"Severus," I whispered as thin arms, their pale skin covered from the wrist up with a black sweatshirt that was under the black robes the school required us to wear, twisted around me from behind. The one behind me, Severus Snape, had his hands, they slim with longer fingers that could be so delicate when holding his wand or so rough when they were grasping an enemy's wrist, were now on my chest. One stayed there, moving up just a slight bit to first lay the pads of those fingers over my heart then follow with the palm, and the other moved slightly down my chest and then over, curling around my side and finding the break between my t-shirt and my jeans to run one nail just lightly over my skin and send a shudder through my spine. As tender lips ran a course against the side of my neck, it felt as though time was standing still. I felt a breeze ripple my dirty blonde hair only slightly, and I gave a small gasp as a sensation I had never felt before, but knew at once, reached me. The one caressing me from behind had let his tongue extend to meet the flesh of my neck ever so lightly, tauntingly. The feeling soon subsided, and I found myself being turned slowly around to face the one so near me.
"Remus," came his voice, barely any louder than the whisper mine had been. That tone was cool, but it was not as cold and bitter as it usually was when speaking to my friends and I. Typically hateful raven eyes bore into my navy ones with a different kind of look. A look of yearning and, in a couple of respects, a look of lust lingered there. His ebony hair was slicked back, away from his face, not disturbing his sharp jaw or, as many called it, his hooked nose. The whole effect with those burning eyes and all gave him an almost falcon like appearance at times. I personally found it rather breathtaking, but hardly anyone else could understand that. Many didn't even know, and they would never know. His head slowly bowed, almost mocking me with the look in his eyes, and he moved to bring his luscious lips to mine which were willing, waiting, and even slightly desperate to have his meet them. Just as out lips were about to meet, he whispered my name again.
"Remus," I heard my name again. The voice was melded though, and I was somewhere between being awake and being asleep. I knew it was no longer the one I'd been dreaming about though. How could I have even thought that the, well, peer of mine that I was secretly in love with would return my feelings? I couldn't let myself hope. I'd only wind up disappointed. "Remus!" This time it was a shout, and it brought me to being fully awake. My eyes opened as I felt myself being shaken. All I knew at first was that I had a backache because I had fallen asleep in a chair with my head in my arms on a table. Talk about pain. Soon, that voice said my name for the final time and I, a bit angry at whoever it was that had disturbed me from my wonderful dream, turned to look at them.
Sitting right beside me, his hand still on my shoulder from that wake up call he'd just delivered, a young man my age was chuckling as he watched me wince in slight pain as I straightened my back to get the cricks out. The laughter he wanted to let loose but wasn't for my sake was contained in those eyes, which were the darkest of coal hues. They almost always had that jovial look in them. Then again, that was his nature. There was always a bright side to everything, always something funny. That's why I liked Sirius Black. He could always bring me out of a bad mood and make me laugh; sometimes he wouldn't stop until I was in tears of laughter. It helped a lot at times, when troubles weighed on me too heavily for a sixteen-year-old boy to handle.
"Hey, Moony," another voice assaulted my hearing, though it was that of another dear friend, James Potter. I looked at him with a smile, and he smiled back. Amber eyes were made to look a touch bigger than they were behind glasses, a sometimes comical effect when he'd go wide eyed. His midnight hair, the same hue as Sirius', did not possess the natural ability that both our friend's hair and mine did. It simply refused to be commanded by a brush and comb. Then again, he was always ruffling it himself, so I had to wonder sometimes if he really cared that it didn't behave. "What were you dreaming about? You sure didn't want to wake up." His voice was teasing, and I gave a quiet laugh, really trying to buy time to think of an answer.
As my two best friends, James and Sirius knew about my, as I called it to them, "crush" on Severus Snape, but they now, I am sure, wished they didn't. They had begged the information out of me last year on our way to Hogwarts, and they had reacted how I knew the would- unfavorably. I was saved from any major pain by the one in question passing through. After that, they dove into denial about who I had affections for. Then again, they had their reasons just as I had my reasons for believing that Severus Snape would never return my feelings for him.
