What Were You Thinking?
an Aaaah! Real Monsters Fanfic
by Save Fearow
Author's Note: I wanted to do another story set in the Season 1 time-frame, so this adventure takes places during November of 1994. I'm one of those fans who considers "Monsters, Get Real" to be the series debut, since it was an extended version of the pilot episode they pitched to Nickelodeon (so Ickis losing the manual in Bradley's room probly happened in September of that year, whereas "The Switching Hour" explicitly takes place during Halloween.) Unlike most Season 1 episodes, the Halloween mix-up is never mentioned again in-series, although I always felt it was a plot that could have been expanded upon. The little boy Nicky who accidentally spent a day attending the Gromble's Academy in disguise is cautioned by Oblina to never bring up the adventure again, but the older brother Jake doesn't receive such advice (and HE was the one who got spooked by Ickis looming.) It makes you wonder if maybe Simon didn't choose the wrong apprentice...
Nicky had -always- been a weird kid. Normal little brothers did NOT dress up as 'attack rabbits' for Halloween. It was embarrassing, but it was still typical behavior for the twerp. Sometimes Jake wondered if Nicky and Mom conspired to make his life miserable. Ever since Dad left, they were always ganging up on him. "Jake, look out for your brother." "Jake, stop teasing Nicky." "Jake, you need to take Nicky trick-or-treating this year, I have a PTA meeting to attend and I can't be in 2 places at once." Nobody stopped to say "Jake, what would YOU like to do today?"
Right now, Jake would settle for knowing what the heck his brother was up to! Nicky was the quiet kid, the 'good kid', the one who brought back homework with gold stars on it, the one who proudly displayed his 2nd Grade Citizenship Award from last year. There was a reason they didn't give citizenship awards in junior high. Junior high was a REAL school, where you had to solve straight-line equations in slope-intercept form and plot the result on graph paper, cut up frogs in biology, run a mile every day in Phys Ed, and write essays about how ineffectual a leader Ralph was on that stupid desert island (at least 3 classmates had gotten points off for calling Piggy "Gilligan" and Roger "the Skipper". Jake had actually -read- the book so he got the names of the characters right in his report, but he couldn't deny that there was some satisfaction in envisioning a scenario where the Skipper would bash Gilligan's head in.) Junior high was tough, they couldn't waste time pretending to be good citizens!
But Nicky wasn't pretending to be nice anymore. He'd mouthed off to his teacher, gotten detention, and then he had the -nerve- to tell Mom he didn't have any idea why Mrs. Westenra had called their house to complain about his behavior. Jake had heard some of that conversation and it infuriated him. Sure, they didn't have the best house in the neighborhood, but there was no reason for Nicky to tell all those bratty 8-yr olds that he lived in a "flithy, disgusting dump". Mom worked hard every day, she didn't deserve to have her efforts mocked by the little dork. Of course, Nicky was able to play the "innocence card" to get away with everything! Mom brushed off Nicky's classroom antics and subsequent excuses as the result of a 48-hr virus, gave him some children's Robitussin and a glass of ginger ale, and told him to go bed early. But if -Jake- had tried to bluff his way out of trouble at school, you could bet that he'd be grounded for 2 weeks, and told that he needed to set a proper example for Nicky, who 'looked up to him'. Nicky was barely 4 feet tall, he looked up to everybody!
Jake scowled. He thought Nicky was a pain in the neck most of the time, but at least he used to know how to handle the brat. Ever since that fateful Halloween, things had changed. At first, Jake had actually been relieved when his friend Jason had brought Nicky back but the kid didn't seem to realize how much danger he'd been in. "You could have gotten hurt out there, cotton-tail!" Jake recalled the way he had scolded Nicky. Didn't Nicky know how risky it was for small children to run around unsupervised? He could have been kidnapped, been tormented by someone really scary, caught some weird disease, the possibilites were endless! For a kid who loved to run to Mommy whenever he got scared, Nicky never seemed to consider how heart-broken Mom would be if anything bad happened to him.
Jake's eyes widened. Just thinking about that disastrous holiday had triggered a memory he'd been -trying- to forget. Nicky had been -growling- at him all day (maybe the twerp hadn't been faking sick, after all) and Jake was getting really tired of that attitude. He hadn't invited his 2 best friends, Freddy and Jason, over just to have some brat treat them disrespectfully and then refuse to get out of the bedroom. Okay, it was Nicky's room too, but he didn't always have to hang out there. The kid had been willing to sleep in a tree the day before, even! But suddenly the outdoors wasn't good enough for little Nicky anymore and he had to whine about how badly he needed to use the bathroom. Maybe if he had taken off that stupid bunny costume earlier, Nicky wouldn't be having 'zipper problems' now.
So maybe it was because Jake was frustrated that Nicky had been getting his way for the past few days, interfering with -everything- Jake had planned. Or maybe it was because his friends had LAUGHED at the sight of the dork wearing regular clothes layered on top of a Halloween costume. Or maybe it was because Jake was bigger that he liked to remind Nicky of how much of a baby he was in comparison to the cool kids. Whatever the reason, Jake had been messing with the silly baseball cap Nicky was wearing.
"Cut it out!" Nicky had snapped.
"Ut-oh, here it comes! Go cry for Mommy!" Jake's teasing reply came automatically.
"RAAARGGH!" Nicky had made a noise that no human should -ever- be capable of making. Only it wasn't Nicky anymore. Jake and his friends were confronted by a snarling beast with bloodshot eyes and dripping fangs. It was no wonder Jake had yelled in surprise (not terror) and retreated to a more tactical position while the monster stomped off somewhere. Soon after that his friends had run away and Nicky had returned to the room, now dressed in his usual red shorts and T-shirt.
"Hey Jake. Can you say 'bunny rabbit'?" Nicky then joked.
