The stories plot is pleasantly in my care and is not yours. The characters and things used taken from HP are property of JK Rowling.

Summary: After undergoing an intense mental and physical ordeal, Ginny is left battling her present while being unable to let go of her past. While trying to embrace solitude, she finds her resolve cracking. What happens when she gives in? Who will break her free?

A/N: Canon only up to HP 4's end. Past that it is mostly fanon.

#2: I am currently revising all chapters. Plot will not change.

#3: Italics means that it is NOT happening in present time.

Solitude...

Chapter 1

Sitting by myself has always been preferable. Being able to communicate openly without barriers, without judgment, and above all with pure and everlasting clarity. Thoughts of the past sectioned off into the appropriate compartment. Each labeled with a reaction. A reaction that I should have had. A reaction that I was too afraid to display.

"Ginny?"

My head whipped around so that my eyes were met with a pair of disapproving eyes.

"Why didn't you tell Ron that you weren't going home for dinner?" Fake sincerity emitted as the words tumbled out of Harry's mouth.

Staring blankly back at him I failed to reason an answer. His games were long past tiresome. His assumption that I could still love him brought upon his belief that I might revert to an old memory from being graced with his presence. That regardless of my usually quiet and meek demeanor, that he would breathe back the life into me. Sometimes I would play along, tell him what he wanted to hear. Today, however, I lacked the patience and thus remained silent.

"Gin." He implored me as he reached a hand to cup my face.

At his touch my eyes lost there glazed expression taking on slits beneath furrowed brows. "Ginerva." I rasped out pushing back from the table.

Harry moved to stop me, but failed to moved swiftly enough. I moved to face him one last time, my lips forming the words 'stop' unaccompanied by sound. With that, I swiftly barreled my way out of the great hall making my way to the one plaice I felt at peace.

Moving through the dank barren hallway I listened to each step's echo, delighting in the notion that each step brought me one step closer to home.

'Home.' I whispered upon reaching the dirt scattered mahogany door. Rarely ever touched, the door was only marked with the graze of my fingers on the doorknob. Encircling the knob I turned it once left and then right after tapping twice on the lower key hole. It was a simple ritual, but it molded the room specially for me: the once brown room evolved into black and silver splattered furniture. A bookcase that had just a second ago been covered by weeds, now stood clear of everything and filled with books on every known topic and issue.

I made my way to the couch before resting my head down upon a feather laced silver throw pillow. Treating the couch as if it were a person I curled into its back allowing myself the allusion of being held. A tinge of fear ran down my spine as a sharp chill nestled into my skin, once again reaffirming the fear that accompanied comfort.

There was no point in denying that I need comfort. But, even more so, I need the solitude that would numb the effects allowing a release I could only hope to find here.

_/_

Hours passed and I ceased all movement with the help of a spell which kept me frozen in a board like position. The only movement that stirred came from the turbulence within. Bitterly painful, I knew it wasn't healthy to use magic in this way. However, no one would know. It was Hogwarts after all, house to magic. No one would even second guess if they spotted underage magic going on.

As my mind reached a clear passage into memories of my second year a sudden pound was heard at the door. Accompanying guttural sounds made there way freely through the walls, marking the first time I had encountered the presence of others while in my haven. Crashing ensued as a high pitched scream was followed with the utterance of a single word, which peaked my attention: "Harry."

'Prince charming.' I remarked to myself oddly pleased at outside confirmation that he was not the bloody perfect hero that everyone seemed to dote upon.

"Shut up," he roared, "don't speak. Don't show me your face." His tone teetered on violent and intimidating, something I had been all to familiar with.

A short pause was followed my a loud snap, causing a knee jerk reaction to coil in on itself. But it could not. Physically the spell had me pinned.

"I am so sorry," spoke a much calmer toned Harry to the poor soul rest outside the door. Sure I could play Potter and run out there and save the day, which could humiliate Harry enough to get him to once and for all leave me alone. But I failed to care.

