My Secret Lover

He has it all, He has the look, he has the swagger and most of he has me. It started out innocent enough. A little flirting here and there, no problem right? Wrong. He told me his game and we talked late at night, but we got back to school and it changed… the magic was gone. Well what he saw was gone, but a piece of me still kept him. I did all I could to get rid of my feelings: I deleted his text and number multiple times. I developed a shell. I ignored him, but my heart longed for him so I got his number and texted him. Unknowingly to him he's my drug. He told me he loved me you know. Said I was his boo when he never texted me back, but he has a girl. Still though, late at night we talk and I share my love with him. But no one knows and will never know My Secret Lover.

Late Night Love

Late night love. My favorite kind. But this isn't what you think though. What he gives me is his words. Every time he speaks he steals my heart away. Every time he sits in his seat next to me I look away and ignore him. But when I get home and it's late at night I text him. I ask him about his day, why was he so sad? He tells me. He trusts me you know, never hides things from me. I compliment him to make him feel better and he accepts. I always urge him to compliment his female friend but he doesn't, except once. We were talking and he said he loved me, I was scared to say it back, but he wanted me to. So I did in a flirty manner, as I had learned to accomplish. We go back to school, we ignore each other. So here I sit in World History, as he's close enough for me to touch him and wait till later on tonight for his Late Night Love.

" His Number One fan"

Here's another poem about him in my little trilogy. But this ones different. I watch him all the time now, I see him flirt with practically every girl that walks by him. He used to do that to me you know, all the time and I never minded. I ignored him all the time, he wasn't important to me. But I don't know what happened to that girl. I', his number one fan now, I think. Even his Girl can't be compared to me. He tells me everything because he knows he can trust me. I'm his number one fan, the girl who'll worry when he doesn't show up for school and worry when he's sad and no one else cares. I'm his number one fan you know but guess what, he'll never know…

Change

I hate that word, I admit. It's what everyone wants me to do. Change so you can have friends, so people will talk to you, so you can finally get a boyfriend. But why? I don't understand…. Why would I change myself for someone else when they wouldn't for me? That's not my style… I talk to my friends at Leon and my family would never believe how I act when I'm with them we have fun. We talk about future weddings and look up stuff and talk about our latest and greatest boy problems. They're my best friends because they don't want me to change. That's why I love them, that's why I trust them, that's why I'll do anything for them. Because unlike everyone else in the world they don't want me to change.

A little thing called sadness

Sadness is a little thing or at least it used to be. It can consume a person, steal them away and turn their back against the world. It can make them think that the only person who believes in them is them. It can change a person demeanor, their attitude, their passions and hobbies. But people these days don't understand that. They're probably laughing now thinking oh god another one, but that's the attitude that makes people lose themselves in the world. Makes them run away, makes the news sad. And there's that word again, unfortunately people these days don't pay attention to it and they wait till they're near depression and joke about it. Like it's funny that you're in so much pain tat even you don't understand. But why? Why do they think it's funny are they heartless in the words of Kanye West? Are they thinking your doing it for attention? These reasons may be true but either way it's still there. I've been there you know, and back many times. I've dealt with it by myself until I got till a point. But they still didn't understand, I don't trust them enough to tell the truth because they're just gonna laugh. They don't see what I see when I look in the mirror. They don't hear guys say that they don't want fat girls. And I hear them sayin I'm too cute for weight. But guess what my weights taught me so many things these last 15 years. It's taught me strength; it's taught me not to care what people say not even my family. It's taught me how to prove people wrong. But there's one thing it's taught that tops all… it's taught me this little thing called sadness.

" My True Ultimatum"

What is a ultimatum? It's the final decision. My ultimatums haven't been good recently I admit, but this is the best: he doesn't care. It took me a while to come up with this decision about a month and a half but it's true. I though he did you know. I guess I am a true fool too believe his promises, too believe what he said was true. My first heartbreak, my first love, my first everything. But there's one more thing he was. My first true ultimatum.

" My Inspiration'

It takes a lot to get me inspired to write again. It takes a lost or a gain. But it's amazing how one person can inspire me. I wrote five poems. All thanks to him. He's my inspiration you know. Just the thought of him breaks me down ( 1 sentence), the presence of him ( 4 sentences) the alto of his voice ( 6 sentences) and the view of him ( 10 sentences0. 2 sentences about him. But when he talks 2 me specifically I can write a hundred sentences. His effect on me triumphs everything and all other things don't matter. His words heal me you know. I take them and seal them on my heart never to be let out again. Whether it's the sparkle in his eyes, the ringing of his laugh or the boom in his voice, he lights up the room. He's real, he's true, he's my inspiration.