While I'm Gone
Chapter I
Merlin was gently awoken by warm rays of sunshine caressing his face. His blue eyes opened slowly, only to be squeezed shut again because of the sharp light hurting his eyes. He rolled over, his back to the window and blissful shadow covered his face once more. After shifting his body into a comfortable position on the lumpy mattress, he pulled his blanket up and curled in on himself once again, fully intent on returning to his previous tranquil slumber.
The city though, was awake. The sounds of a typical summer morning filtered through Merlin's open window; playing children, clucking chickens, chatting people, nattering tradesmen, laughing noblemen, chirping birds, barking dogs, carts rattling through a busy street, yelling from the market… The list was endless! Merlin didn't even mind the noises. They all indicated a wealthy Camelot.
Arthur was a better king than anyone could have imagined. He had treaties drawn up whenever possible, striving peace and prosperity. He often invited other kings, nobles and lords to Camelot, engaging them in his dream of a united Albion. He was just and fair, which earned him the respect and love of his people. He was strong, in his heart as well as his head, and this strength was Camelot's shield. The Knights of Camelot were loyal and proud to be serving a king as good as Arthur, and they became braver, nobler, more honourable and better men with each passing day, determined to be the knights Arthur strived them to be.
And Merlin was in the middle of it all.
The ban on magic was still in place, but Merlin knew it was simply a matter of time before it would be lifted. More specific, Arthur needed time to lift the ban on magic. The kingdom couldn't take such an unexpected change, they had agreed on that. Camelot couldn't use that kind of chaos, not after what happened when Morgana invaded Camelot, and not now. Nevertheless, they had already made progress; sorcerers and warlocks weren't executed anymore for the sake of having magic, not on the block or the pyre.
Merlin could see Arthur's stance on magic change. Nowadays his judgement depended on the purpose of the magic cast. Good was awarded, bad punished, simple as that. His judgements had changed drastically over the last year, and Merlin hoped that Arthur knowing about his magic had contributed to that progression.
Merlin got out of bed, realising he was never going to fall asleep again with the noises from outside echoing through his room. He went in search of his clothes. Where had he left them this time? After a couple of minutes he found them wrinkled and smelly under the bed, and with a simple spell they were as good as new. The Court Sorcerer smiled. He loved being able to use his magic freely, without fear.
But Morgana had left her mark.
Merlin had watched as Arthur slowly caved in after search parties returned empty handed, their searches for Morgana long and fruitless. Uther was still out of this world, helplessly lost in his own mind. Rumours said he went mental after Morgana's betrayal, and Merlin couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his head. Besides Uther and Morgana, Arthur had lost another part of his family: knights. From the 36 knights, 24 remained after the bloody battle. Merlin knew Arthur handpicked all the knights himself, except some; Sir Bors, Sir Bedivere and Sir Kay were chosen by his father, and they were the ones who trained Arthur from the moment he could lift a wooden sword. Merlin knew how close Arthur was to the knights. They were the only family he had left.
Merlin had noticed the burden of it all becoming too much for Arthur. The loss, the defeat, the humiliation, the pain; Merlin saw the scar on Arthur's heart, getting harder to heal each passing day. It was now a part of Arthur, and it would be forever. Merlin had learned not to try and mend it, but to accept it. There was no healing it anymore, it was too deep. It frightened Merlin to see Arthur like that, scarred; the vulnerability, the pain, the loss, the betrayal. The moment his body screamed with intense, inner pain. It didn't only frighten him, it made him feel helpless.
In a moment like that, Merlin would simply hold Arthur, wrap them both in magic so warm with love it almost made them dizzy, and wish that he could take Arthur's pain, Arthur's burden, if only for a second. Even if the Court Sorcerer couldn't physically do it, Arthur was always grateful for these moments. The night that followed would be filled with sex so passionate it radiated love and light over Camelot.
Merlin saw the toll it took on Arthur (the pain of course, not the sex; actually, the sex too, but that was more limping and wincing as he sat down…), and had decided he had to find a way to get Arthur out of the castle. He needed some time and space, preferably with the knights. He needed to get out. Merlin of course had found the perfect excuse in the form of a patrol. With the particular patrol he chose, he knew he would be separated from Arthur for a long time. Merlin would be worried and restless, because Morgana was still out there somewhere, and Uther was here, and how about, but, when, and…
But he had to let Arthur do this. Also, he trusted the knights to take care of their king.
Merlin dressed, tidied his room a little – with magic of course — and trotted down the stairs into the physician's chambers, taking in the slightly disorganized chamber. Merlin actually never slept in his old room anymore. He always spent the night in Arthur's chambers, in Arthur's bed. Last night though, he had to assist Gaius with a birth in the lower town. It wasn't his responsibility to assist Gaius anymore, but he was eager to help out once in a while.
Merlin smiled, remembering the gorgeous baby Lye, and put a check-up on the happy family on his to-do list.
He quickly cleaned up the messy bag he dumped on the table last night, when he was too tired to properly clean it up. The chambers were empty. Gaius must be doing his rounds. Merlin left the chambers, eager to see if a scout had already arrived with news concerning Arthur's arrival. Arthur was supposed to return today. Merlin smiled.