Jake knew what a bunny rabbit looked like. A bunny had been sniffing around their garbage recently, and to Jake's amusement, the bunny had even frightened Nicky. But that creature in the bedroom was NOT a bunny rabbit! It was some kind of bunny monster, and it had come -this- close to attacking Jake. Maybe it had even attacked Nicky earlier when the boy had been alone. Nicky would have been easy prey, the monster could have bitten HIS brother, turned him into some hideous abomination! If that was the case, then it was up to Jake to track down that the fiendish creature and defeat it. He'd seen enough werewolf movies to know there was only one way of breaking the monster's curse: death.
Ickis was not a very good loomer. He tried hard to master the technique, but it had taken him over 60 years to pull off his first loom, and even that had been accidental. (Slickis had just returned from another trip overseas and of course he hadn't taken Ickis along. He'd offered some flimsy explanation for why it was too dangerous for bonstys to go to Madagascar, but by then Ickis had stopped listening to Dad's excuses. Ickis wanted to celebrate Dad's glorious return by spending a day with his father, just the two of them, and Slickis had even -agreed- that it was a nice idea... right up until the International Association of Monster Athletics asked Slickis if he wanted to enter their big track meet. Of course, Slickis chose that over talking to his son. Running for 3000 meters and leaping over various barriers was sooo much more interesting than anything -Ickis- could possibly offer him. Slickis had gone so far as to suggest that his son sit in the bleachers and watch him race. Ickis didn't want that, and the resentment showed. He sulked all throughout the competition and when some groupie turned to ask Ickis if he thought having the Great Slickis for a father was inspirational, Ickis had given the most hurtful reply he could muster. "He's not -that- great." Ickis hadn't really believed that, though and he certainly hadn't meant for his Dad to take it to heart. Slickis had actually messed up on his final jump, snagging his back foot on the barrier. He'd already built up such a lead that he could stagger to the finish line ahead of all the other monsters, but it definitely wasn't up to his usual standards. The worst part was that none of the so-called fans even seemed to CARE. Ickis had hurried over to apologize to his Dad, only to find one of the referees had already approached Slickis and was trying to talk him into running the course again, in the hopes that he might set a record on his second attempt. And that was when Ickis totally lost it. He wasn't even aware that he'd made his chest swell for the first time or that his fangs were fully extended. He'd just started screaming at everyone that it was obvious Dad was hurt and only a jerk would force him to run on a sprained ankle. Slickis wasn't some emotionless robot that was always at their beck and call, he was a monster with wants and needs like everybody else, and if they were too stupid or selfish to see that, then they didn't -deserve- to even know somebody that brave and amazing. Then Ickis had shrunk back down, feeling suddenly dizzy and out-of-breath. Slickis had helped steady him and asked Ickis if he had any idea what he'd just done. Confused, Ickis had burst into tears and begged forgiveness for being such a rude little bonsty. Slickis had brushed all concerns aside with a quick ruffle of his son's fur and they'd headed home together. It wasn't until much later, when Slickis was relaxing on the couch with a copy of Field And Scream magazine, and Ickis was sketching another scene of Slickis fishing for garbage that Ickis realized he'd actually LOOMED on behalf of Dad. Given the excitement, it was understandable the Ickis would cheer with delight and jump on top of his Dad, momentarily forgetting all about Slickis' injury. Good thing Dad healed -very- quickly.)
Of course, learning how to loom didn't automatically mean that a monster could do it every day. Ickis -was- getting better at it, but he still couldn't pull off a loom consistently as the Gromble never hesitated to point out. There might even have been some logic behind the Gromble's criticisms, because Ickis -always- had an easier time looming when he was really mad. Maybe it helped trigger that predatory mindset Slickis claimed was essential to a good loom, all Ickis knew for sure was that it was easier to make blood drip into his eyes whenever someone threatened his friends, or insulted him, or made some truly obnoxious statement (like that horrible human teenager he'd met on Halloween. That boy was lucky enough to still HAVE a Mom, yet dared to taunt Ickis for wanting to get close to her! Nicky's Mom was the -best- part of pretending to be a human, hearing her say such loving remarks to her 'child' was even better than eating the yummy desk in detention or listening to that strange human music. THOSE party songs had actual rhythm and followed melodies! Why couldn't the Gromble teach something like that?)
"Master Ickis, you're not LISTENING! Even Krumm isn't so poor a student that he can't pay attention!" the Gromble shrieked.
"I have a merit scholarship." Krumm replied happily.
Zimbo laughed. "Why would anyone give YOU a scholarship?" Zimbo wondered aloud.
"It's a secret to everyone." Ickis insisted.
"Really? I thought you knew. It was your Dad's idea after all. He's always been very grateful to us mold farmers because-" Krumm began.
"Dad likes pie! Alot of pies have mold in them, very delicious. We should get some after class!" Ickis blurted out.
Oblina rolled her eyes. "There's no reason to feel ashamed, Icky. I think it's a nice story." Oblina stated.
"You think the Monster Manual is a 'nice story', so forgive me if I'm not won over by your glowing endorsement." Ickis countered.
"Maybe if you read -yours- all the way through, you'd see things in a different light." Oblina opined.
"I don't want to be enlightened." Ickis argued.
"You've done a remarkably good job at avoiding that so far." Oblina noted.
"Yeah!" Ickis agreed. The class snickered. "Hey, wait a minute!" complained Ickis.
"Master Ickis, if we waited for you to catch up with Oblina, class would NEVER end." the Gromble announced.
"At least we wouldn't have homework." Ickis responded.
"Considering how -seldom- you complete your assignments, I don't s'pose that would make much difference." the Gromble sneered.
"Terrific. Maybe now you'll recognize the futility of your efforts." Ickis declared.
"What makes you think I haven't seen that already?" the Gromble retorted. "You are the single MOST disappointing student I have ever had to deal with, and I once tried to educate Horvak!"
"Cheer up, Ickis. If you drop out, maybe you can work on the mold farm with us. Instead of 'Horvak and son' it can be 'Horvak and son's best friend who is a failure.'" Krumm suggested.
"That's a long name. Do you think it would even fit on the signboard?" Ickis wondered.
"Call it 'Horvak and failure' then. That still gets the message across." Krumm offered.
Ickis sighed. "I don't really -want- to be a failure." he admitted.
