Prologue: Blast From the Past, Neverfood, and a Metaphorical Hunk of Hair
"You're a hard man to find." It was a woman's voice – a voice with a hard edge to it.
"Who is this?"
"I mean, I've only been trying to track you down for the last four years!"
"Who is this?" he repeated.
"Yep. My billionth Google search for Jess Mariano finally paid off! Part-owner of a bookstore – didn't think I could possibly have the right guy, but their image search sure comes in handy, you know. You may not be the only Jess Mariano in the country, but you're the only one with that scowl. Without it, the goatee and the slick straight hair…I might not have recognized you."
"Okay . . . So you like mysteries," he retorted. "I don't. So, I'm just gonna hang up now. Bye!"
"This is Shane."
approximately four years earlier
"Kiss me, and for God's sake, make it look real!" she pleaded in a whisper. It wasn't every day a guy got an order like that from a curvy blonde who was clearly dressed to kill. But, it was more than that. She needed help. No time to find out why, but this gorgeous girl was in some kind of trouble, and she desperately needed him to play along.
"Never one to abandon a damsel in distress," he said in a soft monotone with a wry smile on his face, and he pulled her close for an Oscar worthy imitation of passionate osculation. Granted, it helped that he was feeling more than a bit love-starved, and this was a good excuse to take a big, juicy bite of never-food. Might not fill you up, but at least you could pretend that it tasted good.
By the time their lips parted, she stumbled back, looking a bit dazed, almost drunk, from the heady kiss.
"Real enough?" he smirked.
"Shut up!" she whispered in a panic, eyes darting around to see how far his voice had carried.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see some sort of commotion starting near the kitchen doorway, but before he had a chance to see what was going on, her lips were on his again, and what he could feel flowing through him from the touch of her lips and tongue wasn't hormonal lust, but absolute panic. Mingled with the sweetness of her strawberry lip gloss was a briny tang, almost as if….his eyes flashed open, and he brought a hand gently up to her face, confirming that there were tears streaming down her cheeks. He would have pulled away, but she was clinging to him as if to life. He could feel sobs coursing through her body, but her kiss only intensified, intermittently holding his tongue captive with her teeth.
In a flash, their bodies were torn from one another, leaving his tongue bleeding, and something bashed him in the face, making him fall backwards with a violent collision of his ribs with the drink table, and leaving him sprawled on the floor amid plastic cups, his clothes half soaked with coke and beer. Before he could recover, a hand hoisted him up by the collar while a matching fist landed two solid punches straight to his jaw.
Blood…beer…sticky stench…asphalt. His eyes opened to a starry sky. Goosebumps raised on his skin from the night air and the cold pavement.
"Where am I?" he groaned. He was asking the sky more than anything else.
"Outside Chad's house." Her voice was sweet. He turned his head to see her – blonde curls rimmed in white moonlight. Not too bad, as far as dreams go…got your bizarro elements, but pretty blonde and stars. Could be worse.
"The guys dragged you out here so Chad's parents wouldn't find you and freak. They're already gonna flip out over the house." Okay. Not a dream. It started coming back to him now. The kiss…What the heck was that about, anyway?
"Do you mind my asking who it was that punched me out?" Seemed the easiest route to getting answers.
"Todd."
"Todd?"
"My ex." Simple enough.
"And, we did this because…?"
"You're revenge."
"Huh." Something new, anyway. A distraction. Distractions were good. They kept him from doing stupid things like sitting by the telephone, or worse still, writing corny love letters that just had to be burned, which led to stupid smoke alarms…and questions. Yeah. Distractions were a good thing.
"What's your name, anyway?" he asked her.
"Shane."
present day
"What do you want!" Jess posed the question sharply.
"What?"
"Last I saw you, you wanted nothing more from me, ever. Now you tell me you've been looking for me ever since? I don't buy it! What do you want from me?"
"Nothing," Shane said.
"What?" He shook his head at what was obviously a pathetic, flimsy lie.
"I just thought you might wanna know your kid."
"My wha-?"
"Your kid," she said slowly, letting the words sink in, "yours and mine."
