Hello to everyone who is reading this! Sorry about the long hiatus... I had mid-terms, a singing recital, and I was sick. :( But I'm back now! :D So anyway, this is a fanfic I've been planning for a while to write. I hope you enjoy it.

WARNING!: A tiny bit of underage drinking is involved in this chapter...

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious, Call of Duty, or Ed Sheeran's U.N.I.

Jade West sighed, raised her glass and clinked it to Tori Vega's glass and gulped down the virgin screwdriver. The two girls were alone after playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 for the past four hours in Jade's basement. It had become a Saturday night ritual. Tori and Cat would come over to play Call of Duty at Jade's house, or they'd have a movie night at either Cat or Tori's. Usually, they'd end up having sleepovers but today was different. Cat Valentine had gone to the movies with her boyfriend, Robbie Shapiro, which left just Jade and Tori. That was when Tori's phone vibrated and she quickly skimmed her the text.

"Gotta run! I'm meeting André up for the midnight preview of his friend's new movie!" With that, Tori ran up the stairs and left Jade alone. There was emptiness in Jade's heart, which always bothered her. Her friends helped her ignore the pang, but in times like these, it stung her.

Jade decided to use this opportunity to think back on things. Specifically, her childhood was the subject she wanted to ponder about. Jade knew from various therapy sessions that childhood could affect the way a being is. She poured herself some more of the virgin screwdriver and just sat there thinking, where she should start…

She knew that her father wasn't even there the day she was born. He was away on a business trip. It was a good place to start, she thought. By her first birthday, Jade had a Puerto Rican nanny, who liked to spend her time on the couch, watching the Spanish channel. Of course, she wouldn't call it neglect… maybe ignored. But she was always "ignored" throughout her childhood. Her parents were always too busy to play with her as a child and went about their daily lives. Although they acknowledged her existence by buying her the latest toys, they didn't give her the love she needed. She remembered going to preschool for the first time and watching all of the other children get hugged and kissed by their parents. Jade on the other hand, walked to school by herself. She remembered having to walk to and from school throughout her youth, trudging across snowy yards and the rocks she kicked around the street. Maybe the fact that she wasn't hugged as a child affected her personality today. She knew she was bitter, but she couldn't help it. She hated children, due to the jealousy that they get the hugs that she never got. The attention that she needed but never received due to a meeting or a business trip. All of the memories that just simply faded because of her parents not being there. She remembered looking out into the audience during her first dance recital, and how sad she was because her mom and dad didn't come but were at a meeting. Just like any other emotion she'd felt, she swallowed it and ignored the burning sensation it gave in her throat.

Jade then recalled of the day her parents brought her younger brother home. She didn't feel an emotional attachment. He was like a new toy and she was the old one stuck in the back of the toy box that remains forgotten until a garage sale. She watched, as her parents didn't make the same mistakes on her brother as they did with her. She watched as he got all of the hugs she never got and her parents being there for his first hockey game.

It really angered her when her brother announced to the family that he in fact, hates school because it was boring. Jade loved school as a child because it was the only place someone gave her the attention she wanted. But she behaved badly. The more she ended up in the principal's office, the more times her parents came by to get her. The sound of their voices saying "Jade West" just made her smile, no matter what was going on.

The truth was that the more Jade heard about new findings connected to love and good personalities, it just Jade mad. Jade West didn't know how to love, nor did she know what it felt to be openly loved by someone.

This time, Jade paused thinking and crawled over the island and found a bottle of her parents' scotch, that was only brought out when guests were over. She poured some into the now empty cup, and put some of the remaining ice cubes used to make the virgin screwdrivers with while she was at it.

"To life." Jade said quietly and drank the whole glass. When she was done, she slammed the glass down and just sat there. She felt numb. She rarely drank. Not just because she was underage, but also because she only drank when she really wanted to forget what was on her mind before.

"And I'm still drunk by the end of the night
I don't drink like everybody else,
I do it to forgetting things about myself,
I'm stumbling forward from the spin I've got
My heads still with you but my heart's just not…"

She didn't feel anything. Whatever was on her mind before didn't matter anymore. Frankly, Jade didn't ponder about the past much. She couldn't waste time feeling sorry for herself. Pondering about the past was what brought people down. She thought about the past and thought of what she could do to change something from occurring again. She had moments of deep thought about the past but then, she put the cap on the bottle before she let the cap off too long and she expressed her feelings. No. She couldn't let that happen. The only feelings she showed were anger and more anger. Her best friends and herself were the only ones that saw any other feelings. No one else ever did. After all, trust is a responsibility that takes a long time to gain, but just seconds to lose.

I know. It was awful. I wrote this in a hurry today. I'll try to post a better chapter tomorrow! I'm sorry it was so bad. I just needed to get things out of mind before I forgot...