What's up? So…comedy? I can try.
Attack of the Fan Girls! Chapter 1
Before the Attack Began
It was a day and a night before the worst, and most horrifying, attack on the Smashers ever. Most had been in bed snoring the night away, maybe except for Wolf, who liked to stay up late and watch television, or Meta Knight who sat and read all day, waiting for morning's light to wake them when they didn't want to be woken; which caused a symphony of moaning, groaning, and butt-scratching for the morning's waking bell. Especially Snake, who slept in his box on the hard floor.
A loud knocking could be heard echoing throughout hallways and into dormitories, but most ignored it and continued to blow mucus bubbles and drool on a pillow. Link was the only one who was not rude and decided to answer it.
Walking in green bunny pajamas with a hat and set of slippers to match, he steadily gained momentum and began to make the quest to answer the door. Gee, another quest.
Of course, the walk was long, but he'd been half asleep on the way there, so it didn't matter. Link bumped into shelves and vases, knocking down and breaking them, but continued to ignore it all as everyone else did. His legs were very strong, since he had to run more than usual in his other life, but he just couldn't get any kind of speed.
Finally, the front door. He reached slowly for the first lock, out of five. It took a few more seconds, but the door was unlocked now.
"Eh…?" Link asked. Being unable to say anything was a burden, but it always helped when talking to females.
No one person responded to Link's call. He reached for the handle of the door, but it was swung open in an instant, throwing his hand back at his face, and ensuing pain. He rubbed his nose and replied with somewhat of an "Ouch", and looked at the dark figure in front of him, glaring with red eyes in the dark night.
Link froze with sudden fear, he was already dead as he was, but now Link was shaken a bit. He wished he had his sword; no, he has something better. The Triforce of Courage!
Link's hand shined brightly, and he immediately gained enough courage to stand tall and face the evildoer giving him the stare he hated so much.
"Haaah!" He shouted, and readied himself, burying a splinter he refused to pull loose in a balled fist.
And wailed furiously. The splinter caused pain.
"Aww, poor Link!" The figure bent down at the floor-ridden elf. It was a woman…"Let me fix that for you!"
Link quickly gasped, but was taken aback by a ferocious tackle to his stomach. He could feel pain coming from his head, but how?
He quickly shoved the woman now ripping some hairs off of his head to the ground. Now Link looked like a mess, and he wasn't too happy; but it wasn't his turn to tackle back. Once again, she threw him to the ground and took a slipper from his long feet, and sniffed it, long and hard.
"I got some hair and his sleeping hat!" She picked it up from her side. "AND his slipper!
Link wanted to throw up, and also run away screaming. He only did the second.
"HAAA AHHAH HAAAAAAA!!"
Now everyone was awake. The mansion shook with rumbling and fast marching towards where the screaming came from. Link continued to cry and stumble over everything in his path.
This was almost as bad as Midna and the Naggy Fairy combined.
"Link! What's wrong!?" The first to find him was Zelda, since her room was the closest to the front door. "What happened to your hair!?" She stared in horror at his new hairstyle. "Oh…yes…that's right…you can't talk…"
"HAA ha SCHAAA NYAH!" He screamed in her face, and created hot air like a steamroller. It seemed there was something about her that didn't please him either, having some kind of facial treatment on and some substitute for cucumbers.
"Aww, did little Link wet the bed again?" Ganondorf, the second to arrive, ignorantly questioned Link. Link was about to protest with random words, which would probably be used to curse Ganondorf out, but Zelda interrupted.
"Ganon, why don't you go back to bed and keep being a perverted old-
And once more, Zelda was stopped by everyone else in the Mansion, who tripped and almost took Ganondorf all the way to the nearest hospital.
"What happened here!" Master Hand, on top of the pileup, spoke first to keep chaotic shouting away. For some reason, he had a sock on his pinky finger and a white hat labeled "MH" on the middle finger.
Link started to shout again, though no one understood.
"Can we get subtitles or something for him!? Geez…and shut up now, please!" Peach requested through the crowd, annoyed. Link glared with utter hate for she, and all women as well.
"Well, if Link can't tell us what happened, then how're we going to solve the problem?" Master Hand asked, confused. It was all pointless from any view, since the criminal ran away and took evidence instead of leaving it.
"What!? I got out of
bed for NOTHING!"
"You freakin suck, dude…I was having the
best dream!"
"LOSER! You disappoint me as a smasher!"
Everyone left, pissed and grumpy as ever. Link was going to have a hard time in the morning. Unfortunatley…morning already came.