That's when the room started to spin. It wouldn't stop. This wasn't happening. That was a lifetime ago…ten lifetimes! He honestly hadn't given Shane a single thought from that night, standing outside the school auditorium, You've got your stupid princess. By now, my broken Romeo is panting for me again. Go! Why should I care?, until this telephone call. She was trying to tell him that all this time…all this time…
"Hold on - back up! That is not possible!" and, if sheer volume were capable of changing facts, he would have had something there.
"You know as well as I do that it's plenty possible!"
"You were on the pill! I used a condom every time! This could not happen!"
"This did happen, Jess! I have the kid to prove it!"
"Kid proves nothing!"
"Not to you, maybe! I…was there. You were there. There was nobody else. Nine months later - boom! Kid! Trust me, I tried to convince Todd she was his! But I got big kinda fast, and she just wasn't born tiny enough, and he's no genius, but he's not that bad at math!"
A continuous high pitched squeal filled the canals of Jess' ears, and the whole room tipped sideways. He caught himself on the edge of the desk. Geez! If this room doesn't stop its gyrations, I'm gonna puke, right here, right now! I need a paper bag. In the movies they always have a paper bag to breathe into. Is it supposed to help them breathe somehow…better, or is it just something to puke into when the bag stops working? Legs not working so good. There must be a freakin' chair somewhere in this stupid room, but it keeps swirling around so bad I can't find the freakin' thing! Hands - stop it! I haven't lit up in two years, and I'm not about to start again just because of your asinine shaking…
"…but they told me she was my responsibility to begin with, and dropped her back in my lap again. I told them they wouldn't have had to deal with her at all if they'd let me have the abortion in the first place, but they wouldn't listen, as usual. And, Todd says that if I don't get rid of her this time, that he's gonna leave all over again. It would only be the third time he's left me. Jerk." He wasn't sure how long she'd been talking when his ears started working again. He tried to process some of the words.
"You….you said 'she'?" he said slowly.
"Have you heard a single word I just said?" she asked incredulously.
"Some of it." What little he heard, made him feel even sicker, if that was possible. "Lemme see if I got this straight," he said, piecing the fragments together, "We have a daughter . . . and, you want me to take her."
"That's the short version."
"But, pretty well sums it up?"
"Sure." One word. The course of a little girl's life hung on one word. Jess drew a shaky breath.
"Okay."
"Okay, what?"
"You're telling me I'm a father. I'm not running away." History was not going to repeat itself this time. He might be a little late for the cigar, but he wasn't about to live Jimmy's life all over again. And this kid wasn't getting stuck with Liz 2.0. Just not happening. "But it has to be full custody," he said, when his mouth caught up to his brain. "That's the only way this is gonna work."
"What? Do you think that I'm so terrible that you have to keep her away from me?"
"It's not that. I just don't want you wanting her back, and then not wanting her anymore, and then wanting her again, until the poor kid's a ping-pong ball! Geez! I can't even remember how many friends, relatives, and foster parents I wound up with when the state came and took me away, or when my mom couldn't 'deal with my behavior' – which, by the way, was code for 'she was totally wasted, and I kept getting in the way of her next fix.' I know. You don't need a blow-by-blow of my childhood, but I can tell you that if I have anything to do with it, it's not gonna be repeated with my kid!"
"I'm not some sort of druggie that you have to protect her from. I'm just not cut out for the mommy! mommy! bit. I have a life. But I don't want you cutting her off from me forever either!"
"I'm not saying that you couldn't see her. But, you tell me that you don't want her. Fine. No kid should have to grow up with someone who doesn't want them. I should know. That was my entire childhood. So, you want me to take her. That's fine. I wasn't expecting to have a kid…probably ever, but if she's mine, then I want her, and I'll love her."
"Fine. That's great! When can you come get her?"
"Wow…" Jess still couldn't comprehend what he was hearing. Even Liz pretended that she wanted her kid. "Um…" Their apartment was no place for a kid to live – especially a girl. Lawyers were inevitably going to be involved in this, and he was sure the state wouldn't look kindly on a three-year-old girl living with three men in a cruddy hole of an apartment above a bookstore. "I'm gonna have to make some arrangements and I'm not sure how long that's gonna take."
