"Yesterday's Feelings"
By: Shuheivanessa"
SUMMARY: The corruption shunned his calling and he in turn had welcomed the darkness. One changed destiny for a chance to re-write it? A dark past a new future will Kira return
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, they belong to their creators, etc. The ideas and concepts in this story are mine entirely. If you have any comments you know where to reach me …
NOTES: This is AU, crossover, etc, etc. Also, the events in my fic are going in a different direction than the events that are portrayed in the actual series. This is movie based and some anime.
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Who am I?
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"Niisan is dead ..." I can only stare in disbelief at my brother's grave. I badly wished it had all been a horrible dream but I knew better then to delude myself. Light is dead and he won't come back. I know that Mom isn't living in that delusion either. I still can't believe that so many innocent police officers died including my big brother.
It was a beautiful day and I actually wished that it were raining. In spite of this beautiful day I had felt a cold chill. I have this strange feeling that there is something wrong besides my brother's death. I am holding mom as her tears steadily run down her cheeks. Mom can't seem to look at the grave, but I do and dad, he looks like he's trying to keep himself together.
This is all wrong ... I'm ... my big brother ... he can't ... Light; I can't even say it in my own mind. I looked at my dad; I know that he is hiding something. Was your death just a coincidence Niisan? Was dad with you when you died? I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Niisan. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me and most important of all I am sorry that I was just a needy child.
I looked around once again and noticed that not only was my family here but my dad's co-workers as well. There is also a strange man that looks like a panda bear. I wonder who he is because he looks like he is also taking my brother's death very hard. The strange panda-man looks too thin and gaunt. What in the world is he wearing, is he a hobo or something to that extreme.
I also noticed that my father and some of his co-worker are looking worriedly at him. "Ryuzaki," my dad called out as he reached out to panda-chan. "Do you want to go back to my house or the hotel?" Panda-chan was still looking at my brother's grave before looking away. When he looked at us I couldn't stop the small gasp that escaped from me. His eyes were dull and lifeless; he looked at me for a while before he answered my dad in a low whisper that he wanted to go to the hotel.
Dad had offered me to take me home but I declined telling him that I was already with my friends. I feel like things should have been different. I wasn't what you needed but I had wanted to be. I had always needed you, homework, tests, but I wanted to be somebody helpful to you big brother. "Oh, how I wished I had been the older sister and to know why my brother died so I ..." then I heard it ... wish granted...
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Somewhere else...
Hotel Room...
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I finally entered my hotel room alone to await my demise. Light's father is a nice man but only in small doses. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and reminiscences. I left the room's door unlocked since I already knew that I am a dead man walking. I slumped against the wall and closed my eyes. My mind was in commotion, my appetite for sweets was dead and my heart was in pain. Even in death Light-kun still haunts me.
I remember everything so clearly, his favorite possessions, places and old haunts, everywhere I went I can clearly see him, smell him, hear his voice echoing in my mind like a broken record. Even when I had tried to drink a cup of tea the night after he died it had tasted like him. I think I'm going insane.
Why the madness, I already knew the answer but I just felt like to ask in case a high power heard me. In life Light-kun had been Kira and it had been my job to pursue him and nothing else. I already knew that I was destined to die young, but Light-kun was tainted by Kira, it was that damned shinigamis fault. If that ill-fated book hadn't happened then maybe we could had made a great duo.
The only regret that I had was that I never told him how I felt before he died. Now it didn't matter and it didn't make the pain any less. Light-kun is dead and his spirit gone to Mu and I'll die only to go to a joyless heaven without him.
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The end of a life...
Hotel Room...
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The last days barely made a vague impression on me and nothing mattered anymore. I set my affairs in order and just waited to let death take me away. I hadn't showered, eaten anything or even left the apartment since the funeral. The few times that somebody had wanted to see me I would just avoid them until they would get tired and leave me alone. I know that they are concerned, especially Mr. Yagami, I couldn't face him. Since Light-kun is gone I had no reason to interact with the Yagami household.
