A/N: I own nothing of Naruto =3
Summary~~ Sasuke and Naruto have a conversation in which their sexualities are questioned - by themselves as well as each other. Hmm... what conclusion do they come to, I wonder? ;) SasuNaru, obviously.
"You, Naruto Uzumaki, are bisexual?" Sasuke stared blankly at the blonde boy, a vein about to pop on his forehead. Then he sighed. "Why are we even having this conversation?"
"Hey, just 'cause I kinda think Kiba's hot doesn't make me bisexual... I think. I mean, have you ever seen the guy with his shirt off? Jeez."
Sasuke scoffed. I honestly can't say that I've ever noticed what any particular guy looks like with his shirt off, he thought. "Somehow that little speech wasn't very convincing to the point of you not being bisexual."
"Hmm..." Naruto frowned in thought. He knew he'd always been a little attracted to some of the male shinobi, but he'd never really actually thought about it before. Leave it to him, the common sense idiot, to think that guys are hot and never once consider himself anything but straight. "I don't think guys are my type. Well... none of the guys we know anyway."
Sasuke wished the dobe would shut up so that he could sleep. It was just like Naruto to want to stay up talking while on an important mission. As it was, Team 7 had stopped at a small inn for the night; Naruto and Sasuke had a room to themselves, both of them with their own futon. Unfortunately for Sasuke's nerves, the two futons happened to be side-by-side. Then again, with Naruto, it probably wouldn't have mattered if they were on opposite sides of the room.
"Kiba's got that freaky bestial thing like you do," Sasuke muttered. It was impossible to stop a Naruto conversation whenever the dobe was really in the mood to talk, and if Sasuke didn't throw in his occasional two cents, the situation would probably develop into a fight. Usually, Sasuke wouldn't mind, but at the moment he was too tired for fighting.
Naruto grinned and laughed a little at that. "Yeah but foxes and dogs are completely different."
"Feh. Whatever dobe."
"Hm...." Did he always have to make that noise? It was like Naruto had to announce it whenever he was actually thinking. "Let's see..." the blonde boy said. "Shikamaru's pretty cool too, and I guess he's hot... maybe. But it'd be too weird to be with a guy like that. I mean, he just doesn't care about anything and I can't see an actual relationship working there."
"Tch. Picky?" Sasuke interrupted.
Naruto grinned again for a moment. "You got it," he agreed. "Everything sappy you can imagine about relationships - I want it all. Anyway. Soo... there's Gaara. He's... well, damn I've always liked him. If he wasn't such a sand creep, I'd probably think about it. Shino - bugs, ew. And Choji - I love the guy to death, but again, ew. Rock Lee has too much eyebrows, and a whole lotta spunk."
"Really?" Sasuke said sarcastically. "I bet his green would go well with your orange."
"Shut up. And Neji's cool, but he kinda acts like he has something stuck up his ass all the time, and by now him and Hinata are pretty much a sure thing. Weird that they're cousins though. I guess it's a clan thing huh."
"Are you going to name off every guy we know, dobe?" Sasuke demanded, seriously annoyed. If Naruto weren't so... himself, his contemplation probably would have been amusing. Naruto was quite himself, however, and Sasuke didn't really feel like dealing with him at the moment.
Naruto grinned again. "No, I think I'm done. I'm just sayin', none of those dudes are my type or whatever. Not even the ones I'm actually attracted to."
Sasuke gritted his teeth for a moment, as a disturbing new thought came to mind. "Please don't tell me that I make the list of people you're attracted to."
"Hehe. Of course you do. You're sexy as hell Sasuke. Everybody knows that."
With that, Sasuke promptly grabbed a handful of blanket and turned his back on the other guy, covering himself up to his chin. "Stay away from me," he said flatly.
"Oi! Don't be so cold Sasuke-teme!" Naruto pouted.
Ugh. The dobe's voice was so loud. "And yet you don't deny that you were being serious."
"Yeah, well...."
Naruto couldn't quite come up with a good response to that. Being Sasuke's teammate, he had seen the guy with his shirt off and sweating many a time, and even he - Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke's most bitter rival - had to admit that the Uchiha was... enticing.
"Point proven," Sasuke said to Naruto's silence. After a moment he commented, "I thought you were madly in love with Sakura."
Something about that just didn't click right in Naruto's head. Thinking about guys he might or might not be interested in, and thinking about Sakura... he was attracted to them on two completely different levels. Naruto thought Sakura was pretty - sometimes even beautiful - but he'd never considered her as being sexy. Over time, she had somehow become more of a weird motherly type figure than an actual subject of infatuation. "I really like Sakura," he said honestly.
"Maybe you're just sexually confused," Sasuke muttered.
"Hey. I'm allowed to be sexually confused."
