Really random bit of writing here! I was watching some Spooks at the weekend and it got me thinking about how much is actually never said between the two characters. Their whole relationship is playing out through looks, slight actions and only the occasional spoken words, which is why, I think, it is so unique and captivating to watch!

I also love how this means that when you right conversations in fanfics, you just know that all the avid R&H fans out there will fill in the subtext and rest of the story themselves, because its just how the programme has allowed us to be able to read the characters so well

Anyway, random, sort of reasoning for writing this, out of the way… this is a conversation set about three weeks after Ruth returns from Cyprus. It was just one of those things that just sort of wrote itself!

Hope you enjoy…

Punishment

She heard his footsteps crossing the rooftop before her and turned to leave.

"Ruth. Please. Don't leave."

"I have to… Goodnight Harry."

"Ruth, please. We need to talk."

"No. No we don't Harry. When has talking ever done us any good?"

"That may be so, but we can't go on like this. You can't avoid me forever. I mean do you really hate me that much?"

She stopped suddenly and spun around to face him.

"Hate you? God, Harry! I wish I hated you! That would be far easier than…"

"Than what Ruth? Tell me. For God sake, tell me what is it you feel?"

"This isn't fair Harry."

"No, it's not fair. It's not fair on either of us! How long do you expect us to go on lying to one other? Lying to ourselves?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'd say we've done a pretty good job for the last nine years!"

"And look where that's got us!" He paused, regret immediately flooding his soft features. "Look, everything that's happened has been…George's death was... it was terrible, but you must know that he died for a good cause. He died to save thousands of others. He died an honourable man to the end. I'm sorry but…"

"Why?"

"Pardon?"

"Why are you sorry?"

"You only said what we both already know and we should never apologise for facts."

"And we should also face the facts, head on, but neither of us seem capable of doing that, do we?"

A suffocating silence hung between them

"Harry, this…thing… this isn't fact! This is just… stuff that every now and again makes are lives a little more complicated."

"That's really what you think this is? Stuff! You think I wake up in the middle of the night and imagine you lying next to me because of stuff? You think my heart beats painfully at the very sight of you because of stuff?"

"Yes, I think that's exactly what it is."

"You're lying."

"Maybe. But at least I'm facing up to the facts of the situation!"

They glared at each other, both on the brink of angry tears.

"Will you ever stop punishing me, Ruth? Will you ever even consider forgiveness?"

"Punishing you? Is that what you think this is?"

"Well, isn't it? I know you blame me for George's death and…"

"Blame you? Harry, how could I possibly blame you? You weren't the one who brought him into this madness. You weren't the one who wormed their way into his normal and happy life and clawed away at it until it was finally destroyed. Believe me Harry, it's not you I blame for his death. I know it's my fault."

"What! Ruth that is ridiculous! How can you say that?"

"How can I not say that? It's true! If I had never come into his life, George would still be alive today. Fact."

"You can't honestly believe that."

"Can't I? Why is it then that everyday since his death I have been punishing myself for being so selfish and heartless?"

"Ruth, you're not selfish or heartless!"

"But I was Harry! I was with him. I took from him with out ever giving anything back. I just wandered it his life and took his money, his house, his trust, and his love- and never once could I let myself give anything back! And if that wasn't bad enough, I did it all without a second thought for what it might finally cost him! I won't let myself be that person again, ever! I won't let my own selfish desires rule my head and ruin someone else's life!"

He approached her so quickly that she had not even realised he had moved until she found herself pinned against the solid roof door.

"But my life is already ruined, don't you see that? Without you Ruth, I am already a broken man! Without each other we can never have anything worth taking away!"

"Exactly. And, maybe that's how it's meant to be. Don't you understand? This is our punishment!"

And with that, she pushed away from him and slipped away through the door, leaving him heartbroken on the roof of Thames House.

Please R&R and let me know what you think… potential for a few more (maybe fluffier) chapters, or might just leave it as an angsty little one shot. Let me know what you think? xx