure that he doesn't to anything too rash.

"Tell me," Casey turns back and pleads in misery.

"You can't right now so don't expect it…wait," Severide shakes his head as he watches Casey toss his hand back and turn and head toward the end of the alley. "Hey hold on a sec," Severide tries to grab Casey's arm to which Casey counters by jerking his appendage free.

"You're in no frame of mind…where are you going?"

"To talk to someone who can answer me!"

"Matt come back here."

"No. I need to leave and…"

"Yeah and who is that?" Severide growls as he blocks Casey's path.

"Someone."

"Who?"

"I don't…know…or…just move."

"No. You've already allowed your anger to dictate your actions and I couldn't stop you. This time I can and I will if I have to."

"Kelly…"

"I'm not letting you go out there and hurt yourself further or do something rash. I won't."

"You can't stop me."

"Really? You want to go there right now?" Severide demands.

"I want to know…how I just…I don't know what to do…think…say! I don't know," Casey mumbles before he rubs his face, inadvertently allowing Severide to pull him back from out of the middle of the alleyway. He guides Casey toward a small bench and both ease themselves down and stare at the dark brick wall ahead of them. "I need something Kelly."

"When Andy died, without even realizing it I needed to be around people acting normally to get myself back to normal. So whenever you wanna grab a cigar or hit some golf balls or whatever you let me know okay?"

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Casey turns away after giving Severide a nod; the two of them siting in mounting silence a bit longer before Casey leans back and utters a low grumble. "I still see her there…lying on the stretcher, not moving…not fighting back. She's always been a fighter. Always fought for what she wanted and I never really appreciated that while she was alive."

Severide hears the torment in Casey's tone and gives him a small sideways glance.

"Think at the end she knew anything…called for me…ca…"

"She came back for you Matt. She loved you. Doc confirmed she didn't suffer," Severide tries to reassure Casey, knowing inside that his words wouldn't really mean much at this moment but he wasn't about to leave Casey to his own merits, not after nearly losing him to his own rash actions.

"I've never been so…so consumed with revenge. I wanted to just pound that guy into the ground or throw him off the train."

"Seeing her in the fire like that was pretty hard to take and then coming face to face with the guy that did it; yeah I get it."

"You really do?"

"You two shared over eight years Matt, you don't let go of that because you were apart for a few months."

"I want her back."

"I do to," Severide comments as Casey looks over in surprise. "Seeing you this lost and broken is tough to take. Having her back means things are normal again. Yeah I want that for you…for all of us."

"I feel like I let her down and now…"

"You didn't and if you're going to offer me the you're thinking of quitting speech I won't let you."

"Won't…let me?" Casey looks at Severide with raised brows. "Really?"

"Yeah really. My family wouldn't let me run away to Madrid and your family isn't about to let you run away either. You belong here and need to be here; at the Firehouse where you belong. This job is our life; I know that because it's mine also and we're not that different. We both come from messed up families and we need the house…we need each other as much as we don't like to admit it at times. My old man doesn't give me much in the way of advice or whatever, but he's always stood by me and never let me quit. Squad is my life. This is yours and Hallie got that. She came back to that."

"But now…she's gone, so..."

"You can't quit," Severide reminds him firmly. "You know she'd feel even worse if she knew you quit because of her. You know that."

"I know," Casey is forced to admit as he looks down at his hands and frowns. "Nearly lost it all this time didn't I?"

"Yup," Severide retorts as Casey looks over in shock and Severide smirks. "What? You got your ass kicked and a gun pushed into your head for your troubles and weren't thinking clearly. Why would I sugar coat that for you?"

"You're right," Casey reluctantly agrees; his tone signaling to Severide that he still wasn't convinced about his future and where he now belonged. Silence continues to grow as Casey pulls back and leans against the side of the brick wall beside Severide, once again both of them staring ahead.

"You know you're wrong about one thing you said earlier," Severide breaks the silence a few moments later.

"What's that?" Casey asks as they both still look straight ahead.

"Someone does care about you and what risks you take; especially the dangerous ones. I do."

Casey offers Severide a kind smile, taking some small comfort in his words despite the fact that his mind and heart were still dwelling in a dark pit of emotional misery. Nothing would bring Hallie back and his heart would always be torn because of it. But as the two of them sit side by side in the alleyway behind Molly's, he realizes that no matter what he faces he doesn't have to do it alone; he just needs to trust Severide's loyal strength more and it would help him at least cope with life until he was ready to take the reins on his own once more. It would be a slow, almost uphill battle, but it wasn't lost or without hope and he wouldn't have to do it alone. He would have to be around people who cared about him doing things he cared about. With Kelly's help he would come back stronger than ever and he would do it for her. That's what love – not revenge had taught him. Revenge showed him only one way out; Severide's kind reassurance and unwavering support had shown him another path entirely – that was the one he wanted to walk now. And not alone. Never alone again.

"You ready to go home?" Severide asks in a concerned tone as he notices Casey look at his watch.

"Kelly…"

"Not a request. I'm driving. You ready?"

"You sure?"

"Trust me, it'll get me away from Shay and her crazy baby stuff. Seriously it's driving me insane over there. Come on, I'll even tuck you in after we look at those ribs you've been hiding all night long," he snickers before his face turns serious. "After what you faced, you being alone isn't an option. That stuff I said about me after Andy died applies to you and starts tonight."

Casey pauses before he gives him a firm nod and verbal confirmation. "Okay," Casey agrees; happy that inside he didn't have to beg for the tender concern, it was being offered and he wasn't about to turn it down now – he needed Severide's objective strength more than ever.

The two of them slowly get up from the bench and head toward the end of the alleyway; Severide's hand giving Casey's back a brotherly pat before he playfully grabs the side of Casey's jacket collar and gives him a small tug toward him.

"Matt Casey aka Rambo," Severide groans as he shakes his head.

"Okay so not one of my better moments," Casey groans as he shakes his head.

"Brothers are sometimes a pain in the ass you know," he snickers as Casey looks over and offers a small smile.

"Yeah I know…but you'd miss me if I were gone."

"Yeah…I would," Severide's truthful words hang in the air a bit longer.

"So what you said earlier…cigars and golf. You mean that?"

"I did," Severide nods as they both trade a small smile. "You available next weekend?"

"I am," Casey nods as their forms fade off into the night; Severide ensuring that he kept his promise and didn't stray too far from Casey's side that night.

THE END!

A/N: Okay so not as emotionally tormented as the last piece (I think anyways) but still lots of angst for our boys. I know the last one shot (last weeks) was tormented by pure emotional angst (some of it inner coming out to the written word) but I figured this weeks would be driven by emotion but also inner agitation and so hope that was okay (plus I've already whumped casey in a few one shots lol need some variety right? lol). So please do review if you liked these broments and thanks so much!