His Dream
Saturday. Taichi was leaning forward on his desk, his head resting on his left arm as he listlessly observed the pen he was twirling in his right hand. The morning seemed endless, and he once again found himself missing playing karuta, which he had to cut back on to prepare for a career his mother had chosen for him. He felt like he was just drifting at this point. Cram school in an hour and a half… What is it all for, anyway?
Taichi shook off the thought, then sighed and sat up, looking at the open workbook book he had on his desk. He brought the pen back to the sheet of paper he had been writing on, and started to work out chemical compounds again. Organic chemistry was not as difficult as the rumors said, but it still took a lot of mental energy to keep all the information stored, because it was about as boring as things got, and he wanted to stay ahead of the game in his cram school classroom.
The doorbell rang. Taichi ignored it since his mother was home, and continued to work on his studies. He would likely be tested on this subject at cram school, and he didn't want to risk not being sure of any answers. After all, he had just started his third year of high school already, and if he wasn't ahead of the game by this point, well… He didn't want to think about what would come of that.
"Taichi!" His mother called up the stairs to his room. "Taichi, are you dressed? Someone is here to see you."
Taichi looked up, slightly puzzled. He was not expecting anyone, and he didn't know of any of his friends who would invite themselves over without notice. But, just to be sure, Taichi quickly checked his phone to see if there were any texts. None. Strange.
There was a brief knock on his door, and then his mother opened it, looking in. Taichi stood and looked to her, about to ask who the visitor was, but something stopped him in his tracks. His mother… Her eyes were wide and confused, and her voice was low, "Taichi…"
Her tone was extremely concerned, and the look on her face made Taichi's stomach turn. Something's wrong. Taichi instinctively grabbed his stomach, looking to her mother with wide eyes, Something's very wrong.
His mother had a slightly haunted look on her face, still laced with confusion as she continued to speak in a low, concerned tone, "Chihaya's mother is downstairs."
Chihaya's mother? Taichi's brow knotted as he tried to work out the logic of this. What is Chihaya's mother doing here?
And then the wave of panic hit him. His stomach lurched, and he felt like he was going to be sick. What is Chihaya's mother doing here?! Why isn't Chihaya here? And the thoughts raced through his mind as he felt his legs immediately pick up and start forward, pushing past his mother with his heartbeat ringing in his ears. What's wrong with Chihaya? What happened to Chihaya?!
Taichi stood at the top of the stairs, looking down to Chihaya's mother with wide eyes. Don't tell me something happened to her. No! No!
Taichi raced down the stairs, suddenly breathless as he looked to her with panic in his eyes. "Ayase-san… Where is she? Where's Chihaya?! Is she okay?!"
What hospital?! What hospital?! Please tell me she's at least in the hospital, and it isn't worse! Don't let it be worse! The thought raced through him, screaming and echoing in his head, wanting to be said, but he couldn't until she spoke. What happened to Chihaya? Why would her mother be here?!
"Mashi-T-Taichi," Chihaya's mother was remarkably calm as compared to the inner turmoil that was wracking at Taichi, "I need to speak with you… privately."
Taichi's stomach felt like it dropped through the floor.
Chihaya's mother's eyes widened at Taichi's face, and her cheeks flushed, "Th-That is, if you aren't too busy! I am sorry if I intruded without notice, but –"
Taichi had already grabbed her arm and started to pull her to the back door. What is it? What's going on?
Taichi quickly led Chihaya's mother outside and shut the door. He could feel the beads of sweat forming on his face as his heart was racing. Why is she so calm? What could be this important? Is Chihaya okay? Where is she? Is she missing? Was she kidnapped? Is she in trouble?
Chihaya's mother walked to a bench that the Mashimas had set up by a zen pond in the back. She slowly sat, looking at the water, listening to the bamboo fountain, and then patted the seat next to her, inviting Taichi to come and sit.
Taichi didn't move. "A-Ayase-san…" He tried to speak calmly, collecting himself as best he could, "Is there anything wrong?"
"Please sit," Chihaya's mother said calmly, "It's nice you have a bench here. I wasn't sure how to talk to you about this, but this makes it a little easier."
Her words didn't help the frantic feeling inside him. However, he forced his legs to move forward, despite them feeling like rubber, and sat down beside her, looking to her, trying to read her face. She was looking out at the fountain, a contemplative look in her eyes.
Taichi wanted to speak first, but he bit his tongue. It hadn't even been seconds since he sat, but it felt like minutes passing. The heat he was enduring was painful. The dread was something he had never experienced before. This was the worst feeling in the world. This fear, and not being able to express it, because he didn't even know what he was supposed to be afraid of.
"Chihaya…" Her mother started, still looking out at the water, "She's a good girl, isn't she?"
Taichi swallowed, not sure where this was going.
