no one
.".ever.".
.
author's note: I guess I'm in a Vampire Diaries kind of mood right now. This one took me two days and a lot of coffee, lol, as well as inspirational music to put me in the mood to write. Without meaning to, I keep thinking of the side characters in this intriguing story and discover that just sometimes the writers leave out some back-story, which I then feel obnoxiously inclined to fill. I've never particularly connected with Bonnie/Jeremy; then again, I haven't liked him with anyone he's dated so far. They put him with these messed up girls - or severely emotional ones, in Bonnie's case - as though he's supposed to rescue them, and I don't like that. He needs someone to balance him out, someone human who can understand the predicament he's in and show him the bright side of life. That's just me. But, I decided to go outside my comfort zone and write this one shot because some part of me really doesn't like that Damon compelled Jeremy and took away his choice again, which left Jeremy with a huge gap in memory and a heart-broken Bonnie. But I'm rambling. I apologize :p Reviews are much appreciated.
excerpt: /Bonnie stops at the end of the street and holds both hands over her mouth as she lets out an unhuman scream./ Or, the pieces of the witch's life begin to fall apart, because after all, no one ever cares about the witch's feelings.
No one ever cares about the witch's feelings.
Bonnie takes one look at the coffins in the lower room of the rotting, abandoned house and knows immediately that Stefan can't do this. It's one thing for him to break her best friend's heart, leave town with Klaus - at least his intentions were noble then - and change who he is. She liked who Stefan used to be, all sweet smiles and kindness, but he's a vampire and she'll be damned if she ever puts him first. Leaving his precious little coffins here, right in Mystic Falls, is crossing the line. He's returning to the place he promised not to, involving all of them in his petty little scheme against the almighty Original, and it's wrong.
She opens her mouth to tell him so and Stefan laughs mockingly in her face.
"Do you want my help or not?" she threatens, because that's all she ever does anymore.
(It's no wonder they call her Mama Bennett when they think she's not listening. Their stupidity makes her laugh.)
"You can't tell Elena," Stefan answers, voice darkening at the mention of the girl he's doing all of this for.
"Why shouldn't I?" She stares him right in the eye and crosses her arms when he growls threateningly. "Whether you'll admit it or not, I know you get some kind of kick from this - this sadistic, fucked up act you've got going on. Elena may be too stupid to see it and Damon is too caught up the possibility of -" she breaks off, knowing that she promised not to reveal the thing unveiling between those two, but it's so tempting. She takes a step forward, cocks her jaw up and glares. "Everyone else may be too caught up in their own lives, but I'm not. And don't think for one minute that I won't cause you all the pain in the world if you don't stick to your plan."
For once, she renders Stefan Salvatore speechless.
(If she was a bit more self-obsessed, she'd say that she's the only one who can bring him back, but she'd be lying. She doesn't care about him quite that much.)
No one ever trusts the witch.
Bonnie closes her eyes for a brief second and senses the energy around her every time she prepares to cross a doorway.
(Call her superstitious, but she's had too many bad things happen to be so carefree and optomistic again.)
The energy crackling about Elena's doorway hints of the tiniest bit of guilt, longing and smiles long forgotten. Elena has spent too much time out here making memories and crying tears; now everything is soaked into the wood of the porch. The moment her fingertips brush the door, Bonnie feels the tingling of the place Stefan used to stand as he waited for Elena to open the door, a brief image stained with bitterness. Layered on the outskirts of the memory are unwilling happiness, hidden smiles and a memory of Damon's crooked grin.
Sometimes she hates that she's able to sense the very nature of energy - of emotion - but it helps more than she'll admit.
The door opens just before she knocks.
(Elena would lie and say that she'd happened to see Bonnie, when the clear truth is that she's just as paranoid as the rest of them, except she has to deal with the susceptibility of being human.)
"He's still here," Elena whispers, her voice a little too cracked to resemble closure.
Bonnie just nods.
"Is your face really that read-able, Witchy?" Damon croons from inside. He's there, sitting on the couch with his arm outstretched in such a way it would appear they'd been cuddling before Bonnie got here. "Stefan will figure you out in a second. You're more a nuisance in this plan than anything."
"Damon," Elena hushes half-heartedly, but there's that hint of guilt on her face which suggests that doesn't completely disagree with him.