The room became silent as Naruto lost himself in troubled thought, and Sasuke struggled to fall into unconsciousness. Even exhausted as he was, over the years it had only become increasingly more difficult to get to sleep at night. Sasuke saw unpleasant things in his dreams, and ninja were all supposed to sleep lightly besides. Insomnia was a bitch.
"Don't you ever think about things like that Sasuke?" Naruto asked after a while, and he sounded genuinely curious.
Sasuke half turned back to him, incredulous. "Of course not. What the hell, dobe? I'm not gay."
Blue eyes blinked at him, unfazed. "How can you say things like that without even thinking about it?"
Sasuke scoffed, his pale face reddening a little. "I don't need to think about it," he muttered.
Naruto hesitated before speaking again, and Sasuke hoped that, for once the dobe might actually refrain from saying whatever weird thoughts were going on inside his head. Something like that from Naruto was too much to ask for though. "I don't know Sasuke," the dobe said objectively, "you seem like the type to me."
Without warning Sasuke abruptly grabbed the blonde boy by the throat, eyes burning darkly. Naruto make a choking sound. "Eh?" he coughed. "At least hear me out bastard!"
Reluctantly, Sasuke let him go, and put a hand to his own forehead. He could feel a headache coming on. Naruto had that effect on people. Well, he might as well let the dobe say whatever it was he was wanting to say. More than likely Naruto was going to eventually get around to saying it sometime anyway, and Sasuke figured it was best for him to get it out now, rather than later on when actual people were around.
"Jeez," Naruto complained, rubbing at his neck. "What do you gotta be like that for all the time Sasuke-teme? You act like you've got something worse up your ass than even Neji does."
"Just shut up Naruto," Sasuke muttered - though, he knew it wasn't likely.
"Anyway," the dobe continued. "I mean, you've got all those fangirls that are real into you, and you're not even interested in a single one! Most guys would kill for something like that."
Sasuke frowned at him. So that was Naruto's reasoning? Well, there was certainly a simple enough answer for that. "They're all ugly, and annoying. Idiot. And they freak me out. I'd rather be in a room full of Orochimarus than be near even just one of them."
Naruto cringed at the image in his head. Sometimes, he felt bad for Sasuke because of his good looks. It attracted weirdos like that Orochimaru - with the tongue and the snakes and the butt bow.... It made Naruto shudder to even think about it. "They're not all ugly," he protested, ignoring the whole Orochimaru topic altogether. "Actually some of them are pretty fine. But you treat them like they've got diseases or something. You've never had a girlfriend. Sakura's the only chick you've ever really gotten close to, and she annoys you the most right?"
"Naruto, just because I'm not interested in girls, doesn't necessarily mean that I'm interested in guys, either."
"Yeah but that's not the only thing about you Sasuke," Naruto said quickly. "You... you've got this thing about strength right? I mean, you would probably want someone strong and stuff. I don't think you'd ever find a girl you'd be satisfied with - they all get on your nerves. And I don't think you'd ever be with anyone weaker than you, either. 'Cause they'd just get on your nerves even more right? You'd want somebody on the same level as you. And you need someone as stubborn as you, too. Someone who'll protect you and stuff even when you don't want them to."
"I don't need protecting dobe," Sasuke interrupted.
"Feh. That's your problem Sasuke. You always wanna do everything yourself, and then you get into more trouble than you can handle." Naruto crossed his arms and rolled his eyes dramatically. Then suddenly, he smiled, and poked Sasuke's nose, startling the Uchiha. "Yep. In fact, I bet that Sasuke's an uke~." He winked.
And both of Sasuke's hands flew to his neck this time, strangling the dobe in a crushing grasp while a dark aura floated in the air around him. "Say anything else," Sasuke said seriously, "and you will die a most painful death."
Naruto was just beginning to turn blue by the time that Sasuke finally relented and let him go. The dobe sat up, coughing as if he were in pain. " 'the hell, Sasuke?" he demanded irritably. "I was only joking around!"
"You should be wise about what you say," Sasuke snapped. "Now let me sleep."
Naruto stared down at Sasuke's silent form for a moment - the Uchiha had turned his back on him again. Honestly, Naruto hadn't meant to make him that mad. He'd just been messin' around with him again, like he always did. There wasn't any need for Sasuke to be such an uptight asshole about it. "Tch. You're too serious Sasuke," he scoffed, and lay back down himself. "Fine."
It was a few minutes later, and in his fuming anger Sasuke was finally just beginning to drift when, of course, Naruto decided to say something again. "Hey Sasuke," the blonde boy said suddenly, and there was a tone in his voice ringing clear that he'd just come up with what he thought was a good idea.