"I try to be a good mother," Chihaya's mother looked down at her knees, "And I try to support her however I can. I love her, and I want the best for her… But sometimes…" She paused, "I worry for her."
Taichi still watched with wide eyes, not sure how to react.
"Her grades are fifth from last place… And her room is filled with strange bears… But she has such a good heart, and she has karuta. As long as she has karuta, she should be okay… I don't know how she'll live her life, but she'll be okay…"
Taichi still didn't know where she was going with this, but his nerves began to calm as he started to realize that this wasn't an emergency. Nevertheless, his hands were trembling from the adrenaline, and he folded his arms to try to hide it.
"Taichi," Chihaya's mother turned her head to look at him. He was still seated beside her and facing her, "What are your feelings toward my daughter?"
BAM. The question punched Taichi in the face.
Completely blindsided, Taichi sweat openly and profusely, his adrenaline kicking in again and making his entire body tremble. He was tempted to stutter, eyes wide, and briefly wondered if playing dumb might get him out of this disaster of a morning, but, instead he swallowed and tried to assess the situation.
Chihaya's mother was here, seated beside him privately, asking him about his feelings for Chihaya. By the fact she was here alone, and Chihaya never warned him of her coming, Taichi figured it was safe to assume that Chihaya had no knowledge of this, and from his own mother's concerned face, she was also taken off-guard, too. This meeting was intended to be a personal and secret conversation between them, and Taichi would be doing no favors by coming up with any excuses or lies. He had two years to try to run from this, and the jig was up. Chihaya's mother even figured it out.
"I…" Taichi wasn't sure how to word it, so he guarded his words slowly, "She's my best friend," he swallowed.
Chihaya's mother smiled faintly, looking to the water again. "She talks about you all the time. If it isn't about karuta, then it's about Taichi."
Taichi found that hard to believe. He just couldn't imagine her talking about him without somehow bringing up Arata, too.
Chihaya's mother's eyes turned to Taichi again, looking straight into his, and paused a moment before she said gently, "You're a very fortunate boy."
Taichi just watched, wordless.
"You have a good head, a good upbringing, and you are on a good path to success…" Chihaya's mother's eyes lingered on his a little while longer before they returned to her lap, bringing her hands together to twiddle her fingers, "You have a lot of things going for you… So, I know you have a lot on your mind, too…" She looked to him again, then, her cheeks slightly flushing, "But do you ever think about Chihaya… in your future?"
Taichi stared in awe, wordless, until he realized he was supposed to say something.
But, before he could word whatever he wanted to say, Chihaya's mother continued, "I try to support her through everything… But I know that there will eventually come a day when I won't be able to. I can't support her forever. It's my role, as her mother, to want the best for my daughter, and I want to know I can leave her in the hands of someone I know cares for her, regardless of her quirks… and can support her through thick and thin." She leaned closer, soul-searching his eyes, "Do you…"
Taichi held his breath, watching her with wide eyes.
Chihaya's mother continued, "Do you think… Do you think that you could ever love her?"
That was it. He couldn't contain it anymore. Taichi burst out laughing.
And he couldn't stop laughing. The stress of the situation, the irony, the drama, the fear turned to a sick joke. It was too much. He laughed it all out as his eyes filled with tears of both frustration and relief, and a mix of other emotions that he had bottled up and was never quite able to word.
Chihaya's mother was taken aback, quite obviously confused.
Taichi wiped his eyes, his body still trembling from the adrenaline and the laughter. He took a breath, and looked out to the water, himself. He waited a moment, a wistful smile still on his lips, "Yes… I could love her."
Chihaya's mother's eyes widened.
"… But," Taichi still watched the fountain, his mood turning dark suddenly, "Chihaya has her eyes on someone else."
"Someone else?" Chihaya's mother blinked, "Who?"
"Maybe you remember him…" Taichi still watched the running water, so reminiscent of a river, "He used to play karuta with us. Wataya Arata."
"Wataya?" Chihaya's mother blinked again, "The boy who moved to Fukui?"
Taichi chose to not say any more. As it was, it was hard enough to deal with Arata as a conversation with Chihaya, and the last thing he wanted to do was plug the guy to Chihaya's mother, as well, especially while she was here trying to arrange some kind of relationship between them. Now that he thought about it, it was almost laughable. He found this entire situation to be something out of a dark comedy.
"I wouldn't worry about him," Chihaya's mother smiled a bit to him. "Maybe call it a mother's intuition… But whatever feelings she has for him are not as strong as what she feels for you."
No. Chihaya's mother is wrong. Taichi's mood darkened further as he realized this conversation was taking a turn into an emotional area he didn't want to go near, and he strongly felt that Chihaya's mother should not be talking about Chihaya's feelings like she knew them. Taichi had seen Chihaya's eyes. He knew what she felt for Arata, and it would take only one person to sway him from his beliefs about her feelings.