"Do you want me to set the witches on you again?" Bonnie threatens, her eyes flicking back to Elena. She's not really that hurt by Damon's comment - he says something like that every odd week; it's kind of their thing - but the fact that Elena is on the same page as him is disconcerting and if she's honest it stings a little bit. Since when did Elena start agreeing with the vampire that nearly cost her everything?
"I thought they hated you," Damon counters, smirking lazily.
Bonnie rolls her eyes and glares at him, pointing out, "They hate you more."
"Quit acting like I want to barbeque you for lunch," Damon grunts, swinging his large frame off the couch and approaching them. She watches his hands creep hesitantly towards Elena's waist - only with her is he anything remotely human; it would almost be sweet, if she didn't hate him so much - then pause and flop back to his side.
"You know you'd kill me," Bonnie says, the burning anger visible only in her eyes, "if it would save your skin, or hers." She gestures towards Elena, who instinctively shares a glance with Damon too curious and nearly-intimate to suggest a mere acquaintance.
"Well, no worries," Damon says, smiling cordially in such a way that she knows he doesn't mean it. "I have no current plans to kill you - yet."
"C'mon guys," Elena cuts in at last. "Damon, play nice. And Bonnie," she pauses and Bonnie sighs as she wonders when the old Elena will be back, the one who only trusted people she knew were safe and played by the rules. "I know you've never liked Damon, but we have to work together if we want to get rid of Klaus."
(If Bonnie takes a second to be honest with herself, she'll admit that she started losing her best friend to Damon a long time ago. And as long as Elena loves Damon, as long as she continues to allow herself to dance with the shadows of the night, they cannot be the friends they used to be. She doesn't know how to do this strained friendship and pretend like it's fine.)
"Yeah," Bonnie mumbles, "whatever." She gives Elena a sad smile, wishing that she could turn back time and make this all better. "Is Jeremy home?"
"No, he's at the grill with Matt," Elena mumbles, leaning back into Damon without thinking about it. His body smoothes out to accomodate the position and her weight, but he doesn't seem to mind in the slightest. "Did you want to come in? We could put on The Notebook and talk like we used to." Her eyes shine hopefully.
"Tempting." Bonnie stretches out the word, taking a step back. "But I was just stopping by. I have some spells to work on and I have to condition the strength of my magic if I want to be able to face Klaus without dying. I'll see you soon though." Her lips hover over the last words as though wishing to snag them back, but she won't. She can't. She just has to deal with watching Elena's face fall.
"Ok," Elena says, forcing a smile. "See you at school."
Bonnie hears Damon mutter something about the crappiness of chick flicks as Elena shuts the door.
No one really understands the witch.
She should be mad at him. She is mad at him.
(Seeing Jeremy kiss a ghost tore something inside of her she's not sure she can mend.)
But no matter how much Bonnie wants to sock him across the face, she misses him more and more each day and there isn't a spell to cure heart-break. So, she compromises, tells herself that she won't fully forgive him for everything just yet, but will allow herself to sit at one of the back tables at the Grill and watch him work. He's just a boy, she reminds herself, watching the way the material of Jeremy's t-shirt moves sinuously across his back and wondering how one boy can look so damn good.
"What are you doing here?" someone asks.
Bonnie looks up to meet Matt's curious gaze and smiles, glad to finally see one of her normal friends. There aren't too many of those left.
"Just chilling," she says, stretching her arms above her head. "Reading up on my spells."
"But there isn't a book in front of you," Matt says, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
Bonnie laughs and lies, murmering, "I was getting to that." Her eyes seem to move of their own accord to find Jeremy over on the other side of the building and she smiles unconsciously at the charismatic way in which he is interacting with the guests at the bar.
"So that's what you're up to." Matt slides in across from her in the booth with an amused smile on his face.
"You caught me, I guess," Bonnie says with a hesitant smile. "Aren't you on the clock?"
"The clock can wait," Matt decides, reaching for the jar of sugar at the inner end of the booth and sprinkling some into his hand. "Hold out your hand," he orders and she gives him an incredulous look. "Just do it, Bonnie."
With a sigh, she acquiesces. When her hand is full, she looks questioningly up at her blond friend.
"Now, tip it into your mouth," Matt tells her, pressing his hand against his mouth. She looks at the scars on the side of his wrist healed from one of the first incidents with Caroline and shivers, pouring the sugar into her mouth to still the instinctive shudder.
