Hey everybody! I'm back with another crazy fanfic! This time, it comes straight from the best show in the history of the world! I'm not giving away details, just read the story and hopefully laugh a little bit, too. :)
And now, presenting the one, the only, Ahsoka Tano doing the disclaimer!
Ahsoka: No way you are getting me to do this.
Me: *uses Jedi mind trick* You will do my disclaimer.
Ahsoka: I almost fell for it, but not quite. Fine. MusicKeeper doesn't own Star Wars, cookies, or me. I'm only doing this to be nice.
Me: Close enough. I now present ... C Is For Cookie!
Ahsoka boarded the Twilight and punched in the coordinates for Christophis. Anakin followed behind her, eating a chocolate chip cookie. He seated himself in the pilot's chair as Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Master, could you put that down, please?" she asked, annoyed at the crumbs he was spilling everywhere. Anakin shrugged. "Sure thing, Snips," he said, setting down the cookie. However, when Ahsoka turned her back, he shoved the entire thing in his mouth. This was not the first, and most definitely not the last, of many questionable incidents that involved Anakin and cookies.
A few rotations later, after the entire cookie supply at the Temple was no more, Anakin, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan were fighting droids that had intercepted the Resolute on the way to Naboo. As Obi-Wan finished them off, Anakin deactivated his lightsaber and turned to Ahsoka. "Now, what starts with the letter C?"
Ahsoka gave him an odd look. "What?"
"Come on, Ahsoka, you know this."
Ahsoka didn't stop glaring at him. "I don't understand what you're getting at, Master."
"Anakin, you'd better not be thinking the word I think you are!" said Obi-Wan.
Anakin sighed. "Cookie, Ahsoka. Cookie starts with C. Now let's think of other things that start with C." He ignored the stares he was receiving from the others. "Nah, who cares about other things? C is for cookie and that's good enough for me."
Ahsoka glanced at Obi-Wan as Anakin sang. "Did Fives put bantha saliva in Anakin's drink again? He's not acting like himself at all."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "He's had too many cookies, Ahsoka. He's on a sugar high."
"Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C." Anakin turned to his comrades. "Hey, you know what? A round cookie with one bite out of it looks like a C. A round doughnut with one bite out of it also looks like a C."
Obi-Wan and Ahsoka sighed as Anakin continued to ramble on about things that look like C. "He's lost it," said Ahsoka.
"We'd do well not to tell him that the Sith Lords are giving free cookies to recruits," Obi-Wan agreed.
Anakin continued to sing as the trio headed to the hangar to board the Twilight. Artoo let out a series of beeps that roughly translated to, "What in the universe is Anakin singing?" The clone troopers met him with many weird glances. Captain Rex fell into step beside Obi-Wan to ask him, "Is General Skywalker all right, sir?"
The reply he received was, "He'll be fine once he stops eating cookies."
Ahsoka climbed into the Twilight behind Obi-Wan. Anakin didn't quit. "Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C," he sang, over and over.
"Perhaps he'll stop once we arrive on Naboo. He always behaves perfectly around Senator Amidala," Obi-Wan said. Ahsoka hoped he was correct.
No such luck. Ahsoka looked in on the Senator and found her trying to talk to Anakin between his crazed singing. Unfortunately, she was fighting a losing battle. She rolled her eyes and looked up at Ahsoka. "Help me," she mouthed.
"C is for cookie, that's good enough for me. Whoa, C is for cookie, that's good enough for me. C is for cookie, that's good enough for me. Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C," Anakin sang throughout the mission.
"Agh! If he sings the word cookie one more time, I'm heading back to Coruscant!" Ahsoka screamed.
"Take me with you," Obi-Wan pleaded, not saying a word about patience. His had been pushed to the limit, along with everyone else's.
The two had been staying as far away from Anakin as possible and now had to check in with him through comlink. They were dreading it. Still, both knew they couldn't leave him hanging. Ahsoka pressed the button. "YEAHHH!" they heard Anakin yell. Ahsoka stared at Obi-Wan as Anakin continued to sing. "This has gone too far. I'm leaving," she said.
"Don't leave me here! I'm coming with you."
Ahsoka turned off the comlink before she went crazy. As they headed back to the Twilight, they were met with a terrible sight. Anakin stood in front of the ship singing his heart out.
"Oh, no," Ahsoka thought as she dutifully went to stand by her master in his dark hour. Clones surrounded them both. "Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C. Oh boy! Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C!" Anakin pulled a chocolate chip cookie from his pack and scarfed it down in two bites.
"Hey! Where'd he get that? We're out of cookies!" said Ahsoka.
"He must have raided the clone factories," Obi-Wan suggested.
"So that's where all our cookies went," they heard Echo mutter.
Anakin finished the cookie, blinked, and looked around. "Where am I?" he asked.
Ahsoka's eyes widened. "It's a miracle! He stopped singing!" Ahsoka and Obi-Wan rushed to hug Anakin, who almost toppled over. "Um, are you guys okay?" he asked.
"Anakin, you were singing a crazy song about cookies for the entire mission, and you're finally speaking instead of singing! We're better than okay!" said Obi-Wan.
Anakin smirked. "Well, now that you mention it, I guess I could go for a cookie."
Ahsoka and Obi-Wan dropped to their knees. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
TWENTY YEARS LATER
There was one thing Darth Vader had to know. "Where is Padme?" he growled. "Is she all right? Is she safe?"
The answer he received from the Emperor was the one he expected but hated all the same. "It seems that in your anger, you killed her."
"WHAT!? But, she was alive! I felt it!" Vader dropped to his knees.
The Emperor rolled his eyes. Okay, great, he's going to crash all my equipment that cost thousands of credits to build, he thought.
But just before Vader screamed NO, he turned his head. "Where's my cookie?"
"What?" The Emperor was astounded. How had Vader remembered? "Well, um, your anger made me hungry. I ate it."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" After Vader finished his rant, he ignited his lightsaber. He swished it through the Emperor, killing him.
Anakin Skywalker lost everyone and everything he held dear, all because of his insane liking of cookies. What he forgot, though, was that the Jedi had milk. And cookies are no good without milk.