The last day, this is it; I finally decided to wait for death in my much loved place at my last moments, the couch. Since I haven't eaten in days and now the effort to move was more than I could muster. I was ready to face death and most importantly the one person that had mattered to me was already dead.
Light-kun, the only thing that went through my mind was that my death was on my own terms and not Kira's. This is it then, in a few moments and this will be all over. I closed my eyes and awaited death unwearyingly. A strange thought had crossed my mind ... Shouldn't I be praying by now or something like that for that matter ... I laughed a little at the absurdity of my last thoughts, shouldn't I be praying after everything I had witnessed. The deaths of many by a harmless looking note book, the disfigured creatures called shinigamis and finally the taint of a person who could have been somebody important to the future of the world.
Those thoughts have amused me since I had never believed in a high power to pray upon. Right now, I am not so sure, whoever is out there can get a good laugh out of a prayer from someone who hasn't believed in his life and is about to die.
Now let's see, what is worth praying for? I know that I don't want to die, but what's the point in that. In all seriousness, what should I pray for? I didn't believe in the supernatural but since the whole Kira fiasco I was already getting second thoughts.
I quickly filed through my memories but every one of those memories kept going back to one thing, Light-kun ... My Light ... "If anybody is out there then please save my Light from the darkness. I can feel that he was never meant to have become Kira. Sometime later for a few precious moments that Kira wasn't in control I could see that he was meant to become a great person.
I felt something wet on my cheek and realized that I was already crying. "You should have been watching out for him, if it hadn't been for that shinigami my Light wouldn't had been tainted by that damned death Note."
I had waited for the pain to explode in my heart ... nothing happened ... I finally opened my eyes only to realize that something felt wrong. The time had passed by and by all means I should have been dead by now.
"Yo," a thin woman suddenly materialized in front of me. She looked at me with a slight bored smile on her face. What on earth is she wearing is too revealing? Is she wearing a ninja suit? She's good looking even with the scar on her eye, but not as good looking as my Light-kun. I just returned her greeting, did something supernatural answered my prayers?
"Yes, Lawliet your prayer was answered," the woman responded. She looked like she wanted to tell me more, but she also looked like the kind that wanted to be asked first. She gave me her infuriating grin. "You were right, Light hadn't been destined to be tainted by that Death Note and it hadn't been his time to die. Ryuk messed things up really badly this time around."
I was beginning to get angry by that statement. "You're telling me that the higher ups don't keep in line those crazy shinigamis?" I had to keep my anger in check; I had to start thinking logically. This woman is here for a reason and maybe she can do something about it.
"Yes, I am here to fix Ryuk's blunder but there is a price that you and Light have to pay," I looked at the woman suspiciously but didn't comment. The only thing on my mind was why would Light have to pay the price as well. "Light has to pay a price too since his soul is already tainted by the Death Note," as she told me this I was already having second thoughts about the whole deal. "You don't need to worry about your Light-kun, he won't become Kira?" as she told me this I had tried to ignore the glint in her eyes.
"Very well then, name your price," I bravely asked her. I had a strange feeling that she wasn't telling me everything; my mind kept telling me all of the possibilities of Light's price. I sighed at those thoughts, our trials in our new life. I hope that this time Kira won't ruin both our new lives.
"You will work for the PTB, short for the Powers that Be and your Light-kun gets to live again," she said as a matter of fact as if it were that simple. This is it, there is no going back, Light is going to live again but what will Light-kun's price be. She knows what I am thinking but she doesn't want to tell me anything about him. Light's new future is what's worrying me right now.
"Look, I don't have a lot of time," she was starting to get irritated. "So, is there going to be a Deal or not?" I was beginning to think that the powers or whoever they were screwing up royally with this deal or maybe we were the one's getting screwed over.
TBC