(If anyone would take the time to notice, they'd see that the paranormal slowly destroys her bit by bit until she's drowning in her own abyss without a clear reason why.)
"Do you ever think about those?" she asks after a second, pointing to the scars.
Matt looks down and studies them silently for a second. "Not anything I can't forgive," he says after a second, but Bonnie catches it, the spark of a haunting memory in his eyes that will never fully go away.
Bonnie smiles, "I guess." She tips another little bit of sugar into her hand and throws it back. "This is kind of addictive."
"Isn't it?" Matt agrees, all smiles and sunshine once more. "I know he screwed up and hurt you, but he's a good guy. And he's human. I think you'll regret it if you don't do anything about him."
"Should have known you'd have ulterior motives," Bonnie mutters, but she smiles gratefully at him, then looks over at Jeremy once more. He's still smiling, but it's muted, as though he's thought of the ghost and the kisses that should never have been. "Humanity is so precious. I don't want to rob him of that."
"But Bonnie," Matt begins, look at her curiously, "you're a part of his humanity. If you leave him by the wayside, it will only remind him why his life isn't normal." For once, the blond is right and she hates to admit it.
"I should get going," she says, slinging her satchel over her shoulder as she slides out of the book. Matt stands at the same time and she realizes how much more confidently he stands now compared to last year when his sister and mother were stolen from him. It's a good change and she's glad that he can experience a glimpse of happiness. "Thanks for the pep talk." Stretching up, she pulls him in a quick hug.
No one remembers that the witch still experiences human emotions.
"Elena, slow down," Bonnie barks into the phone. "I can't make out a word you're saying."
"It's - he - car," Elena babbles, her voice choked with tears. "Klaus had Tyler take away Jeremy's vervain protection and he was compelled to go - to go out into the street."
"Elena," Bonnie yells, losing her patience. "Is he okay? Tell me right now. Is Jeremy okay?" She keeps her voice steady but instead she's reeling with the realization that Jeremy was nearly killed. She should have predicted that Klaus would try something like this, but she was so happy caught up in her denial.
"He - he's fine." Elena takes a shuddering breath. "Alaric ran out just in time. He was almost hit by a car, Bonnie. I almost lost Jeremy."
Oh God. "Is Alaric okay?" Bonnie asks, clutching the phone tighter to her ear until it hurts.
"Well, it - he's dead right now," Elena whimpers. There are crackling noises from her end. "He was wearing the ring, though, so he's going to be okay." There are choking noises, followed by sobs. "I can't do this anymore, Bonnie. I can't watch anyone get hurt. I can't lose anyone else."
"Shh, Elena. Shh," Bonnie tries to hush her friend, knowing that Elena needs a huge hug and a cup of tea to calm her down. She figures Damon is around to provide that, so there's no use leaving the comfort of her bedroom, though she's aching to go to Jeremy. "It will all be okay. We'll get Klaus, okay? We'll make sure no one else gets hurt."
Elena says nothing, her breath continuing to hitch in a dreary sort of rhythm.
"Elena, are you listening?" Bonnie presses, not about to let her best friend go before she's sure she is calm. Though they're not as close as they used to be, she would still feel guilty if she ever abandoned Elena when inside she knows that they need each other, balance each other out and all that.
"Yes," Elena sighs, sniffling once more. "I just - I'm scared, Bonnie. I don't know how to reach Jer anymore and I worry that I'm losing him. I just want him to talk to me."
"I'm sure he'll come around," Bonnie reassures her.
More shifting noises occur, then Damon says from Elena's phone, "Thank you, for managing to calm her down. I tried, but she's an absolute wreck."
"What, Elena never told you she turns into a hysterical monster when she's upset?" Bonnie taunts, toning it down since he's playing nice. "Just keep her safe, Damon. She needs to know that everyone in that house is safe."
There is a pause. "I'll patrol the perimeter every ten minutes," Damon promises sarcastically, probably trying to keep from sounding upset at seeing Elena like this. "They're actually safe in my hands. Shocking, I know."
"You have your moments," Bonnie says, then hangs up.
It only takes a second to ignore what her brain is insisting she not do and dial the next number with shaking fingers.
"Hello?" Jeremy sounds stunned, dazed, as though he's just woken up.
Bonnie pauses, the words catching in her throat. What if he's mad that she's ignoring him? What if he doesn't want to talk to her?