"And yet your GRADES suggest otherwise. Master Ickis, school is -no- place for slackers, especially now when humans are becoming desensitized to fear. Many humans don't even believe that monsters exist! Do you know what will happen if that attitude persists?" the Gromble roared.
"Oh jeez. Not another lecture on 'the Pool of Elders'." groaned Kriggle.
"I know. It's ridiculous, right?" laughed Horrifica.
"WRONG!" The Gromble snapped. "The 'Pool of Elders' has existed for thousands of years. The spirits of departed monsters continue to watch over each successive generation, but they can't do -everything!- It is up to us to carry on their legacy."
"Spirits can't do anything, they're dead." Hairyette remarked.
"That doesn't mean they aren't important." Ickis shot back.
"Yes. I think it is so -tragic- when monsters die young, is it not? Particularly when other, less WORTHY monsters continue to live among us, messing up their scares and bringing shame to the entire Academy." Zimbo insinuated.
Ickis' lip quivered. "I don't like where this is going." Ickis mumbled.
"You'll be going to the Snorch if you don't wise up! It is bad enough that we have to contend with -human- troublemakers, we don't NEED monsters who can't even be bothered to take scaring seriously. What would your father, the Great Slickis, say if he watched your performance on the Viewfinder?" the Gromble bellowed.
"How should I know? I haven't even -seen- Dad in months, he was too busy being famous to even come home last summer, what a surprise! You signed Dad up to be a guest lecturer next spring, why don't you ask him then?" Ickis pouted.
"I intend to." the Gromble revealed. He glared at Ickis. "If you want to be a professional scarer, Master Ickis, you need to start working towards that IMMEDIATELY. Even a pitiful pile of monster puke like you OUGHT to be able to grasp the severity of the situation by now!" the Gromble added.
Ickis gulped. "What situation is that, sir?" Ickis asked.
The Gromble smacked a paw against his forehead in frustration. "Of all the idiotic inquires I've ever encountered, -that- one gets top prize!" he screeched.
"Well, it can't be that bad if I get a prize out of it." Ickis reasoned.
The Gromble frowned in annoyance. "Master Ickis, the entire POINT of today's lesson was -wasted- on you! If you had listened, you would have learned that there are 2 kinds of humans that need to be approached -very- cautiously." the Gromble declared.
"Male an' female?" Ickis ventured.
"Non-believers and crusaders." the Gromble corrected. "Non-believers are a danger because ordinary scaring methods don't always work on them. They are quick to dismiss a monster sighting as a trick of light, claim a scary noise was nothing more than a rustling wind, or blame it all on over-active imaginations. Crusaders are even WORSE. These are the kinds of humans who make it their lives' mission to destroy anything they consider an adversary. In extreme cases, they -will- target monsters specifically. That is what the Manual refers to when it describes a Monster Hunter, a crusading human who has decided for whatever reason to eliminate monsters."
"What reason -do- they have for hunting us?" Ickis wondered aloud.
"It doesn't matter WHY they hunt monsters, it only matters what actions they take in pursuit of that reprehensible goal." the Gromble replied.
"You lie!" Ickis blurted out. The class gasped.
"What?! How dare -you- accuse me of being anything less than honest!" the Gromble snarled.
"You lie whenever it suits you, sir." Ickis insisted. "Like when you didn't want to bonsty-sit for your sister, so you told her you had laryngitis. The fact that you said that out loud REALLY casts doubt on the veracity of your claim."
"I don't believe this." the Gromble muttered.
"Me neither. You could've at least given -us- a day off, so long as you were playing sick." Ickis maintained.
The Gromble scowled. "You'll get PLENTY of time off Master Ickis... when you're EXPELLED! You have -no- right to disrepect me!" he bellowed.
"I think I do." Ickis argued. "By your -own- logic, that one act of deception is enough to brand you a villain, regardless or your motivations. Perhaps you thought the Academy wasn't a safe enough place for bonstys, in which case you lied to protect your nephews, although you probly could have found a better way to accomplish that, sir. But since you TAUGHT us that actions are the only thing that defines an individual, there's no point in even considering your intentions."
"I was talking about humans, Master Ickis. You can't seriously compare -me- to a Monster Hunter." the Gromble insisted.
"I don't see much of a difference." Ickis replied.
"Maybe it's your contacts. I don't think they work as well as glasses. Have you ever thought about switching back?" Krumm asked.
"Have you ever thought about shutting up?" Ickis countered. "It's hard enough getting girls to like me without you bringing up how gweebie I used to be."
"Oh, please. You could get plastic surgery and you'd -still- be a gweeb." Horrifica interjected.
Ickis hung his head sadly. "I know. I almost tried that." he whispered.
"Here's something ELSE you can try." the Gromble snarled. "Go out there and scare some humans, by yourself. Don't think I haven't noticed how much you rely on Krumm and Oblina in your scares."
"But it's alot harder without them!" Ickis whined.
"Exactly. A real monster can scare at any time, in any circumstance. He doesn't -need- somebody holding his paw constantly." the Gromble spat.
"So not fair! Oblina won't even do that!" Ickis grumbled.
"Then she's even smarter than I gave her credit for." the Gromble claimed.
Ickis' jaw dropped. "Sir, was that comment really necessary?" he asked.
"You're the one with all the answers today, Master Ickis. You tell me." the Gromble replied.
"If I did, you'd jus' give me an even bigger punishment." Ickis realized glumly.
"Good, you're learning already." the Gromble sneered. "Class dismissed."
Jake didn't normally hang out in the library after school (unless he had alot of homework, or one of the more attractive volunteers was shelving books) but if he was going to learn more about how to hunt monsters, the library would probly be his best source of information. Of course, he hadn't counted on most of the monster books being checked out by someone named "S. Hunter". The children's section seemed to be the only part of the library that Mr. Hunter had overlooked, but since that was limited to such titles as 'Murray, The Monster At The End Of This Book' Jake didn't think he was missing much.
