Lol. So…Okay. I'm lazy, so I didn't check to see if there was another one like this one, so yeah. Here we go. Ah, I don't own Bleach, and there is a slight shipping reference. ^^
Twas the night before Bleachmas and all through the Seretei
Not a creature was stirring, not even Shuhei
The tabi were hung by the chimneys with care
In hopes that Zaraki would soon be there
The Soul Reapers were all nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of killing Espada danced in their heads
And Rukia in her kerchief and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap
When out in the district arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew with Step Flash
Tore open the shutter and threw up the sash
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave luster of mid-day to the buildings below
Then, what to my wandering eyes should appear
But a giant-ass sleigh and seven weird-looking reindeer
With a huge-ass driver so psychotic and tan
I knew in a moment it must be Ken-chan
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them a name
"Now Dasher! Now Slasher! Now Killer and Bloodshed!
On Osama Bin Laden! On Renji and Yurdead!
To the top of the spire! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Before I kill you all!"
As dry leaves that before spirit pressure fly
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
So up to the buildings the coursers they flew
With a sleigh full of pointy-things, and Kenpachi too
And then, in a loud bang I heard on the roof
With the stomping and clomping of each massive hoof
As I drew in my head, and was turning around
Down the chimney Kenpachi came with a huge sound
He was dressed in all black, from his head to his Bud
And his clothes were all covered with dried-on blood
A bundle of swords he had flung from his back
And he looked like a murderer, just opening his pack
His eyes-how they glinted! His smile-how scary!
His cheeks were like blades, his nose-it could parry!
His giant-ass mouth was drawn up in a grin
And he didn't have whiskers-all I could see was his chin
The stump of a pipe he held tight with his fangs
And the smoke it encircled his head like a boomerang
He had a sharp face and tight brown pex
That made me shake when he laughed, he was a friggin' T-rex!
He was massive and lean, a right scary old fiend
That would kill me in my sleep-or so I had gleaned
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know there was something to dread
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
He completely trashed my house, what a massive jerk!
And laying a finger aside of his nose
And giving a sneer, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew like a nuclear missile
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight
"Merry Bleachmas to all, and to all a good fight!"
And er...Yes. Kenpachi has a bottle of Budweiser. Why? Because it rhymes with 'blood'. There was literally no other rhyme I could use that made sense. X3