"What, dobe?" Sasuke snarled through gritted teeth. Sometimes he thought that Naruto went out of his way to make life miserable for him.
"Why don't we kiss to see if we like it or not? Being with dudes, I mean."
Silence.
Silence.
Even more silence.
"Er... Sasuke?"
Slowly, the Uchiha turned to look at him, all the fires of hell burning fiercely in his eyes.
"Oi... don't be like that...." To tell the truth, Naruto knew he'd fucked up. And Sasuke could be scary, with that look on his face. It had been a mistake to just bluntly tell him that idea like that. Naruto seemed to have similar problems quite often. He always spoke his mind, and most of the time, he paid dearly for it.
Still, even if Naruto knew that he was the one in the wrong, there was something about it whenever Sasuke became angry. Either it was the Y-chromosome kicking in, or just Naruto's stubbornness. Because that was the biggest problem between him and Sasuke... tempers flared up easily, and they were both stubborn and hated to lose. If Sasuke hadn't gotten so angry about it, Naruto probably would have just dropped the subject. As it was, there was no turning back now.
"Did you... honestly... expect me to agree to something like that?" Sasuke demanded, and judging by that sound of his voice, he was only getting more ticked off about it.
"Hey, it was just a suggestion," Naruto replied with a frown. "And I still think it's a good idea. It makes sense if you just think about it."
"Nothing about that makes sense at all!" Sasuke half-shouted. Now he was the one being loud. You knew things were getting back when one of their arguments reached that point.
Naruto scoffed lightly, and decided, what the hell? He scooted close to the other boy suddenly, lips puckered - until Sasuke shoved a hand in his face. "What the hell dobe?!" Determined, Naruto kept at it persistently, trying to push himself close enough to Sasuke to kiss him. It was a difficult feat, considering that Sasuke was doing everything in his power to push him away. "Get off me idiot!"
"Jeez Sasuke," Naruto said around the hand that was still shoving his face back. "What? It's not like anyone's around to see! And besides! We already kissed before anyway!"
Sasuke growled in irritation. "That was an accident, and I still maintain that it didn't count as an actual... gah! Back off already!"
"I bet you've never even kissed a girl before!" Naruto shouted.
That hit a nerve. "Like you have!" Sasuke retorted with an angry blush.
"Why's your face all red Sasuke-teme?" Naruto asked with a malicious smile. Finally, he unexpectedly broke through Sasuke's attempts at keeping him back, and their lips abruptly collided. All was shocked silence in the presence of an awkward moment. They both froze.
Naruto was the first one to move again. He threw his arms around Sasuke quickly, getting a better hold before the other guy had the chance to try and push him off again. Stubbornly, Naruto still thought that his idea from a moment ago was a good one, and if Sasuke was against it then of course Naruto would just have to see it through to the end. Yeah, he was that kind of guy. It was probably a stupid reason to kiss somebody though.
Sasuke pushed at his arms, trying to get him to back off again. "Get off me-" he said around Naruto's crushing lips.
"No," Naruto sighed.
He supposed it was kind of cruel. Sasuke kept struggling, but it only frustrated Naruto, because how could he know if he liked a kiss when the other person wasn't even kissing back? (Actually -- when the other person was doing anything but.) "Sasuke~" he complained, pulling away for just a second.
And that was around the time when Sasuke decided, the dobe wasn't going to be satisfied until he got what he wanted. That was the way it always was with Naruto, the selfish brat. And seeing as they would be alone together in this room for the rest of the night, there was no way Naruto was ever going to just let him sleep, unless Sasuke finally gave in. So, that's what he did.
It was... tentative on Sasuke's part at first. It was true, the only thing he'd had even resembling a kiss before was that time Naruto had fallen on him in class that day. So it was... strange. Alien-like. And he couldn't decide if it was good or not.
Naruto smiled victoriously in the middle of that kiss, and....
The door to the room burst open.
Naruto and Sasuke separated and sat up in their futons as if they'd suddenly been electric shocked. And a very-tired but very-amused looking Kakashi-sensei was standing there in the doorway, a half-hidden wide-eyed Sakura-chan hiding just behind him. The man smiled pleasantly - for once, he wasn't even wearing his mask. "Desist and go to sleep please," he said simply.
Sasuke and Naruto stared at him in speechless alarm. "Wh-wha-?" Of course, Naruto was the first to recover enough to speak. Sasuke thought, he himself would never, ever live this down. Ever. Fifteen years of Uchiha pride flushed right down the drain. "You could... hear us?" Naruto asked in surprise, and Sasuke silently hoped he wasn't blushing as much as the dobe was. Actually, he just felt like all the blood had drained from his face.
"You're quite loud. The whole inn probably heard you," Kakashi replied cheerfully.
And it was the end of the world as we know it. ^_~