"Great!" Shane spat. "Backpedaling already! I should've expected it."
"This is not backpedaling," Jess responded with restraint. He had to keep this from getting ugly. He carefully kept his voice on an even keel. "Look – you just threw me the curveball of a lifetime. It's gonna take a little while to get things in order. You know, make sure she has the kind of home a kid should have."
"Well, don't take too long."
afterward
Jess was pretty sure that life hated him. Scratch that. Jess knew that for some unknown reason life had carried some kind of a grudge against him from the day he was born, and had been meting out its revenge in steady increments ever since.
Rory. Sweet Rory. Rory who had lost all of her Roryness in some sick, sick Yale cretin whom she was in love with, despite the fact that he…yeah.
And Shane. Oh boy, was that a blast from the past! Poor messed up Shane whom he had probably messed up even more in an idiotic attempt to be a nice guy which wound up in him being a total jerk!
Rory and Shane in one day!
Oh, and lest we forget – they have now begun to pale in significance. There was a third girl in this equation, destined to become the most important girl in his young life.
Then it hit him. This kid. This girl. She's my daughter for Pete's sake! . . . And I don't even know her name...
It was a knife in his gut; the last final proof that he was the worst human being ever to crawl the planet. He was the father of a three-year-old girl, and he didn't even know her name.
later
"You didn't tell me her name." It sounded lame and accusatory, and he fully expected her to throw back, "You didn't ask!" but maybe that was just because…
"You didn't ask!" …there it was.
"Well, I'm asking."
"Her name is Jessica," she said matter-of-factly. Did that sound like sheer lunacy to anyone else?
"Why?" he asked, drawing out the question to its full had you gone mad?potential.
"For the irony of it," she said, fairly dripping acid. "Y'know. You were supposed to be temporary. You were supposed to be the most temporary, here today, gone tomorrow, non-relationship, I-barely-know-the-guy, quote-unquote boyfriend of all time. And here, I got stuck with the most permanent reminder of your existence in the whole freakin' world. So, in honor of all that – I named her Jessica."
For the first time since this crazy day started, or week, or year, or whatever, laughter began to take hold of Jess in a way he couldn't control. Totally inappropriate? Probably. But, since when did Jess laugh at things that people found appropriate to laugh at? And, crazier still, he couldn't stop.
"Nice," Shane snapped, icily. This just made it worse.
In amongst the laughter, he managed an, "I'm sorry…no, really…not funny…so…not funny….ironic….ironic as….well, I'm not sure if I've ever heard anything quite that ironic before...but not funny."
"So…"
"So….Jessica….it really shouldn't be funny….middle name?"
later still
"Luke's Diner—"
"Luke!" he began brightly.
"Jess! Good to hear from you – really good, especially so soon – I mean, we just saw you, and now…" Luke let the sentence finish itself.
"Yeah…yeah…great…"
"So, everything is great?" Luke pinned the question in the air.
"Uh…so, Luke, I called to tell you something. Uh…" The brightness flickered…
"Somethin' wrong?"
"Well…" sputtered…
"Are you in some kinda trouble?" Ah, how the mighty have fallen. A few short days ago, Luke had been so proud of him.
Snuffed.
"Yes…no…sort of." He abruptly changed tack, trying to lighten his tone again, "Luke, you remember, not so…long ago, when a kid came into your diner, grabbed a hunk of your hair, and told you that you might be her dad? You probably felt like…you…might be…in some kind of trouble. I'm guessing." Jess held his breath.
"Jess. What are you trying to say?" His tone was wary and abrupt. Jess spoke softly.
"Exactly what you think I'm trying to say."
"Some kid's got a hunk of your hair?"
"Metaphorically speaking."
"Let's skip the metaphors," tensely. Jess took a deep breath.
"Okay. Uncle Luke, I have a kid. She's tree years old." There was a medium-to-longish pause following this statement.
"You'll have to pardon me…but I'm not finding a mathematical correlation to a three-year-old kid that's making any sense to me." Sorry, Luke…yeah, this happened on your watch. Jess knew that had to kill him.
"She's Shane's." Jess threw that one out there and left it.