With a sigh, Jake realized he was going to have to make a plan based on what little knowledge he already had. Nicky's monster loved garbage, and there was no shortage of that in New York City (although there were a few special interest groups who occassionally lobbied for the Mayor to reduce waste and promote recycling.) As long as Jake kept watching the dumpsters, he was sure to come across that rabbit monster again. Only this time, he was going to be ready. His friend Jason owned a BB gun, which didn't fire silver bullets, but at least the steel balls were all silver in coloring. A were-rabbit didn't seem quite as threatening as a werewolf, so maybe it could be killed by weaker ammunition. Jake certainly hoped so. Mom didn't approve of fire-arms, so the only experience Jake had with aiming a weapon had come from weekend target practice with his pals. The teens would set up a row of cans and take turns firing. Freddy sometimes suggested they shoot at birds instead, but Jason had never taken him up on the offer so far. Secretly, Jake had been relieved by Jason's refusal since he thought birds were kinda cute, like the parakeets in the pet shop downtown. Birds also didn't go around attacking anybody, so that was another point in their favor.
Grabbing his bicycle, Jake left the Cooper Union Library and headed east to Jason's house on 1st Avenue and East Sixth Street. He knocked on the door and was greeted warmly by Jason's mother.
"Jake! I thought you might show up. Freddy got here about 20 minutes ago, and has been playing video games with Jason ever since. Why don't you go upstairs and join them? I've got cookies in the oven, and as soon as they're ready I'll bring a tray up for you boys." she offered.
"Thanks anyway Mrs. Renfield, but I'm not very hungry." Jake replied as he hurried to meet his friends. When he was younger, Jake had made the mistake of eating one of Mrs. Renfield's chocolate chip cookies. It had roughly the same texture as a hockey puck, but was probly harder to digest. He didn't remember much after that, but Jake did recall throwing up twice on the way home. If it had happened to Nicky, Jake would have never let the little brat hear the end of it. But for some reason Jake would never understand, Nicky had actually felt -sorry- for him, and volunteered to do Jake's usual chore of washing dishes, so Jake could sit on the couch and watch an extra half-hour of TV. Nicky was definitely a weird kid, alright.
"Hey Jake. Glad you could make it, but you're too late for this round. Sub-Zero's gonna mop the floor with Johnny Cage!" Jason announced.
"Cool. They even got Kano and Sonya being tortured in the background!" Jake noted.
"They were losers in the first Mortal Kombat, it's no wonder they didn't get to compete in the Outworld Tournament." Freddy opined. While he was talking, Jason used the opportunity to launch a devastating combo. "Hey, no fair! Jake distracted me!" Freddy complained as the 'Finish Him' message flashed across the screen.
"It was your own fault for not paying attention. But if you're gonna whine about it, I might as well do THIS." Jason taunted. Instead of performing the usual over-the-top 'fatality', Jason opted to turn his opponent into a crying baby.
"You're such a jerk." Freddy groused.
"Takes one to know one." Jason retorted.
Ordinarily Jake would have laughed at that exchange, but he had just remembered that he more important things to do today than goof around with his friends. "That reminds me, I gotta talk to you guys about Nicky." Jake insisted.
"Don't tell me your Mom's making you watch the little twerp again! Y'know they got LAWS against child labor." Freddy grumbled.
"Not when it's family, they don't. Trust me, I've heard it often enough." Jake admitted.
"You do what you gotta do, man. But don't drag me into it, okay? What happened after Halloween was seriously messed up." Jason stated.
"Then you remember it too!" Jake exclaimed.
"I remember eating alot of candy. Maybe we had a sugar rush and imagined the whole thing?" Jason tentatively suggested.
"No, it was REAL. There was this giant rabbit monster in our house, and I think it's got Nicky under a spell or something. He's been getting in trouble at school, it's not like him." Jake revealed.
"So? I thought you always -hated- Nicky for being a teacher's pet." Freddy commented.
"I don't hate him, he's my brother!" Jake retorted furiously. "Of course he's whiny, and babyish, and he -always- tattles on me. But he's my LITTLE brother, I don't want a monster controlling his brain!"
"Can they do that?" Jason wondered.
"I don't know, but I'm NOT going to wait around and find out. Let me borrow your BB gun, I'm gonna take care of that monster once and for all." vowed Jake.
Jason hesitated. "That sounds kind of harsh, Jake." he remarked.
"It's the only way to defeat it." Jake maintained.
Freddy laughed. "Count me in. It's about time we had some real target practice." determined Freddy.
"We're not doing this for sport Freddy, we're doing it cause it has to be done." Jake affirmed.
"It still seems like a bad idea to me. But I guess somebody has to come along and keep you guys in check." Jason decided.
"Great! Grab the BB gun and whatever else you think we might need, and come with me." Jake instructed.
"We should hurry, before Jason's Mom tries to poison us with cookies." Freddy quipped.
"Hey! I think they're tasty!" Jason argued.
"You think cafeteria meatloaf is tasty, fatso." Freddy countered.
"Don't call me fat, Freddy." Jason snarled.
"Why would I call you Freddy? Your name is Jason." Freddy responded.
Jason scowled. "You know what I mean. Stop being annoying." Jason snapped.
"That's like telling him to stop breathing. It's just how he is, you can't change it." Jake professed.
"At least I can kick his butt in video games." Jason bragged.
"Yeah, and that's about the only exercise -you'll- get all year." Freddy retorted. Jason glared at him.
"C'mon guys, don't start fighting now. We're never gonna be able to kill the monster unless we work together. That's how the stupid beasts win, by getting people to split up and then attacking them one by one. I think that's how it got Nicky, it saw that he wandered off while we were throwing eggs and toilet paper at houses, and it must have jumped him from behind." Jake theorized.
"Yeah, he DID look really spooked, now that you mention it." recalled Jason.
"Right. So if you don't want to be the monster's next victim, you'll stick with me! We stay together and everything will be fine." Jake promised.
"Okay, Jake. I'll follow your lead." Jason pledged.
"Thanks. Jason, you'll be in charge of equipment. Freddy's got the fastest bike, he can be our scout, so long as he doesn't get TOO far ahead." Jake outlined.
"Don't be a slowpoke, and it won't be a problem." Freddy insisted.
