Rating: M

Summary: 'I never once cared about what anybody else thought. No one's opinion mattered and I didn't need anybody. I was the flurry of dancing flames, independent in every way, shape and form. And then I saw you.' Akuroku. A songfic for the song Shame. Axel's POV

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did it wouldn't be fanfiction. I also do not own the song "Shame" by Stabbing Westward.

A/N: This' my first attempt at a songfic ever. Please be nice.

Shame

I never once cared about what anybody else thought. No one's opinion mattered and I didn't need anybody. I was the flurry of dancing flames, independent in every way, shape and form.

And then I saw you.

It was an instant attraction.

From the very moment your sapphire eyes met my emerald in that adorable half glare of yours, I felt a spark ignite and create something between us that burned with an intensity far greater than any fire I could ever conjure up or ever would.

I only see myself reflected in your eyes

I wanted you, needed you, even though we were nothing; even though we shouldn't feel.

I loved you, wanted to possess you but… that couldn't be right could it? I… no we were nobodies, so it was impossible, to really want that.

Or was it?

So all that I believe I am essentially are lies

I caught your eye once again for an instant and I saw a new look in your eyes. It was a perfect mirror of what I was feeling for you but you turned away quickly. Far too quickly.

Perhaps you were trying to hide your blush. I knew that you felt the same and that was all the reassurance I needed.

I'd pursue, chase, and follow you wherever you went every day. You'd glare as I smirked and it became a game in a sense. Well, for me it did anyway.

I would have you one way or another. That was for certain. No matter how much you tried to avoid me, it didn't work. I'd never been so determined in my entire existence. I would capture you soon, yes very soon and then, oh yes, then you would be mine, all mine.

I saw you walking by my room one night. You were just within my reach and I took my opportunity to have you and cornered you, made you look at me as you struggled, eyes wide. I only laughed as you tried to kick me and get away then laid claim to your soft, sweet lips, capturing your breath. You melted instantly just as I knew you would and eventually kissed back when I pushed farther into your mouth.

You looked at me, cheeks newly flushed, looking confused while trying to catch your breath. I smirked and leaned in.

"So, you do like me, thirteen," I whispered. You didn't say anything just looked to the side for a long moment.

"I bet you just want to use me," you whispered back, "I bet it doesn't even matter to you who you're with so long as it's with someone," you said pointedly.

"No," I whispered in your ear, delighted that I'd made you shiver, "You're the only one I even remotely like and, technically, I couldn't have 'somebody' since we're all nobodies."

Your eyes widened and I knew that I had you so I offered what you were implying I wanted, just to see what you'd do. Those blue oceans of yours met with my emerald for an instant as thoughts swam around in that pretty head of yours. Then you gave in.

Soon we were working our way into my room, devouring each others' mouths, tugging at each others' clothes, quickly ridding ourselves of them. I only broke away from you long enough to push you, panting, down onto my bed. Then I made you mine.

After that, you'd come by my room often.

I'd love it. I loved having your perfect petite form underneath me; loved seeing the look on your face as I sank into your warm depths as I took you. Then, much too soon, you'd go your own way without a single word.

One day I noticed that you were clinging to me tightly, something you rarely did, as our bodies writhed together and you surprised me afterward when you gripped my shoulders tightly and pulled me into a deep kiss only stopping when air was needed. "Wow," I whispered, lips tingling, smiling into your honey blonde hair as you moved to whisper something in my ear.

"That was the last time," you said, then left before I could stop you.

And everything I've hoped to be or ever thought I was

Died with your belief in me so who the hell am I?

I tried desperately to find you after that, feeling a stabbing pain in my chest. What was that? I wondered, clutching there, remembering people who had hearts doing that. I didn't have a broken heart did I? No, that didn't make sense.

How could I have a broken heart if I never had one in the first place?

I'm wondering 'round confused
Wondering why I try

I was so confused, feeling that pain. I was nothing. Nothing couldn't feel, so why did I?

It didn't relent until I saw you again in the town that never was. I'd never felt so happy in my entire existence before. But then, I'd never felt until you'd come into the picture. I whispered your name, making you falter for a moment just before you looked back at me apathetically.

"Axel," you said back.

The more that you deny my pain
The more it intensifies...

You didn't resist as I came up to you, gripping your arms tightly then pulled you into a kiss that I knew would take your breath away, biting and sucking your lower lip then delving in again. No matter what I did though, you didn't respond. When I pulled away you looked up into my emerald eyes with your beautiful oceans, catching your breath. The look of apathy was still there.

I pray for someone to ache for me the way I ache for you...

"Goodbye," you said, pulling away and continuing on in the direction you'd been going.

If you ignore that I'm alive
I've nothing to cling to

I called after you, asking where you were going horrified to hear you say that you were leaving the organization for good. Saying you had to do something. I called out to you again, begging for you to stop because I knew that it'd kill me inside if the organization destroyed you, especially if I was sent to do it.

You just ignored me and slipped away into a portal, completely missing my promise to find you again.