With that final thought, I drifted back into my thoughts. Back to the land of clarity.

_/_

'Can you hear me? Can you feel me by your side where I rest every night? Why won't you look at me,' these thoughts were ones that I wanted to say to him. The words I never could bring myself to speak. His hands had rested upon my waist pulling me to him, as if he had decided to claim me as his own. Just as I thought things were going to be all is well, he smiled. It was that smile. The one I knew all to well from the memories, and he crushed his mouth down on mine before releasing me to the floor.

'You still remain ignorant. You stand here as if I should be grateful, thankful, enough so that I should be required to show generosity. Quite foolish.'

His eyes grazed over my plain form and I looked up at him confused, wondering where all of this was coming from. 'Even my parents understood the role they were to play. They understood the order of things, but you seem unable to do the same. Do you take pleasure in your benightedness?'

Pulling at my skirt I wished for more fabric to thrust myself into. Defeated in my attempt I responded meekly, 'You asked me to come.'

'I did, but never did I mention you were here for me. You were called her for us,' he stated whilst opening his arms outwards revealing the men that stood amongst the shadows.

'I don't understand.'

'You never did, Gin. You never did.'

'Can I go home?' The words came out in such a way that I knew there was only one answer.

'No. I need you to stay here. I need you to see why you must stay.'

The fear pulsating through my veins felt fresh, the tears still burned. My hands lost feeling and my face stood statuesque as I contemplated what allowed me my next action. 'I'll leave.'

With the last syllable free from my lips, I disappeared into the nights mist. I ran until I was a safe distance away frantically trying to find the portkey back to where I had started. Upon grasping it, air rushed past me until I arrived back in front of Diagon alley. At once I collapsed, tears clouded my vision as they stained the ground beneath my feet. Even as I remained a pitiful mess, I still wished for his embrace. To this day I feel as though I could never let him go. His trickery welcomed, because I'd rather be a fool than without him.

_/_

I awoke still frozen but my skin itched as my emotions became too much. It was all too much. Whispering a reversal spell my body collapsed into the same pitiful mess I was then. 'Pain is normal' I chided ordering myself to let it out.

Sobs racked my body proving to be paralyzing. With the little energy I could muster I forced the memory back to its compartment sealing away its tears back into its proper hole. This was all I knew. I could only deal with it in this way.

Once my tears ceased to fall and the pressure around my heart eased, I went to the mirror next to the bookcase. Picking up a red bound snakeskin novel, I slowly glanced at the title before slamming it into the mirror. Shards fell to the floor as the final action of my ritual was complete.

With that I left.

Once out of the dungeons I made my way up to Gryffindor's corridors. Finally upon reaching the entrance I was prevented from entering by someone I had heard more than enough of this evening.

"Gin." Cooed Harry.

Exhausted I gave into responding, "I made it clear harry."

"I have no idea what you mean," he whined slipping his arms around my waist.

"Let go," I growled out as my expression narrowed.

"Don't be this way."

Finally having enough, I faced him. With the return of my vacant expression I quipped, "What way should I be Harry? What way is going to make you yell at me? Scream the same way you did at whomever you had in the dungeons tonight."

His eyes slipped back into a guarded state, followed by the downturn of his mouth and balled fists. "What are you talking about?"

"Give it up Harry."

His face retorted into disgust. "I don't even understand why your brother tries with you anymore." Slowly his expression returned to one of self praise. "Your simply a waste. No one would take what you say as something worthy of truth."

Turning his back on me he stated the password and slipped through the portrait hole. As I stood outside I found myself gratified in knowing that his intended effect would never succeed. He failed to understand that trying to burn steel is only bad for the person holding the blowtorch.

Knowing I would need to feign his intended response, I made my way into the common room a sallow look spread across my face as I sauntered to the staircase leading to the female bedrooms. I would bide my time waiting until I could quietly make my way back down to the dungeons. Back to my haven. Back home.

End of Chapter 1

Thank you for reading~ Would love to hear feedback!