Say Something | Bering and Wells

One shot set at the end of Instinct. Helena and Myka say goodbye.

AN: So I had feels and this happened. It's a badly written fic full of angst and pain. I haven't written in forever and a day, so my apologies for any out of character content and all the mistakes you'll probably find. This is my first official Bering & Wells completed fic. (I found my drafts for the one I started over a year ago, so I might work on that one soon)

Playing the Say Something cover by Pentatonix while reading helps provoke feels.

This was it. She had made it clear she wanted out of this world. World of endless wonder, it had been true at some point. In a sick way it still was. I mean, here she was, former secret service agent, Myka Bering standing in front of the Father of Science Fiction, Helena Wells.

Her hands were shaking. Oh how she was dreading this moment. Was this really it? Was this how this, whatever it had been, ends? An awkward conversation goodbye with an audience no less?

She felt sick. This was not how it was supposed to end. Yet she couldn't bring herself to say the damn words: 'I love you' 'Please don't leave me again' 'Don't let me go' 'No' or anything else for that matter. Her chest was vacant, her stomach collapsing, her knees trembling. Her brain was yelling 'No! This is not the end. This is not over yet!' But her lips formed a harsh line. She couldn't say anything. It wasn't fair on her, Helena deserved happiness. She deserved what she couldn't give her. She only ever provoked her pain. Her brain betrayed her and the memories came flooding back; Yellowstone, guns, tears, screams, yells, pain, so much pain. Helena didn't deserve this.

Her voice quivered "Good." She tried her best to smile. But here they were saying goodbye for good. This was wrong, she knew it, she felt it, and her body screamed it. She stepped in for a hug. A last hug. For a moment, a brief second she felt peace amidst this horrible godforsaken day. Helena hugged her back and she did her best to suppress her tears. This couldn't be it. She had to say something. This couldn't be it. Please don't let this be it. Be brave Myka, come on. Please be brave.

They let go. Too soon. It would always be too soon. "So," No. Stop. Please, just stop. "I guess I will see you around" She said, her tears suppressed and her voice uneven.

"Until then" Helena said with a small quiver in her voice.

No, she imagined that, she surely did. She stepped in the car and waved goodbye. This was wrong, oh so very wrong. 'Helena deserves happiness' she told herself once more. She tapped Pete's arm and with her cue he drove away. She looked back. She couldn't help it. This was it. They were over, this was done. Memories of laughter, puzzles, lessons, and the wind making Helena's hair dance around her flooded her mind. She watched her become smaller.

Helena crossed her arms as her vision became unfocused. She stood there as the car drove away. 'Chase after her! Don't let her go' Her brain yelled at her, but her body did not respond. Instead she stood there frozen. Watching the woman she loved become smaller until she was there no more.

Her small whimpers became sobs as her eyes could not hold her tears back anymore. "Mykes?" Pete asked apprehensively.

"I- I-" She couldn't manage to form the words 'I let her go' between her sobs. Pete wrapped his hand around Myka's.

"I know Mykes, I know." He drove until he got to the interstate exit. Myka was still in tears. His heart broke for his friend, his best friend. Damn this, damn this to hell! He stopped the car. "I- I can go back Mykes. Just say the word and I'll-" He squeezed her hand ever so slightly "I'll go back. We'll figure it out. You two will figure it out." Myka shook her head. "Come on, Mykes. You and HG are-" He sighed "You're perf-"

"Don't!" Myka snapped at Pete. "Don't you dare finish that sentence. Do you think I don't know this?! Do you think I'm okay with leaving her there? Leaving her behind?" She scoffed "In Boone?!" She whipped the tears of her eyes. "Please" She took a deep breath "I c-can't do this to her. I can't keep putting her in danger; I can't ask her to give up her happy place. I can't do that to her, especially for something so uncertain, for something that's not safe. I can't" She let out a nervous chuckle and the tears began to fall again. "She let me go, Pete. She let me go."

Helena was still standing on the same spot she last saw Myka, tears still falling 'She left'. Her heart sank to a deeper abyss 'She really left.'