I cannot explain –why- my friends hated Severus. I just know that they did. It was one of those things that you simply cannot find the answer to because it goes back so far and there were so many factors melded together. However, the fact remains that they hated him. He, in turn, despised my entire group of friends. I tried not to give anyone anything to hate, but I was in cahoots with them, and that was reason enough for him at first. However, towards the end of last year, Sirius played a, well, potentially life threatening, "prank" on Severus that involved me. James went noble at the last moment, thank God, and disaster was adverted. I had no clue as to what Sirius did until the next morning when he was laughing over it. Horror clenched me for two reasons. Severus knew what I was, and Severus had every reason to hate me now. I knew then that he would never care about me.
One might wonder how I could play a major role in almost killing someone and not know until the next morning. So, for those curious, I will explain. Due to carelessness in my youth before I came to Hogwarts, I came in contact with something dangerous, and I was bitten by it. Because of that bite, because of my foolishness and trusting nature, I became a werewolf. Once a month, I would become a monster that would attack any human that came near me. My friends found a way around such a thing, but how is not important for the moment. I had a good feeling that Professor Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, had sworn Severus to secrecy, but I couldn't be sure how long Severus could resist such a temptation. He had to want to reveal me.
"Can we go to bed now?" Sirius then asked, yawning a bit and stretching. James gave a slight nod, obviously tired of studying for now. The two stood and looked at me, though I waved them on. I wanted a little time to myself. I needed time to think without those two breathing down my neck. They soon left the library, and I picked up my books, noticing Madame Pince give me a rare smile as I went to put them away myself. She appreciated the little things I would do around, as did many of the teachers. Maybe that was why I was the Gryffindor prefect.
"Severus…" I whispered to myself as I stocked the Potions book I had fallen asleep over back on the shelf where it belonged. I was about to fall into a nice daydream about the one I had just mentioned and myself when a rude, cold, and slightly abrasive voice knocked me back into my senses and nearly made me jump.
"Yes?" I saw him sitting there then. Right in plain view and perfect hearing range. Well, I had certainly done it this time. Those cold eyes met mine, narrowing into a thin glare, and I felt my heart racing. I wanted to turn tail and run for fear of saying something. There was also a curious glint in his eyes. I couldn't figure out why he'd spoken to me, or what that look was for, but then it hit me. I had said his name, and he had heard me.
"Oh," I muttered, knowing I must look like a complete idiot and I could feel myself blushing on top of all of this, "nothing." I looked away from him, about to hurry away, but then I felt something that half scared me, half delighted me. His hand curled around my wrist securely, but it was not enough to really hurt me just yet. "What are you doing?" I managed to say, but I didn't receive an answer.
Before I knew what was going on, Severus had me up against a wall, his Advanced Potions book lying forgotten on the table he'd been sitting at. I didn't even dare to breath, not knowing what this Slytherin male intended to do to me, but I felt every part of my body tremble as his lips were suddenly against mine beyond heavily. I could barely even think of anything at this sensation, and I felt him pull away, though I wasn't even able to move. He began to walk away calmly.
"I'll see you around, Lupin," he muttered over his shoulder, sending a fresh chill up my spine, though this one out of plain terror. I knew that he had to have figured out my secret. He had done that to mock me, I just knew it. To give me one taste of what I so desired and then to never let me have it again but to taunt me with what he knew. I slumped down onto my haunches, my back against the wall, my breath coming in short gasps as I tried to right myself. I simply could not stand.
Now, a class that had not seemed too bad before, Double Potions with the Slytherins, looked like a nightmare. I don't know how long I sat there, probably an hour at least, but when I came into my dormitory after passing through the Gryffindor Common Room on the Seventh Floor, my three friends, Peter Pettigrew not having joined us in the library, were all asleep. I was glad for this as I slumped down on my bed, shut my eyes, and slowly let the same kind of dreams I'd been having before wash over me, trying to forget what I had now convinced myself was Severus Snape's mockery of my affections for him earlier.