THE MOST EPIC MATCH-UP EVER
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Vs.
RAVEN
ROUND 1, COMMENCE!
Arnold: Who's your daddy, and what does he do?
Raven: He ends the world. Why do you care?
Arnold: I'M DETECTIVE JOHN KIMBLE!
Raven: Right. And I'm the Queen of England.
Arnold: I'll be back.
Raven: Hopefully not.
Arnold: Yeah.
Raven: Are you some soundboard or something? The only things you're saying are lines from your movies. At least I can conjure up something on my own.
Arnold: Yes.
Raven: Right…
Arnold: Yeah.
Raven: Yeah… you're definitely a soundboard.
Arnold: Who's your daddy, and what does he do?
Raven: Something.
Arnold: Who's your daddy, who's your daddy, and what does he do?
Raven: Definitely a soundboard.
Arnold: NO!!
Raven: Ok, how about this… I win if he says something he's already said before.
Arnold:
Raven: My last sentence still stands.
Arnold: I'M DETECTIVE JOHN KIMBLE!
Raven: I win.
LIES. THIS WASN'T EPIC. That's it… I'm going to go up against her. WISH ME LUCK.
Me: Raven. You aren't hot.
Raven: Oh, that's right. That's exactly why there's tons of hentai of me and none of you.
Me: … Nobody would want hentai of me anyway.
Raven: Way to contradict yourself and make yourself look like an idiot.
Me: Me, an idiot? You're a cartoon character!
Raven: So, you're arguing with just a 'cartoon character'? Wow. I'll applaud your insanity then. Clap clap.
Me: Like you can talk. You ARE the cartoon character.
Raven: But I'm not real.
Me: Exactly.
Raven: So you're pretty much talking to yourself.
Me: Wait, no.
Raven: Oh, no, I'm just a fathom of what's left of your memory of Teen Titans then. That makes perfect sense.
Me: Uh?
Raven: Then again, you're too stupid to make me sound ANYTHING like myself, so I'm obviously just telepathically making you type this.
Me: I CAN'T TELL WHAT'S SARCASM ANYMORE!
Raven: Ok, here. Start from this line, and go up. Every other line starting from the line before this is sarcasm.
Me: Oh. So… Ohhh, okay, I'm back on track.
Raven: Good, now keep on arguing with me before this gets uninteresting.
Raven: Wait, it already is.
Me: What?
Raven: It's already getting boring right now.
Me: Don't say that, you'll destroy this story!
Raven: Uh… okay.
Me: So… uh…
Raven: These people…. Well, most of them, just lost complete interest in this, and are probably clicking off to view something else.
Raven: Then again, there's probably someone thinking before reading this that this is too good to miss out on.
Raven: News flash, you have a horrible sense of good writing.
Me: YOU'RE PUTTING ME DOWN FOR MY WRITING?
Raven: If you publish this on Fan-Fiction, you're not going to get a lot of views.
Me: Watch me.
Raven: Ok, fine, you will. But this won't get positive reviews.
Me: Really?
Raven: Right. So this is just a normal conversation then, right? So you won't upload this anywhere now.
Me: Yes.
Raven: Ok, so, just between you and me…
Raven: What do you think are the chances of Beast Boy and me together?
Me: H-what?…
Raven: You heard me.
Me: Yeah, I did, but… I don't get it.
Raven: I don't exactly hate him.
Me: Oh my god.
Raven: No, but I don't love him.
Me: Oh. What?
Raven: I just want your opinion on all this 'me and Beast Boy' talk I see around.
Me: Sure.
Raven: Do you… uhh… if anything really existed between me and him… not saying there is… because there isn't… would you… approve of it? Or what? What do you think about what people would think about it?
Me: Well… if anything did exist, I wouldn't mind it.
Raven: Fine, but what about other people?
Me: I can't speak for the majority of the fans…
Raven: So, what pairing with me in it has the most fans?
Me: Uh… you and Beast Boy.
Me: You and Robin are probably in second place, even though Robin and Starfire are officially together.
Raven: Gross.
Me: Huh?
Raven: Robin and me? Not happening.
Me: But, you're both the most alike. Both dark, dark pasts…
Raven: The most alike? Have you even been watching the episodes? Robin and Starfire have the best relationship. It doesn't matter if I have a lot of the same qualities he does… Robin and Starfire have that feeling for each other that just comes naturally.
Raven: It's not always the most alike that become soul-mates.
Me: Oh, right. Interesting…
Raven: Well, I'm going to go meditate now. If I go too long without focus, I start to go out of whack… so bye. I'm hoping to talk to you again soon. But whatever you do… don't save these and put them on Fan-Fiction. The last thing I need is a lot of people reading about my personal life.
Me: Wait, but we were only talking about, hypothetically speaking, if you and Beast Boy were actually a couple… how all of us 'fans' would react. If there's nothing there, how is that personal?
Raven: No. It's not personal. But still, don't put it on the site. Now, I'm going to go meditate. Bye.
Me: All right, goodbye then.