Hey there!

I ain't dead just plain lazy but I have got a ton of ideas I have no idea why I won't just bother typing it :) But anyway this is sad and inspired by the great Bruno Mars,special thanks to my brother for giving the song :D Also I am sorta trying to think of the next story for Boom! I met her so yeah.. And We I have no idea if I still plan to update Commander Shepard Live for I just ran out of ideas but I shall and will try and I also plan to make another Garrus and Fem shep fic also and weirdly a Saren and Femshep fic which causes to malfunction..Apparently Turians are making me a xeno which causes many many fantasies anyway enjoy but be warn...This is sad.. :(

But anyway thankie dear beautiful people for the love and support :)

~Love Viatrize :D

~Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now~

I wake up on the same bed when we had are shore leaves. The same scent still stuck. Sunflowers,her favourite Remembering her green eyes looking before me and her porcelain like skin against mine,her breath tickling my sensitive ear, her screams of my name when she reaching ecstasy, her smiles when we kiss, her laughs when I make a bad joke and most of all her presence just breathing before all shit that's about to happen the moment we go back to work and move on with our lives like a secret couple. I groan awake and sit up.

~Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same~

The alarm clock blaring her favourite song. When she feels lonely of even sad or just completely happy she sang it heartily with out much care about embarrassing herself. I chuckle at the thought but the thought died instantly as it appeared. I walk through the bed and head for the shower. I remember us making love on every spot of this apartment the moment and feeling is gone.I dry and dress up.

~When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name~

"Hey Kaidan!" James shouts and waves through the crowd of people.

"Hey James." I reply trying to hide my sadness.

"You seen Shepard?" He looks through the crowd trying to look for her. The name made me flinch,like a knife piercing through me,it really hurt.

"Hey guys!" Cortez comes along in dress blues as well.

This was her ceremony. Her awarding for saving the galaxy and service.

They talk and talk about the adventures they have been through with her while I sit quietly just staring it to blank space,realizing hearing her name made it unbearable. To make you feel so much emotion. I bury my head in to my hands,trying to hide every bit of sadness of losing the woman I love.

~And it all just sounds like oooooooo~

Admiral Hackett comes up on the stage and greets everybody,making a speech of Shepard saving the galaxy and after a while she comes out in a white gown with sunflowers ornamenting her hair and the wind sways the tress around us to and fro, making the leaves fly but it just made her even more beautiful. Silence echo's through the vast space but a few minutes the people start cheering,clapping,shouting their many praises for the woman that saved them all. They all scream "COMMANDER SHEPARD!" in unison. It deafens me. It tears me up and causes me to slightly sway but her in that gown, I wouldn't miss it for the world but the pain to hear her name.

~Too young,too dumb to realize~

I look at her again,she was beautiful,her smiles and funny gestures, making her the perfect. Why did I leave her? Why? I could have had her. I could have done a lot for her! Made her happy! But then..I realized all the mistakes I ...

~That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand~

Garrus suddenly appears with a bouquet of sunflowers and hold her five digit hand tangles it up with his talon.I made me jealous but..she's moved on..who I'm I to get jealous over the mistake I've committed.

~Should have given you all my hours when I had the chance~

Horizon. I was a fool. I was...the one at fault. That was the moment I could have gone and met with her. I could have talked to her! Made amends but I just..ran away from reality..just..kept on dreaming for ...what I wanted.

~Take you to every party cause I remember how much you love to dance~

Those times of Chora's Den, on Illium, Porgatory. I miss the times where she drank so much that she just made a mess of herself but didn't mind what people thought. Doing silly dances that made no sense what so ever and yet she just kept at it. She just cared about her people not her. She was definitely a hero, a bloody icon. I one man army of herself. But I let her down...

~Now my baby's dancing, but she's dancing with another man~

Remembering it I saw her dancing with Garrus on their so called "first date". They moved to and fro making people glance at their every move. Jealousy lingered.

~My pride,my ego and my selfish ways caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life~

Horizon..again..haunting my memories...how I left and how we parted ways...why?..

~Now I never,never get to clean up the mess I made~

And that time at the hospital.

She was with Garrus now because I left her. She confirmed it straight to my face that.. they were together... but during Horizon. It was clear what my decision lies... it was to end something that was never there to begin with.

~And it hunts me every time I close my eyes~

I close my eyes. Her freckled face haunting.

"Kaidan" Her voice echo's through my head and I miss the scent of her body to her hair. The feel of skin against my hand. I missed her being mine.

My eyes spring open and I see her facing me.

"Hey Major." She smiles and shakes my hand.

"Hey Commander. It's good to see you." I reply back. I look at her freckled face with much detail. Memorizing her emerald eyes facing me and the way her hair loosens up and curls down to her shoulders.

"You look great Kaidan!Well anyway I have to run. See you around." She releases my hand and moves on.

"Yeah." A faint reply that could hardly be heard through the blaring crowd.

"Goodbye Shepard."