"Shane's….." Luke's voice didn't indicate recognition.
"The blonde you insisted I should know the last name of. The one I shouldn't treat like dirt."
"Oh, my god," quietly, in horror.
"Yeah. Pretty much my reaction." Luke processed for a moment.
"So…after you and Rory…she…?"
"Moved."
"And…"
"Evidently, had my baby."
"And she never…"
"Nope."
"Wow."
"Yup." After this bomb had detonated, Jess let the aftershocks sink in a bit before continuing. "Hey…I'm really not ready for this to be common knowledge, so…"
"I won't say anything," Luke assured him, leaving the standard fill-in-the-blanks portion of their conversation behind. "You'll have to handle that in your own time. If I'm not being too nosey, who have you told?"
"You're the first to know."
"Really?"
"I…kinda wanted to ask for your advice." Man! That was hard to say.
"Right…been-there-done-that-got-the-t-shirt, now I can help you… Well, obviously you're gonna want some contact. Every kid needs a dad."
"Uh…that's not really the issue."
"What do you mean?"
How could he say the words? Through a slightly clenched jaw seemed to be the only way.
"Shane doesn't want her."
"What?"
"Shane doesn't want her. She's got a ….life. And….the boyfriend whom I helped her to get back – don't ask – just, frankly, isn't into kids. And, let's face it – neither is Shane."
"She doesn't want her own daughter?"
"Yeah…makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?"
"Unbelievable!"
"So. I've got a kid."
"You mean you've got her – with you – now?"
"No….haven't gotten that far yet. But…somehow I will. That's the part I'm trying to figure out."
"What do you mean?"
"The legal stuff – paternal rights – proof of paternity – custody stuff. This is all new to me."
"Well, yeah…" Luke sighed. "I don't exactly know about that stuff…I mean - there was the whole DNA test science fair project…thing…..but I don't know if you have to prove anything. I mean, if this Shane is giving you the kid, and she's your kid… I don't really know if you need a lot of legal mumbo jumbo. You might."
"For doctors and schools and stuff…"
"Yeah…true…true…..," Luke said sadly. Jess knew how bad Mr. Fix-It felt when he didn't have the right tools to fix you, so he let him off the hook.
"Well," Jess told himself, "as with all things in life…Google is your friend."
"Huh?" He'd almost forgotten how technophobic Luke was until this syllable.
"Nothing," he laughed. "Just hafta do a bunch of research, I guess."
"Y'know…" Luke began, "I still have a number for Nicole." Jess couldn't believe Luke would even consider subjecting himself to dialogue with his lawyer ex-wife.
"No, Luke."
"She'd know about this stuff," he offered.
"No, Luke."
"I'm sure she could-"
"She could claw your guts out with a fork." That woman scared Jess.
"It wouldn't be that bad."
"How many times do I hafta say no? I'll figure it out!" Jess said forcefully. "I will not let you offer yourself up as a human sacrifice to the dragon lady on my account." Luke sighed.
"Jess…"
"It's the official term for ex-wives everywhere."
"Jess!"
"Yeah…"
"Are you ready for this?" The tone of Luke's voice told him they weren't talking about lawyers or paperwork anymore.
"Luke, were you ready? When Lizzy sent me packing and told you it was your turn to babysit, were you ready? Or did you just dive in?"
"I dove. And, we all know how well that turned out."
"You did fine!" He could hear a sort of "hmph" over the line. "You were exactly what I needed, Luke. I was a punk. I hated authority – especially your authority. But I needed it….Luke…you put me on the path that made me who I am."
"By kickin' you out." It was a question and a statement.
"I would have kicked me out! There were things I needed to learn…things I needed to learn the hard way…'cause that's how I learn." Luke didn't answer. "You did it right!" Silence. "I'm good…everything is…" Jess shrugged and wished the gesture could be heard over the telephone lines.
"So, you're gonna dive in?"
"I'm gonna dive in."
"You'll do fine."
"I'll screw it up like I do everything else…but hopefully less than it would be screwed up if I didn't."
"Makes perfect sense."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." Luke stood, silently nodding. "You know, Jess…if you need anything…"
"I know."