Looking Through the Mirror
For a while, I believed in having self-esteem and trusting your own instincts. I would go about my life happy, taking everything I had for granted. Believing everything would stay the way it was would be called ignorant. That nothing would ever change. Life as I once knew it would never be the same after sophomore year. It began changing once we all received our 8th grade diploma. That was a big deal to us. Now half my friends want nothing to do with me. I sometimes wish I could erase them from the pictures I have from that night.
That is not what caused my life to flip upside down. I guess you could say it started when my parents decided to get a divorce. I say it started when boys came into play. After trying to impress each other there wasn't much left but to devote time for one another. It got hard, friendships began to shift and soon end. My first boyfriend wasn't much of a boyfriend. In fact, we only went out for about a week or two. Never trust blind dates.
Friday nights were theirs. Barely enough time to hang out. I never got into it after the "ex," I guess I wasn't ready. At that point I became insecure with my appearance, which caused me to change more about me than I ever intended. Swim team helped fill up most of those gaps, left me busy a majority of the time. Besides, it was a good way to hide my road towards depression. Something most teens experience, trying to get through it without drawing much attention to them. I thought I was doing well. Writing helped that feeling disappear.
My best friend, Kelsey, got me through a little without knowing about my problems. She asked me to try another blind date. Unfortunately, he was half-drunk and wanted to make out an hour after we met. That helped me realize I was ready for a boyfriend, oddly enough.
Shortly after, however, my parents started to have their little quarrels. Only these "little" quarrels were big ones and in the end were never settled. As a result my parents are divorced and I get to watch my mom with another guy. After they told my brother and I that, my depression began to kick in again. Only this time I was talking to an amazing person for a while. We met in a chat room and soon found out we went to the same high school. To me he was a big deal; back then, I do not think I meant a thing to him.
Without him meaning to, he helped me get through those hard times. He also gave me someone to talk to when I was feeling down. He was great. We talked online, over the phone, and at school for a month before we agreed on a date. It was one of those awkward dates, but a nice one at that. A movie night; perfect. A week later he asked me out, two days before my birthday.
Since I have been with him, he has made me happy. One of those effects he had on me the moment I met him. Besides, he was also an excuse to help me get out of the house. It did not take long for me to feel comfortable around him. In a way, I think I found myself in him. Jeremy was his name, and to this day, I am more thankful for him than I can even imagine. He was exactly 6'0", 9 inches taller than my 5'3". Black curly hair with blue eyes, skinny and fit. One of those Cross Country/ Track runners. He wore braces pretty much as long as I have known him. Those soon became invisible the longer and more I saw him. Jeremy's personality was one of a sixth grader at times. Goofy yet laid back, random yet sane. I felt like a little kid sometimes with him, without a care in the world.
Unfortunately, things changed between us for a while. At least a little while before his junior prom. We haven't kissed and were going out for a month and a half, approximately a month before prom…maybe not exactly. It was one of those awkward things in which we both knew the other wanted it, but did not want to ruin the good thing we had. It took a while, but it happened.
We had our fights; on and off like most relationships. The hardest part in our relationship was when I broke up with him once. It was not a long break up, maybe three days at the most. I did give him a chance, and we fell back into our old habits. I am still not sure if that is what I wanted back then or not.
We stayed together all of my junior year (his senior year) and longer. It just took some more hardships than either of us could have imagined. Those hardships only made us stronger. A good thing does not always last forever.