Jake rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Me and Freddy will wait by our bikes while you finish packing and tell your Mom we're going to Tompkins Square Park and we'll be gone awhile. Ask her for a bunch of cookies, too." Jake detailed.
"Have you lost your mind?! I'm not eating those!" Freddy exclaimed.
"More for me, then." Jason replied.
"They're not for -us-, they're for the monster. It eats garbage. We'll use the cookies as bait to lure it out of hiding." Jake announced.
"Wow, that's pretty smart Jake. How come you only get C's in English?" Jason wondered.
Jake sighed. "Cause I'm too busy trying to see more of Cordelia's blouse to pay attention." Jake confessed.
Jason whistled. "I don't blame you. That girl is stacked!" Jason proclaimed.
"I know. It's totally worth it." Jake declared.
"In your dreams, maybe. You'd have a better chance at shooting a monster than you do at scoring with a hot chick like that." Freddy judged.
Jake scowled. "We'll see. Maybe after I save New York from that freaky were-rabbit, Cordelia will among the first to congratulate me." Jake envisioned.
"Is that before or after they lock you up in the nut hut?" Freddy sneered. "You're crazy, Jake."
"Crazy-awesome. I'm gonna defeat the monster, just you wait and see!" Jake boasted.
"I bet you wimp out before the night is done." Freddy predicted.
"No way! I'm not stopping until that monster is worm chow! BAM! That creature's gotta be put down for good. I'll make sure of it." Jake exclaimed.
Jason groaned. "I've got a bad feeling about this..." he muttered.
Ickis was determined to make the best of a bad assignment. The Gromble always acting like he knew -everything- but really he wasn't THAT smart. Otherwise he'd know that while Ickis preferred to go scaring with Krumm and Oblina, he never minded going to the surface by himself. It was the only chance he had to observe human behavior without having Oblina lecture him on the dangers of people-watching. Humans of all ages fascinated Ickis. Human babies were his favorites, since most of them were already sort of smelly, like Krumm. As they got older, humans went to great lengths to eliminate or modify their original stench. Ickis had learned to cope with the aromas of various soaps and hand lotions humans loved to scrub all over their bodies, but he absolutely detested their perfumes. The Gromble even acknowledged that perfume was toxic in large doses, and a nuisance in small amounts, but of course the Headmaster didn't believe it was enough to disrupt a scare. Maybe if the Gromble knew how greatly the sense of smell was amplified during a loom he might show a -little- more leniency, but Ickis doubted it. The Gromble never cared about the hardships students faced, not unless they affected HIM too. Maybe someday there would be a perfume so sickeningly sweet that the Gromble would be forced to admit it was making scares next to impossible to complete. It -could- happen!
Still, it was probly safer NOT to attempt a scare on any female humans tonight. Girls liked perfume most of all. Besides, Ickis always felt a little awkward around girls, regardless of their species. Kriggle often said that girls were complicated, and it was the best advice Ickis had ever received from another student. As a bonus, it didn't even begin with "I told you so!"
But even scaring human males wasn't without its troubles. Ickis could have completed his assignment early if only he'd been able to work up the nerve to frighten a homeless old man who kept all his possessions in a shopping cart and regularly camped out near the dump. It seemed like that poor man had enough problems in his life without adding a monster sighting to the mix. And Ickis -knew- monsters could create trouble for humans, even without meaning to. That eccentric surgeon had treated Ickis respectfully, never once making a comment about the loomer's unfortunate resemblance to a bunny rabbit. He would have happily altered Ickis' face to look scarier if Oblina and Krumm hadn't shown up to talk him out of it. They meant well, but their use of 'reverse psychology' had felt like a betrayal at the time, and out of frustration and annoyance, Ickis had been motivated to prove himself to be terrifying just the way he was. Everthing had worked out well for Ickis that day, he'd loomed and received acknowledgement from his friends, but the surgeon wasn't so lucky. Not only did he lose a potential 'customer', the human investigators uncovered enough evidence to prove him guilty of malpractice, and he was forced to close up shop and leave town. Ickis didn't know where that doctor lived now, but he could only hope the human found a better life elsewhere. At least the surgeon was already an adult and presumably would have an easier time recovering from the trauma and humiliation Ickis might have indirectly caused. Bradley, the first human Ickis had successfully scared all by himself USED to be a very outgoing little boy. Now whenever Ickis managed to get a glimpse of Bradley walking downtown, the kid would glance around nervously and seldom strayed far from his parents' watchful gaze. All of Bradley's friends seemed to have abandoned him, too. The Monster Manual strongly discouraged 'repeat scares' and warned monsters not to approach a previous target, but Ickis felt so guilty he longed to be able to do -something- to help Bradley out anyway.
Ickis was still pondering where he could go scaring when he caught the scent of burnt food. Chocolate chip cookies weren't something a monster should eat unless they were spoiled or poorly prepared, and judging by the aroma, the mysterious cookies certainly qualified as garbage! He could smell the eggshells that had accidentally been dropped into the cookie dough. Dad always said it was easier to loom on a full stomach so Ickis might as well grab a quick snack before he completed the scare. He'd eaten alot of excellent garbage in the park over the years, but today's offering promised to even tastier than usual!
"This is boring. How do you know he's even gonna show up?" Freddy complained as the boys waited for the were-rabbit to appear.
"He'll come." Jake maintained.
"I don't like this. It was bad enough that we're wasting Mom's food, we shouldn't have knocked over all those garbage cans." Jason stated.
"If it bothers you that much, we'll come back tomorrow and volunteer to clean it up." Jake offered.
"Yeah, heaven forbid we become litter-bugs." quipped Freddy. "I couldn't -live- with myself if I continued to pollute the environment."
"Then stop talking." Jason hissed. "That right there would eliminate half the noise pollution in New York."
Jake laughed. "Nice one!" he exclaimed. Freddy scowled as Jake and Jason gave each other high-fives.
"Get a room, you two." Freddy snapped.
"Only if you get a life." Jake retorted.
"That means so much, coming from a guy who thinks monsters are real. Be vewwy, vewwy quiet, Jake's huntin' wabbits!" Freddy teased.