"You know I have Caller ID, right?" Jeremy asks. He laughs weakly.
"Hearing that the boy you -" Bonnie pauses, unsure where she's going with that. "Are you that sick of life?"
He laughs again, the sound wonderful to her ears.
"Hardly," he mumbles. "I've got a lot to live for."
"You should get some sleep," she replies softly, knotting the fingers of her left hand together and listening to him breathe.
"Yeah, probably." Jeremy rustles something on his end, probably the covers on his bed. "I'm glad you still care."
The silence is longer this time as Bonnie struggles to tame the fight between aching and leaping for joy in her chest.
"I never stopped," she tells him, simply, after a moment. "Goodnight, Jeremy."
He sighs happily, or that's what it sounds like. "Goodnight, Bonnie."
She's smiling as she closes her phone.
Everyone makes the witch feel stupid.
"Why are you banging on my door?" Bonnie asks as she flings the front door open to reveal the immaculate blonde hair and sparkling eyes of Caroline Forbes. "I'm trying to study the spells I'll need to defeat Klaus."
"Spells-shmells," Caroline titters as she brushes past her friend into the house. "Did you redecorate?"
"No," Bonnie says, drawing the word out. "Why are you here, Care?"
With that, Caroline's shoulders sag and she gives a little half-hearted shrug. "I never see you or Elena anymore and I guess I just miss you two," she admits, wrapping her arms loosely around her waist. "We used to be best friends and I'm tired of feeling like I have to turn the other way on the streets."
"The key words are used to be," Bonnie mumbles. "Look, did you need something? I'm kind of busy."
Caroline slaps her friend's raised hand lightly and snaps, "Don't give me that, okay? Stop sulking around the house like no one gives a shit about you, because honestly, it's getting old." Her lips quirk a bit, as if silently apologizing for the force of her rebuttle, but she doesn't apologize for the words themselves.
"I do not sulk," Bonnie objects, pulling her hair back into a loose puzzle and groaning as the shorter strands loop rebelliously about her face. "You're the one who's too caught up in Tyler to take a second and realize that you're pushing everyone away."
Caroline's eyes glint dangerously, a flickering of the veins under her eyes making the brunette shudder.
"I'm sorry for caring about someone so much that I'd die for them," Caroline hisses, waving her hands in the air frantically like she used to do when ranting. "I'm sorry for being in love with someone who makes my life feel just that much closer to normal."
"Normal?" Bonnie has to laugh, though this time it isn't filled with antagonism. "Care, if you wanted to have a normal life then you shouldn't have fallen in love with a hybrid." She holds her arms out and sighs gratefully as Caroline steps into the hug. She didn't realize how much she'd missed the spunky blonde until this very moment. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?" she mumbles into her friend's ear, glancing at the newest piercing in the top of Caroline's ear and rolling her eyes. "I've just been so caught up in this Klaus thing and I feel like I'm losing everyone and it gets hard sometimes."
"Well, you're not going to lose me," Caroline murmers back. When she pulls away she looks pensive. "If you could have the choice to give up your powers and not remember any of this, would you do it? Would you go back to normal?"
"That's not really an option," Bonnie says, leading the way to her bedroom. "If I lived in a world where blood-thirsty vampires didn't exist and ghosts weren't out to steal the boy I love and witches weren't trying to access my thoughts every two seconds, then maybe. But I don't think it's something you can just forget." Closing the door behind them, she sits cross-legged on her bed and Caroline leans against the wall, smiling at something. "But they do exist, and I couldn't live in a world where I was oblivious to it all. I couldn't. Not after all this."
"Admit it," Caroline responds, chuckling. "You kind of get a rush from summoning a hundred dead witches and using them to bring down the world's most powerful vampire."
"It's a power rush," Bonnie says with a little laugh, eyes traveling over to gaze wistfully out the window at the blue skies beyond. The world looks so innocent, at least until the things in the shadows are revealed.
"So, you love Jeremy?" Caroline asks slyly, smirking with the knowledge that she's trapped her best friend with the truth.
Bonnie's cheeks flame bright red and she swallows. "Did I include that in my passionate monologue?" she whispers, looking up at her friend. The blonde looks triumphant.
"You managed to slip it in there," Caroline replies smugly. "It's about time."
