Author's Notes: I don't own any of these characters except for Dark Elf. And this is because DE is me! And since I am (as far as I know) © me, you may not snitch me. Jarlaxle and Artemis Entreri are copyright R.A. Salvatore. All other characters are copyright their respective owners. So no suing the drow!
It was late afternoon on a Tuesday, and Dark Elf was stricken with a horrible case of writer's block. She hung upside-down off her chair; slowly rotating it back and forth in front of her computer as she considered whether or not beating her head against the wall would help. Her G-Gundam fanfic was on hold, and she couldn't think of any decent plot. It was time for some professional help.
"Muse!" Her screech could have bent metal, as she seemed to be attempting to imitate GIR. "Need some help here!"
A dark shadow swept across a patch of sun on the floor, and the room went slightly colder as her muse' bent over the contorted drow. She squinted up at him, overlooking the fact that his face was about an inch or two from hers to begin with.
"What is it NOW?" Artemis Entreri sighed, forcefully turning Dark Elf upright in her chair. "This had better be good." Ever since she'd bound him to a life of servitude as her muse, the assassin had been summoned about every five minutes. He'd be annoyed if she wasn't so cute. Too cute, as a matter of fact. He wondered absently what her real self was like- it must be some hideous, vile evil from beyond the Abyss.
"I can't think of anything to write!" the drow wailed, pulling her knees up to her chest and peering up at him with those (horrifying) sparkly Anime eyes of hers. It was worse than puppy-dog eyes' in his personal opinion.
A loud thump from inside her closet distracted Entreri from his expected questioning of just why she thought he could help her with her writing problems. He glanced over at it in irritation.
"Aren't you going to let Enishi out of there?" he asked. "It's really very hot today. Do you want him to suffocate?" Not, he thought to himself, like he really cared.
"Ooooh-kaaaay," Dark Elf sighed, meandering over to the closet. She opened the door, allowing the white-haired young man exit. He slumped forwards onto the floor- unconscious from heat exposure. "Oh pooh. This always happens to me-aaagh!" She let out a shrill scream and covered her head with her arms, just in time to be partially buried under the flood of bishounen she had packed in there. "Ororoooo" Her eyes had gone swirly, one black-skinned arm poking out from about fifteen different people.
"I can't believe I have to put up with this," Entreri groaned, and set about pulling them off her.
"Get your hands off me!" Maximillion Pegasus exclaimed in indignation, as he was simply picked up by one arm and placed to one side.
"Shut up," Entreri growled. He didn't understand what DE saw in these Anime men.
"Well, I never!" Pegasus huffed under his breath.
Next to be hauled out of the pile included such people as Valmont, Haldir, Ashram, Shinomori Aoshi, an assortment of ninja, Kagato and most of the males in G-Gundam. Including two rather unlikely people that MOST would find anything BUT bishounen.
"What the hell?" Entreri stared at her, dumbfounded. Just what is it with you and villains?" He jabbed a finger at Michelo Chariot and Jean-Paul Mirabeu. DE blushed crimson and tried to sink into the floor, mumbling something inaudible. She didn't really seem to notice that her room was nearly filled to the brim with people.
"Does this happen often?" Jarlaxle inquired from his position on her bed.
"Too often," Entreri sighed. I wouldn't have agreed to be her muse if she hadn't granted me Author's Impunity. No matter what books R.A. Salvatore writes, I'll survive them."
"But you already had that," Jarlaxle protested.
"I like to have ensurance," the human growled in an undertone. Turning to DE, he took a deep breath, then said, "All right, what are you trying to write THIS time?"
"Well," Dark Elf said, sitting up straighter, "It goes like this"
Jarlaxle listened attentively (and Entreri pretended to be listening attentively) as she spelled out basically what she wanted in the next installment of her G-Gundam story. "What is a Gundam?" he asked at length, receiving dumbfounded looks from the male G-Gundam characters.
"Why do you need MY help for this?" Entreri grumbled. "Why don't you ask them?" He nodded to the aforesaid characters, who were sitting in random places around the room. "And when are you going to shut up?" He eyeballed Michelo, who looked as if he was about to go for Domon's throat shortly. "I still don't understand how you find him attractive." The Mafia boss just gave him a razor-sharp, rather suggestive grin.
"Don't ask," DE replied shortly. "And quit complaining! I promised I'd write a Forgotten Realms story about you, so just be patient. Or is that too hard for you, MISTER assassin?" He shut up, muttering something about 'drow yathalars' under his breath. For the fisrst time, when she looked up, Dark Elf noticed all the people in the room. "YAAAH! Who let the bishounen out of the closet?!"
Artemis gave her a strange look. "You did," he replied.
"Oh" She blinked. "Damn." Rather hastily, she lept to her feet. 'Come, muse!" she cried, jabbing a finger at the ceiling. "First, a game of FF7! Second, a slice of cheesecake! Third, we write!" With this, she marched downstairs (followed by a trail of Anime-and-non-Anime men, all of whom had heard the word 'cheesecake'). "Today, Sephiroth! Tomorrow the WORLD!"
WILL Dark Elf complete her story and beat FF7? WILL the Anime characters ever get back into the closet? IS our hero completely insane? You'll have to find out next time, won't you? *Growl* Now go away!