Taichi shifted uncomfortably, "I'd rather she tell me herself."
"So why don't you ask her?" Chihaya's mother's voice showed traces of innocence that Taichi wished he still had concerning his hopes for Chihaya.
Taichi said nothing, not sure how to continue this conversation with her. He was suddenly made aware of his mother standing by the slightly-ajar glass window overlooking the backyard with a silver tray of tea in her hands, and was sure he would have to come up with some kind of excuse for this situation.
Chihaya's mother perked up and she looked to him, "Why don't you come over for dinner tomorrow night? Are you available?"
Taichi was caught off-guard, and looked to her, puzzled, "What?"
"You're invited to dinner whenever you want, but I'd love to see you join us tomorrow. Maybe you might feel better if you spend some more personal time with her. Let her get used to you eating dinner with us. You could be a part of the family."
Taichi felt like he was having an out of body experience. What in the world was happening?
Chihaya's mother lightly touched the top of Taichi's left hand, "Let her get to know you as a member of our family." She pulled her hand away, blushing slightly, and stood up.
Taichi followed her lead, standing up, though his face was a little lost of all emotion except shock and confusion, "Are you…" His eyes widened in realization, "Are you telling me you want me to court your daughter?"
Chihaya's mother smiled wistfully again, the flush still tinting her cheeks, "No," she smiled softly to him, and then took his left hand in her own for a moment, "I want you to marry her."
The silver platter that Taichi's mother had been holding suddenly crashed to the ground, startling both of them out of their conversation. Taichi's mother cursed, leaning to pick up the broken Chinaware.
Taichi knew that he should rush back inside to aid his mother, and try to talk her out of whatever rage she was about to let loose in the house, but he knew it would be best if he escorted Chihaya's mother out first.
"I… I think we may have to talk about this another time," Taichi swallowed as he started to walk to the backyard door with Chihaya's mother in his wake.
"Of course," Chihaya's mother followed him in. Taichi's mother had already vanished to the kitchen with the tray to deal with the broken porcelain and likely to grab a towel to clean up the tea that was pooling on the floor.
As they walked to the front door, Taichi's mother passed them, and for a moment she made eye contact with Taichi with a look that would have sent the bravest of men running for the hills, but by this point, he was unfazed. He had Chihaya to thank for the backbone and conviction he grew regarding his mother.
Taichi opened the front door, and Chihaya's mother passed him, stopping beyond the outside threshold after she finished putting on her shoes. She then turned to him and bowed.
Feeling like something needed to be said to ease the tension that his mother had caused, Taichi coughed and spoke up, "Ayase-san–"
"–Chieko," Chihaya's mother cut him off.
Taichi's cheeks flushed, and he made a deep bow and stammered, "Ch-Chie-Ayase Chieko-san…"
"Just Chieko," she stood and smiled to him, "Though you can call me Mom, too."
He stared, feeling uncomfortable and unsure of himself, his cheeks flushed red. He stammered again, "I… Uh… Have a good day…"
Chihaya's mother bowed again, "I'm sorry to have intruded," and then she stood and turned, starting to walk away.
Taichi watched her walk as a strange and unfamiliar feeling pooled in his stomach. What is this feeling? I don't understand it… Is this… hope?
The realization hit him.
Chihaya's parents wanted him to court Chihaya with the full intention of marrying her. He had her mother's blessing. Her family wanted to make him theirs, too. He was so close, and this was his last year. This was a year he would have to compete with Arata for Chihaya's heart, and Chihaya's own parents were rooting for him. What was he doing?!
"Ayase-san!" Taichi called out as she was leaving.
She turned.
"T-tomorrow," Taichi confirmed bashfully, "Dinner."
Chihaya's mother beamed a smile and gave him a knowing nod before she turned to continue walking away.
Taichi watched her walk off, vaguely aware of the beast that was standing behind him, as words from the conversation drifted through his thoughts again. Mom… He then turned to face the woman who had already started to rant to him, but he heard none of it. Mom… I'm going to marry Chihaya one day.
He absently walked past his mother, not listening to a word she had to say. She would never understand. She never understood what he wanted. Everything he ever did was to satisfy her dream for him, and it left him with no room to want anything for himself, or to discover what he personally wanted.
It took falling in love with a girl for him to finally break free of his chains and rebel against her.
Before this, his life had always been routine, following the urgings and suggestions of his mother, and planning his life path to correlate with the choices made by his mother. All his choices, he had made for the sake of his mother's decisions. Except karuta… and Chihaya. Chihaya helped him open his eyes to discover what he wanted, and what he dreamed. He had spent two years thinking that his dream was to see Chihaya become the Queen, but now… Now, he finally had a dream of his own.
My dream… is to support Chihaya and to give her the best life that I can offer.
Nothing else mattered… except, perhaps, making it to their dinner on Sunday – the first step toward his dream of many to come.