Bonnie turns a glare on her friend, pulling her legs up to her chest. "I'm not sure when it happened," she says slowly, almost disgusted by the mushiness behind the words. "I just woke up one morning and knew that I couldn't live without seeing that smile, without having him with all of his quirky traits in my life. I just - knew." She turns imploring eyes on Caroline. "I'm blabbing, aren't I? Is this normal?"
"Oh Bonnie," Caroline laughs, knotting her fingers together over her waist. "Sweet, naive Bonnie."
"I just - I'm angry with him for what he did with Anna," Bonnie admits a second later, trying to hide the grimace. "I know it's done now, but the fact that he'd go behind my back just makes me feel like she means more to him. He told me that -" she hesitates, swallowing past the lump in her throat, "that they had slept together a few days before I got home. Jeremy told me that it meant nothing, but how can it not?"
"Well, she's dead," Caroline points out.
"But he loved her," Bonnie whispers, the words painful to even utter.
"And now he loves you," Caroline answers, touching her friend's hand over the covers. "You want Jeremy happy; it's all you ever say when you talk about him, according to Matt. Can you grudge the boy for falling in love? I think it would have been odd if it hadn't."
"I -" Bonnie begins, growling at the thought of Matt spilling her secrets.
"I just don't want to see you miserable if you lose the one person who truly makes you happy," Caroline breathes, pulling Bonnie into a secure hug.
Bonnie rests her head on her friend's shoulder and says, "You're babbling."
"And you're ridiculously stubborn," Caroline retorts, smiling from ear to ear and making it impossible for the brunette not to follow suit. "Now, why don't we find you a stunning outfit to wear so you can declare your love in style." She shakes her hips and giggles in a very Caroline-like manner.
"I have a feeling that I don't really have a choice in the matter," Bonnie mutters under her breath, following her friend to the closet.
No one ever includes the witch in decisions.
She's more than surprised when Damon's number lights up her phone, but figures that Elena must be borrowing it. Because clearly the Buffy-loving-I've-turned-from-my-dark-ways-for-love, kiss the ground where Elena walks, irritatingly sarcastic with a hint of bitterness Salvatore brother would not be calling her. He knows the consequences of being so stupid.
"Bonnie," Damon says. He sounds serious, too much so.
"Do I need to perform some damage control again?" Bonnie wonders, hoping that it's so simple.
"Not exactly." Damon coughs on his end and mutters something to someone else on his end. "Look, can you make it to Elena's in under twenty minutes, if that's at all conceivably possible?"
"Why?" Bonnie wonders suspiciously.
"Just - just trust me this once."
The line goes dead and she feels something like dread stick in her throat. Damon has never been in such a matter-of-fact, non-antagonizing mood when talking to her, which doesn't bode anything good.
Bonnie slings her purse over her head and shoulder as she heads out the door, double-checking the lock.
No one ever believes that the witch is capable of love.
"Tell me you're kidding." Bonnie presses a hand against her forehead as the world whirls about her, twisting her in colors until she's so lost she can't see straight anymore. Pain lances like a jagged knife straight through her heart, leaving her feeling sick to her stomach. She meets Elena's teary eyes, pleading silently for an answer she doesn't want to hear. "Elena, please tell me this is joke. Please."
Elena presses a hand against her mouth as a tear rolls down her cheek. "I'm so sorry, Bonnie," she whispers around the hand, beginning to cry. She reaches out for her best friend but Bonnie takes a step back until she's flat against the door, eyes wide in shock and a bit of disgust directed at the duo standing in front of her.
"Not him," Bonnie whispers, feeling the little cracks just under her skin quiver and etch deeper than before. "Lena, you've already taken everything else from me and the people in this house. Not Jeremy too."
Elena says nothing, just looks at Damon so sadly that even he flinches. Then he turns and head towards Bonnie, his expression carefully controlled. Bonnie thinks she detects a hint of worry in his eyes, worry at how unpredictable she is, worry that she'll curse him into oblivion if he comes too close. Smart boy, her thoughts whisper, trembling and breaking like the ground under her feet.
"Come on, Witchy," Damon says slowly. "Let's talk about this."
Bonnie ignores him, keeping her eyes locked on Elena as tears threaten to escape down her cheeks. "Elena, if you care at all about me, don't send him away. You can't send him away. Please. Please."
"He's my brother, Bonnie," Elena says at last, not bothering to hide the way her voice is shaking. "Klaus is going to kill him if he doesn't leave town, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure my brother is safe. Even if you hate me." She lifts her chin and holds Bonnie's gaze as the latter feels her world fall apart right in front of her.
