Disclaimer: I do not own Devil May Cry or Vergil -nods sadly-, and unfortunately I'm not in possession of any pancakes either. -sob-
Warning: Some language due to Vergil's anger and Jester's idiocy. It's not too bad though. Oh and please bear with the grammar. I've been away from school on the account of surgery so I've missed lots of English classes!
Summary: Dante, Vergil and Trish living together. Mundus is trying to tunnel up to the human world with his super sidekick, Jester -shudders- and a fight to the death over pancakes! My first fanfic. Dante needed a place to stash his weed (just kidding. But...), beer and pizza, and is quite lazy because he couldn't be bothered getting off his butt to find a place to crash, Vergil had a reputation of being a murderous little bastard and couldn't rent a house due to the fact that the residents were always complaining about the amount of blood and, well Trish, she just shows up and pays the bills for the usage of Devil May Cry. How convenient for the boys.
The wonders of Saturday
By Apheria
Chapter One: Welcome to the Sparda residence
On an unusual Saturday morning Dante would be doing work or reading the paper for a job, Vergil would be drunk and chasing seagulls and Trish wouldn't be annoying. But this was anywhere from unusual. This was a usual Saturday morning. Crashes could be heard from the kitchen of the little apartment behind Devil May Cry, no doubt that the crashes were made by either Dante or Vergil, fighting over the last pancake and spilling most of Dante's beer while they were doing so. Trish was happily cleaning the place while listening to chicky shit music on her Discman and best of all there was no sight of that deranged homosexual clown. Yes. It was a beautiful, usual Saturday morning. Oh, the wonders of Saturday.
Whining could be herd from the kitchen now as Vergil walked out eating the last of the pancake with a sulky Dante following behind.
"Why do you always get the last pancake? It's not fair Vergil!"
Vergil turned to look at his brother, "It's not my fault you're weak," he said licking the syrup off his fingers "besides, I deserve it more."
"But it's not fair!"
"Shut up"
"Why?"
"Cause you're stupid."
"I'm not stupid! I have smarts!"
"Stupid."
"I'm not stupid!"
"Just go away."
"Why?"
"Cause you're stupid."
Now this would have gone on all day if it wasn't for Trish hearing the argument and coming over to break it up. She knew that it would have ended in two ways; Dante hurt or Dante dead and she didn't want to have to clean her carpet twice today.
"Alright! That's enough you two! Break it up!"
"Trish!" Dante said in his oh-so-whiny voice that he had just used on Vergil, "Just when I was winning! You're no fair!"
"You weren't winning Dante, and if I hadn't saved you're arse right now Vergil would have broken every bone in your body, even you know that."
"But he STOLE the last pancake!"
Vergil laughed.
"What's so funny Mr-I'm-so-high-and-mighty?" Dante crossed his arms and looked at Vergil.
"Stole? Me?" Vergil laughed again, "You just don't get it brother. I'm stronger than you. Stealing is for weak, stupid idiots like you."
"What did you call me!"
"You heard"
"GAHHHHHH!"
With that Dante attempted to tackle his brother and completely missed while Vergil drew his Yamato and struck him in the shoulder blade. This made Dante react and before Trish could break the brotherly love up for the second time, the twins were both in D.T.
It looked like Trish would have to clean the house twice today on this oh-so normal Saturday.
Meanwhile in a part of hell we call the Demon Realm...
A dark figure was sitting on a magnificent throne of boxes and planks, watching his little demon minions working on a plan to rule the upper world. Just then a voice interrupted his train of thoughts.
"Oh Maaasteeeeeeerrr!"
The figure remained quiet.
"Oh Lord Mundus,"
No reply.
"Oi! Devil Man!"
"What is it Jester?" This time the dark and oh-so eerie figure known as Mundus arose from his throne of broken cardboard and boxes. (Hey when a half-breed kicks your arse so badly and sends you back into the depths of hell, you don't have time to mail-order a new throne. Besides he had no money and it was clearly labelled on the pamphlet "we do not accept souls". Not that Mundus had tried that or anything...)
"Well your lordship, the almighty amazing, ever powerful, beautiful, evi-"
"Get to the point Jester!" Wait... Beautiful? What the hell! That's not cool. He just called me beautiful. Maybe he IS homosexual...
"Well your scariness, we have found a way to tunnel up to the human world." Jester paused, "but you have to be quick other wise you will be stuck in here forever and ever andneverevergettohavetherevengeyoualwayswanted!"
"Sure... I'll take that into mind... DISMISSED!" and with that, Mundus slouched back on his throne with very sore ears.
Back at the Sparda residence...
An angry Trish was cleaning up the remains of what had turned into a competition to see who could drink the most beer. It all started when Dante had called Vergil fat. This didn't sit to well with Vergil who pointed out that they were identical twins. Dante being well... Dante, took this the wrong way and after insults being thrown back and forward between the two, Dante challenged Vergil to a beer drinking competition.
Now, the thought of drinking that liquid substance that made humans do weird things didn't exactly appeal to Vergil at all. He even detested the idea of going near the stuff, but when Dante sets a challenge, Vergil wasn't going to let his brother know that he found it disgusting. In fact, Vergil won and this left Trish cleaning out all the beer stains in the carpet that Dante had made when he tried to shove Vergil's beer can down his brother's throat. Trish was quite surprised at how neatly Vergil drank. He was just taking nice little sips while his twin image on the other hand was sculling it down and getting it everywhere but in his mouth. Oh how different they were.
Upstairs Vergil was taking a nice long bath. After all he deserved it. I mean a hard day sitting and reading the newspaper and - oh yeah - trying to kick his brother's arse in everything had to be worth something right?
As he relaxed and soaked further into the water he started thinking. Ahhh. It's so peaceful when I'm not near that time bomb of a brother. Makes me wonder, what happened to the days where you couldn't walk down a street due to all the demons? Now you could walk into the mouth of hell and find nothing! Where have all of those demon bastards gone? It's far too quiet to be careless. Hmmm... There were footsteps at the door.
"Vergil! It's my turn to use the bathroom!"
Dante again. When will that idiot ever learn? Now where was I? Ahh yes that's right. Far too quiet... There must be something going on. Then again they are stupid enough to have locked themselves in hell. They're probably looking for a way out now... I wonder... This time Dante was thumping his fists on the door.
"Get your ass outa that tub now! Vergil don't make me come in there!"
"Fuck off! Can't you go piss outside?"
"I want a shower you bastard! Not a piss!"
"Then go use the kitchen sink!" And with that Vergil continued thinking, of course with the odd occasion of Dante banging on the door and yelling threats. Vergil closed his eyes. Hell was preparing...
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A/N: Hello everyone. This is my first fan fiction so don't be too harsh! I have a couple more ideas for the following chapters including Dante getting his hand stuck in Vergil's pet fish's bowl and a teapot (God knows what Sparda taught that boy) and Dante sitting for his licence. But for now enjoy!
Apheria: Wow that was fun! And kinda short...
Vergil: That was stupid.
Apheria: What is up with you and that word!
Dante: Look at me! I am having smarts!
Vergil: -draws Yamato-
R&R! Dankeschön!