A.N. Roses are red, Violets are blue. I own nothing, so please don't sue.
Summary: I decided to make Harry's introduction to quidditch much more interesting (and funny), so I decided to write this quick little one-shot. I was inspired by my drama class. It will be in script form to make it quicker to read. Please Review!
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Harry and Oliver Wood are walking into the Quidditch field after the explanataion of the different rules and stuff.
Wood: So that about wraps it up...oh ya one more thing! Everybody in the Gryffindor team has their own little nicknames... but I'm sure you'll learn them quickly, afterall, most of your friends are on the team.
Harry: Alright, so who's the first Beater?
Wood: Hey ya! How did you know?
Harry: (confused face) I think you missunderstood me...I asked who's the first Beater?
Wood: And I said yes!
Harry: No wait...let's try this again...(breathes)...Who's the first Beater?
Wood: Yup you got it!
Harry: Got what?
Wood: The first Beater...
Harry: Who is he!
Wood: Who
Harry: The first Beater!
Wood: Who!
Harry: Arg! Nevermind...let's try rephrasing it... What's the guy's name who also happens to be the first Beater?
Wood: Who!
Harry: The first... this is pointless, we're not getting anywhere... Who's the second Beater?
Wood: No! Who's the first!
Harry: I asked you that before!
Wood: And I answered you!
Harry: Ok...I'll talk really slowly so that you can understand me better...WHO...IS...THE...SECOND...BEATER?
Wood: No. WHO...IS...THE...FIRST...BEATER
Harry: But I asked you that before!
Wood: I just answered you!
Harry: Let's try this one: What is the name of the guy who is the second beater?
Wood: Finally you're getting it!...But how did you know if I never told you?
Harry: No! You don't get it! ok...we'll play a little game. I say a sentence, and you have to finish it off, ok?
Wood: Ok...
Harry: The name of the second Beater is...
Wood: What
Harry: I said, the name of the second Beater is...
Wood: What
Harry: Are you deaf?
Wood: I hear you just fine!
Harry: You are REALLY starting to confuse me now...
Wood: Who is the first, and what is the second.
Harry: I don't know who is first because you still haven't told me! And now I'm begining to wonder if the second is even human... how can you not know your own team? Nevermind, let's forget about this. Who is the first Chaser?
Wood: NO! who is the first Beater! Are you THAT stupid?
Harry: What is the name of the guy who is the first Chaser?
Wood: No! What's the second Beater!
Harry: Arg...our little game may not have worked too well before, but let's give it an other try. The name of the first Chaser is...
Wood: Me
Harry: I thought you were Keeper...
Wood: I am
Harry: But I thought you could only play one position.
Wood: Ya that's right.
Harry: But then how could you be a Chaser and a Keeper?
Wood: I'm not, I am only a Keeper.
Harry: But then who are the two Chasers?
Wood: You and me!
Harry: I thought I got to be a Seeker like my dad was!
Wood: You are a Seeker!
Harry: But then why did you just say that I was a chaser?
Wood: I never said that! When "who-know-who" tryed to kill you, he must have at least damaged some brain cells... You are still a Seeker, and I am still a Kepper!
Harry: But then who is a Chaser?
Wood: No! I already told you! Who is a Beater!
Harry: I don't know who the Beater is!
Wood: But I just finished telling you!
Harry: I can't take this anymore! I'll just grab the snitch and end the game as quickly as I can! I'm going back to the common room! (leaves)
Fred, George, Angelica, and the other person come flying in with their brooms.
Who: So did he learn anything?
Me: I doubt it, Fred! Wood makes it confusing for all the new players! I was just about ready to quit the team out of frustration from the confusion!
Wood: Shut up Angelina! Do you think I should have explained to him that that was a nickname and then say the name of the real person?
What: No...you think so? (sarcastically)
Wood: I wasn't asking you Fred!
What: Hey I'm George!
Wood: Oh sorry George! But I still wasn't asking you!
Who: I have to agree with my brother on this one Wood. I think maybe I should explain to him what you meant.
Wood: You know what? Fine! Go on ahead! I'm sick of this! From now on, Angelina will be Captain!
Me: Sweet!
You: Now can we get to bed? We got a game tommorow!
Wood: Whatever! Just leave me alone!
The end!