The tears squirm closer to the rim of Bonnie's eyes, but she forces them back, looks at Elena and shakes her head. "I love him, Lena. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone else and if you take him away from me -" she chokes on despair, slaps a hand over her mouth to muffle the impending scream.
Elena looks ancient, stooped and weary, more than she ever has. "If you really love Jeremy," she mumbles tiredly, wiping her tears away, "you'll want him to be happy and safe. I'm going to make sure that he has some semblance of a normal life, Bonnie. I owe him that. We owe him that."
There is so much left to say, but the last piece of Bonnie's control begins to shatter and she knows that she's incapable of speaking rationally with the girl she used to call her best friend. So instead she opens the door, gives them a cold look and runs. She runs down the street, gasping as the tears stream down her cheeks and into her mouth, staining her lips and her jaw, choking her every time she takes a breath. It hurts. It hurts.
Bonnie stops at the end of the street and holds both hands over her mouth as she lets out an unhuman scream, one that tears her apart with its strength. Doesn't anyone care about the witch's feelings? Doesn't anyone believe that she deserves to love and be loved, to feel like she's wanted? She just wants someone to care, someone to ask her how she's feeling. Just someone to listen.
But she doesn't even have that. In this moment, she has no one but her own loneliness to keep her company.
Straightening up, Bonnie puts one foot in front of the other, walking slowly home.
Letting the tears roll slowly down her cheeks,
feeling everything numb out around her.
Everyone leaves the witch alone until she actually wants them to. Then they bug her.
She doesn't want to get out of bed, but she does anyways.
(Because Bonnie Bennet is not going to be one of those pathetic damsels who weeps the day away as they wait for their totally buff and eloquent Prince Charming. Besides, how totally unrealistic and sexist is that?)
There isn't anyone from the living that she wants to see right now. Caroline, Elena, Damon and Matt have tried at various times throughout last night and this morning to reach her - banging on her front door as though that will put her in a great mood, the idiots - but she's curled up into herself and ignored them. The cup of cooling coffee on her nightstand tasted bitter to begin with, but Bonnie forced herself to drink most of it. Now she's sitting cross-legged on her floor with her spell-book open in front of her.
"Please," she begs to the space around her, to the invisible entities she's always felt but never seen. "Just let me do this once."
Her lips mouth the words of some foreign language she never understood and the candles set in a circle around her flame into being, casting a creepy glow even despite the bright, mid-morning light flooding through the blinds. Bonnie's fingers tremble and a little dot of blood pools under her left nostril but she continues with the spell, closing her eyes and focusing. A second later, something shifts in the atmosphere and she knows that it has worked. Her eyes fly open and connect with the ghost sitting across from her.
"What do you want?" Anna asks softly, fingering the white robe she's been given. "I finally moved on, found my mom. I'm happy. Why must you disturb that?"
"Elena is sending Jeremy away," Bonnie mumbles, tearing up at the very thought. She swallows. "I just - I just need to know something."
Anna's eyes darken when she hears that Jeremy is departing and soften at the tremble in Bonnie's voice. "What is it?" she asks.
"How am I supposed to know that Jeremy will commit fully to me?" Bonnie wonders, knotting her fingers together, slightly ashamed that she is asking this to begin with. "He loved you so much, Anna, and wanted to be with you even after your death. He wanted you more than me even when I was living and you were a ghost stuck in the in-between."
Anna strokes her luscious, black hair in a thoughtful manner. "I'm dead, Bonnie," she says after a long pause, smiling hesitantly at the witch. "Jeremy knows that, Elena knows that and I think you know that too, even if you won't accept it. He loved me, and I'm glad he did." She smiles as though recounting a memory. "But he loves you too and you're the one who's meant to be with him now. Don't doubt that. Just accept that he loves you."
"But he's leaving," Bonnie whispers, voice catching.
"Then go after him," Anna responds, touching the girl's arm and shaking her head when her fingers go right through the skin. "I will never get used to that."
"I hated you, you know," Bonnie admits, running her fingers over one of the candles. Anna's image flickers as though she's being called away.
Anna smiles genuinely and says, "You had every right to. But you don't hate me anymore, do you Bonnie?"
Bonnie only has time to shake her head before Anna flickers again, her fingertips fading into nothingess and the rest of her body following.