People didn't really know how to address him these days, when they passed him in the corridor. His actual friends among the servants, knights and nobles smiled, and they often exchanged a small greeting or conversation. The new servants never addressed him as casually as the other staff members, and curtsied. They addressed him with 'My Lord', which Merlin loathed. He'd rather just be 'Merlin'.
He just finished a conversation with Eda, a laundry-maid, when he spotted Leon at the other end of the corridor. He quickly waved Eda off, and went after Leon. Merlin and Leon were, as usual, assigned to watch over Camelot while Arthur was gone. They took over all of his duties until he returned. Leon did most of the duties involving the army, training, stocks and trade. Merlin in the meantime took over counsel, audiences and paperwork. The tasks ware equally divided, and it was a good system in which both men felt comfortable.
'Leon!'
Leon halted and turned around, his cape flowing behind him.
'Merlin! I was just coming to see you.' There was a smile on his face.
'What for?' Merlin asked, catching up with Leon. They resumed walking.
'There's news from Arthur.'
'Do tell.'
'The patrol will be back in 4 days.'
'Their return is delayed?'
'Yes. They picked up a trace on bandits. Nothing too difficult, they attacked and conquered once they located them.' Merlin smiled; of course they did. They didn't have the fiercest reputation in the whole Albion for no reason, 'but their return is now, as you mentioned, delayed. They killed most of the bandits, a few escaped.' Leon told Merlin with a serious expression, 'The problem is that they can't move as fast as usual. A few knights were injured, slowing down their pace. It looks like we'll have to substitute for Arthur a little longer.'
They crossed the courtyard.
'Any knights seriously injured? Do we have to send Gaius to meet them halfway?'
Leon frowned. 'A few knights have some mild injuries, but nothing too serious.'
Merlin's expression became something resembling poorly-hidden worry. Leon knew Merlin didn't like it if Arthur went anywhere without him. He may be one of the most promising kings Albion has seen in a long time, but it didn't make the man invincible or immortal. Merlin hated it if Arthur was anywhere near hostile territory, where he couldn't do anything to help or assist him. It showed in his body language; he fidgeted, frowned, apparent worry and concern in his voice.
'Arthur?' he asked in a small voice.
A small smile played upon Leon's lips. 'He's fine, unharmed.'
Merlin sighed, relieved. 'Good.'
'One more thing though.'
They reached the stables, and Merlin saw approximately 8 knights, ready to ride out. They were obviously waiting for Leon to complete the group, since one of the squires brought over Leon's brown stallion immediately. Merlin glanced at Leon, bemused.
'I have to ride north.' Leon explained 'A couple hundred peasants, mostly women and children, came to seek Camelot's protection this morning. Their village had a conflict with a bordering village over land. The situation got out of hand, and people were injured and killed. The inhabitants of Yalding eventually triumphed over those of Stafford, and left them with raided barns. When they ran out of food they came here. I want to investigate what occurred, and make the area safe for those of Stafford to return to their rightful homes. I'll be back in approximately 10 to 12 days, the towns aren't far.' Leon elaborated. Then a teasing grin graced his handsome face. 'I trust you can handle 4 days without needing someone to hold your hand throu-'
'Leon, piss of already before you make me do something I'll regret later!' Merlin chuckled.
'Ha, I've seen all the tricks Merlin!' Leon announced mockingly.
Merlin coughed.
All the knights suddenly burst out laughing, some trying in vain to snicker behind their hand.
Leon turned around, bemused. 'What are you laughing about?'
The laughter increased. Some of the knights were doubled over their horses, clutching their stomach.
Leon turned back to Merlin slowly, and Merlin lost his poker-face and burst out laughing when he saw Leon's squinted eyes. Leon waited patiently for them to stop laughing, but the laughter only increased, now with tears streaming over their faces. Leon's pout did absolutely nothing to lessen that a single bit.
'Mer-' one of the knights, Sir Bedivere, tried to reason between gasps. The others were still laughing uncontrollably, 'Merlin, Leon can't-', gasp '-can't be seen like that in public!' More laughter. 'Have mercy on him!'
'Fine, fine.' Merlin eventually sympathised.
Leon still had to realise what Merlin had done. Clueless, he checked himself. Horse? Check. Armour? Check. Saddlebags? Check!
'Merlin!' he hissed, leaning over and trying to maintain some of his dignity 'You will undo whatever you did THIS. INSTANT!'
Merlin only looked at Leon, crossed him arms and raised an eyebrow.
Wait.
Wait for it.
'Please?'
Thank you Gaius.
With a flicker of golden irises, Merlin undid the spell and gave Leon his big cheeky-trademark grin. 'Sorry for that, I needed a good laugh.'
The laughter behind them died down slowly, some only chuckling slightly.
'Ha-bloody-ha' Leon said mockingly.
'Good luck Leon.' Merlin said seriously. 'Watch yourself, and look after the others too. I trust you to come back to us in one piece yeah?'
'Will do. Look after yourself Merlin. No putting your life in danger when I'm busy okay? Arthur will have my head.'
Merlin chuckled. 'Will try not to.'
Leon clacked his tongue and tugged on the reins, riding towards the main gate. After a chorus of different variants on 'Bye Merlin!', Merlin watched them gallop out of Camelot, leaving nothing behind but a cloud of dust.