Musings of a Defective Android
I suppose you could say that I'm envious of my brother, Atom. No, not because of all the attention he gets- it'd be nice if someone would pay at least a little attention to me every once in a while, but I do believe that there is a such thing as too much attention; I've no wish to be smothered, nor is it my desire to have my face spread across news networks, tabloids, and various other media outlets, being hailed as a hero or smeared as some kind of mechanical aberration. No, my envy was spurred into existence by all the boons that Atom has acquired.
Is it really too much to ask, to have friends and family who love you, a public who adores you (or at least, a public that does not scorn you or ignore you, or laugh at you behind your back), and a purpose in life? Me, I can hardly hold anything without dropping it, or breaking it, or sometimes even destroying the entire room around me, without even knowing how it exactly happened. And Atom is the only person who truly loves me. It's terrible, I know, to feel so... resentful of the only person who has ever- or will ever- give a damn about you, but I cannot help myself, not when things have gotten so bad. Everyone seems to think that I'm retarded or something; I'm not stupid. Very far from it. I just have coordination issues, which lead to occasional loss of balance and episodes of clumsiness. I also have issues with solving problems that involve small, complicated parts. I've gotten better at it, but it's still very hard to accomplish anything that involves too many complicated or small details.
But I digress... Things have steadily worsened for me over time, even after Atom finally returned from his last (and I do mean that in a very literal sense) mission and reacquired his lost memories (as well as brought along an annoying alien android female that has long since lost her infatuation with him, and has developed an unhealthy obsession with me instead). I still have no friends at my school; the teachers there either treat me like dirt, or turn a blind eye and ignore me half of the time; the male students are exploitative, and the female students are condescending... Teenagers jeer at me in the streets, sometimes going as far as to throw things at me. Younger children openly laugh at me, and call me names. Adults tend to avoid me like the plague, afraid of even making eye contact; whenever one finds him or herself seemingly cornered, they'll make any kind of excuse to get away.
I do not understand what I did wrong. But I am past the point of caring. It has come to the point where I am almost numb to it all; numb to everything- but then, when I let my guard down, and when I least expect it, something happens, and I am suddenly overcome, to the point where I can't even be in the same room as anybody anymore- I cannot stand to be in the same room as myself. It is in these moments that I feel powerless, and I want so badly to escape from everything. Atom, it seems, has begun to notice this. Though he hasn't said anything to me about it directly, I know he worries that I may harm myself. But would it really be so bad if I did?
I am a machine. A glorified, walking, talking calculator. I am a plaything- a toy.
Nothing more.
... And everything less.