No escape

Summary: Merlin cannot escape his destiny, no matter how he is hurting inside.

Destiny.
That word was always repeated to Merlin. It was his destiny to protect the prince. It was his destiny to help Arthur become a great king. It was his destiny to help unite the lands of Alboin. It was his destiny to bring magic back to the land.

Merlin could see Arthur becoming a good king; through at first he didn't believe the dragon as Arthur then was such a prat. But he couldn't see how it was up to him at times. He still held the question in his head; why me?

He understood Arthur; they actually got along well apart from when they argue. He understood that part of keeping Arthur safe; Arthur was his friend. Merlin did not mind being stuck with Arthur anymore. But that did not explain why he had to lose so many people.

Will, Morgana, Freya, Balinor...all they were lost as Merlin continued down the path to his destiny. Merlin wondered how many more he would lose and that always brought a sob to his throat through he always swallowed it back down. He had also almost lost Gaius –twice- and his mother. Merlin always wondered how he continued.

Through he carried on his usual happy self, inside he was sinking in depression. Sometimes in would show in small forms, such as he no longer got put into the stocks, his quirks with Arthur less and he would no longer blush with Gwen. Even through Gwen loved Arthur she still would tease with Merlin and before Freya, Merlin would still go scarlet. But now he no longer did and his friends noticed. But Merlin kept it down inside of him.

Gaius knew about Merlin's worries yet Merlin would not go to him. Gaius was his mentor, his friend and also...his father. Through Merlin had met his real father and loved him, Merlin had never thought Gaius any different. Perhaps then it was just as well that Balinor had die, heart breaking as it was, it meant that there would be no conflict or trouble. Gaius was there and he would always lend Merlin a shoulder but Merlin did not want to take it. He did not want Gaius to see him in such a state, it would break the old man's heart. And Merlin wanted to show Gaius he was strong, he wanted to make him proud. Crying wouldn't help that much.

Yet Merlin suffered inside and getting up in the morning was now a chore. He always wanted to stay in his bed, away from the cruel world. But that would not get Arthur to be a good king.

Merlin had thought of ending things, it wasn't that hard. He had even tried, cutting his arm where he knew that it would not be seen. He had almost tried drowning but images of Freya were brought into his mind and the attempt would be forgotten as he would try to hold back the tears. He was too busy running chores for Arthur to throw himself of the turrets as much as he wanted too. Hanging was the next option but Gaius had become wary of when Merlin needed to use rope from that time Merlin had used it to help Arthur out of his chambers to see Morgause.

Also Arthur would spring to his mind when he thought about suicide; how would he cope? Merlin knew how blinded by anger Arthur could get, he had when he learnt that he was born of magic and Merlin had to lie to get him to stop killing Uther. Merlin couldn't possibly think how Arthur would cope with him dead. And then there was Gaius and Gwen, how would they cope? Merlin knew he couldn't leave his friends, not in that way.

Destiny also held Merlin. He had to follow his path, no matter how much he wanted to turn away from it. Merlin had no choice.

"No one can choose their destiny, Merlin, "The dragon voice would echo in his mind, "And no one can escape it."

No, there was no way to end his path, no way to lose himself. Merlin could try and perhaps he may escape his body and soul but not his destiny. Merlin had to fulfil it no matter the cost. There is no escape.

I know, really depressing but Merlin must of felt like killing himself some of the time. And yet he couldn't and he has to put on a grin and get on with things. Poor him. Please review if you think Merlin deserves a big hug and if you like the chapter!
Next chapter: Prince.