I stare into this mirror
So tired of this life

When you left, I felt so empty, even more than I had before I met you. Was that even possible? Could an empty void become even emptier?

I wanted to find you. I needed to. Without you I wanted my existence to end.

It didn't take long for the orders to come for you to be destroyed for betraying the Organization. Panicking I spoke up against the order while keeping a cool exterior. The action nearly got me impaled by one of Xaldin's lances.

I didn't even flinch, glaring up at the superior, hoping he'd give me a chance to find you, to convince you to come back. Surprisingly he did.

Find you again I did. It was difficult, but with the help of the dusks I did, just like I promised you I would.

I tried to speak to you, tried to get you go come back, but you only gave me that scoff of yours before asking who I was then fighting me before Diz appeared, separating us again.

It hurt even worse than your leaving did that you didn't even remember me.


If only you would speak to me or care if I'm alive

Diz didn't stop me, nor did you forgetting me. It just made me want to make you come back with me even more so I searched for you even harder.

When I found you again and had surrounded you with dusks, you gave me the most hate filled look I'd ever seen. It stung badly but still didn't stop me. If you didn't remember me now, I'd make you remember later.

I almost had you as you backed away looking scared then Diz interfered again, letting you escape. I silently cursed him, chasing after you much like I had in the days I'd been so determined to make you mine.

This time when I found you, you remembered me as well as everything else, refusing to come with me as you summoned two keyblades, meaning you were more than willing to fight me again. "Two!?" I asked, feeling rage boil inside me, just before summoning two chakrams, making a wall of flames dance around us.

We fought again and you beat me, forcing me to retreat then went off to do what you'd been planning on doing; finding answers about your keyblade. All I could think about was how I couldn't save you.

My fears were confirmed when the other members of the organization began talking about how Sora had been revived, saying that we should've destroyed you before you'd had a chance to reunite with him.

I got into fights with each and every single one. They never said anything bad about you in my presence again.

I paced back and forth, wanting to find you even more desperately now. I knew that the organization would stop at nothing to try to eliminate Sora once he'd served his purpose and was no longer needed. That meant that you'd be gone too.

I watched as Sora eliminated the Organization members one by one, hating us all with a passion, especially when I did some regrettable things such as kidnapping his friend Kairi in an attempt to use her as bait so that I could see you again. I missed you so much.

When she got away from me and was captured by the Organization, I regretted it and helped Sora, turning on them as you had. They deemed me a traitor, wanting my existence to end as well.


Once I swore I would die for you

When I next met Sora, the terms we were on weren't nearly as bad. He even forgave me… just before we were surrounded by dusks. We both fought them vigorously but they just kept coming, never stopping. I could see that Sora was becoming fatigued though and knew what I needed to do if I wanted to save you.

But I never meant it like this
I never meant like this

"Hey, Sora, watch this," you too Roxas, I said just before I emitted a massive wave of fire, eliminating all of the dusks on one huge blow.

no I never meant like this

When the smoke cleared, Sora, and you, raced over to my collapsed form.

I knew I'd be fading away soon.

"Axel, Axel!" Sora yelled, bending toward me. I smiled at him just before closing my eyes, wishing I could've just seen you one last time. "Axel!" I heard opening my eyes wide. I'd know that voice anywhere and it definitely wasn't Sora's.

I found myself staring into those blue oceans of yours as well as your beautiful face. You looked as if you were about to cry. "Axel, I'm so sorry for leaving you,"tears started streaming down your face as I started to fade away, and you grabbed my hand, holding it between both of yours, "I'm so sorry, I love you!" you said, sobbing.

I smiled up at you weakly before gripping your neck and pulling you close to me, engulfing your lips in one last tender kiss.


"I love you so much," I whispered across your lips. "I will find you again," I said, wiping away your tears with my thumb. "Hope for better circumstances next time," I said smiling a little before opening up a portal so Sora could later escape the dark realm. I knew you'd be stuck here if I didn't.

You smiled at me eyes still filled with tears.

I don't know if I'm real without you
What is left of me without you?

"You promise you will?" You asked, running a finger along my tattoos and then through my hair.

"Yes," I said, nearly completely gone, "I promise," I whispered, "Got it memorized?"

You nodded then held me while I held you back until I faded into nothingness sad yet happy because I knew we would meet again.

I had promised after all and it was a promise that I would keep no matter what.

I don't know whats real without you
How can I exist without you?

"I'll be waiting for you," you whispered, giving me one last squeeze.

Then I was gone, at peace because of your final words and the promise they held.

We would meet again. I was certain.

-end-

A/N: I had to write a letter for college to 'the me of a year from now'. Just a short thing (250 words min for my eyes only) that the professor wouldn't read would just put into an envelope and would send to me in a year. I didn't want to write a boring letter that I'd get and immediately throw out, so I thought I'd write something for myself and my first songfic was born. Hope it's not too bad.

Review to let me know how I did/ if you liked it? Thanks so much!