"Were-rabbits." Jake corrected.
"That's the problem! WHERE are the rabbits?! We haven't done -anything- since we dumped the garbage on the ground. What did you expect, that Peter Cottontail would hop right into your trap?" Freddy yelled.
The sound of rustling bushes interrupted the tirade. "Shh-hh. We'd better hide between the tree and wait, something's coming." Jake advised.
"I hope it's not a cop." Jason mumbled.
A small red creature crept towards the garbage heap, sniffing eagerly.
"Is that him?" questioned Freddy.
"It's gotta be!" Jake answered.
"He looks smaller than I remembered." Jason noted.
"You're right. He IS kind of puny." Jake realized.
Ickis hesitated and turned towards the sound. The humans were closer than he would have liked and their conversation was a little unnerving. Maybe he should hold off until supper time, eat some cardboard in front of the dump and call it a day. He might not even have to TELL the Gromble he chickened out, there had to be plenty of ways to avoid sitting in the Viewfinder. If all else failed, he could try dismantling it, that shouldn't be too hard...
"What are you waiting for, Jake? Take the gun and shoot it! Shoot it now!" Freddy ordered.
Jake raised the BB gun and took aim at Ickis, but couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger. It was hard to equate this timid, flop-eared bunny with the snarling beast in his room. And even it WAS the same were-rabbit, it seemed more interested in finding food than attacking a human. "I can't do it." Jake murmured. He let the gun hang limply at side.
"Then let me." Freddy announced as he snatched at the gun. Jake wasn't expecting his friend to pull a stunt like that. While he tried to maintain his grip on the weapon, Freddy still managed to pull it away.
"Hey, cut it out! I never said YOU could use it!" Jason exclaimed furiosly.
"Never said I couldn't, either. Say your prayers, bunny rabbit." Freddy sneered.
Ickis had heard enough. His first instinct had to been to run away, even though he knew his classmates would consider him a coward for that. But the bunny comment changed -everything-. Ickis growled and extended his fangs, in preparation of a loom.
"Freddy, don't!" Jake screamed.
"That's all, folks." Freddy remarked as he squeezed the trigger. BANG! He shot Ickis in the chest, narrowly missing the air sac and flappendix. BB guns didn't fire very powerful ammunition but it still -hurt- to get hit by one and Ickis doubled over in pain.
"Jeez! I can't believe you DID that!" Jason shrieked.
"What's your damage, Freddy?!" Jake scolded.
"Hey man, it was YOUR idea! Just cause -you- had to be a wuss, doesn't mean I have to. Did you forget about your big plans, Fearless Leader?" taunted Freddy.
Jake shoved him aside angrily. "I'm not your leader, Freddy. I'm not even sure I want to be your friend anymore." Jake admitted. He walked towards Ickis and crouched down next to the wounded monster. "Hey, rabbit. Are you okay?" Jake wondered.
"Like it's really gonna answer you." Freddy scoffed.
"I know it can't talk, I just want to see if it's alright." Jake explained.
Jason cautiously approached Ickis. "I think he's in shock in something. That's why he's not moving. It's only a small puncture wound. Sometimes BBs can get stuck underneath skin, that's one of the reasons Mom didn't want me to have it in first place. I spent -months- talking Dad into buying me the gun, because I thought it would be cool. Now I wish I hadn't even bothered." Jason commented.
"Me too." Jake realized. He sighed unhappily. "Do you think it's safe to move him? My house is only a couple blocks away, I could take him there. Maybe Mom would know what to do for him." Jake suggested.
Jason bit his lip. "I guess you could try that. I don't know if it'll do much, except get you grounded." Jason pointed out.
"S'okay, I get that alot." Jake responded. He pulled his grey hooded sweatshirt off.
"What are you doing, auditioning for a Chippendale show?" Freddy joked.
Jake scowled at him. "I read somewhere that when a small animal goes into shock, you should bundle them up in something, like a towel. This is the closest thing we've got." he replied. Jake scooped up the trembling Ickis and wrapped the sweatshirt around him.
"How are you gonna carry him on your bike?" Jason asked.
Jake grinned sheepishly. "You got a basket on yours. I thought you could carry him." Jake reasoned.
"Of course. I should've known I was gonna get in trouble too." Jason groaned.
"We don't have to tell Mom that he got hit by your BB gun." Jake offered.
Jason sighed. "She would probly find out anyway." Jason conceded.
"You'd better not be planning on letting ME be the fall guy." Freddy warned.
"It would serve you right if we did." Jake opined. He handed the injured rabbit over to Jason. "Be careful with him." Jake cautioned.
"I will." Jason promised.
Freddy rolled his eyes. "This is getting ridiculous. I'm outta here, man. Call me when you stop being lame!" Freddy hollered over his shoulder. He mounted his bike and pedaled away.
"I'm not gonna call him." Jason maintained.
"I'd like to call him alot of things, but I'm not s'posed to swear." Jake revealed.
Jason laughed. "I won't say anything if you don't." he declared. Ickis whimpered softly and the boys remembered that they still had a job to do.
"C'mon, Jason. We gotta hurry." Jake determined. Jason nodded solemnly and placed Ickis gingerly inside the bike basket, then the boys headed north to Jake's home at the corner of Avenue A and East 9th Street.
Jake gulped as he dismounted the bike. He didn't know how he could possibly explain to Mom that he and his buddies had tracked down a furry woodland creature and then callously shot in with a gun. At least Jason had been decent enought to help him look after the poor rabbit, and was willing to take some of the blame for their disastrous 'hunting' expedition. Jake was lucky to have such a good friend around.
Jason rang the doorbell and smiled as soon as he saw Jake's mother answer the door. "Hello, Mrs. Talbot. That's a lovely sweater you're wearing!" Jason gushed.
Jake groaned. Maybe he wasn't so fortunate in his choice of friends, after all.
Mrs. Talbot frowned slightly and she looked at the 2 boys. "Jason, you only talk like that when you have done something wrong. What have you and Jake been up to? And Jake, why are you only wearing a T-shirt?" she questioned.