"Love him, Bonnie," Anna whispers as she goes. "Love him for me and for Vicki, but most importantly, for you. And never let go, no matter what happens." She turns as though seeing something and waves her hand at the invisible figure. "Oh, and don't hate Elena for her decision. She's only trying to protect Jeremy because she loves him."
Before Bonnie can say anything, Anna fades away and leaves behind her a sense of peace, of closure.
She snuffs out the candles and stands up.
People assume that witches don't have it in them to hold grudges. Ah, how wrong they are.
Jeremy's arms seem to fit perfectly around her, cocooning her in an embrace so warm and beautiful she never wants to pull away. Shifting so that her lips are pressed close to his ear, she knows that she can't let him go without him knowing how she feels at least. "I love you," she breathes so silently that the words are barely there at all, but Jeremy stiffens. God, she loves this boy - young man, she corrects herself absent-mindedly.
When he pulls away, another part of her heart breaks. He's smiling brightly and then he's slinging his backpack over his shoulder and heading towards the car, ready for his new adventure. Soon, he won't even remember Bonnie, or anyone of consequence. He'll think of her as his sister's best friend and nothing more. The thought hurts more than it should. Bonnie wraps her arms around her chest and squeezes, trying to trap her fluttering, aching heart inside.
"Will you ever forgive me?" Elena wonders from the doorway. She's wearing a faint smile - only because she's getting her brother away from all of this pain - but she must be aching too, deep inside.
Bonnie bites her lip and takes her eyes off of Alaric's car for a moment to look at her best friend and wonder how long it will be before she trusts Elena again. "I understand why you're sending Jeremy away," she says, nodding her head. "I do. But I will never be able to forgive you for taking his choice away yet again. I can't."
Elena's face pales. "Will we ever be friends again?" she asks, voice tighter than it should be.
"We're already friends, Elena," Bonnie says with a little smile. "But I don't know if we'll ever be best friends again."
Elena nods and a tear rolls quickly down her right cheek. "I never wanted any of this to happen," she mumbles, playing with a knot in her hair as she watches the car flare to life, the engine growling.
"None of us did," Bonnie responds, taking the steps back down slowly. "But it happened anyways. We can't change that."
The words strike something deep within her, another fear she's never addressed. She's always held onto this thing between Anna and Jeremy, been unwilling to just jump in with both feet because she's scared of love. She constantly wishes that Jeremy had never kissed Anna, that he could have just let her go faster. But she can't change what happened. She can just continue to live and make choices. She can choose to let Jeremy go for good because she's too scared of rejection and failure, or take a chance and love him despite her fears.
Alaric's car peels off the curb the moment she makes up her mind.
Bonnie hears Elena yell after her in confusion as she takes off after the car, her feet thudding against the concrete of the sidewalk. "Wait," she yells. "Please, wait!" A second later, Alaric pulls the car to the right and she can see his bemused expression in the mirror. She doesn't really care what he thinks.
Yanking open the passenger side door, she yanks Jeremy out and kisses him full on the mouth, pouring everything she's ever felt into it: rage, pain, love, emotions so intense that it shakes her to the core. How someone can have such a powerful effect on her heart is beyond Bonnie's comprehension, but it doesn't matter in the end. The only thing that matters is that she loves Jeremy and can't imagine life without him.
Jeremy begins to respond to her kiss, his lips crushing hers as he nearly lifts her off the ground. It ends far too soon. They pull back, gasping for breath, unable to take their eyes off of each other.
"Be safe, Jer," Bonnie pants. "Don't forget to call me, okay?"
Jeremy squezzes her hand and replies, "I won't. I love you, Bonnie." He gives her a gentle kiss before sliding back in the car and shutting the door behind him.
Bonnie watches the car leave, feeling her heart sink the further it travels until she can't even see who is in the car anymore. Then they are gone and she's left to look at the horizon like a dumb fool.
"He'll be back," Elena says from her side.
"Not until Klaus is dead," Bonnie says, voice shaky. She turns to look at Elena and no matter how mad she is, right now she just really needs a hug. Elena reads her mind like she normally does, wrapping her arms around Bonnie and pulling her in tight. Bonnie feels tears pour down her cheeks as she embraces Elena and wonders when things got so screwed up.
She couldn't come up with an answer to that one if she searched for eternity.
fin
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.