Jake shuffled his feet nervously. "Mom, I'm sorry. We were in the park, talking and goofing around. Nobody should have gotten hurt, the rabbit... it was just -there- looking for somethin' to eat, not bothering anybody. We TOLD Freddy not to use the BB gun, but he wouldn't listen! I didn't -want- to do it, not when I saw how small and helpless the bunny really was!" Jake blurted out.
"It's true, Jake yelled at him alot. He was really outraged by the whole thing. We've never, EVER shot at anything except old beat-up cans before this." Jason insisted.
Mrs. Talbot was aghast. "I have never been so disappointed in you boys, picking on a poor defenseless animal!" scolded Mrs. Talbot.
"I know, Mom. That's why we brought the rabbit here. We were hoping you could bandage it up or take it to the vet, or do whatever you could for it." Jake explained.
Nicky, who had been pouring himself a glass of orange juice in the kitchen nearly knocked the carton over when he heard his brother talk about shooting a rabbit in the park. Plenty of wild animals like to roam the grounds, probly because it was near several community gardens. That didn't automatically mean it was the same creature that had inspired Nicky's Halloween costume, but he had to find out for sure.
"Mom! Mom, what's on going on?" Nicky yelled as he ran to the door.
"Nicky sweetie, this isn't something you need to see." Mrs. Talbot assured her youngest son.
"Yes it is!" Nicky whined. "Show me the bunny."
"D-don't get upset, twerp. Jason thinks the wound is only superficial, and that the bunny rabbit is too spooked to run away. It's not as bad as it looks." Jake tried to sound authoritative, but Nicky wasn't buying it.
"That's Ickis!" Nicky exclaimed as soon as he saw that Mom was gently cradling a rabbit wrapped in his brother's favorite hoodie.
"The rabbit's got a name?" Jason marveled.
"Oh, man. We shot somebody's -pet-. That's awful." Jake bemoaned.
"I know where Ickis lives. I can take him there, and his um, owners can fix him up." Nicky offered.
"Not by yourself, you can't." Mrs. Talbot decided. "We'll all go in the car and drive there, you just give me directions, Nicky."
"No, wait! Ickis' owners are shy." Nicky claimed. It wasn't that far from the truth, monsters tended to keep a low profile when they weren't out scaring. "It's not far, I can go by myself." Nicky insisted.
Mrs. Talbot shook her head. "I don't like you wandering around unsupervised when it's almost dark out." she stated.
"I'll take him then." Jake volunteered. Everyone stared at him with mild surprise.
"Are you okay, man? You never want to do anything with Nicky." Jason reminded him.
"That's not true! I just don't like having to watch him ALL the time. It's not -fair- that I'm always off baby-sitting while everyone else gets to have fun." Jake clarified.
"I didn't know you felt over-burdened Jake. I guess I should have asked whether you had plans or not, instead of assuming that you were readily available. But you know, Nicky -does- look up to you." Mrs. Talbot remarked.
"No, he doesn't. There's no reason why he should." Jake confessed.
"Sometimes there is." Nicky stated quietly.
Jake was somewhat taken aback. "Really?" he questioned.
"Sure. When you took me to the skating rink and showed me how to handle the puck, that was really neat." Nicky answered.
"That was 2 years ago." Jake pointed out.
"It was still neat." Nicky maintained.
"Maybe we'll go there again this weekend. We could even take Jason, he needs to sharpen up his game." Jake asserted.
"Yeah, even -I- can beat him!" Nicky gloated.
"One time. It was a lucky shot." Jason argued.
The Talbot brothers grinned. "Luck had nothing to do with it. Nicky's good, I taught him everything he knows about ice hockey!" Jake boasted.
"Well, THAT couldn't have taken long." muttered Jason.
"Let's go, kid. We got a pet rabbit to return." Jake declared.
"Yeah!" Nicky agreed whole-heartedly.
"You'd better take your winter jackets then, both of you. It's important to dress warmly." Mrs. Talbot instructed.
Jake sighed. "Yes, Mom." he replied. Jake grabbed his NY Giants jacket off the peg, and tossed a smaller button-down jacket at his brother. "Think fast, Nicky!" Jake hollered.
"Got it!" Nicky called out as he reached for the jacket.
"Be careful out there, boys. Stay close together and watch for traffic." Mrs. Talbot recommended.
"We will." Jake promised.
"What about me? What should I do?" Jason wondered.
"I figured you'd stay here, wait for me and Nicky to get back. Maybe you can help Mom set the table, that way she'd be more inclined to let you stay for dinner." Jake theorized.
Jason's eyes lit up. "Can I? What are you having, anyway?" Jason inquired.
"You can stay, Jason. I'll call your parents at let them know you're here. As for dinner, how about pizza? They had a special on cheese pizza at the store, and I couldn't resist buying it." Mrs. Talbot announced.
"Wow. You're the best Mom!" Nicky declared.
"No kidding. She could give -my- Mom tips, we had beef stew 2 days in a row at my house, ugh!" Jason commented.
"At least she didn't bake anything, then." Jake whispered. Nicky laughed.
"The pizza should be ready by the time you and Nicky return. Tell Ickis' owner that I'm very sorry about the accident and I hope the bunny recovers quickly. He's so adorable." Mrs. Talbot remarked. She patted Ickis on the head affectionately before entrusting him to Jake.
"Don't worry, Mom. Me and Nicky will make sure Ickis gets back home safely." Jake vowed.
"Thank you. That's very responsible." Mrs. Talbot told him.
"Jake's always been responsible. Like the time he washed the car when the windows were rolled down and flooded the seats." Nicky recalled.
"If you're so observant, how come you didn't tell me to turn off the hose?" Jake snapped.
"It was more fun your way." Nicky answered. Jake scowled at him, but resisted the urge to call his brother a dork. Instead, he gave Nicky a little shove out the door so they could hurry up and return the rabbit.
Jake wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Blugh. Are you sure this is the right place?" he demanded.
"Positive. Ickis lives out here, near the broken-down washing machine." Nicky detailed.
"That's a weird place to keep a rabbit hutch." Jake commented.
"I don't think Ickis minds, he's probly a little weird himself." Nicky stated.
"Yeah, I never saw a rabbit -quite- like him before. Maybe he's one of those exotic breeds?" mused Jake.
Nicky shrugged. "I don't know. I never asked." Nicky replied.
"You shouldn't be talking to homeless people anyway. Some of them are dangerous weirdos." Jake cautioned.
"It wasn't anyone homeless." Nicky corrected.
"Who was it then, one of the garbage men?" asked Jake.
"I believe the term is 'sanitation engineer'." a voice boomed.
Nicky and Jake turned to see a shadowy figure seated inside a bright yellow bulldozer. "My mistake. It's a garbage snob." Jake quipped.
"Jake! Don't make him mad!" Nicky hissed.
"Hmpph. At least -one- of you has some sense." the figure judged.
"Everything has some scent around here! No offense, but maybe you should leave your rabbit at home, instead of taking him to work with you. It doesn't look like it's a good environment for him." Jake observed.
"Looks can be deceiving." the figure claimed.
"I guess... anyway, we found Ickis in the park and there... was an accident." Jake began.
"What kind of accident?" snarled the figure. Nicky cowered slightly.
"Hey, quit scaring my brother! None of it was Nicky's fault. It was MY friend who shot him, and -I- was the one who suggested we go shooting BBs in the park, so if you're going to blame anybody, blame me!" Jake yelled.
"I intend to." the figure asserted.
Nicky's lip trembled. "Y-you told Mom that Freddy did it, that you were against shooting Ickis. You lied to her!" Nicky cried.
"No, I didn't. It's stupid, but I thought a -monster- lived near the park." Jake started to defend himself.
"You're the monster, Jake!" Nicky howled.
"Nicky, listen to me, alright? I thought there was a monster, and that it attacked you, maybe gave you some weird monster disease. So I was gonna kill the beast, save you, be a hero. THEN I saw it was only a bunny rabbit, so I decided to leave it alone. Freddy stole the gun, I yelled at him to stop, but he shot Ickis anyway. That's why I wrapped him up in my hoodie and brought him to Mom, cause I felt bad about it and I figured she'd be able to help." Jake explained.
Nicky wiped away tears. "I- I guess I understand." Nicky conceded.
"Oh, how SWEET. He forgives you for reckless endangering somebody. All you had to do was offer an explanation, and then there'd be NO more consequences, is that it?" sneered the voice.
"Yeah, pretty much. What do you want from me? I'm sorry Ickis got hurt, but I tried to set things right by bringing him back to you." Jake responded.
"And you think that's enough? That if you run to an adult and say you're sorry, they will automatically forgive YOU?" the figure spat.
"Um, yes?" Jake answered tentatively.
"Looking for a yes..." the figure paused dramatically. For a moment, Jake believed he might be off the hook but then the figure starting yelling at him again. "WRONG! It doesn't matter how you try to rationalize it, your earlier -actions- were petty and malicious. You caused Ickis to suffer, and you had better -hope- it's only temporary because if it's NOT, I will -make- you regret it. You think you're sorry now, but you don't even know the meaning of the word! And don't think I won't hesitate to TEACH you, either. Now give Ickis to me, and don't let me EVER catch you snooping around town again, particularly around the dump." the figure commanded.
"Y-yes sir." Jake stammered. He walked over to the bulldozer and saw the sanitation engineer was wearing thick black gloves (although the tips seemed oddly pointy, Jake decide he wasn't in the mood to question the irate city worker's fashion choices.) "You can keep the sweatshirt if you want, it might be kind of dirty now anyway. You could line his hutch with it, maybe." Jake offered.
The figure ignored him. "Ickis..." he murmured.
"Mom says that she's sorry, too and hopes the bunny recovers quickly. She thinks Ickis is adorable." Nicky dutifully informed the sanitation worker.
"Adorable, huh? I s'pose he's been called worse." the figure mumbled.
"I know you don't want advice from me, but if you've got a vet nearby, you should take Ickis there. He's been shaking ever since the accident, and I'm worried about him. You don't want him to get sick, sir." Jake stated meekly.
"I'll have him examined soon." the figure asserted.
"Okay. Hopefully it won't turn out to be anything serious. I don't think the BB got lodged under his fur, so Ickis will should be alright soon. I'm glad you're gonna have him checked out, though. Um, we'll leave you alone then, just like you told us." Jake professed. He grabbed Nicky's sleeve and began to lead his brother away.
With his free hand, Nicky waved to Ickis. "Goodbye, Ickis. Please get better." Nicky whispered.
"Relax, kid. He's with his owner now, that's the best thing for him." Jake opined. The figure waited until Nicky and Jake were out of sight and then he climbed out of the bulldozer.
"Did you know Master Ickis, that I didn't -always- have to spend every night checking that my students returned to the Academy before curfew? What am I going to DO with you?" the Gromble exclaimed.
"Don't hurt me!" Ickis whimpered. His entire body shook with fright.
"No, Master Ickis. I think you've been hurt enough today." the Gromble decided. He gave the younger monster a quick, reassuring pat on the head, and then carried his injured student back into the Academy.
~~~The End.
Author's Note: Like many minor characters, Jake's friends were unnamed in the show, despite being in multiple scenes. Here they all have a fairly obvious horror theme. Freddy and Jason are references to the villains of the Nightmare On Elm Street and Friday the 13th franchises. Talbot is the last name of the sympathetic werewolf in The Wolf-Man and was appropriated for Nicky's family. There are also a few nods to Dracula and Buffy, the Vampire Slayer scattered throughout the story. No matter how scary the humans try to be, they really are no match for the Gromble. While he holds Ickis to a higher standard than most students and tends to discipline him severely, in times of crisis he actually WILL defend Ickis. Just don't expect him to acknowledge it later, the Gromble's got a reputation to maintain after all. (And yes, the Gromble knows how to operate a bulldozer and has even used one to prevent Simon, the Monster Hunter from getting proof that monsters exist by burying the incriminating photograph in garbage.)